INGO: Joke of the day page

[Bigtanker]

Should be, "I can't turn that down;" proofreading is important.

Yep. I should proofread more. Thanks.

 

[AngryRooster]

Yep. I should proofread more. Thanks.

 

[Doug]

Sorry, I should have said, "Proofreading almost as important as speling is for clarity of expression."

 

[sharkey]

Sorry, I should have said, "Proofreading almost as important as speling is for clarity of expression."

That ain't no lie.

 

[MRockwell]

I swear only in Indiana....
You will NOT believe what just happened... I was at the gas station near my house... When I walked up I seen these two police officers looking at a woman who was smoking WHILE PUTTING GAS IN HER CAR , I saw her & was like... DUMB ***, with the police right there too ! So I went in & got my coffee & when I went to check out I hear somebody screaming. I look outside & that woman's arm was on fire ! She was waving her freaking arm around & just going crazy ! I ran outside & the police had her on the ground & was putting the fire out with an extinguisher. When I walked out the police put hand cuffs on her & was about to put her in the police car. So I was like what in the crap , so ME being the NOSEY PERSON I am I asked the police what they were arresting her for... because obviously her arm being on fire wasn't enough punishment & he looked me dead in my eye & said... 'waving a firearm'... LOL

 

[jamil]

7/10 for buildup. 3/10 on punchline.

 

[Bigtanker]

I swear only in Indiana....
You will NOT believe what just happened... I was at the gas station near my house... When I walked up I seen these two police officers looking at a woman who was smoking WHILE PUTTING GAS IN HER CAR , I saw her & was like... DUMB ***, with the police right there too ! So I went in & got my coffee & when I went to check out I hear somebody screaming. I look outside & that woman's arm was on fire ! She was waving her freaking arm around & just going crazy ! I ran outside & the police had her on the ground & was putting the fire out with an extinguisher. When I walked out the police put hand cuffs on her & was about to put her in the police car. So I was like what in the crap , so ME being the NOSEY PERSON I am I asked the police what they were arresting her for... because obviously her arm being on fire wasn't enough punishment & he looked me dead in my eye & said... 'waving a firearm'... LOL

Happened to me in Michigan also.


https://www.indianagunowners.com/forums/break-room/420640-fire-stupidity.html

 

[Gluemanz28]

What do you get when you cross a centipede with a chicken?










Drumsticks for everyone

 

[AngryRooster]

 

[Bigtanker]

Lady was leaving the store and looked in her purse for her car keys. Not finding them, she figured she left them in her car. Looking out at the parking lot, there were only 4 cars in it. None were hers. Figuring someone had seen the keys in her car and stole it, she called the police and reported it stolen.

After the police left, she called her husband and explained what happened. He said " You remember I dropped you off at the store right?" Now she remembered and said "Oh that's right. How long until you will be back to get me?"

He said "I'm not sure. The cops are trying to arrest me for stealing your car."

 

[daddyusmaximus]

Kid: Daddy, what's the difference between a radical muslim, and a moderate muslim?"

Dad: "Well, a radical muslim is someone who doesn't believe the same things we do, so he wants to cut our heads off. On the other hand, a moderate muslim is someone who doesn't believe the same things we do, but wants a radical muslim to cut our heads off."

 

[hoosierdoc]

I swear only in Indiana....
You will NOT believe what just happened... I was at the gas station near my house... When I walked up I seen these two police officers looking at a woman who was smoking WHILE PUTTING GAS IN HER CAR , I saw her & was like... DUMB ***, with the police right there too ! So I went in & got my coffee & when I went to check out I hear somebody screaming. I look outside & that woman's arm was on fire ! She was waving her freaking arm around & just going crazy ! I ran outside & the police had her on the ground & was putting the fire out with an extinguisher. When I walked out the police put hand cuffs on her & was about to put her in the police car. So I was like what in the crap , so ME being the NOSEY PERSON I am I asked the police what they were arresting her for... because obviously her arm being on fire wasn't enough punishment & he looked me dead in my eye & said... 'waving a firearm'... LOL

7/10 for buildup. 3/10 on punchline.

that was posted in here a while ago

 

[rhino]

Kid: Daddy, what's the difference between a radical muslim, and a moderate muslim?"

Dad: "Well, a radical muslim is someone who doesn't believe the same things we do, so he wants to cut our heads off. On the other hand, a moderate muslim is someone who doesn't believe the same things we do, but wants a radical muslim to cut our heads off."

Hah! Funny because true!

 

[daddyusmaximus]

Hah! Funny because true!

Also sad because true...

 

[ArcadiaGP]

How about a mean joke?

A physicist, an engineer, and a statistician go on a hunting trip, they are walking through the woods when they spot a deer in a clearing. The physicist calculates the distance of the target, the velocity and drop of the bullet, adjusts his rifle and fires, missing the deer 5 feet to the left. The engineer rolls his eyes. 'You forgot to account for wind. Give it here', he snatches the rifle, licks his finger and estimates the speed and direction of the wind and fires, missing the deer 5 feet to the right. Suddenly, the statistician claps his hands and yells "We got him!"

 

[ArmedProgrammer]

Overheard on the internet...

What do you get when you eat peanut butter with baked beans???




A fart that sticks to the roof of your arse...

 

[eric001]

You should never trust what folks say after their head hits the pillow...

After all, everyone lies in bed!!!

 

[spencer rifle]

A family practice doctor, a psychiatrist, a surgeon and a pathologist went duck hunting. They got all settled in their blind and prepared their shotguns. They sat in order of who would get the first shot - the family physician was first. A duck flew over, and he tracked it with his shotgun, but didn't take the shot. The other doctors asked "What happened? You had a clear shot." The family doctor said "I just couldn't shoot. That duck might have had a family." So it was the psychiatrist's turn next. Another duck flew by, and he had his shotgun up and ready, but again, no shot. Again the other doctors asked "OK, what now?" The psychiatrist said "I know that's a duck, and you know that's a duck, but does the duck know it's a duck?" So it was the surgeon next. Another bird flew rapidly by and the surgeon hit it with a clean shot, and it fell into the water. He said to the pathologist "Go see if that was a duck."

And:
Always take two Baptists fishing with you. If you take one, he drinks all your beer. If you take two, they don't drink any.

 

[Gluemanz28]

Why did the anvil get kicked out of a bar?





Because he was getting hammered!!!!

 

[hoosierdoc]

Fozzie bear on muppet babies:

what's the difference between an orange?


ask a friend: you're on a bus and two gay guys get on and start making out. Do you get off?