So I messed up with the girlfriend

[snowman46919]

She needs to get over herself. It's not your job to make her happy.

If she needs constant validation to feel good about herself, she is going to wear you out to the point that you can't stand the sight of her.

People shouldn't EXPECT to get gifts. WTF is that?! If you don't give me something I'm gonna be pissed!! Yeah, that sounds awfully loving.

I've been down this road. She will eventually get better, but it'll probably take the better part of a decade. Is that the kind of time commitment you're willing to make?

I am on year 8 i hope your right..

 

[ATOMonkey]

You show a person how much you love them 365 days a year, not just on Feb 14th.

If she doesn't understand that, then she can pound sand.

Life isn't about grand gestures once or twice a year. It's about the little things you do every day to show someone they're special.

 

[Blackhawk2001]

People have expectations and hopes. Sometimes we don't live up to them and sometimes they don't live up to our expectations and hopes. You either find a way to compromise on those expectations and hopes, or you move on.

 

[ATOMonkey]

I am on year 8 i hope your right..

Most women don't actually grow up until about their mid 30s and typically it takes several kids and a house and 2 incomes to make ends meet for them to understand they aren't a princess, and being happy is their responsibility not yours.

There are the select few who get their epiphany earlier in life.

Most men already know this, because no one goes out of their way to make a guy happy or validate him emotionally.

The men of the last couple of generations have raised a LOT of daddy's girl pincesses.

 

[ATOMonkey]

Put the shoe on the other foot.

Her mom is in the hospital and she forgets that it's your birthday. How forgiving would she expect you to be about that?

I'm betting you already know the answer to that one. As the man, you're supposed to be understanding of her situation and forgive and then buy her a present since she's so worried about her mom.

I've been alllllll up and down this road many many times.

 

[jeremy]

I would drop her faster than a bad habit...

 

[rhinoabe]

She sounds like my X wife, Is her name Robin.
The wife and i exchange token gifts for Christmas and Birthdays only. That was her idea.

 

[trnsplntfrmohio]

drop it like its hawt

 

[trnsplntfrmohio]

She sounds like my X wife, Is her name Robin.
The wife and i exchange token gifts for Christmas and Birthdays only. That was her idea.

token or tokin?

 

[tyler34]

you know how I know your wrong? your a man but really women are crazy and I married a certifiable one, but I still love her anyway. heres the trick to get her to forgive you and continually love you. give her flowers, gifts, cards, etc. AT RANDOM! that is the key, catch her off guard. sure they expect stuff on days like VD and go ahead and get her something but also on a day when you know shes having a stressful or angering day(PMS) or at complete random send flowers to her work with just a simple note to the effect of " just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you/love you. I guarantee this is WAY more effective than obligatory gifts.

 

[jsharmon7]

ATO, you're absolutely right. I expect every man on this board agrees with you too. Now show these comments to a random selection of women, that agreement dwindles quickly. They're wired differently than us. They think one way, we tend to think another. There are men out there who think like women though, and some women think more like men. But overall, it's not that way.

 

[E5RANGER375]

kick her to the curb. she will find a man that deserves her

you deserve much better

hope your mom is ok.

 

[spec4]

Don't know how long you've been with her, but I'd sure consider this is a good time to bail.

 

[ATOMonkey]

Women think that way, becuase they've been raised to think that way. There's nothing hard wired into a woman that gives her an expectation of how a man is supposed to behave on VD.

Yes, you should show your lady that she's special, doesn't matter what day it is though. And this guy, who is obviously a good guy (because he drove 200 miles in crappy weather to help out his family), is being read the riot act because he didn't recognize a greeting card day. Just throw out the other 364 days when he calls her, asks her how she's doing, takes her out, earns a living for them, etc etc etc, whatever the situation may be.

It's just infuriating to me when people are supposed to be on the "same team" and feel the need to tear each other down when they think they have a "teachable moment."

It makes no sense. When you tell someone that they make you feel like crap and they're mad at you, how is that supposed to make the relationship stronger? It doesn't.

When do you feel most loving towards your mate? When do you want to do something nice for them? When they're reading you the riot act because you didn't put the toilet seat down, or when they're telling you how you're a great provider, or how you make them feel special, or just encouraging you.

It just blows me away how some people feel they have any ground to stand on and correct their MATE like they're some kind of child.

This just really touches a nerve with me....

Sorry about the rant.

 

[ElsiePeaRN]

FWIW, as a woman, I give you a pass. If you were my husband, I'd have said something like this:

"I'm really sorry you had to spend Valentine's Day the way you did. I missed you and wish we were together. When you get your parents squared away and come home, let's do something fun."

Distinct difference. She sounds like a narcissistic princess based on the very limited info I have by which to judge. She ought to be making it up to you, IMO. But knowing only what you posted here, I suppose I could be judging her too harshly. Not likely though

 

[Rookie]

Want a woman's perspective? I told my wife about this and her question was, "so did he dump her?"

 

[ElsiePeaRN]

Women think that way, because they've been raised to think that way.

Ohh?

This just really touches a nerve with me....

I'm feeling your pain right now.

 

[edporch]

Under the circumstances, she should've accepted your apology.

 

[ATOMonkey]

Ohh?

Maybe not raised to think that way, but it has become a societal norm.

 

[ElsiePeaRN]

Maybe not raised to think that way, but it has become a societal norm.

Not in my society. I know very few women who were or are being raised that way or who think that way. I don't think I'm on the fringe of society. When a small number of women demonstrate a negative behavior, it does not mean a thing about women in society. It means those few need to get an attitude adjustment. I honestly do not know a simgle woman who would defend the OP's girlfriend.

I'd love to hear more INGO women weigh in on this thread!