INGO: Joke of the day page

[daddyusmaximus]

I was sitting at a long stoplight yesterday, minding my own business, patiently waiting for it to turn green even though there was no on-coming traffic.

A carload of bearded, young, loud Muslims shouting Anti-American slogans with a half-burned American Flag duct-taped on the trunk of their car and a "Remember 9-11" slogan spray painted on the side was stopped next to me.

Suddenly they yelled, "Allah Akbar! Praise Allah! Death to America" and took off before the light changed.

Out of nowhere an 18-wheeler came speeding through the intersection and ran directly over their car, crushing it completely and killing everyone in it.

For several minutes I sat in my car thinking to myself: "Man... that coulda been me!"

So today, bright and early, I went out and got a job as a truck driver.

 

[Bigtanker]

I was sitting at a long stoplight yesterday, minding my own business, patiently waiting for it to turn green even though there was no on-coming traffic.

A carload of bearded, young, loud Muslims shouting Anti-American slogans with a half-burned American Flag duct-taped on the trunk of their car and a "Remember 9-11" slogan spray painted on the side was stopped next to me.

Suddenly they yelled, "Allah Akbar! Praise Allah! Death to America" and took off before the light changed.

Out of nowhere an 18-wheeler came speeding through the intersection and ran directly over their car, crushing it completely and killing everyone in it.

For several minutes I sat in my car thinking to myself: "Man... that coulda been me!"

So today, bright and early, I went out and got a job as a truck driver.

 

[IndyDave1776]

President Trump was awakened from bed one night following a certain tragedy by an aide advising him that Hillary Clinton was on the phone and insisted that it was urgent that he take the call...

Trump: What is so important it can't wait until morning?\

HRC: I just heard about Clarence Thomas dying. I would really like to take his place.

Trump: That sounds good to me, but we will have to clear it with the coroner first.

 

[Bill of Rights]

Hey Dave? Post #1658 called for you...

President Trump was awakened from bed one night following a certain tragedy by an aide advising him that Hillary Clinton was on the phone and insisted that it was urgent that he take the call...

Trump: What is so important it can't wait until morning?\

HRC: I just heard about Clarence Thomas dying. I would really like to take his place.

Trump: That sounds good to me, but we will have to clear it with the coroner first.

 

[24Carat]

You know how you can tell a Kentuckian virgin ?
















She can outrun her brothers !

 

[RobbyMaQ]

Why didn't the chicken coop have 4 doors?

Cuz then it'd be a chicken sedan.

 

[daddyusmaximus]

If I had a dollar for every time socialism worked, I'd have $0.



Coincidentally, even if socialism did work, I'd still have $0.

 

[sharkey]

You know where virgin wool comes from?







Ugly sheep.

 

[jamil]

You know where virgin wool comes from?







Ugly sheep.

I thought maybe it came from "other".

 

[IndyDave1776]

Hey Dave? Post #1658 called for you...

Oops. Someone told me this one this morning. I hadn't seen the thread bumped in long enough that I didn't think to go back and review.

 

[Tanfodude]

Three blondes are talking about their husbands over coffee.
“It’s funny,” says Samantha, “Peter’s balls are always cold as ice when I’m giving him a *******!”
“You know what?” replies Jenny, “It’s exactly the same with my Richard!”
They turn to the third blonde and ask: “When you go down on Chris, are his balls cold, also?”
“Ugh! That’s disgusting! I would never put his thing in my mouth!”
“You’re crazy,” one of the blondes pipes up. “A good ******* is the best way to keep a guy from straying! You should try it!”
She says she’ll think about it.
The next morning, they meet at the cafe. The third blonde is looking quite glum.
“What’s wrong?” the other two women ask.
“Well, me and Chris are getting a divorce.”
“Oh no!” the first blonde asks. “What happened?”
“I don’t know,” she replies. “I did like you told me and went down on him. A few moments later, all I did was tell him how strange it was that his balls were so warm, when Peter’s and Richard’s are always so cold!”

 

[RobbyMaQ]

What's brown and sticky?






A stick.

 

[ArcadiaGP]

Can't eat rabbit.



Makes me jumpy.

 

[spencer rifle]

What's brown and sticky?






A stick.

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?



A stick.

 

[LostWander]

What time did the man go to the dentist?

Tooth-hurty

 

[eldirector]

What is a pirate's favorite letter?

R

What's his second favorite?

I

 

[IndyDave1776]

Why was six afraid of seven?















Because seven eight/ate nine.

 

[ArcadiaGP]

Why was six afraid of seven?















Because seven eight/ate nine.

But why did seven eat nine?




Because you're supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day.

 

[IndyDave1776]

But why did seven eat nine?




Because you're supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day.

 

[AngryRooster]

I'm so happy we live on this planet. The rotation of the earth really makes my day.