CIVIL RELIGIOUS DISCUSSION: All things Christianity

[Bartman]

I've been lurking on this thread off and on for a while, and more so the last couple of weeks. To make a long story short, after about a 20 year gap, I went to church last Sunday. So if I end up posting a lot of stupid questions on this thread, I hope you all will be patient.

Here's one to start off. I was raised baptist, and that's my wife's church background as well. That's where we went Sunday. But I've been looking seriously at another denomination. Does anyone attend a separate church from their spouse? For the record, there are no "what about the children" issues that will crop up.

 

[GodFearinGunTotin]

I've been lurking on this thread off and on for a while, and more so the last couple of weeks. To make a long story short, after about a 20 year gap, I went to church last Sunday. So if I end up posting a lot of stupid questions on this thread, I hope you all will be patient.

Here's one to start off. I was raised baptist, and that's my wife's church background as well. That's where we went Sunday. But I've been looking seriously at another denomination. Does anyone attend a separate church from their spouse? For the record, there are no "what about the children" issues that will crop up.

I would urge you not to. I happen to believe it's important that the husband and wife be united on things like this. My mother and father in law decided to go to separate denominations a long time ago. It didn't work out well for them. She refused to become catholic and decided to just quit going at all. I suppose if you exhausted all of the churches in your area and each one had a deal breaker for one or the other of you, going to separate churches is better than going to none. You might be able to make it work. But unless you're living in a pretty desolate location, I can't help but believe there's a church somewhere you could both call home. You both might have to compromise on certain aspects but as long as the theology is strong, biblically based, does it really matter if they have guitars or drums as well as an organ or piano, etc.?

 

[historian]

You both might have to compromise on certain aspects but as long as the theology is strong, biblically based, does it really matter if they have guitars or drums as well as an organ or piano, etc.?

This!

Also check out JK's church. I'm pretty sure they are chosen from before time to be hippies, but other than that....

If you are looking at churches my advice would be check these sites out. They don't guarantee a solid church, but it is a pretty good starting place: www.thegospelcoalition.org www.9marks.org.

Just for the record. Only Baptists go to heaven!

 

[T.Lex]

I've been lurking on this thread off and on for a while, and more so the last couple of weeks. To make a long story short, after about a 20 year gap, I went to church last Sunday. So if I end up posting a lot of stupid questions on this thread, I hope you all will be patient.

Here's one to start off. I was raised baptist, and that's my wife's church background as well. That's where we went Sunday. But I've been looking seriously at another denomination. Does anyone attend a separate church from their spouse? For the record, there are no "what about the children" issues that will crop up.

I tend to agree with GFGT on this. But, for me and my wife, our faith-tradition is an important part of who we are. If we didn't share it, it would have been really hard to connect, I think. Granted, we don't always necessarily agree on how it applies in our lives, but we at least have that common framework or starting point.

Now, there is one scenario where I've seen it work: Jewish and Catholic. For some reason, and this is purely anecdotal, I know a handful of couples with that arrangement and it works great for them.

 

[GodFearinGunTotin]

There's more to church than just attending Sunday morning services. The fellowshipping, the mission work or community outreach type activities, being part of a church "family", etc. are part of the deal as well. If you and your wife decide to go to separate churches and you decide you want to more fully immerse yourself into the church's life, you might well be duplicating efforts or starving one while you feed the other. It helps to have a partner weigh things and help each other out as different opportunities and challenges arise in your church life.

 

[JettaKnight]

I've been lurking on this thread off and on for a while, and more so the last couple of weeks. To make a long story short, after about a 20 year gap, I went to church last Sunday. So if I end up posting a lot of stupid questions on this thread, I hope you all will be patient.

Here's one to start off. I was raised baptist, and that's my wife's church background as well. That's where we went Sunday. But I've been looking seriously at another denomination. Does anyone attend a separate church from their spouse? For the record, there are no "what about the children" issues that will crop up.

GFGT hit the nail on the head.

I'll go so far as to say you must attend a church together. It's rough enough for us that we don't get to sit together (as I'm "working"), I can't imagine...

I have a good friend involved in our church who's not a Baptist, he's a Presbyterian at heart and mind. He came to our church for the college group, then met his wife... He's not an official member, and we all respect him for that.

Church tradition should never override unity - which starts in the home. And progresses onto INGO. We're pretty varied, but also unified in Christ.

But, Biblical doctrine should never be overrided...


So, if the theology sound? Do they peach solid messages from the pulpit? (or hip, modern stool) Do they offend you? (that is, in a way that makes you fell like the Holy Spirit punched you in the gut to show you you sins)

You're in the City of Churches, you should be able to find a common ground.

Also check out JK's church. I'm pretty sure they are chosen from before time to be hippies, but other than that....

Wait, what?! Hippies?! We are far from... well, maybe not as far as I think...

But hey, Bartman, if you're on the North side of Ft. Wayne, feel free to come to Wallen Baptist some Sunday. I'm always in the sound booth. We're sort of a mix - contemporary worship, but with brass and strings; Preaching is Biblical exposition, not topical. We have coffee, but it's insipid. Snake handling is on the first Wednesday of the month.

Just for the record. Only Baptists go to heaven!

Of course, Historian is kidding. And if you have any questions or discussions about denominations, I always love to talk about that.

 

[JettaKnight]

There's more to church than just attending Sunday morning services. The fellowshipping, the mission work or community outreach type activities, being part of a church "family", etc. are part of the deal as well. If you and your wife decide to go to separate churches and you decide you want to more fully immerse yourself into the church's life, you might well be duplicating efforts or starving one while you feed the other. It helps to have a partner weigh things and help each other out as different opportunities and challenges arise in your church life.

I just know from our situation and the relationships we have... There's couples that have helped us and we have helped others... none of that would be possible if we were part of separate churches. I'm not even sure we'd still be happily married...

 

[Bartman]

Thank you all for your reaponses. I was trying not to bog down in personal information but maybe thatÂ’s required to get my thoughts across.

I was raised in what I always assumed was a baptist church, although when I checked the Facebook page for it now they list as nondenominational. At first we it was just mom and the kids. When my dad had a stroke and had the fear of God put in him, he started going as well and we switched to a full on baptist church.

When I went to college, the young earth fundamentalist view didnÂ’t seem to be to fit with what I was learning in school and that lead to doubts. My job is based on biology and physics and thereÂ’s that idea out there that science and faith are mutually exclusive. So I stopped going and I didnÂ’t go back until a few days ago. Why the change of heart? In no particular order, a death in the family, a tv show, and a book I read that tries to reconcile faith and science. More info on that if anyone is interested.

My wife, as it so happens, is 17 years older than me. Again, sparing everyone pages of detail, her first marriage (to a baptist preacher) was a bad one - ended with abuse and infidelity. But to her credit, although she spent years away from church, she never lost her faith in God. The only times we were ever in church together was for weddings, ours and others.

So doctrinally speaking, weÂ’ve never been completely on the same page. And yet, weÂ’ve been married for 18 years, I guess weÂ’ve agreed to disagree. I have a pretty ecumenical outlook, so IÂ’m not heavily invested in her sharing all of my beliefs. In any case, her first husband was very controlling - telling her and the kids what could watch and listen to, what they were permitted to wear, etc. So IÂ’ve always tried to give her the freedom he never did. Since that first marriage ended so badly, I know if I try to lay down the law too much, sheÂ’s going to push back.

For those reasons IÂ’m not as concerned about differences in doctrine being a divisive point between us. To me, the bigger danger is that in trying to go to the same church, one or both of us will be left feeling unfulfilled. Those last few years I went to church as a teenager, it felt like I was being told where to go and what to think. So at that point I was more or less going through the motions. I donÂ’t want want me or my wife to be put in that position. That seems like a more likely point of contention than the possibility that we might receive the Word and the Spirit in different ways.

 

[GodFearinGunTotin]

Thank you all for your reaponses. I was trying not to bog down in personal information but maybe thatÂ’s required to get my thoughts across.

I was raised in what I always assumed was a baptist church, although when I checked the Facebook page for it now they list as nondenominational. At first we it was just mom and the kids. When my dad had a stroke and had the fear of God put in him, he started going as well and we switched to a full on baptist church.

When I went to college, the young earth fundamentalist view didnÂ’t seem to be to fit with what I was learning in school and that lead to doubts. My job is based on biology and physics and thereÂ’s that idea out there that science and faith are mutually exclusive. So I stopped going and I didnÂ’t go back until a few days ago. Why the change of heart? In no particular order, a death in the family, a tv show, and a book I read that tries to reconcile faith and science. More info on that if anyone is interested.

My wife, as it so happens, is 17 years older than me. Again, sparing everyone pages of detail, her first marriage (to a baptist preacher) was a bad one - ended with abuse and infidelity. But to her credit, although she spent years away from church, she never lost her faith in God. The only times we were ever in church together was for weddings, ours and others.

So doctrinally speaking, weÂ’ve never been completely on the same page. And yet, weÂ’ve been married for 18 years, I guess weÂ’ve agreed to disagree. I have a pretty ecumenical outlook, so IÂ’m not heavily invested in her sharing all of my beliefs. In any case, her first husband was very controlling - telling her and the kids what could watch and listen to, what they were permitted to wear, etc. So IÂ’ve always tried to give her the freedom he never did. Since that first marriage ended so badly, I know if I try to lay down the law too much, sheÂ’s going to push back.

For those reasons IÂ’m not as concerned about differences in doctrine being a divisive point between us. To me, the bigger danger is that in trying to go to the same church, one or both of us will be left feeling unfulfilled. Those last few years I went to church as a teenager, it felt like I was being told where to go and what to think. So at that point I was more or less going through the motions. I donÂ’t want want me or my wife to be put in that position. That seems like a more likely point of contention than the possibility that we might receive the Word and the Spirit in different ways.

We have people that go to our church that are phd's at Crane. We have other STEM type people (like me) as well. We have people that aren't very well educated as well. We have some people that believe the earth was literally created in 7 days and tend to agree with the mindset that the earth is a few thousands years old. We have some people that don't...they believe that a day is not necessarily always meant to mean 24 hours, that God may have well used evolution to make his creation. Try different churches. I'd look for one that stands united on the big things and refuses to divide over the little things. I don't think God will be waiting for you when you get to heaven and demand you explain if you were a young or old earther.

 

[T.Lex]

From the outside, it sounds like you guys have more in common than otherwise. That's a good thing.

So here's a bit of outside the box approach: don't overthink this. Make the incremental decisions together, but allow the Holy Spirit to guide you. Do the research if you want, but at the same time, if you're driving down the road and see a church that feels inviting to you, go in and talk to someone.

Rather than list out all the things you guys doctrinally believe then cross reference with churches that hold the same beliefs, try to find the path God intends for you both. I suspect it'll lead to the same physical place.

 

[ChristianPatriot]

I’ve only ever attended Baptist churches from the time I was 2 or 3 years old. I absolutely understand some of the failings that have occurred under the Baptist umbrella. People fail miserably all the time, as you know. That’s not a denomination-specific phenomena, and I think you know that too. As others have said, I would definitely encourage you and your wife to be united as much as possible. Your relationship with God is supposed to come first, but your relationship with your wife is a close second, and it’s miles ahead of everything else. Sound doctrine is paramount. All of the other secondary issues are just that, secondary.

 

[GodFearinGunTotin]

Changing topics...

This is a really good sort of bible study from Prager U.

https://www.facebook.com/prageru/videos/1870496682993179/

 

[Bartman]

Which leads to denominations. When I started thinking seriously about faith again, I realized that I grew up hearing about baptists and methodists and catholics and presbyterians but I had no idea what differentiates one from another. And I had the feeling that to grow in my faith, it has to be something that makes sense to me.

Lately I have found myself being drawn to the lutheran denomination. I had no experience in liturgical services before and it seems to me like a really good way of making a personÂ’s walk in faith more of a concrete experience.

My wife is fine with visiting a lutheran church but not so much with becoming a member. I donÂ’t even know if I would eventually want to become a member but I have been reading their beliefs and watching sermons online and it does appeal to me. Hence the dilemma.

My wife liked the baptist church we visited very much. It felt familiar to me, but not necessarily in a positive way. Not that I disagreed with anything the pastor was saying. At one point, he talked about homosexuality being a sin. That fits with my reading of the scripture, Paul seems to be pretty clear on the matter in Corinthians. But the pastor actually used the “not Adam and Steve” line. This was jarring to me. Not because I disagree with the sentiment. But one of the things that brought me back to the church is the realization that faith and interpretation of the Bible is far more complex than the simple views I held as a young person. I’m looking for that kind of thoughtfulness in the church that I attend. I don’t think bible memes are going to help my faith progress.

Also, the shouting.

 

[GodFearinGunTotin]

When we selected the church we're going to now, I knew some of the people going there and invited them to lunch for an interview. I wanted to know where the church stood on certain issues. Personally, I don't mind my toes getting stepped on every now and then. And in my opinion, our churches don't do that often enough. I like it because it gets me to reflect on where I stand on whatever issue and decide are my beliefs based on my preferences or do I have some heart searching to do.

 

[JettaKnight]

I guess I'm confused, but you're fundamentalist, and she's not? It sounds like you were fundamental, but then left that shell.


My church preaches a young earth view... I just agree to disagree on that minor (I believe) point.


As to feeling "unfilled" at the same church... do you really think you can't find a church that suits you both good enough? Not to be rude, but are you really that picky? Again, I don't want to offend, but perhaps, you're making church to much about yourself and not enough about God.

Is the divide really as big as you make it, "So doctrinally speaking, we've never been completely on the same page."


As for science and faith... stick around we discuss that a lot here.

 

[JettaKnight]

Which leads to denominations. When I started thinking seriously about faith again, I realized that I grew up hearing about baptists and methodists and catholics and presbyterians but I had no idea what differentiates one from another. And I had the feeling that to grow in my faith, it has to be something that makes sense to me.

Lately I have found myself being drawn to the lutheran denomination. I had no experience in liturgical services before and it seems to me like a really good way of making a personÂ’s walk in faith more of a concrete experience.

My wife is fine with visiting a lutheran church but not so much with becoming a member. I don't even know if I would eventually want to become a member but I have been reading their beliefs and watching sermons online and it does appeal to me. Hence the dilemma.

Then go. Don't worry about becoming a member right now. Baby steps.

My wife liked the baptist church we visited very much. It felt familiar to me, but not necessarily in a positive way. Not that I disagreed with anything the pastor was saying. At one point, he talked about homosexuality being a sin. That fits with my reading of the scripture, Paul seems to be pretty clear on the matter in Corinthians. But the pastor actually used the “not Adam and Steve” line. This was jarring to me. Not because I disagree with the sentiment. But one of the things that brought me back to the church is the realization that faith and interpretation of the Bible is far more complex than the simple views I held as a young person. I’m looking for that kind of thoughtfulness in the church that I attend. I don’t think bible memes are going to help my faith progress.

Also, the shouting.

Seriously?! "Adam and Steve" is so old and lame. Any preacher using that is probably the sort that's got a "fundamentalist superiority complex".

And I really can't handle preachers that feel the need to shout.

...and don't call me racist because I don't want to go to a "black" church. It's got nothing to the do with the people or the message and everything to do with the style of preaching and response of the congregation. It's just too different from how I was raised. But, I do love me some Hammond B3 organ music...

 

[GodFearinGunTotin]

Then go. Don't worry about becoming a member right now. Baby steps.


Seriously?! "Adam and Steve" is so old and lame. Any preacher using that is probably the sort that's got a "fundamentalist superiority complex".

And I really can't handle preachers that feel the need to shout.

...and don't call me racist because I don't want to go to a "black" church. It's got nothing to the do with the people or the message and everything to do with the style of preaching and response of the congregation. It's just too different from how I was raised. But, I do love me some Hammond B3 organ music...

I don't mind the shouting...as a way of driving home a point.

I'd prefer the church didn't try so hard not to offend people. Not that I mean they ought to be outright offensive but preach the things and in constructive ways that might tend to offend our comfort with the culture.

 

[T.Lex]

I'd prefer the church didn't try so hard not to offend people. Not that I mean they ought to be outright offensive but preach the things and in constructive ways that might tend to offend our comfort with the culture.

I almost posted, "Welcome to Catholicism."

 

[GodFearinGunTotin]

I almost posted, "Welcome to Catholicism."

Too much kneeling. With my bad knees, that's a deal breaker.

 

[JettaKnight]

I'd prefer the church didn't try so hard not to offend people. Not that I mean they ought to be outright offensive but preach the things and in constructive ways that might tend to offend our comfort with the culture.

I'm pretty sure Joel thinks that includes God, too.