Anyone have this much trouble

[beararms1776]

Yes, you can sign him over to the state.

I think this is a great idea and the best thing for him. Let the sibblings and peers play their little games with the system and in the process, they can reflect themselves by calling me the dirtbag paranoid dad.

 

[Dirtebiker]

15 still isn't too old for the belt. Not necessarily trying to tell you how to parent, but you asked for advice. If my kid EVER called me a piece of **** or **** you, he would be laid out on the floor. I WILL be respected in my house. If he doesn't want to respect you, he can live somewhere else.

You could take all his electronics, games, whatever he values, and just give him a bed in a room with no door. If he wants more than that he can get it himself. Another option is when he takes something of yours, you take something of his. When he finds his X-box 360 at the pawn shop, he may just decide to respect you.



ETA - Just to clarify, I see your son's basic problem being one of a lack of respect. You need to figure out how to make him respect you. He may not agree with you, he may not even like you, but he needs to respect you as his father. He feels entitled to a roof over his head and all his little nasty habits as you called them. So take them away. Give him the BASIC care that you are obligated to give. As he learns to respect you, reward him with more perks/responsibility.

I agree with most of this^^^^^^^^ except that .... If he has no respect for you at 15.... It will be almost impossible for him to start now without some serious changes! And I mean drastic changes!
If I was in your place, I would probably be in jail, because I would make sure he knew who the man of the house is! Of course, I would try being diplomatic at first, but as soon as he started with the " puck you" and "piece of shirt" comments, he would either be wiping the blood off his lip as he's apologizing or he'd be picking his crap up off of the lawn and walking to his next crash pad because no one is living in my house, and talking like that to me!

 

[Mr. Habib]

Wow.

Down side for me would be having to buy my kid a new wardrobe.
When he woke up all his clothes would be out of style.

I'm serious.

You need to get him squared away in a hurry.
Your choice there, but I would not be threatened by my kid.
If you tell him knock the **** off of else. His type will probably
take the pansy way of threatening you again...
"Hit me old man.... I call the cops."
To which the appropriate response would be....
"If I hit you, you won't be able to call the cops"

Yes, you can sign him over to the state.

FIFY

 

[Mr Evilwrench]

I had a stepson that was going down that road, but his mom died and he wound up with his dad and grandma. I didn't like his dad much, so I hoped it would eat him up. My son's 15 now, and we're *******s to each other, but it's all in fun. He's gonna turn out ok.

 

[sonofagun]

My 17 year old pulled this crap this past summer. Got all puffed up and mouthy. He got slammed hard on the patio, and I'm sure he wanted to beat my ass at the time, but a half hour later he was apologizing for being a jerk. He hasn't given me any problem since, and is really a joy to be around.

My boy challenged me at 15 with a "jump back fists balled" stance.

Surprised myself how strong I suddenly became. Picked him up, laid him out on the floor and wouldn't let him up till he calmed down.

That was the only time he ever physically challenged me.

15 years old is a tough age for a boy.

 

[VaGriller]

I couldn't do that. As we chat though, he made some verbal threats of punching me.

My 3 are still little (under 5) so I can only speculate what would happen if one of them were to mouth off to me in 10 years like yours has. However I would like to believe that I would kick the ever living **** out of them if they did.

I don't envy your position at all.

 

[Benny]

Seriously, WTF is wrong with some kids these days? My Dad is not a small man(6'3 ~250-260 lbs), but I've been bigger, stronger and faster than him since high school. With that being said, the thought of challenging him to a fight has never even crossed my mind.

 

[beararms1776]

Get him out before he has the bright idea to murder you for drug fix.

This is kinda my thoughts to. But bringing this up to the wrong person can make you out to be a paranoid. It has in the past. Heck, everyone where I work thinks I'm a paranoid. It's embarassing man. The fact is, I'm not. They are!

 

[JohnP82]

I would consider the amancipation process or put him up for adoption to his mother and ex. I was curious if anyone else went through the process and what all is involved.

If many of these things are being picked up from the mother and or tolerated there than I don't think giving her full custody would be good for him at all. Not trying to tell you what to do, just my for the young man to have a chance. Just doesn't sound like that would be the right environment for him to go to.

Very sorry to hear about your problem though. Very tough decisions ahead, I wish you and your family the best of luck.

 

[.45kohnACP]

I am not a parent but I would have to lean towards involving police. If nothing else it would make them aware of the situation in case it does turn physical. I would have to say abuse on either side would make this bad situation even worse. just my .02

 

[beararms1776]

Thanks for the advice fellas. I'm going to be calling job corp and the State to get the process going of removing him from the home.
Smoking his pot is one thing, but when he starts stealing out of my home to pay for it, along with trashing the place, it's makes a different issue.
It is frustrating and helps a lot to talk about it and I appreciate your comments. All of them.

 

[IndySSD]

Thanks for the advice fellas. I'm going to be calling job corp and the State to get the process going of removing him from the home.
Smoking his pot is one thing, but when he starts stealing out of my home to pay for it, along with trashing the place, it's makes a different issue.
It is frustrating and helps a lot to talk about it and I appreciate your comments. All of them.

I'm sorry to hear you're in this situation. No one can REALLY tell you what's best for your family but I can speak from family experience that those who experience drug issues early in life only wind up worse off if "abandoned" by those closest to them. Alternately they never seem to recover if coddled either.

It has been the experience of my family that the only way to truly affect a change in the young person in question is to force them to live in situations that keep them too busy and engaged to even bother with drugs.

Best of luck. Out of the several issues we've had in our family, I've got two family members that have never outgrown this type of behavior and are stuck in what appears to be a permanent cycle of jail/house arrest/probation or just plain live off of other people because they have totally lost their drive to be self sufficient.

My best advice is to ship the troubled youth to live with a strict uncle/cousin/grandparent where they will be so busy doing manual labor that they rarely have time for "recreational" activities.

 

[sepe]

If he is stealing, have him locked up. If that doesn't work, firebomb him. Seriously, have him locked up. If he is stealing from you and if he is bringing pot into your home...not good.

Kids lack of respect comes from too many people letting them get away with it and too many parents trying to be friends instead of parents.

 

[Hammer]

From someone who has experienced this first hand, Good luck and my prayers are with you brother.

Except mine was a step son, but I raised him since he was 3 years old. Did not work out so well for him.

One thing to try is checking with your local jail and see if they have a program for troubled kids that send them through the jail and let them see what it is like first hand.

Hold your ground, do not let him threaten you. Or it will get worse. If you got to swell his eye shut, so be it.

 

[Expat]

Why do you keep bringing up that he and others call you paranoid? Do you have a pastor you could both go talk too? Perhaps see if there is a way to get both of you in to see a mental health professional/

 

[cobber]

You want to think carefully about letting it get physical, no matter how mouthy he gets. A battery conviction could affect your 2A rights, not to mention screwing up your job, etc.

If he's stealing from you, smoking pot, etc., get the system involved on your side.

 

[littletommy]

Seriously, WTF is wrong with some kids these days? My Dad is not a small man(6'3 ~250-260 lbs), but I've been bigger, stronger and faster than him since high school. With that being said, the thought of challenging him to a fight has never even crossed my mind.

+1 My dad died when I was a kid, but I remember him telling my older brothers "the day you think you can take your old man is the day you made the biggest mistake you ever made".

 

[halfmileharry]

Hire R. Lee Ermey as a domestic counselor. No more "mamby pamby" crap.

Seriously, I learned to use the rule of "don't tell 'em the 3rd time".
Consistency and if the rules are broken then repercussion and consequences.
You can't yell, you can't let them see you're upset.
Tell 'em nice the first time, firm the second time, and don't say a word the third time take action and don't back off.
I've got 3 good sons now. ONLY because I've learned to be a better parent.
Best of luck and hang in there. Be the parent

 

[Arm America]

I would agree with a couple of posts.
Your updated post makes the most sense to me.
You didn't state your age or physical condition,
some 15-year olds can be pretty big and or intimidating.
Without respect for you, things can get pretty ugly on your end. Due to his age,
you will be guilty until you prove your innocence, which will cost you time and money.
Rules have to be established, your house, your rules.

 

[Indy_Guy_77]

How long ago did all of this start, OP?

2-3-4 years ago?