Ok, was gonna just troll on but...I gotta add just one more thing for you to think about. Is this the woman you want raising your children? Is this the gene pool you want them coming from? I say this because my brother (one of the kindest, most hard working people I know) is married to a woman just like your ex-girlfriend. She has had help multiple times, has been institutionalized, has been put on meds to help with the other addiction issues, has medication for her emotions and mood swings...and they have two small kids. My brother works nights and comes home to her asleep on the couch and the kids have missed their bus, so he is scrambling to get them ready and to school. CPS was called in after they missed enough school to ring the bell. She has paranoia issues so occasionally they have to drop everything and move because the neighbor or mailman or whoever is out to get her. The last new neighborhood for them got weird when she had to call nearly every neighbor who was stupid enough to give her their cell number...trying to get them to receive some medication she had mailed that needed to be refrigerated. A lot of your personal happiness will be tied to the life you live with your significant other. You can encourage her family to get her help but this isn't a safe place to stick around if you like the idea of being happy yourself.
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Gf switched off
- Thread starter burt gummer
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LongEnough!(spacebarOnlyHappensWhenQuoting.)
Been married 4 times ..... let her go, and move on .....
And then there's the risk that she will actually commit suicide and leave those children that might result from this relationship without a mother at all. Suicide leaves kids asking all sorts of questions they should never have to deal with...my ex was the male version of your gf. I was young and stupid and didn't realize the extent of his issues until after were married. I stuck it out for 7 years and then ran like hell. His family refused to acknowledge his problems. He refused to get professional help, and in the end, they blamed me for his problems even though I hadn't been in his life for many years when he finally was successful in his last attempt.
My son briefly dated a girl that sounds much like this one. She was depressed, she cut herself, she shoplifted, etc. He was going crazy trying to help her or get her help and she had him on guilt trips on a daily basis. It took some pretty extreme things happening before he realized this was not going to work, but he got out.
You cannot fix her.
This has me thinking. Is a man who stays with an out of control level crazy, abusive woman roughly analogous to a woman who stays with a physically abusive man? Seems like being unwilling or unable to leave is an all too common factor.
The Bubba Effect
Grandmaster
Hit the bricks man and for the love of God, don't cuddle up for one last time.
I knew a good guy one time. He gave me some sage advice. Don't ever knock up a girl who hates you. If it would ruin your life if you get her pregnant, don't have sex with her. It's that ****ing simple.
Seriously, turn and walk away. You don't want this chick calling you one night, cussing and screaming while she's drunk off her suicidal ass with your kids in the car speeding down the interstate. Just quit it, seriously, quit it.
I knew a good guy one time. He gave me some sage advice. Don't ever knock up a girl who hates you. If it would ruin your life if you get her pregnant, don't have sex with her. It's that ****ing simple.
Seriously, turn and walk away. You don't want this chick calling you one night, cussing and screaming while she's drunk off her suicidal ass with your kids in the car speeding down the interstate. Just quit it, seriously, quit it.
burt gummer
Expert
Well everyone is saying to run but I'm going to try and help her if I can, I know this wasn't her it was the beer and her depression it wasn't her normal self, so if she doesn't want help then it's over, she hasn't had a easy life her father was abusive and left her and her mom so all I can do is try I know she is a good person and needs help, yeah sounds stupid for a crazy girl but I can try
Holy crap. Not to threadjack but this has been driving me nucking futz all day!
GunSlinger
Master
[video=youtube;Tgz5-8chSlk]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tgz5-8chSlk[/video]
OP, no offense, but you don't know jack
if you think this isn't her 'normal' state of existence. Mr. Gummer, you can paint a zebra white, adorn it with wings and a rainbow horn on it's forehead, but it's still not a unicorn...just a zebra.Move to ALASKA and leave no forwarding address. Better yet move to Guam, as there are no roads to get her there.
In all seriousness you've been given a TON of sage advice and wisdom from some very experienced and wise people in this thread. Get out before you kill yourself trying to save her because the moon will come careening into the earth before she changes her ways. Believe me, she enjoys pulling the wings off of flies.
I had a friend who was in damn near the exact same situation with his GF (they dated through High School) she threatened to kill herself and whatnot causing the above mentioned usual drama minus getting the police involved (Thank god for that). Me and his family all told him that is was a massive mistake and that he just needed to let it go. He stuck with her for another year or so because he could not live with himself "if she did something to herself"
After about a year he called me up and told me that he finally realized that she was manipulating him and that is was over, I bet a large sum of money this does not end well.
Basically, Time is the most valuable and irreplaceable commodity in the world, why waste it on her?
Now who's nuts?
Dude, you're nuttier than squirrel poop if you hang with this. Or just dammed desperate for companionship.
I'm out. Can't help thems that won't take it.
Sorry man, and I know it sucks, but you gotta GO. Don't SAY you gotta go. Just go.
jgressley2003
Expert
I can understand wanting to help her, but it's only going to drag you down and make you miserable. If that was me giving her a ride home and she acted like that I would never talk to her again.
steveh_131
Grandmaster
AngryRooster
Master
If you are dead set on staying and trying to help then at least take some time and make a plan. Set a date in the future and decide what you want to see happen by that date. There HAS to be forward progress or else you are pissing in the wind at best and being dragged under with her at worst. Do not tell her that you are doing this. If she knows then you can't trust that any forward progress is real and not staged. Also, if she doesn't know then you can see her true feelings on if she wants or will accept help.
Set a date to stop trying if there is no progress as well. Without it there is no real way to objectively look at the situation. "It's been 6 months or a year and nothing at all has changed" is much more definitive than "it's been a while, I think if I stay longer she will change".
That being said, all the above advice in the thread is correct. The best thing for you is to break it off and cut ties completely. This is a no win situation. She will not change unless she wants to. It's possible that you leaving could be the best thing for her as well. It may force her to take a close look at herself. If it does then great, there's hope for her. If not then nothing you do would have helped anyway.
People like this can and will be destructive forces in the lives of those around them. There can be life changing consequences for having them in your life. What if she started showing up at your job drunk looking for you, making a scene all the time. If she tried to hit you and you grab her wrists again and the neighbor sees it. If she starts telling stories out of spite and the neighbor backs her up then you could end up with a restraining order and bye-bye LTCH hello 99 problems (and yes the ***** will be one).
YOU
NEED
TO
RUN.
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This woman is in the process of escalating this into something even worse than it already is (plenty bad enough!), either entangling you in the legal system in a way that could cause you severe long term ramifications, dragging you into her vortex of mental illness, or even a dirt nap.
I'm not trying to be flippant at all.
You are in a situation that will only get worse and harder to extricate yourself from unless you run for the hills.
Do that, and see to it that you put as much physical and virtual distance between yourself and her as possible.
Seriously, this is some major league bad mojo if you don't take measures to see that you never see her again.
I'm not trying to be flippant at all.
You are in a situation that will only get worse and harder to extricate yourself from unless you run for the hills.
Do that, and see to it that you put as much physical and virtual distance between yourself and her as possible.
Seriously, this is some major league bad mojo if you don't take measures to see that you never see her again.
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