INGO: Joke of the day page

[other dave]

 

[Jerchap2]

Rep inbound.

 

[Jerchap2]

 

[MCgrease08]

Unfortunately that's not how knock knock jokes work.

It should go:

"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Not the triplets."
"Not the triplets who?"
"Not the triplets who just graduated." (Or something actually funny.)




















I'll take my Denny award now.

 

[Jerchap2]

I'll take my Denny award now.

Here ya go:

 

[Jerchap2]

My flight was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who did a great job at serving everyone drinks and food. He ensured everyone was having an enjoyable flight, and I saw no complaints.

As the plane prepared to descend, he walked down the aisle and relayed directions from the captain of the plane.

“Captain Harry has asked me to announce that he’ll be landing the big scary plane shortly, so lovely people, if you could just put your trays up, that would be super.”

On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed this well-dressed Arabic woman who had not followed directions. Her tray was completely down.

“Perhaps you didn’t hear me over those big brute engines when I asked you to raise your trazy-poo, so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground.”

She calmly turned her head and said, “In my country, I am called a Princess and I take orders from no one.”

To which the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat, “Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country I’m called a Queen, so I outrank you. Tray up, B****!”

 

[Jerchap2]

First off, I am or will be okay. I had a terrible accident earlier, but I am doing better now. I decided to go horseback riding, which I haven't done in quite a while. Well, I got on the horse and started out slow, and then we went a little faster, and then we were going as fast as the horse could go. All of a sudden I fell off and caught my foot in the stirrup and the horse was dragging me around in a circle. It wouldn't stop, it just kept going around and around. Thank goodness the store manager at Wal-Mart came out and unplugged the carousel.

 

[IndyDave1776]

A teacher ran an exercise one day in which she presenter her young students with candies requiring that they identify the correct flavor. The children did well with the fruit flavors, but stalled on th amber-colored honey-flavored candy. They puzzled over it, and no one had so much as a guess, so the teacher gave a hint: It is something you may have heard your parents call each other. One little girl got a horrified look on her face, spit the candy out, and shouted, "OH MY GOD, THEY'RE A**HOLES!"

 

[jamil]

Took me 5 minutes to stop laughing.

 

[Hoosierdood]

I just snorted. Loudly. ^^^^^^

 

[Jerchap2]

Good one.

 

[Tomc1947]

Two potatoes are standing on a street corner, which one is the prostitute??

 

[Bill of Rights]

Two potatoes are standing on a street corner, which one is the prostitute??

The "I da ho" one?

 

[Tomc1947]

 

[Bill of Rights]

 

[Jerchap2]

An 85-year-old man had to do a sperm count for his physical exam. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this home and bring back a sample tomorrow."
The next day, the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked what happened, and the man explained …
"Well, doc, it's like this — first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help.
"She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door, and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing."
The doctor was shocked. "You asked your neighbor? Good heavens!"
The old man replied, "Yep, none of us could get the jar open."

 

[SSGSAD]

Man goes to the Dr. and the Dr., tells him he can add 15 years to his life, if he gives up Wine, Women, and song .

Man says, Dr., I'll have to settle for five .....

Dr., says why ?

Man says, I never could sing, anyway .....

 

[Bigtanker]

A 85 year old man does to the doc for a physical. He brings his wife with him. Once the doc gives him a good going over, he tells the man "I'll need a blood sample, urine sample and a stool sample." The old man say what.
Doctor repeats he needs a blood, urine and stool sample. Again the old man says what. The mans wife says Doctor, my husband is hard of hearing. Then she turns to her husband and yells, "the doctor need a pair of your dirty underwear."

 

[Jerchap2]

What did the egg say to the boiling water?
Don't expect me to get hard in three minutes, I just got laid this morning!

 

[Jerchap2]