Beer and the Wheel
The two most important events in all of history were the invention
of beer and the invention of the wheel.
Beer required grain, and that was the beginning of agriculture.
Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so
while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be
invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages
were formed.
The wheel was invented to get man to the beer and vice-versa. These
two were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the
catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:
1. Liberals.
2. Conservatives.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at
night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is
known as the Conservative movement.
Other men who were less skilled at hunting (called 'vegetarians',
which was an early human word meaning 'bad hunter') learned to live
off the Conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQ's and doing
the sewing, fetching, and hairdressing. This was the beginning of the
liberal movement.
Some of these liberal men “evolved” into women. Others became known
as girlie-men. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the
domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and
the concept of democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and
beer that Conservatives provided.
Over the years Conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest,
most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are
symbolized by the jackass for obvious reasons.
Modern Liberals like special flavored beer, but most prefer white
wine spritzers or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish, but like
their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard
liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: many liberal
women have higher testosterone levels than their men.
Most college professors, social workers, personal injury attorneys,
journalists, film makers in Hollywood, group therapists and community
organizers are liberals. Liberals meddled in our national pastime and
invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the
pitcher also bat.
Conservatives drink real beer. They eat red meat and still provide
for their women. Conservatives are members of the military, big game
hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen,
medical doctors, police officers, engineers, most corporate
executives, most athletes, airline pilots, and generally anyone who
works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other
Conservatives who want to work for a living.
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the
producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe
Europeans are more enlightened than Americans That is why most of the
liberals remained in Europe when Conservatives were coming to America.
They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of
trying to get more for nothing.
Here ends today's lesson in world history. It should be noted that a
liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to this post.
A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute
truth of this history that it will be shared immediately to other true
believers and to just ****-off more liberals.
The two most important events in all of history were the invention
of beer and the invention of the wheel.
Beer required grain, and that was the beginning of agriculture.
Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so
while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be
invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages
were formed.
The wheel was invented to get man to the beer and vice-versa. These
two were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the
catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:
1. Liberals.
2. Conservatives.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at
night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is
known as the Conservative movement.
Other men who were less skilled at hunting (called 'vegetarians',
which was an early human word meaning 'bad hunter') learned to live
off the Conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQ's and doing
the sewing, fetching, and hairdressing. This was the beginning of the
liberal movement.
Some of these liberal men “evolved” into women. Others became known
as girlie-men. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the
domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and
the concept of democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and
beer that Conservatives provided.
Over the years Conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest,
most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are
symbolized by the jackass for obvious reasons.
Modern Liberals like special flavored beer, but most prefer white
wine spritzers or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish, but like
their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard
liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: many liberal
women have higher testosterone levels than their men.
Most college professors, social workers, personal injury attorneys,
journalists, film makers in Hollywood, group therapists and community
organizers are liberals. Liberals meddled in our national pastime and
invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the
pitcher also bat.
Conservatives drink real beer. They eat red meat and still provide
for their women. Conservatives are members of the military, big game
hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen,
medical doctors, police officers, engineers, most corporate
executives, most athletes, airline pilots, and generally anyone who
works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other
Conservatives who want to work for a living.
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the
producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe
Europeans are more enlightened than Americans That is why most of the
liberals remained in Europe when Conservatives were coming to America.
They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of
trying to get more for nothing.
Here ends today's lesson in world history. It should be noted that a
liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to this post.
A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute
truth of this history that it will be shared immediately to other true
believers and to just ****-off more liberals.
