Your random funny thoughts thread....

[slowG]

My neighbors dog won't shut the hell up.

 

[CPT Nervous]

Never say, "Hi," to Jack on a commercial airline...

 

[dt420]

I work with a guy that we call Dirty Dan, the other day I called his line and Jon answered. I said "Hey Jon, can you get Dirty for me?".... I am now going through a sexual harassment investigation.

 

[mikem1]

cottage cheese on cornflakes ... MMMM sounds good ...

 

[$mooth]

Never say, "Hi," to Jack on a commercial airline...

I made that mistake once when Jack called my cell while I was in line to board. He even wanted to talk about a Bill Of Materials (BOM - pronounced BOMB). After saying "Hi, Jack", no one flinched, but I was smart enough not to use the acronym.

 

[steve666]

I had to call for a cab this morning. I get a call-back telling me, "Your cab is outside." I should certainly hope so, it would have a hard time fitting through the door.

 

[MrsTuesday]

Orange.

I would have said purple, but no one would have believed me.

 

[rjc2rjc]

I have always wondered why they decorate the school for the blind at Chrismas time.

 

[rjc2rjc]

When my son was around 7 we got him a kitten. We had always had males and the kitten was a female. The first night we had her she was in his room on his desk playing with him. He came running down the stairs to tell me his new kitten was a mutant because she had two butt holes.

I had to explain to him that was because she was a girl and girls were different than boys. Luckily he already knew that girls and boys were different so once I assured him she wasn't a mutant no other sensitive questions followed.

I have tears in my eyes from laughing. that was great.

 

[rjc2rjc]

When my wife and I were looking for a house to buy, my middle son was I think 5 years old at the time. We had been driving around all day looking at all these houses. Getting out and getting the little info sheets out of the little boxes next to the for sale sighns. Twards the end of the day my son leans forward and wispers to my wife. This is what followed.

son: Lisa?
wife: yes honey.
son: Ummm why are we stealing peoples mail.

I almost recked the freecking car i started laughing so hard.

 

[dt420]

My daughter is 4 years old and sick right now. This morning she was trying to reach her water without getting up, and she said "ahhhhhhhh I wish my arms were taller!!"

 

[bluewraith]

Why is it that if a woman sleeps with a bunch of men, she's a whore, but when a man does it, he's gay?

Similar quote I've heard before, but instead of the man being gay hes considered lucky.

The reasoning?

Think about locks. If you have one key that opens many locks, its considered a master key. If you have one lock that many keys open, its considered a crappy lock.

 

[CPT Nervous]

Similar quote I've heard before, but instead of the man being gay hes considered lucky.

The reasoning?

Think about locks. If you have one key that opens many locks, its considered a master key. If you have one lock that many keys open, its considered a crappy lock.

If a man goes out and sleeps with a bunch of men, it's still gay, whether locks or used or not.

 

[CPT Nervous]

You know how normally when you fart, it doesn't smell that bad to you? I just farted so bad it made me cough violently.

 

[SaintsNSinners]

Why does stabbing an enemy combatant withba bayonet not matter unless he was stabbed by a saw back blade? I'm trying to kill him not make a friend?

 

[TD12]

My current feelings on my sex life are this; I am a sexual Vegan. I haven't had sex with anything with a face for a long time.

30 more days, I won't be a vegan.

 

[Bunnykid68]

Everyone remember when Toy Story came out, well my cousins 5 year old son at the time cam running up to his dad with his new toys and said "Look dad, I got a Buzz and a Woody"

 

[Frosty]

Why do the bulls in Barnyard have utters???

 

[Max Volume]

Why do we park in a driveway and drive in a parkway?

 

[Smokepole]

When Chinese tourists come here and buy souvenirs, are they disappointed when the see "Made in China" on the back?