Military BS Stories or the last liar wins.

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  • Alamo

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    So this post reminded me:

    I feel weird asking, buuut… anybody here work for the FBI?

    So I have a scammer on the hook pretty hard and I’m curious if it’s worth turning them over to the authorities or not. I posted a WTB ad on another forum for a Leupold 1.5-5x20 (I’ll put an ad up here soon too lol), and this guy responded with an illuminated version. He sent me photos in my...
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    This is a long one. If you are at all interested, refresh the coffee pot.

    When I first arrived as a captain at the GPS program office I was assigned as a software engineer/program manager. My first program to manage was this acquisition of a GPS simulator that was to be installed at Warner Robins Air Logistics Center, which was the designated logistics agency for military GPS receivers.

    In terms of the GPS program, this was a relatively small acquisition, about $6 million originally if I recall. The guy managing it was a first lieutenant, Tony, who was getting ready to PCS or separate in a few months, I forget which. In between acquisition courses, I was supposed to stick close to him and learn everything he knew so I could take over the project when he left. I spent most of the next few months in some kind of acquisition course, but I did spend every loose minute with Tony.

    Tony was honest and told me upfront that the acquisition was a mess. I could see from previous records that it had had several program managers changing fairly frequently, and Tony himself was on his first assignment in the Air Force, so he was learning the Air Force, acquisition, leadership and management, all at the same time. He didn’t get a lot of support from above on this because it was just too small for leadership to worry much about it when they were dealing with programs that were hundreds of millions of dollars. They would just give some more money and tell him to work on it. He also had a couple other significant additional duties as a manager for manpower contracts that provided program management and engineering support for the big hunnertmillion dollar programs. He was run pretty ragged by it all..

    The program was a Small-Business set-aside, which by itself is a red flag for Risk in a complex effort like this. The program manager on the contractor side was also on his first management gig, he had been lead engineer on the project when the program manager left the company, so he got handed the management responsibilities as well, and was also over his head in terms of managing things. Unsurprisingly, the project was late and over budget. It was a hot mess, but basically had been used as training wheels for newbies like Tony and I. The WR-ALC guys were not pleased, and our office should have transferred management of the thing to them, but for some reason our leadership didn’t want to.

    About the time I finished my acquisition courses and was officially smart, Tony PCSed out and I got a new boss, a bird colonel who had been an F-4 pilot. He was on his first acquisition assignment, but he was not a rookie at managing things. He turned out to be a great guy. Anyway, when he arrived, I briefed him on the status of this project, and he recognized it was a disaster. He told me I had some short period of time - a month? don’t remember exactly - to get it back on track or it would be cancelled altogether. I think he had to backtrack a little bit because he hadn’t consulted with Warner Robins yet, and they were horrified to find out that he might kill their baby, but after some coordination of phone calls, and such, we set a date by which either of the remaining work and requirements would match the schedule on the budget or we would just kill it.

    And I did it. I was actually pretty proud of that little piece of work. I held a brutal all-day meeting with the Warner Robins people who set the requirements, our contracting guy, and the contractor, and we rescoped (“cut”) the remaining work so that work and schedule and budget all matched (“rebaselined”) and everybody knew that if it went off the rails again, we would simply cancel it. The prime contractor brought in a real program manager and the previous guy went back to being only lead engineer. (He was very happy). I monitored it pretty closely and in fact, we did get a usable product at the end on time and delivered to Warner Robins. They were relatively happy about it. Yay.

    There was an interesting piece of fallout from this re-baselining effort. The primary contractor focused on the hardware for the effort, computers, hard drives, electrical, gizmos to simulate the satellite signals, hardware, interfaces, and so forth. They subcontracted the software part, ($2M in those days) which was where the real magic would happen, to another company. Not long after the re-baselining the primary contractor’s program manager (PM) called me and said some thing odd had happened. The software subcontractor quit. Called, said they were terminating the relationship, they would send the software code as it existed, and that was it. When PM got to work the next morning there were several programmers from the subcontractor standing outside on the sidewalk telling him they had just been laid off from the sub contractor. Since he was obviously going to have to bring the software in the house, he basically hired them on the spot.

    So that is all background to something I ran across once I got the program back on track.

    Remember that I said this thing was a GPS simulator. Its purpose was to simulate the GPS satellite constellation for any military receiver. You could hook the receiver up to the simulator and it would believe that it was receiving signals from space. This would be used to test the functioning of various military hours. There’s probably a million of these things out there now but in those days this was pretty new stuff and nothing like it existed at the time.

    I’m sitting at my desk looking through some of the GPS industry magazines to see what the civilian world is doing, and I run across this ad from that software contractor that quit. Interestingly, he is advertising a commercial GPS constellation simulator that has numerous functions that track pretty much with one we have been trying to buy for the last four years or so and was just now back on track. Hmmm.

    I called the prime contractor PM and told him about the ad. He was pretty surprised. He goes and talks to the programmers that I’ve been laid off about their time at the subcontractor and calls me back. These guys had to charge their time against the project they’re working on, so they were given codes to put on their timesheets. This is normal. They said they were not really told what the codes went to, and that the subcontractor PM would tell them every morning which codes to use that day. This was not so normal. The same contractor also had commercial work that he did, and the codes for that should be different than the ones for the contract for the government. Most places tell you when you’re working on a specific project, and then you know which codes to use, but in this case, they weren’t given the project name, just “use this code to charge your time.”

    I get with the Air Force contracting officer for this project, another captain, and go through this with him. We both agree that it sure sounds like the subcontractor might have built his own GPS constellation simulator for commercial sale, using the government money, and worse, not even giving us a finished product.

    So he calls the Air Force Office of Special Investigations. They have an office on base or the investigators specialize in contract fraud. A couple of them come by and listen to us, but when they find out that the amount of money involved was $2 million, they lost interest. Chicken feed for what they are usually looking for. I briefed all this up my chain of command, of course and pretty much the same answer. Yes, it’s wrong and probably criminal, but in the big scheme not worth the effort.

    And I went on to bigger and better things
     

    Alamo

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    So let’s counter the downer of the last post with an acquisition that went amazingly right: PLGR.

    The Precision Lightweight GPS Receiver was the Army’s baby, but it was hosted by the GPS Joint Program Office, which is in bedded in the Air Force hierarchy. (I guess space force now). By DOD policy, or maybe my statute, not really remembering, all GPS acquisitions were supposed to be done by the JPO . Of course, there are always exceptions, turned out to be quite a few actually, but PLGR was not one of them. Also, while the PLGR was primarily for the Army and Army drove most of the requirements, the PLGR was going to be used by all the services, so they got some say. Hence a joint project.

    The acquisition strategy was a performance-based specification sealed bid. The winner would be the contractor who produced a handheld GPS unit that met all the specifications for the cheapest overall price. There was no government-funded development on this one. The contractors were going to have to submit actual working bid samples, and the winner would have to start turning out products by the hundreds, then thousands, in a fairly short time.

    Performance-based specification had a particular meaning. Military acquisitions have a history of telling the contractor what the building and how to build it. For example a four-door all-wheel-drive with a diesel engine that can go 50 miles an hour and cover 500 miles on 50 gallons of JP-8 carrying soldiers in combat gear, and paint the thing in Army green. A performance-based specifications might say a move four combat-equipped soldiers 500 miles in less than 10 hours using standard available DoD fuels.

    The first specification might be appropriate if you’re going to have to integrate resulting vehicle into an existing logistics and transportation, convoy and tactical procedures etc. But it does limit the type of solutions that the contractors is going to present.

    The second, performance based specifications, opens up possibilities. Contractor might propose a humvee-like thing, or a motorcycle with a really big side car, or a helicopter, or even a really bitchin’ trebuchet. Maybe a Star Trek teleporter. Outside of the box type stuff.

    In the case of the PLGR, the Army with input from other services, worked really hard to describe what a military handheld GPS receiver should DO, rather than how it should look. It specified that it had to be usable with one hand, weigh no than so much, no bigger than 50 cubic inches, and had to float. they were performance specs on how fast it was supposed to achieve a GPS fix, interfaces to other equipment it should have, be able to be used wearing NBC gear, something about the readability of the display, stuff like that. One nonperformance spec was that it had to use the BA5800 battery, which I guess was common in the Army system. It also came with an adapter that let you put AAA‘s in it, but I don’t recall if that was it specification or just a goodie from the contractor.

    I think there was nothing about how the actual form factor would look, they didn’t even specify what color the PLGR should come in. Because Desert Storm had just happened the winning contractor chose the desert tan color, which, as it turned out, the Army did not like. That’s why a few years later PLGR II came out in dark green. (The US Forest Service later ordered them in bright yellow.).

    So the bidding contractors had to design and build some examples for testing. The Army and the JPO took these examples and ran into a series of tests against the the performance-based specification. Those examples that passed all of the tests then advanced to the sealed-bid stage, and the remaining contractors were instructed to submit the best price.

    This was going to be a big 5-year contract. The army intended to buy thousands and thousands of these things, and give them to nearly every vehicle in the Army, and every platoon I think maybe even squad, I don’t more remember exactly. It was going to integrated with the artillery guns, MLRS, Patriot, basically everything that did not have an aviation GPS already in it. And then the other services resigned by quite a few as well, plus other government agencies. And of course, our allies as well.

    So the price was going to be a pretty big number. My very first duty day in the JPO was the day the sealed bids were opened. I went to this basement conference room for the public opening. It was jammed with all the Army leadership, the JPO leadership, plus the contractors leadership, and pretty much everybody else in the joint program office.

    I think there were three remaining bidders. I don’t remember the price on the (losing) third one. The second (losing) bidder’s overall price was $120,000,000.

    When the winning fitters bid was opened, everybody nearly fainted. Rockwell Collins had bid only $60 million. Everyone was shocked. This was way under the internal government estimates, and half of the next closest bidder. (And RC left $60M profit laying on the table).

    I looked over at the Procuring Contract Officer (PCO), a GM-14 named Barney who I got to know very well during my assignment. He was a very smart and terrific guy. The PCO is a very big wheel in any acquisition for a lot of reasons, and nothing happens without him being OK with it.

    I could see that Barney was not OK with this bid. He had this serious, almost stormy look on his face. He grabbed the senior Army and JPO bigshots, and then the Rockwell Collins reps, and dragged them all into a separate conference room for some interrogation.

    He was afraid that Rockwell was trying to lowball or underbid the program, knowing that they couldn’t do it for that price, and we wouldn’t find out about it until later, when it was too late to back out of the contract without redoing the whole thing and wasting another couple years (not to mention that it is illegal to do that). He grilled Rockwell about it for a while and they finally convinced them that no, it was a serious price and that they knew they could produce PLGRS and make a profit on every one of them while still meeting their promise.

    And they did. Rockwell Collins had fully embraced the integrated product team paradigm, which was a good fit for actual manufacturing processes. They had skinnied down their production line with automation and streamlined workflows, and could turn out PLGRS like nobody’s business.

    There were a few problems popped up with the PLGR along the way, and better products came along, but for the time it was a pretty decent piece of kit, and the government got a bargain on it. It was a well done acquisition and saved a ton of money.
     

    Alamo

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    From the funny pics thread:

    IMG_0798.jpeg

    From the AWACS community many moons ago:

    Guy is off in another room exercising. His wife hears him yell, finds him on the floor, curled up in a ball, gasping, unable to speak. HEART ATTACK! she fears, calls ambulance.

    When the EMTs and the cops and the docs finally get everything unwound, turns out the guy was using one of those TV gimmick exercise things where you put your feet on this bar, hold onto a hand grip, and some bungee cords connect the two while you do sit ups.

    He had just reclined holding the bungee cords at full extension/tension when the weld attaching the foot bar to the metal thingamabob holding the bungee cords decided to disassociate.

    The bungee cords instantly rocketed the metal thingamabob at light speed straight into his nuts.

    Yowzer.

    I’m told he recovered but don’t know if he ever had kids.
     

    jwamplerusa

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    From the funny pics thread:

    View attachment 362058

    From the AWACS community many moons ago:

    Guy is off in another room exercising. His wife hears him yell, finds him on the floor, curled up in a ball, gasping, unable to speak. HEART ATTACK! she fears, calls ambulance.

    When the EMTs and the cops and the docs finally get everything unwound, turns out the guy was using one of those TV gimmick exercise things where you put your feet on this bar, hold onto a hand grip, and some bungee cords connect the two while you do sit ups.

    He had just reclined holding the bungee cords at full extension/tension when the weld attaching the foot bar to the metal thingamabob holding the bungee cords decided to disassociate.

    The bungee cords instantly rocketed the metal thingamabob at light speed straight into his nuts.

    Yowzer.

    I’m told he recovered but don’t know if he ever had kids.
    Oh, dear God! That hurt just reading it!
     

    KellyinAvon

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    I'm guessing that's an M40 with an attachment to use a radio. MCU-2P was the USAF version with the one piece face shield that looked like a Scott air pack. The M40 had the similar look to the M17 with the two lens/can't see as well approach.

    The worst thing about any gas mask: when you were sweating like crazy, you could hear your sweat gurgling out of the exhaust valve, and it was still gurgling when you were out of exhale.

    I think I spent at least one enlistment at MOPP 2 or higher.
     

    SnoopLoggyDog

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    I'm guessing that's an M40 with an attachment to use a radio. MCU-2P was the USAF version with the one piece face shield that looked like a Scott air pack. The M40 had the similar look to the M17 with the two lens/can't see as well approach.

    The worst thing about any gas mask: when you were sweating like crazy, you could hear your sweat gurgling out of the exhaust valve, and it was still gurgling when you were out of exhale.

    I think I spent at least one enlistment at MOPP 2 or higher.
    Spent many hours in an M17 mask back in the early 80's in USAFE. Getting issued the MCU-2P was like going from a Yugo to a Mustang. The M50 is my favorite. All branches use it along with other federal agencies.
    IMG_4406_2048x.jpg
    M17 mask

    MCU2AP6.jpg
    MCU-2P mask

    1000w_q95 (1).jpg

    M50 mask
     

    Brad69

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    Fall 2003 Kuwait somewhere in the desert we were in country for 8 months before the war.

    We were eating two MRE’s a day with a t-rat at night.

    My driver and me “acquired” 10 cases of cereal and a ton of haji milk.

    I am in the center my driver is on my right we were hailed as hero’s.
     

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    tomcat13

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    Dad's Favorite "Army" story:
    He took Basic Training @ Ft Campbell, KY (in the 50's).
    They were all lined up in formation & the Instructing Sergeant said "anybody from Outside the Continental United States take One Step Forward."
    Fella down the Line stepped out & the Sergeant said "Where you from Soldier?"
    Fella said "Laurel County KY Sir"

    RIP SSGT RMM & Thanks!
     

    KellyinAvon

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    1997: young USAF TSgt KellyinAvon is at the last manned-remote Radar site in the USAF, Rockville, Iceland.

    Rockville was in the process of closing. There were challenges to say the least. The job was hard enough without dealing with something bizarre every time I turned around.

    I got to Rockville in October 1996. There was a building that had been a Chapel, but it had been ages since a Chaplain was assigned at Rockville. The main base at Keflavik was 7 miles away. The Chapel looked like all the other buildings at the site, except it had a small steeple.

    Well, it seems the Icelandic civilians who were the Keflavik, Naval Air Station (NAS) Fire Department had attended services at Rockville years ago. By the time this made it to the NAS Commander (Navy Captain) it seems the Chapel was transported by boat from one of the closed remote Radar sites and had all kinds of significance. Like the old telephone game.

    So the NAS Commander calls the 85th Group Commander (ranking USAF on the base) who calls the 932nd Air Control Squadron Commander (my Squadron Commander) who calls me since I was the responsible for getting the site closed. Of course my answer was, "Yes sir, I'll meet the Captain NAS Commander at his office and take him out to Rockville and show him the old Chapel building." I probably wanted to say something like, "If people would leave me alone I might get this place closed someday, sir."

    So I go to the NAS Keflavik Headquarters and meet the "Skipper", P-3 pilot, nice guy. Me, him and some Navy Lieutenant drive out to Rockville in his government vehicle, seems like it was a Jeep Cherokee.

    We get there and I point the Lieutenant (who was driving) in the direction of the old Chapel (which again, looks like all the other buildings at Rockville except for the small steeple.)

    The Captain gets out, looks at the Chapel with a dumbfounded look and says, "This is it??!!"

    I think my reply was, "It ain't nothing to write home about" at which point the Captain busts out laughing. We looked inside, it was an empty building.

    He shook his head and we got back in the Jeep and left.
     
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