Confessions

[Mr Evilwrench]

Hehe one place I worked, we had assigned parking spots, and mine kept being taken, and I'd complain a lot to HR about it. Once, I'd gone to the junkyard and gotten a side mirror for my wife's car, and had it sitting on my table. I saw the HR chick walk past and said "HEY!" She came back to see what I wanted. I held that mirror (with all the cables and such) up and told her "Someone parked in my spot again, but I took care of it this time". The look on her face was precious.

 

[findingZzero]

I've never revealed this to anyone.
I've never done anything unethical or morally suspicious.
I can't remember what happened yesterday,
I don't think I did anything wrong, though.
I cry when I see broken clothes pins.
I'm not a friend of mud.
I love my wife, but don't tell her enough.
She loves me too even though I don't supply everything she needs.
I'm trying to be more mindful.
I feel good!

 

[rhino]

I am sick. Something mostly in my lungs, a little bit it my nose, fever/chills, aches, etc. ARGH.

 

[mom45]

I am sick. Something mostly in my lungs, a little bit it my nose, fever/chills, aches, etc. ARGH.

So YOU are the one who gave us this awful stuff! I ought to report you for that.

 

[rhino]

So YOU are the one who gave us this awful stuff! I ought to report you for that.

HAH! I just got sick in the last day or two, so I blame YOU!

Confession: there is an incredibly lazy, chubby cat asleep on a perch next to me. I'm not allowed to harass, touch, or look at him, but I am fantasizing about pushing him off of the perch, then pretending I did not. I. Hate. Him. I hate cats in general, but I Hate Him especially. Oh, it would be so easy . . . so easy . . .

 

[pudly]

 

[mom45]

HAH! I just got sick in the last day or two, so I blame YOU!

Oh no...this just started yesterday. There must be someone else in here to blame. Let me know if you figure out who it is. I'd like to have a little chat with them.



Confession: there is an incredibly lazy, chubby cat asleep on a perch next to me. I'm not allowed to harass, touch, or look at him, but I am fantasizing about pushing him off of the perch, then pretending I did not. I. Hate. Him. I hate cats in general, but I Hate Him especially. Oh, it would be so easy . . . so easy . . .

Now don't be hating on the cats. My Leroy (the redneck kitty) has caught his first mole of the season today. I don't know how he found it in the snow, but he did.

 

[rhino]

You, sir, are an enabler. I respect that.

Now don't be hating on the cats. My Leroy (the redneck kitty) has caught his first mole of the season today. I don't know how he found it in the snow, but he did.

Cats outside doing a job and never coming near me do not offend me. Cats inside aggravating my allergies and asthma, touching me, and otherwise being dic*s offend me.

Oh, it would be so easy . . . so easy.

 

[Trigger Time]

I poored doe estrus on a coworkers seat once. It was unbearable .. the smell

 

[rhino]

SWEET MOTHER OF ALL THAT IS HOLY! The damn thing is snoring now!

Why can't I just slap it one time? ONE TIME? WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!???

Is that too much to ask??? Is it???

 

[smokingman]

SWEET MOTHER OF ALL THAT IS HOLY! The damn thing is snoring now!

Why can't I just slap it one time? ONE TIME? WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!???

Is that too much to ask??? Is it???

Silly question.Do you own a taser?

 

[rhino]

Silly question.Do you own a taser?

Oh, sir. We are destined to be friends.

I do not, but I want to get one now. I just need to find a way to eliminate the confetti explosion that would implicate me in the crime with The Boss of Me.

Do the non-police versions have a "drive" mode that would not release the serial numbered confetti?

 

[Mr Evilwrench]

You would absolutely be paralyzed with love for Mort, then. He is what I call the luxury cat; he's the absolute image of the James Bond villain cat. Pure white with pink skin. In whatever room he deigns to be in (and the deigning is troweled on with a shovel) he'll find a bed or couch and lay out in his royal pose and survey his domain. He knows how good it is to be the king.

 

[OneBadV8]

Wasn't there a company that made a flashlight that doubled as a stun gun if you pulled the bezel off?

 

[BehindBlueI's]

I am sick. Something mostly in my lungs, a little bit it my nose, fever/chills, aches, etc. ARGH.

Poor widdle guy...

 

[rhino]

You would absolutely be paralyzed with love for Mort, then. He is what I call the luxury cat; he's the absolute image of the James Bond villain cat. Pure white with pink skin. In whatever room he deigns to be in (and the deigning is troweled on with a shovel) he'll find a bed or couch and lay out in his royal pose and survey his domain. He knows how good it is to be the king.

Finally! A suitable use for my Busse Hellrazor!

Wasn't there a company that made a flashlight that doubled as a stun gun if you pulled the bezel off?

There are probably more than a few. My buddy G got one for his wife. I tried it on myself and it doesn't hurt enough to be useful. We need a real taser for this application

Poor widdle guy...

I know, right?!?

 

[BehindBlueI's]

I usually go to sleep looking forward to breakfast the next morning. I really like breakfast.

 

[Bigtanker]

At a previous job, a co-worker was going to put cleaned deer skin and head in another co workers vehicle. He had to leave for a while before he could do it. He was gone well into the evening so I took the deer, wired it to his hitch on his pick-up and buried the deer in the snow bank behing his truck, then went home.

He was on the 20/31 bypass doing 65 pullind a dead deer about 7 feet behind him when he was pulled over. He talked his was out af a ticket. I never told anyone while I worked there.

 

[churchmouse]

I confess that more often than not Finding Zero's posts make me smile.

 

[Gluemanz28]

In fourth grade I wrote a will you be my GF note to the least attractive girl in class and signed Jimmy's name to it. I had Jimmy give it to her but told Jimmy that I put Todd's name on it. She looked at Jimmy, smiled and said yes. He knew he had been had, he took off running and tackled me.