-
Be sure to read this post! Beware of scammers. https://www.indianagunowners.com/threads/classifieds-new-online-payment-guidelines-rules-paypal-venmo-zelle-etc.511734/
INGO: Joke of the day page
- Thread starter FordMan08
- Start date
-
- Tags
- ban mbills!
The #1 community for Gun Owners in Indiana
Member Benefits:
Fewer Ads! Discuss all aspects of firearm ownership Discuss anti-gun legislation Buy, sell, and trade in the classified section Chat with Local gun shops, ranges, trainers & other businesses Discover free outdoor shooting areas View up to date on firearm-related events Share photos & video with other members ...and so much more!
Member Benefits:
SavageEagle
Grandmaster
- Apr 27, 2008
- 19,568
- 38
REMEMBER! These are titles of Spam Emails and cartoons depicting peoples imagination upon reading the titles. I tried to pick some of the better ones. Some are just BAD.
Medieval Birth Control - Is It for You?
not appreciated for what you know
You have received a postcard!
Impress the Females
Upgrade your brain with Brain Bullet
I'm waiting for your decision
Medieval Birth Control - Is It for You?
not appreciated for what you know
You have received a postcard!
Impress the Females
Upgrade your brain with Brain Bullet
I'm waiting for your decision
SavageEagle
Grandmaster
- Apr 27, 2008
- 19,568
- 38
amazing new pleasure for men
Morality Test
This is a one question test, but it is a very important one. How you answer it will determine how you stand morally. This test features a fictional and unlikely situation in which you have to make a decision. Remember to answer honestly and yet be spontaneous.
The Situation:
You are in Florida, Miami to be specific. There is chaos all around you caused by a hurricane and severe flooding. You are a photojournalist working for a major newspaper and are caught in the middle of this epic disaster. The situation is hopeless.
The Test:
Suddenly you see a man and awoman in the water. They are fighting for their very lives, trying franticly not to be taken down by the debris. As you move closer to the couple, they seem familiar. You suddenly realize who they are. It's Barack Obama and Nancy Pelosi!!
you are acutely aware that the raging waters are about to take them under forever. You have two options: You can save thier lives or you can shoot a dramatic Pulitzer Prize winning photo, documenting the last moments in the lives of two of the worlds most powerful people.
The Question:
Would you select high contrast color film, or would you go with the classic simplicity of black and white?
This is a one question test, but it is a very important one. How you answer it will determine how you stand morally. This test features a fictional and unlikely situation in which you have to make a decision. Remember to answer honestly and yet be spontaneous.
The Situation:
You are in Florida, Miami to be specific. There is chaos all around you caused by a hurricane and severe flooding. You are a photojournalist working for a major newspaper and are caught in the middle of this epic disaster. The situation is hopeless.
The Test:
Suddenly you see a man and awoman in the water. They are fighting for their very lives, trying franticly not to be taken down by the debris. As you move closer to the couple, they seem familiar. You suddenly realize who they are. It's Barack Obama and Nancy Pelosi!!
you are acutely aware that the raging waters are about to take them under forever. You have two options: You can save thier lives or you can shoot a dramatic Pulitzer Prize winning photo, documenting the last moments in the lives of two of the worlds most powerful people.
The Question:
Would you select high contrast color film, or would you go with the classic simplicity of black and white?
Personally, I love the contrast of black and white, but I would probably process it towards a sepia. I really think it would bring out the severity and emotion of the situation
Who is your real friend?
This really works...!
If you don't believe it, just try this experiment.
Put your dog and your wife in the trunk of the car for an hour.
When you open it, which one is really happy to see you?
This really works...!
If you don't believe it, just try this experiment.
Put your dog and your wife in the trunk of the car for an hour.
When you open it, which one is really happy to see you?
hotfarmboy1
Grandmaster
There's a mexican in a bar, he chugs down his beer, throws the glass in the air, pulls out a gun and shatters it into pieces. Then he says in Mexico glasses are so cheap we don't have to ever drink out of the same glass twice. Then an Iraqi sitting there downs his beer throws his glass in the air, pulls out an AK47 and shoots the glass out of the air. He says in Iraq we have so much sand we can make as many glasses as we want so we never have to drink out of the same glass twice either. Then an Indiana boy sitting there cool as a cuccumber downs his shot of whiskey. Throws the glass in the air, pulls out a 45 and shoots both the Mexican and Iraqi. He then says in America we have so many mexicans and arabs we don't have to drink with the same ones twice. 
It was fun being a baby boomer... until now.
[FONT="]Some of the artists of the 60's are revising their hits with new lyrics to accommodate aging baby boomers.[/FONT]
[FONT="]They include[/FONT][FONT="]:[/FONT]
[FONT="]Herman's Hermits --- Mrs.. Brown, You've Got a Lovely Walker.[/FONT]
[FONT="]Ringo Starr --- I Get By With a Little Help From Depends.[/FONT]
[FONT="]The Bee Gees --- How Can You Mend a Broken Hip.[/FONT]
[FONT="]Bobby Darin --- Splish, Splash, I Was Havin' a Flash.[/FONT]
[FONT="]Roberta Flack--- The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face.[/FONT]
[FONT="]Johnny Nash --- I Can't See Clearly Now.[/FONT]
[FONT="]Paul Simon --- Fifty Ways to Lose Your Liver! [/FONT]
[FONT="]The Commodores --- Once, Twice, Three Times to the Bathroom.[/FONT]
[FONT="]Marvin Gaye --- Heard It Through the Grape Nuts.[/FONT]
[FONT="]Procol Harem --- A Whiter Shade of Hair.[/FONT]
[FONT="]Leo Sayer --- You Make Me Feel Like Napping.[/FONT]
[FONT="]The Temptations --- Papa's Got a Kidney Stone.[/FONT]
[FONT="]Abba --- Denture Queen.[/FONT]
[FONT="]Tony Orlando --- Knock 3 Times On The Ceiling If You Hear Me Fall.[/FONT]
[FONT="]Helen Reddy --- I Am Woman, Hear Me Snore.[/FONT]
[FONT="]Leslie Gore--- It's My Procedure, and I'll Cry If I Want To.[/FONT]
[FONT="]And my favorite:[/FONT]
Willie Nelson --- On the Commode Again
TK
[FONT="]Some of the artists of the 60's are revising their hits with new lyrics to accommodate aging baby boomers.[/FONT]
[FONT="]They include[/FONT][FONT="]:[/FONT]
[FONT="]Herman's Hermits --- Mrs.. Brown, You've Got a Lovely Walker.[/FONT]
[FONT="]Ringo Starr --- I Get By With a Little Help From Depends.[/FONT]
[FONT="]The Bee Gees --- How Can You Mend a Broken Hip.[/FONT]
[FONT="]Bobby Darin --- Splish, Splash, I Was Havin' a Flash.[/FONT]
[FONT="]Roberta Flack--- The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face.[/FONT]
[FONT="]Johnny Nash --- I Can't See Clearly Now.[/FONT]
[FONT="]Paul Simon --- Fifty Ways to Lose Your Liver! [/FONT]
[FONT="]The Commodores --- Once, Twice, Three Times to the Bathroom.[/FONT]
[FONT="]Marvin Gaye --- Heard It Through the Grape Nuts.[/FONT]
[FONT="]Procol Harem --- A Whiter Shade of Hair.[/FONT]
[FONT="]Leo Sayer --- You Make Me Feel Like Napping.[/FONT]
[FONT="]The Temptations --- Papa's Got a Kidney Stone.[/FONT]
[FONT="]Abba --- Denture Queen.[/FONT]
[FONT="]Tony Orlando --- Knock 3 Times On The Ceiling If You Hear Me Fall.[/FONT]
[FONT="]Helen Reddy --- I Am Woman, Hear Me Snore.[/FONT]
[FONT="]Leslie Gore--- It's My Procedure, and I'll Cry If I Want To.[/FONT]
[FONT="]And my favorite:[/FONT]
Willie Nelson --- On the Commode Again
TK
Personally, I love the contrast of black and white, but I would probably process it towards a sepia. I really think it would bring out the severity and emotion of the situation
what he said
Priceless
Marty wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open his
eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of
water on the side table. He sits down and sees his clothing in
front of him, all clean and pressed. Marty looks around the room and sees
that it is in perfect order, spotless, clean. So is the rest of the house.
He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table.
"Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping. Love You!"
So he goes to the kitchen and sure ! enough there is a hot breakfast and the
morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Marty asks, "Son,
what happened last night?"
His son says, "Well, you came home around 3 AM, drunk and delirious.
Broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye
when you stumbled into the door."
Confused, Marty asks, "So, why is everything in order and so clean, and
breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"
His son replies, "Oh, that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she
tried to take your pants off, you said, "Lady leave me alone! I'm married!"
Self-induced hangover -- $100.00
Broken furniture -- $2,000.00
Breakfast -- $10.00
Saying The Right Thing While Drunk -- PRICELESS
Marty wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open his
eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of
water on the side table. He sits down and sees his clothing in
front of him, all clean and pressed. Marty looks around the room and sees
that it is in perfect order, spotless, clean. So is the rest of the house.
He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table.
"Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping. Love You!"
So he goes to the kitchen and sure ! enough there is a hot breakfast and the
morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Marty asks, "Son,
what happened last night?"
His son says, "Well, you came home around 3 AM, drunk and delirious.
Broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye
when you stumbled into the door."
Confused, Marty asks, "So, why is everything in order and so clean, and
breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"
His son replies, "Oh, that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she
tried to take your pants off, you said, "Lady leave me alone! I'm married!"
Self-induced hangover -- $100.00
Broken furniture -- $2,000.00
Breakfast -- $10.00
Saying The Right Thing While Drunk -- PRICELESS
SavageEagle
Grandmaster
- Apr 27, 2008
- 19,568
- 38
Polite Way To Pee...
During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:
Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?
Michael said, 'Just a minute I have to go pee.’
The teacher responded by saying, 'That would be rude and impolite.'
'What about you, Sherman, how would you say it?'
Sherman said, 'I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. ‘I'll be right back.'
'That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table.'
'And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?'
'I would say, 'Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, to whom I hope to introduce you to after dinner.''
The teacher fainted!
During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:
Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?
Michael said, 'Just a minute I have to go pee.’
The teacher responded by saying, 'That would be rude and impolite.'
'What about you, Sherman, how would you say it?'
Sherman said, 'I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. ‘I'll be right back.'
'That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table.'
'And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?'
'I would say, 'Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, to whom I hope to introduce you to after dinner.''
The teacher fainted!
Ed Zachary Disease
A woman was very distraught at the fact that she had not had a date or any
sex in quite some time. She was afraid she might have something wrong with
her, so she decided to seek the medical expertise of a sex therapist. Her
Doctor recommended that she see the well-known Chinese sex therapist, Dr. Chang.
Upon entering the examination room, Dr. Chang said, "OK, take off
all you crose." The woman did as she was told. "Now, get down and craw reery, reery fass to odderside of room." Again, the woman did as she was instructed. Dr.Chang then said, "Okay, now craw reery, reery fass back to me." So she did.
Dr.Chang shook his head slowly and said, "Your probrem vewy bad. You have Ed Zachary Disease. Worse case I ever see. Dat why you not have sex or dates." Worried, the woman asked anxiously, "Oh my God, Dr. Chang, what is Ed Zachary Disease?"
Dr. Chang sighed deeply, and replied, "Ed Zachary Disease is when your face look Ed Zachary like your butt."
TK
A woman was very distraught at the fact that she had not had a date or any
sex in quite some time. She was afraid she might have something wrong with
her, so she decided to seek the medical expertise of a sex therapist. Her
Doctor recommended that she see the well-known Chinese sex therapist, Dr. Chang.
Upon entering the examination room, Dr. Chang said, "OK, take off
all you crose." The woman did as she was told. "Now, get down and craw reery, reery fass to odderside of room." Again, the woman did as she was instructed. Dr.Chang then said, "Okay, now craw reery, reery fass back to me." So she did.
Dr.Chang shook his head slowly and said, "Your probrem vewy bad. You have Ed Zachary Disease. Worse case I ever see. Dat why you not have sex or dates." Worried, the woman asked anxiously, "Oh my God, Dr. Chang, what is Ed Zachary Disease?"
Dr. Chang sighed deeply, and replied, "Ed Zachary Disease is when your face look Ed Zachary like your butt."
TK
SavageEagle
Grandmaster
- Apr 27, 2008
- 19,568
- 38
Blue Tile Spook
Master
The Pope went on vacation for a few days to visit the rugged mountains of Alaska. He was cruising along the campground in the Pope Mobile when he heard a frantic commotion just at the edge of the woods. He found a helpless Democrat wearing shorts, sandals, a Vote for Obama hat and a Save the Trees shirt. The man was screaming and struggling frantically, thrashing all about and trying to free himself from the grasp of a 10-foot grizzly bear.
As the Pope watched in horror, a group of Republican loggers wearing Go Sarah shirts came racing up. One quickly fired a 44 magnum slug right into the bear’s chest. The two other men pulled the semiconscious Democrat from the bear’s grasp. Then using baseball bats, the three loggers finished off the bear. Two of the men dragged the dead grizzly onto the bed of their pickup truck while the other tenderly placed the injured Democrat in the back seat.
As they began to leave, the Pope summoned al of them men over to him. “I give you my blessing for your brave actions!” he proudly proclaimed. “I have heard there was bitter hatred between Republican loggers and Democratic environmental activists, but now I’ve seen with my own eyes that this is not true.”
As the Pope drove off, one logger asked his buddies, “Who the heck was that guy?”
“Dude, that was the Pope,” another replied. “He’s in direct contact with Heaven and has access to all wisdom.”
“Well,” the logger said, “he may have access to all wisdom, but he doesn’t know squat about bear hunting! By the way, is the bait still alive or do we need to go back to Massachusetts and get another one?”
As the Pope watched in horror, a group of Republican loggers wearing Go Sarah shirts came racing up. One quickly fired a 44 magnum slug right into the bear’s chest. The two other men pulled the semiconscious Democrat from the bear’s grasp. Then using baseball bats, the three loggers finished off the bear. Two of the men dragged the dead grizzly onto the bed of their pickup truck while the other tenderly placed the injured Democrat in the back seat.
As they began to leave, the Pope summoned al of them men over to him. “I give you my blessing for your brave actions!” he proudly proclaimed. “I have heard there was bitter hatred between Republican loggers and Democratic environmental activists, but now I’ve seen with my own eyes that this is not true.”
As the Pope drove off, one logger asked his buddies, “Who the heck was that guy?”
“Dude, that was the Pope,” another replied. “He’s in direct contact with Heaven and has access to all wisdom.”
“Well,” the logger said, “he may have access to all wisdom, but he doesn’t know squat about bear hunting! By the way, is the bait still alive or do we need to go back to Massachusetts and get another one?”
Spring Classes for Women at
THE ADULT LEARNING CENTER
REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED
By Tuesday,June 19,2009
NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.
Class 1
Up in Winter, Down in Summer - How to Adjust a Thermostat
Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 wks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hrs beginning at 7:00 PM..
Class 2
Which Takes More Energy - Putting the Toilet Seat Down, or Bitching About It for 3 Hours?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.
Have you ever put it back "up" for him?
Class 3
Is It Possible To Drive Past a Wal-Mart Without Stopping?--Group Debate.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between a Purse and a Suitcase--Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.
Class 5
Curling Irons--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Bathroom Cabinet?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
At 7:00 PM
Class 6
How to Ask Questions During Commercials and Be Quiet During the Program
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM
Class 7
Can a Bath Be Taken Without 14 Different Kinds of Soaps and Shampoos?
Open Forum.
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.
Class 8
Health Watch--They Make Medicine for PMS - USE IT!
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 9
I Was Wrong and He Was Right!--Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.
Class 10
How to Parallel Park In Less Than 20 Minutes Without an Insurance Claim.
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.
Class 11
Learning to Live--How to Apply Brakes Without Throwing Passengers Through the Windshield.
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined
Class 12
How to Shop by Yourself.
Meets 4 wks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.
Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy--Remembering To Take a List To The Store, Avoiding Separate Trips for Each Item Needed.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 14
The Stove/Oven--What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.
Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.
TK
THE ADULT LEARNING CENTER
REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED
By Tuesday,June 19,2009
NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.
Class 1
Up in Winter, Down in Summer - How to Adjust a Thermostat
Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 wks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hrs beginning at 7:00 PM..
Class 2
Which Takes More Energy - Putting the Toilet Seat Down, or Bitching About It for 3 Hours?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.
Have you ever put it back "up" for him?
Class 3
Is It Possible To Drive Past a Wal-Mart Without Stopping?--Group Debate.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between a Purse and a Suitcase--Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.
Class 5
Curling Irons--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Bathroom Cabinet?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
At 7:00 PM
Class 6
How to Ask Questions During Commercials and Be Quiet During the Program
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM
Class 7
Can a Bath Be Taken Without 14 Different Kinds of Soaps and Shampoos?
Open Forum.
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.
Class 8
Health Watch--They Make Medicine for PMS - USE IT!
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 9
I Was Wrong and He Was Right!--Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.
Class 10
How to Parallel Park In Less Than 20 Minutes Without an Insurance Claim.
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.
Class 11
Learning to Live--How to Apply Brakes Without Throwing Passengers Through the Windshield.
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined
Class 12
How to Shop by Yourself.
Meets 4 wks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.
Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy--Remembering To Take a List To The Store, Avoiding Separate Trips for Each Item Needed.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 14
The Stove/Oven--What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.
Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.
TK
Site Supporter
Staff online
-
Cameramonkeywww.thechosen.tv
Members online
- cosermann
- YankeeDollar
- nhgluff
- dan45
- Ingomike
- flyingsquirrel
- miguel
- speytyer
- DoggyDaddy
- 92FSTech
- Crandall Crank
- Cavman
- gdog243
- hoosierdaddy1976
- profjeremy
- gds
- cavemike
- sbrville
- Ethanhoosier1
- littletommy
- Bstarkey_46947
- Edged Tools
- OneBadV8
- djlaundry2000
- BE Mike
- wtburnette
- res04
- gdun67
- Romero Zombie
- Born2vette
- Peacekeeper3073
- keeph8n
- aclark
- carsgunsandgirls
- SEH0521
- Leadeye
- INgunowner
- printcraft
- alc1985
- WebSnyper
- melensdad
- LokhXIV
- mcapo
- Cameramonkey
- MrSmitty
- bluzfan66
- tjones
- Jacob271
- dnurk
- snorko