INGO: Joke of the day page

[Ericpwp]

Not working 4 me.

 

[Ballstater98]

Not working 4 me.

Still working for me. Still hilarious.

 

[halfmileharry]

EB Enterprises - Flux Capacitor
Line: EB | Part # 121G
1.21 Gigawatts
DETAILED DESCRIPTION
Time Travel at your own RISK!!!
Plutonium is required to properly operate Flux Capacitor.
Plutonium is used by the on-board nuclear reactor which then powers the Flux Capacitor to provide the needed 1.21 Gigawatts of Electrical Power.
Plutonium not Available at O'Reilly Auto Parts. Please contact your local supplier.
Flux Capacitor requires the stainless steel body of the 81-83 DeLorean DMC-12, V6 2.9L , to properly function.
Once the time machine travels at 88 mph (142 km/h), light coming from the flux capacitor pulses faster until it becomes a steady stream of light. Then, time travel begins.
Upgrade Kits available: Part # 121GMF
Non-Functional Item Displayed For Entertainment Purposes Only
ADDITIONAL DETAILS
Material Compatibility: Plutonium
Maximum Power: 1.21 Gigawatts
Working Speed (mph): 88 mph

 

[Ballstater98]

View attachment 53852

 

[Ericpwp]

Pretty funny.

 

[Ballstater98]

Pretty funny.

I'm guessing someone bored at work...then I wondered, what other shenanigans are out there?

 

[Ericpwp]

Somebody will find them.

 

[hoosierdoc]

[SUB]trigger warning[/SUB]

I like my women how I like my whiskey.
12 years old and mixed up with coke.
Disclaimer: This is just a joke, i do not condone the practice of mixing whiskey with coke.

isn't there some rule about keeping your finger off the trigger until you're ready to shoot yourself in the foot?

 

[sharkey]

I'm guessing someone bored at work...then I wondered, what other shenanigans are out there?

https://www.amazon.com/Reasons-Vote...543024971/ref=cm_cr_arp_d_product_top?ie=UTF8

 

[Bigtanker]

https://www.amazon.com/Reasons-Vote...543024971/ref=cm_cr_arp_d_product_top?ie=UTF8

Evidently, the Republican version isn't as good.

 

[rhino]

The current best seller on Amazon.com is both a joke and yet not a joke.

Reasons to Vote for Democrats: a Comprehensive Guide

 

[jamil]

The current best seller on Amazon.com is both a joke and yet not a joke.

Reasons to Vote for Democrats: a Comprehensive Guide

The first ranked comment is pretty good.

 

[daddyusmaximus]

 

[Ericpwp]

 

[daddyusmaximus]

Did you know, there are no Wal-Marts in Syria. Only Targets. 'Merica.

 

[MCgrease08]

A man went to a night club for an audition as a piano player. He sat
down and began to play the most beautiful melody. People began to
gather around to listen and when he was done the room burst into
applause.

The manager said "that was the most beautiful song I have ever
heard, was Chopin or Brahms?"

"No, I wrote it myself"

"What's it called?" the manager asked.

"Lift up your blouse and show me your breasts."

The manager was a little dumbfounded but asked him to play
another song. The piano player played another song even more
beautiful than the first and the room burst into even more applause.

"Was that Bach or Beethoven?"

"I wrote it myself"

Reluctantly the manager asked the name of the song.

"Bend over, lift up your skirt and show me where the sun never
shines" replied the piano player.

"You are hired but please don't introduce any of your songs, I won't
even put a mike on stage -- just play and don't talk" said the manager.

That night the piano player came in and played his first set to a rapt
audience. He received a standing ovation after every song and when
he finished the set, he left the stage for the men's room. While
standing at the urinal a man came up and said "You are the greatest
piano player I have ever heard." "May I have your autograph?"

The piano player obliged and was so excited, he left the men's room
without zipping up his fly. He went to the bar and asked the
waitress for a drink. She said "Sure-and by the way you are the best
piano player I have ever heard but do you know your zipper is down
and your **** is hanging out."

"Do I know it? he replied. "Hell I WROTE it!!!!!"

 

[rob63]

New vocabulary word:

Exhaustipated

It means too tired to give a sh**

 

[daddyusmaximus]

The Americans With No Abilities Act (ANAA)

The Senate is considering a sweeping legislative Bill sponsored by the Democratic Party that will provide new benefits for many more Americans. The Americans With No Abilities Act is being hailed as a major legislative goal by advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills and ambition.
"Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society," said California Sen. Barbara Boxer. "We can no longer stand by and allow People of Inability (POI) to be ridiculed and passed over. With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special favors to a small group of workers, simply because they have some idea of what they are doing."
In a Capitol Hill press conference Nancy Pelosi pointed to the success of the U.S. Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity without regard to performance. At the state government level, the Department of Motor Vehicles also has an excellent record of hiring Persons with No Ability (63%).

Under the Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million mid-level positions will be created, with important-sounding titles but little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of purpose and performance.
Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given to guarantee upward mobility for even the most unremarkable employees. The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations that promote a significant number of Persons of Inability (POI) into middle-management positions, and give a tax credit to small and medium-sized businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for every two talented hires.
Finally, the Americans With No Abilities Act contains tough new measures to make it more difficult to discriminate against the non-abled, banning, for example, discriminatory hiring interview questions such as, "Do you have any skills or experience that relate to this job?"
"As a non-abled person, I can't be expected to keep up with people who have something going for them," said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint, Mich., due to her inability to remember “righty tighty, lefty loosey”. "This new law should be real good for people like me. I'll finally have job security." With the passage of this bill, Gertz and millions of other untalented citizens will finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.
Said Sen. **** Durbin, Ill: "As a senator with no abilities, I believe the same privileges that elected officials enjoy ought to be extended to every American with no abilities. It is our duty as lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of his or her inadequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this great nation and a good salary for doing so."
This message was approved by Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton, Diane Feinstein, Barbara Boxer & Nancy Pelosi

 

[G-Niner]

I thought this thread was for jokes only.

 

[sharkey]

I thought this thread was for jokes only.