It sounds like you may have made up your mind already from reading the thread, but I'd like to add my perspective.
From what I gather, you work nights, leaving him unsupervised, which is better than second shift, but still not ideal. I caution you about turning him over to the state. For two reasons, one in his eyes you will have turned your back on him abandoning him. This type of emotional trauma can stick with a kid the rest of their lives. I realize he's giving you emotional trauma right now, but hang in there it gets better.
Second, the state has just taken in their foster care system in house. It's a mess. He would likely fall through the cracks. Besides, the last thing you want to do is get the state involved in your family affairs.
You and your son need some counseling, yourself to help parent this strong willed teenager right now and him to work through his anger issues. Tough love is a very hard thing to follow, you need a support system under you.
I agree with some of the post prior that say you need to take everything away from him what he values, except his bed, the shelter over his head and your LOVE. If he won't get up off the couch from watching TV, turn the cable off so there is no TV to watch, but you have to give him an alternative on what to do. Don't let him decide how to fill his time. Yes, this will affect you also, but you are raising a human being and sacrafices will need to be made. You will think at times you are punishing yourself more than him, but don't give up.
As far as the illegal activities, such as pot. Talk to him once, lay down the ground rules. No pot or the police will be called, then stick to it. If you know where he's getting the stuff from, turn his friends in too. In fact he probably needs to find some new friends if you expect him to get away from the stuff. Peer pressure is one of the most powerful things, even adults have trouble bucking the group mentality.
About everyones advise on laying the kid out, please don't. You can show your authority and alpha status without a physical altercation. I don't mean let him hit you, defend yourself, restrain him if you must, but do not strike back. It will be very difficult with tempers are flaring, but in the long run, your son will respect you more for it. He will learn a valuable lesson about self restraint from you too.
He didn't become this way over night and the problem won't be fixed over night. It's going to take a lot of hard work on your part and sacrafices too.(it is so worth it in the end) It would be great if you and the ex could be on the same page, but if not, you still have to hold firm. Your son is worth it, help him through this difficult time in his life, don't give up on him, sounds like you're the only one in his corner.
From what I gather, you work nights, leaving him unsupervised, which is better than second shift, but still not ideal. I caution you about turning him over to the state. For two reasons, one in his eyes you will have turned your back on him abandoning him. This type of emotional trauma can stick with a kid the rest of their lives. I realize he's giving you emotional trauma right now, but hang in there it gets better.
Second, the state has just taken in their foster care system in house. It's a mess. He would likely fall through the cracks. Besides, the last thing you want to do is get the state involved in your family affairs.
You and your son need some counseling, yourself to help parent this strong willed teenager right now and him to work through his anger issues. Tough love is a very hard thing to follow, you need a support system under you.
I agree with some of the post prior that say you need to take everything away from him what he values, except his bed, the shelter over his head and your LOVE. If he won't get up off the couch from watching TV, turn the cable off so there is no TV to watch, but you have to give him an alternative on what to do. Don't let him decide how to fill his time. Yes, this will affect you also, but you are raising a human being and sacrafices will need to be made. You will think at times you are punishing yourself more than him, but don't give up.
As far as the illegal activities, such as pot. Talk to him once, lay down the ground rules. No pot or the police will be called, then stick to it. If you know where he's getting the stuff from, turn his friends in too. In fact he probably needs to find some new friends if you expect him to get away from the stuff. Peer pressure is one of the most powerful things, even adults have trouble bucking the group mentality.
About everyones advise on laying the kid out, please don't. You can show your authority and alpha status without a physical altercation. I don't mean let him hit you, defend yourself, restrain him if you must, but do not strike back. It will be very difficult with tempers are flaring, but in the long run, your son will respect you more for it. He will learn a valuable lesson about self restraint from you too.
He didn't become this way over night and the problem won't be fixed over night. It's going to take a lot of hard work on your part and sacrafices too.(it is so worth it in the end) It would be great if you and the ex could be on the same page, but if not, you still have to hold firm. Your son is worth it, help him through this difficult time in his life, don't give up on him, sounds like you're the only one in his corner.
