Speedybruin4
Sharpshooter
- Sep 7, 2012
- 334
- 18
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Be sure to read this post! Beware of scammers. https://www.indianagunowners.com/threads/classifieds-new-online-payment-guidelines-rules-paypal-venmo-zelle-etc.511734/
INGO: Joke of the day page
- Thread starter FordMan08
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- ban mbills!
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That was the one I was gonna post and you beat me to it, but the punch like was just a little different... Yours was a little cleaner then mine, plus I would of got ban..... hahahahahahahHeard this at work:
Did you hear about the new drug that cures lesbianism?
It's called Trymenagain.
A Harley Biker is riding by the zoo in Washington , DC when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion's cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the collar of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents.
The biker jumps off his Harley, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch.
Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back letting go of the girl, and the biker brings her to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly. A reporter has watched the whole event.
The reporter addressing the Harley rider says, 'Sir, this was the most gallant and brave thing I've seen a man do in my whole life.'
The Harley rider replies, 'Why, it was nothing, really, the lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger and acted as I felt right.' The reporter says, 'Well, I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed. I'm a journalist, you know, and tomorrow's paper will have this story on the front page... So, what do you do for a living and what political affiliation do you have?'
The biker replies, I'm a U.S. Marine and a Republican.
The journalist leaves.
The following morning the biker buys the paper to see if it indeed brings news of his actions, and reads, on the front page: U.S. MARINE ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH
The biker jumps off his Harley, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch.
Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back letting go of the girl, and the biker brings her to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly. A reporter has watched the whole event.
The reporter addressing the Harley rider says, 'Sir, this was the most gallant and brave thing I've seen a man do in my whole life.'
The Harley rider replies, 'Why, it was nothing, really, the lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger and acted as I felt right.' The reporter says, 'Well, I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed. I'm a journalist, you know, and tomorrow's paper will have this story on the front page... So, what do you do for a living and what political affiliation do you have?'
The biker replies, I'm a U.S. Marine and a Republican.
The journalist leaves.
The following morning the biker buys the paper to see if it indeed brings news of his actions, and reads, on the front page: U.S. MARINE ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH
other dave
Shooter
Barack Obama was visiting a primary school in North Carolina and visited a fourth grade class.
They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings.
The teacher asked the president if he would like to lead the discussion on the word 'tragedy.'
So our illustrious president asked the class for an example of a 'tragedy'.
One little boy stood up and offered: "If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a tractor runs him over and kills him, that would be a tragedy."
"No," said Obama, "that would be an accident."
A little girl raised her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove off a cliff, killing everyone, that would be a tragedy."
"I'm afraid not," explained Obama. "That's what we would call a great loss." The room went silent. No other child volunteered. Obama searched the room. "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"
Finally at the back of the room, Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher held her breath.
In a quiet voice he said: "If the plane carrying you and Mrs. Obama was struck by a 'friendly fire' missile and blown to smithereens, that would be a tragedy."
"Fantastic!" exclaimed Obama. "That's right. And can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?"
"Well," says Johnny, "It has to be a tragedy, because it sure as hell wouldn't be a great loss... and you can bet your sweet ass it wouldn't be an accident either!"
The teacher left the room.
They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings.
The teacher asked the president if he would like to lead the discussion on the word 'tragedy.'
So our illustrious president asked the class for an example of a 'tragedy'.
One little boy stood up and offered: "If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a tractor runs him over and kills him, that would be a tragedy."
"No," said Obama, "that would be an accident."
A little girl raised her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove off a cliff, killing everyone, that would be a tragedy."
"I'm afraid not," explained Obama. "That's what we would call a great loss." The room went silent. No other child volunteered. Obama searched the room. "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"
Finally at the back of the room, Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher held her breath.
In a quiet voice he said: "If the plane carrying you and Mrs. Obama was struck by a 'friendly fire' missile and blown to smithereens, that would be a tragedy."
"Fantastic!" exclaimed Obama. "That's right. And can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?"
"Well," says Johnny, "It has to be a tragedy, because it sure as hell wouldn't be a great loss... and you can bet your sweet ass it wouldn't be an accident either!"
The teacher left the room.
Old guy humor:
A teacher asked the kids in her 3rd grade class: “What do you want to be when you grow up?"
Little Kevin said: "I wanna start out as a Marine pilot, then be a billionaire,
go to the most expensive clubs, find me the finest hooker, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris,a jet to travel throughout Europe, an Infinite Visa Card, and all the while banging her like a loose screen door in a hurricane."
The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with this horrible response from little Kevin, decided not to acknowledge what he said and simply tried to continue with the lesson . . . .
"And how about you, Sarah?"
"I wanna be Kevin’s hooker."
A teacher asked the kids in her 3rd grade class: “What do you want to be when you grow up?"
Little Kevin said: "I wanna start out as a Marine pilot, then be a billionaire,
go to the most expensive clubs, find me the finest hooker, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris,a jet to travel throughout Europe, an Infinite Visa Card, and all the while banging her like a loose screen door in a hurricane."
The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with this horrible response from little Kevin, decided not to acknowledge what he said and simply tried to continue with the lesson . . . .
"And how about you, Sarah?"
"I wanna be Kevin’s hooker."
Careful mrjarrel...a sense of humor....
It was a cut and paste. You think I'd actually type that out?
Hopefully this was not posted:
Whats the difference between a dead skunk and a dead lawyer on the road?
There are skid marks in front of the skunk.....
Whats the difference between a dead skunk and a dead lawyer on the road?
There are skid marks in front of the skunk.....
other dave
Shooter
I became confused when I heard the word " Service " being used with these agencies:
1. Internal Revenue "Service"
2. U.S. Postal "Service"
3. Telephone "Service"
4. Cable T.V. "Service"
5 Civil "Service"
6. State, City, County & Public "Service"
7 Customer " Service"
...... Not what I thought "Service" meant.
But today I overheard two farmers talking, and one of them said he had hired a bull to "Service" a few cows.
Then -- BAM !!! It all came into focus.
Now I understand what all those agencies are doing!
1. Internal Revenue "Service"
2. U.S. Postal "Service"
3. Telephone "Service"
4. Cable T.V. "Service"
5 Civil "Service"
6. State, City, County & Public "Service"
7 Customer " Service"
...... Not what I thought "Service" meant.
But today I overheard two farmers talking, and one of them said he had hired a bull to "Service" a few cows.
Then -- BAM !!! It all came into focus.
Now I understand what all those agencies are doing!
other dave
Shooter
Difference between Oo and oO
Two young guys appear in court after being arrested for smoking dope.
The judge says, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give
you a second chance instead of jail time. I want you to go out this weekend
and try to convince others of the evils of drug use. I'll see you back in
court next Monday."
On Monday, the judge asks the first guy, "How did you do over the
weekend?"
"Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever."
"Seventeen people? That's wonderful. How did you do it? "
"I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this: O o.
Then I told them that the big circle is your brain before drugs and the
small circle is your brain after drugs."
"That's admirable," says the judge. Then he turns to the second guy.
"And how did you do, son?"
"Well, your honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever."
"Wow!" says the judge. "156 people! How did you manage to do that?"
"Well, I used a similar diagram," the guy says. I drew two circles
like this: o O. Then I pointed to the little circle and said, "This is your
bunghole BEFORE prison.........."
Two young guys appear in court after being arrested for smoking dope.
The judge says, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give
you a second chance instead of jail time. I want you to go out this weekend
and try to convince others of the evils of drug use. I'll see you back in
court next Monday."
On Monday, the judge asks the first guy, "How did you do over the
weekend?"
"Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever."
"Seventeen people? That's wonderful. How did you do it? "
"I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this: O o.
Then I told them that the big circle is your brain before drugs and the
small circle is your brain after drugs."
"That's admirable," says the judge. Then he turns to the second guy.
"And how did you do, son?"
"Well, your honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever."
"Wow!" says the judge. "156 people! How did you manage to do that?"
"Well, I used a similar diagram," the guy says. I drew two circles
like this: o O. Then I pointed to the little circle and said, "This is your
bunghole BEFORE prison.........."
other dave
Shooter
Hunter was 4 years old and was staying with his grandfather for a few days. He'd been playing outside with the other kids when he came into the house and asked, "Grandpa, what's that called when two people sleep in the same bedroom and one is on top of the other?"
His Grandpa was a little taken aback, but he decided to tell him the truth.
"Well, Hunter, it's called sexual intercourse."
"Oh, Okay," said little Hunter and went back outside to play with the other kids.
A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, "Grandpa, it's not called sexual intercourse. It's called bunk beds.... and Jimmys mom wants to talk to you."
His Grandpa was a little taken aback, but he decided to tell him the truth.
"Well, Hunter, it's called sexual intercourse."
"Oh, Okay," said little Hunter and went back outside to play with the other kids.
A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, "Grandpa, it's not called sexual intercourse. It's called bunk beds.... and Jimmys mom wants to talk to you."
- Jan 12, 2012
- 27,286
- 113
The Israel/Jew bashers of the world and their accusations inspire me to share this:
How do you know that Jews don't secretly run America?
If Jews ran America, it wouldn't be broke!
(I could get serious and also point out that it wouldn't be giving money to Hamas.)
How do you know that Jews don't secretly run America?
If Jews ran America, it wouldn't be broke!
(I could get serious and also point out that it wouldn't be giving money to Hamas.)
So, I was walking through Chicago and I saw that there was a "Muslim Book Store."
I was wondering what exactly was in a Muslim bookstore, so I went in.
As I was wandering around taking a look, the clerk stopped me and asked if he could help me.
I imagine I didn't look like his normal clientele, so I asked, “Do you have a copy of Donald Trump's book on his U.S. Immigration Policy regarding Muslims and illegal Mexicans?"
The clerk said, "**** off, get out and stay out!"
I said, "Yes, that's the one. Do you have it in paperback?"
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