INGO: Joke of the day page

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  • daddyusmaximus

    Grandmaster
    Rating - 99%
    95   1   0
    Aug 21, 2013
    9,112
    113
    Remington
    A new store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:
    You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

    So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.

    On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

    Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs.

    She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:

    Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.
    "That's nice," she thinks, "but I want more." So she continues upward.

    The third floor sign reads:

    Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.
    "Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

    She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

    Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.
    "Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"

    Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

    Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.
    She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor.

    On the sith floor the sign reads:

    Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

    PLEASE NOTE:

    To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.

    The first floor has wives that love sex.


    The second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer.


    The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.
     

    actaeon277

    Grandmaster
    Site Supporter
    Rating - 100%
    4   0   0
    Nov 20, 2011
    95,338
    113
    Merrillville
    Joe had been battling headaches for years, but lately they had gotten much worse, so he decided he just had to see a doctor.
    "The good news is I can cure your headaches," said the doctor. "The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition which causes your testicles to press up against the base of your spine, and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles."

    Joe was shocked, and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He couldn't concentrate long enough to answer, but decided he had no choice but to go under the knife.

    When he left the hospital he was headache free for the first time in over 20 years, but he felt as if he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, Joe realized he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life.

    He saw a men's clothing store, and thought, "That's what I need, a new suit," and went in.

    The elderly tailor eyed him quickly and said, "Let's see, you're a size 44 long."


    Joe laughed, and said, "That's right, how did you know?"


    "Been in the business 60 years!" the tailor said.


    Joe tried on the suit. It fit perfectly.


    As Joe admired himself in the mirror the tailor asked, "How about a new shirt?"


    Joe thought for a moment and then said, "Sure."


    "Let's see, 16-and-a half neck, 34 sleeve," said the tailor.


    Joe was surprised. "How did you know?"


    "Been in the business 60 years." The shirt fit perfectly.


    As Joe looked at himself in the mirror, the tailor said, "You could use new shoes."


    Since Joe was on a roll, he said "sure."


    The man eyed Joe's feet and said, "9-1/2E." Joe was astonished. "That's right. How did you know?"


    "Been in the business 60 years."

    Joe tried on the shoes, and they also fit perfectly. As Joe walked comfortably around the shop, the salesman asked, "How about new underwear?"

    Joe thought for a second and said, "why not."


    The man stepped back, eyed Joe's waist, and said, "Let's see, size 36."


    "Finally, I've got you!" Joe laughed. "I've worn size 32 since I was 18 years old."


    The tailor shook his head. "You shouldn't wear a size 32. Size 32 underwear is too small for you. That would force your testicles to press against the base of your spine, and give you one hell of a headache."


    :runaway:
     

    actaeon277

    Grandmaster
    Site Supporter
    Rating - 100%
    4   0   0
    Nov 20, 2011
    95,338
    113
    Merrillville
    40152199_924934867716194_8456525460312948736_n.jpg
     

    ArcadiaGP

    Wanderer
    Site Supporter
    Rating - 100%
    11   0   0
    Jun 15, 2009
    31,729
    113
    Indianapolis
    A blind man walks into a gay bar.

    He walks up to the lesbian bartender and says "hey you wanna hear a blonde joke?". The bartender says "Let me tell you a few things since you're blind, I am a blonde bartender who keeps a shotgun under the table. The bouncer is a 6ft blonde with a 4th degree black belt in judo. The woman beside you is a blonde biker with the local gang. The owner of this bar is a blonde army veteran who did four tours in Iraq. Now do you really want to tell that joke here?". The blind man thinks for a second and says "Naaahh, not if i have to explain it four times."
     

    ArcadiaGP

    Wanderer
    Site Supporter
    Rating - 100%
    11   0   0
    Jun 15, 2009
    31,729
    113
    Indianapolis
    A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane... He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat … As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his. Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, ” Business trip or pleasure?” She turned, smiled and said, “” Business. I’m going to the Annual Nympho- maniacs of America Convention in Boston .” He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs. Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, “What’s your business role at this convention?” ” Lecturer,” she responded. ” I use information that I have learned from my personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.” “Really?” he said. ” And what kind of myths are there?” “Well,” she explained,” one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Jewish descent who are the best. I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck.” Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. ” I’m sorry,” she said, ” I shouldn’t really be discussing all of this with you. I don’t even know your name…” “Tonto,” the man said, “Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me Bubba.”
     

    actaeon277

    Grandmaster
    Site Supporter
    Rating - 100%
    4   0   0
    Nov 20, 2011
    95,338
    113
    Merrillville
    My cousin just called and asked if I would loan her $300.00 to help her pay her rent. Those who know me, know that I'm always willing to help out friends and family.
    I told her to give me some time to think about it and I would call her back. Before I called her back, my aunt called and told me that my cousin was lying and not to give her the money.
    She goes on to say that the real reason my cousin wanted the $300.00 was to get her boyfriend out of jail so she could be under ...the same roof as him for his birthday.
    I thought about it for a minute and decided to give her the $300.00 because we all need help at times. So, I called my cousin and told her to come and get the money.
    A couple of hours later, I get a call from the jail. It was my cousin crying, screaming and asking why I gave her counterfeit money. My response...so you and your boyfriend could be under the same roof for his birthday!
     

    Nazgul

    Master
    Site Supporter
    Rating - 100%
    12   0   0
    Dec 2, 2012
    2,769
    113
    Near the big river.
    My cousin just called and asked if I would loan her $300.00 to help her pay her rent. Those who know me, know that I'm always willing to help out friends and family.
    I told her to give me some time to think about it and I would call her back. Before I called her back, my aunt called and told me that my cousin was lying and not to give her the money.
    She goes on to say that the real reason my cousin wanted the $300.00 was to get her boyfriend out of jail so she could be under ...the same roof as him for his birthday.
    I thought about it for a minute and decided to give her the $300.00 because we all need help at times. So, I called my cousin and told her to come and get the money.
    A couple of hours later, I get a call from the jail. It was my cousin crying, screaming and asking why I gave her counterfeit money. My response...so you and your boyfriend could be under the same roof for his birthday!

    Act you simply overwhelm my with your generosity and caring...….:rofl:

    Don
     
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