Today's You Can't Make This Sh*t Up News

[GodFearinGunTotin]

Mmmmm…looks delicious.

 

[Lpherr]

Mmmmm…looks delicious.

How long does it wiggle? Does it wiggle itself out?

 

[Bugzilla]

@printcraft why haven't you told us about “anal rejuvenation,” ?

Botox for Buttholes: Yes, It’s a Thing

Anal rejuvenation is a new niche in colorectal medicine.

www.thecut.com

Better known as the Pelosi facelift!

 

[printcraft]

Man, I missed the black friday sales... they were giving stuff away... merchandise was flying off the shelves!!!!

Flash mob of teens roll up in 5 cars and steal $12K from LA Nike store in caught-on-tape heist

Stunned customers looked on as the thieves quickly filled their trash bags to the brim with goodies from the athletic retail shop, according to footage posted online.

nypost.com

 

[indyblue]

OK, why have I been alerted that this thread has just been started?

 

[Kdf101]

Mmmmm…looks delicious.

Nope. Not going to do it. Ever.

 

[JCSR]

OK, why have I been alerted that this thread has just been started?

Hey I started this thread. Better late than never.

 

[JCSR]

If only I had been there to help this could have been avoided.

Commenters express SYMPATHY for woman who admitted beach masturbation

The video, which has been viewed more than 2.5 million times, drew sympathy from many viewers, with many criticizing the cops' decision to book her.

www.dailymail.co.uk

 

[Lpherr]

If only I had been there to help this could have been avoided.

Commenters express SYMPATHY for woman who admitted beach masturbation

The video, which has been viewed more than 2.5 million times, drew sympathy from many viewers, with many criticizing the cops' decision to book her.

www.dailymail.co.uk

We are fortunate to have such a selfless person amongst us.

 

[oze]

How long does it wiggle? Does it wiggle itself out?

The comment states that it is a work of art. Not a real wiggler.

 

[Chewie]

Man, I missed the black friday sales... they were giving stuff away... merchandise was flying off the shelves!!!!

Flash mob of teens roll up in 5 cars and steal $12K from LA Nike store in caught-on-tape heist

Stunned customers looked on as the thieves quickly filled their trash bags to the brim with goodies from the athletic retail shop, according to footage posted online.

nypost.com

Wait till they find out all that merchandise was knockoffs. The real stuff was in the back!

 

[DoggyDaddy]

Wait till they find out all that merchandise was knockoffs. The real stuff was in the back!

Looter "decoys"! I like it! Now if they could be rigged to explode once they're a certain distance from the store...

 

[KLB]

If only I had been there to help this could have been avoided.

Commenters express SYMPATHY for woman who admitted beach masturbation

The video, which has been viewed more than 2.5 million times, drew sympathy from many viewers, with many criticizing the cops' decision to book her.

www.dailymail.co.uk

OR she should have just kept her mouth shut

 

[GodFearinGunTotin]

I guess this happened today.

 

[JCSR]

Man suffering from headaches discovers he has CHOPSTICKS in his skull

Doctors claim the chopsticks were jammed into the unidentified 35-year-old's head five months earlier in a fight. His family told local media that he was 'injured' during the drunken brawl.

www.dailymail.co.uk

 

[JCSR]

This may be the best one yet.

Passenger 'who forcibly performed oral sex on man' escorted off jet

The alleged sexual encounter involving a woman, named Valeria, 29, happened on a five-hour Pobeda Airlines flight to Vnukovo airport in Moscow, with children among the passengers.

www.dailymail.co.uk

 

[actaeon277]

This may be the best one yet.

Passenger 'who forcibly performed oral sex on man' escorted off jet

The alleged sexual encounter involving a woman, named Valeria, 29, happened on a five-hour Pobeda Airlines flight to Vnukovo airport in Moscow, with children among the passengers.

www.dailymail.co.uk

probably some stunt for only fans

 

[GodFearinGunTotin]

 

[JCSR]

The mental illness is strong on this one.​

Has changed gender three time​

Lady of Scottish manor who changed gender wars with locals over land

Samantha Kane - a barrister who is believed to be the only Brit who has changed gender three times, and goes by Lady Carbisdale - purchased Carbisdale Castle in 2022 for more than £1million.

www.dailymail.co.uk

 

[printcraft]

This may be the best one yet.

Passenger 'who forcibly performed oral sex on man' escorted off jet

The alleged sexual encounter involving a woman, named Valeria, 29, happened on a five-hour Pobeda Airlines flight to Vnukovo airport in Moscow, with children among the passengers.

www.dailymail.co.uk

'She pulled down his trousers and committed violent acts of a sexual nature.
'Later the neighbour stopped resisting.