The List of Offensive Range Stereotypes

[backtrail540]

The local tea drinking man here always says "You mean youre gonna shoot it?" whenever someone buys a new gun or ammo at out local shop, and he is serious.

 

[Manan]

Looks like you've got everybody listed. Except you and me, and I'm not that sure about you.

 

[MrHank]

That was great, but I am still confused where I fit in.

 

[lilop]

1. Grampa and Cody
Typically an older white guy and his snivelling grandchild (or similar junior relation). Grampa is trying to teach Cody (or Jody, or Brody, or whatever crap name the kid has) how to shoot with a 1950’s era Lakefield or Cooey .22 rifle and an empty tin can lying 10m away on the ground. Cody's soccer mom and sensitive new-age dad aren't too keen on this idea, but the old man overruled them. Claimed they were coddling the little brat (true) and this will be a valuable experience (doubtful). Grampa smells of rye and seems a little unsteady on his feet, and insists on holding forth about his views on how a) kids today are all idiots, b) how much better things were in the old days, c) the evils of Communism, or d) the proper place of a woman. He occasionally interrupts his diatribe to yell such helpful advice as “squeeze the trigger, dammit! Like I showed you!” without ever having bothered to explain to Cody how iron sights work. Will grudgingly dole out one round at a time from his pocket, with instructions not to waste it. In the 30's (or whenever the ancient bastard grew up) people only made 23¢ a year and couldn't afford to miss a shot, or they'd catch The Polio. Cody, for his part, couldn’t hit the ground with a handful of thrown rice, is close to tears, and wishes he were at home with his XBox.

2. The Range Nazi
Annoying, but basically harmless, the sole reason for existence of the Range Nazi is sucking all the fun out of shooting. Will arrive at the range with a single antiquated rifle in a calibre nobody shoots anymore, such as .32-20. Will set up a number of bullseye (never human or animal) targets at the 100m point, but does not shoot at them. Instead the Range Nazi will walk up and down the line, questioning others about the legality of their firearms, tut-tutting over the use of human silhouette targets, appointing himself boss of the range safety light, and making note of anybody being even the slightest bit Unsafe(!). He will then be sure to bring up the unsafe people he witnessed being unsafe in an unsafely unsafe manner (did we mention they were unsafe?) at the next range meeting. Hopes to get everybody he disapproves of (which is everybody) kicked out of the range. Only then will it be safe, and only then will nobody behave in a manner certain to reflect discredit upon the range and shooting in general. Cringes every time a firearm is referred to as a weapon, as if somehow an anti-gun lobbyist will hear it and yell "A-ha! Ban them! Ban them all!". Has the phone number of every member of the range executive committee on his speed dial. Despite his intrusive ways, the Range Nazi will generally **** off when told to do so.

3. The Tea Drinking Man.
Arrives 5 minutes after the range opens, and won't leave until it closes. Takes five trips to unload all his gear from his Buick Riviera (or similar old-fart-mobile), yet only brought two guns. Shooting routine consists of the following: Painstakingly selects a single round of ammo. Unloads it and puts it back in box. Adjusts scope. Has a drink of tea from thermos. Selects a different round of ammo. Loads into rifle. Sights in on target. Consults shooting log. Takes round out. Has drink of tea. Falls asleep. Wakes up. Adjusts sight again. And so on and so on… May or may not actually fire within the hour. Rarely makes it through more than ten rounds before the range closes for the day. Becomes annoyed when other shooters a) disturb his concentration (or napping) with the sound of their firing, b) request cease-fires to change targets that are shot out (a concept foreign to him), or c) check him for a pulse occasionally. Has been a member of the range since longbows were considered assault weapons, and is still working on the same box of ammo. When not at the range, can be found at the local gun store engaging the counter staff in hours of meandering conversation about nothing in particular.

4. Jesse and Jamie.
These are the two, for lack of a better term, rednecks. Will show up driving a full size diesel pickup that cost more than their doublewide trailer. Due to gender-ambiguous names, it is certain you will confuse who is who, and use the wrong name in conversation. Jesse (or Jamie, it depends) is down about the mill laying him off again. He's pretty sure foreigners of some sort are responsible, and is waiting for his EI to kick in. Until then they subsist on Jamie's (or Jesse's) earnings as a hairdresser. Listen to both kinds of music, country and western. Truck will have at least one kerchief-wearing dog in the back named "Buddy". Eager to compare a) hunting knives, b) belt buckle sizes, c) brands of chewing tobacco, or d) line dancing steps or e) recipes that start with "take a side of beef…". Shoot his and hers lever action rifles, and believe that any calibre less than a .30-30 is unmanly, while anything bigger is wasteful. Guns will be stored in vinyl gun socks from Canadian Tire (if they're over 40) or Walmart (if they're young 'uns). Optics, if any, will be of no more than 4x magnification and look as if they were used to hammer in nails at some point. Like to talk about how good it will be once the season starts and they have the opportunity to fill up their spare freezers. Dress almost exclusively in plaid jackets and jeans, but each has a set of "formal" cowboy boots at home for special occasions. Instinctively distrust the government, and wonder whatever happened to Preston Manning.


5. The Paramilitary Poseur
Difficult to actually see at the range due to the camouflage and SWAT gear he is wearing. Generally at least 20kg overweight, the Paramilitary Poseur is the ultimate expression of the suburban commando. Eager to discuss the best type of ammunition to use against marauding feminist ninja bankrobbers or armour-plated bears. Loves to drop cryptic references to his past life as an Airborne Special Forces Delta-SEAL, which he can’t go into detail about “for security reasons”. Note: this person has never been in the military or the police. He’s most likely a mailman or a mall security guard; any job where he gets a uniform, but which doesn’t require too much hard work or talent. Claims to be a master of some arcane martial art nobody has ever heard of, like "Krav Jitsu Fu. Could kill you just by staring at you really hard. Weapons of the Poseur will generally have all sorts of “tactical” accessories added to them, effectively tripling their price and mass without doing anything to improve his shooting. Has strong opinions on the .338 Lapua vs. .408 Chey-Tac debate, despite never having fired either. Will own at least one SKS made up to look like a Dragunov, and a “sniper rifle” that turns out to be a hunting rifle with the biggest scope one can get (for under $100) mounted on it. Shooting bag will contain a) back issues of Soldier of Fortune, b) a really big knife with teeth up the back, c) 10 rounds of military 5.56mm FMJ that he bought at a gun show, and d) a 1970’s vintage Soviet night vision scope that won’t mount on anything he owns.

6. The Man in Tac-Black
A rare sight at civilian ranges, but easy to spot once he's there. Generally arrives in a 4x4 straight out of Mad Max, or a Crown Victoria with poorly-concealed lights in the grille. May or may not have a moustache reminiscent of a gay porn star, but will have a very short haircut. Weapons are generally black, scary looking, and numerous. Can easily fill a rack with what he brought just to do some informal plinking with. The envy of the Paramilitary Poseur and the sworn nemesis of the IPSC wiener. Insists on lying in the dirt in the prone position instead of using the shooting bench like a reasonable human being. Gets confused when not everybody is shooting the same type of weapon and serial as he is. May even begin what he calls a "run down" without warning, so be wary. Shooting bag will contain a) the Dropzone PSP catalogue, b) a bayonet for at least one of his rifles, c) hundreds of rounds of 5.56mm FMJ he stole from work, and d) a number of 30 round magazines that have been pinned to 30 rounds. Takes pride in hitting targets that others can barely see, but becomes bored easily and will often try to use a shotgun or even a pistol for targets at long range. Quick to recognize others of his own kind and engage in the arcane ritual of "who-do-you-know-and-where-have-you-been". Also has strong opinions on the .338 Lapua vs. .408 Chey-Tac debate, having fired both. Doesn't flinch when firing, or when those around him fire. May, in fact, be stone deaf.

7. The Punk-*** Amateur
A common sight at most ranges, a danger to himself and everyone around him, but blissfully unaware of the fact. Arrives at the range in a small import car, which bottoms out two or three times on the rough access road. Weapons will be made by Norinco, as they cost less than anything else and he really doesn't know any better. Barrel may still be full of the original packing grease, as "weapons maintenance" is a foreign concept to him. Targetry will consist of pieces of the cardboard box the weapon came in with hand-drawn circles on them. Fires off 40 rounds of ammo bought at local Walmart (for full price... amateur!) as quickly as possible. Fond of such effective shooting positions as the "from the hip", the "close my eyes and flinch every time I fire" and the ever-popular "try to hold the rifle one-handed like a pistol". Won’t hit a thing and doesn't care; he's there to bust caps and socialize. Once out of ammo, will roam about the range examining other shooters' weapons and looking hopeful in the off chance they let him try one. Often accompanied by Idiot Girlfriend.


8. The Idiot Girlfriend.
Usually found in the company of the Punk-*** Amateur. Typically between the ages of 18 and 26, the Idiot Girlfriend doesn't like the range, but wants to ensure her boyfriend isn't involved in any activity that doesn't include her. Arrives woefully unprepared for the range, with no water, unsuitable clothing, and often no hearing protection. Will, however, have flawless makeup. After a period not exceeding 20 minutes, will immediately begin complaining about a) how hot it is, b) how cold it is, c) the lack of washrooms, d) the condition of any washrooms there happen to be, or e) the noise. If she isn't the centre of attention when she first arrives, she will make it her business to be. A drama queen at heart, she will resort to pouting, whining, stamping her little feet and locking herself in the car if she believes her boyfriend is more interested in shooting than in her plight of discomfort. Rarely seen actually firing, but will try it if the gun seems cute or non-threatening enough. Likes .22's due to the low recoil and quiet report. Not a fan of the .338 Winchester magnum, for obvious reasons. In the off chance she fires something with even the slightest bit of recoil, she will immediately begin a display of overacted injury normally reserved for World Cup matches.


9. The Homie
Formerly considered a sub-variant of the Punk-*** Amateur, the Homie has been sighted in sufficient numbers to grant him his own category. His arrival will be heralded by the booming bass coming from a stereo more powerful than the car he put it in. Drives a blinged-out import car or a lowered SUV, anything that would look at home in "The Fast and the Furious". Like the Punk-*** Amateur, will bottom out two or three times on the poor road leading to the range. Weapons will generally match his vehicle for sheer tackiness and lack of practicality. If he has the money he will own a Desert Eagle, in .50 calibre, with a gold chrome finish. Will definitely have a Glock 9mm, as it is what all his heroes on MTV carry. Actually thinks shooting with the weapon canted 90 degrees to the left is effective; cannot understand why the ejected brass keeps hitting him in the face. Dress of the Homie is distinctive and usually follows a theme of a ludicrously oversized track suit, lots of chunky 8-karat gold chains, designer sunglasses that cost more than his guns, and a particularly offensive cologne he applies with a cropduster. Likes to speak in ebonics and flash gang signs. Parents are tax attorneys. Would likely wet himself if ever confronted by real gangsters.

10. The Recreationist
A strange breed, the Recreationist likes to travel in packs. Dressed in a costume made up of at least four kinds of animal skin and wearing a hat with a tail hanging from it, the Recreationist loves to pretend he lives in the time of the frontier. This applies to his firearms, personal gear, and hygiene when in character, unfortunately. Prefers to be called by some self-applied moniker like “Mountain Mike” or “Raccoon-eating Dave” instead of his real name. Owns a $6000 handcrafted Italian reproduction blackpowder musket and a custom belt knife that cost more than a used motorcycle. Spent three years and thousands of dollars researching his outfit for authenticity; still looks like a hobo. Has never slept outside a night in his life, and takes 4 different medications for allergies. The Recreationist loves to use period slang, often saying things like “varmint” or “dadgummit”, believing this makes him more authentic. May occasionally become confused and throw in a “Get thee hence” or “Zounds!” for good measure. Has nothing but disdain for newfangled weapons, "newfangled" indicating anything capable of firing more than one aimed shot in a minute. Loves to engage in staged duels with others of his own kind, as he is an actor at heart. Once "shot" will begin a 10-minute death scene worthy of Sir Laurence Olivier… or the Idiot Girlfriend. Arrived at the range in a BMW 740i with onboard GPS navigation and a car fax.

11. The Guest
The Guest, as the title implies, is not actually a member of the range, and does not own any guns. They're just somebody who got invited to come along by one of the other archetypes. Guests will generally just stand quietly and not touch anything until invited to do so, but some are prone to know-it-all-ism, and have the bad habit of thinking they actually have some sort of skills with firearms based on their extensive combined CounterStrike experience and collection of action movies. The quiet guest will gamely try anything he is handed, so the temptation to hand him the hardest kicking rifle you own and then tell him to put his eye "right up on the scope" must be avoided. Initially leery of firearms, the guest will usually quickly overcome their fears, make the obligatory "it doesn't sound like that on TV" comments, and settle into some good supervised fun. The obnoxious guest will immediately make his way to the rifle rack, select the most visually impressive weapon, assure onlookers that he requires no help, and then spend 10 minutes trying to figure out how to chamber a round. Quiet guests may become a regular fixture and eventually become shooters themselves. Obnoxious ones are seldom invited back.


12. The IPSC Weiner
Loves to congregate with others of his own kind and take over entire ranges for days at a time so he can play gunfighter. Will construct entire towns out of plywood and cardboard in order to shoot for one afternoon. Owns a custom racegun worth more than the car he arrived in. Likes to dress in obnoxiously coloured clothes with firearms manufacturers' logos prominently displayed on them in hopes others will think he's sponsored. He isn't. The mortal enemy of the Man in Tac-Black, due to an ancient dispute over the definition of practical shooting. Engages in "realistic" combat shooting scenarios such as being seated on a toilet while wearing a holstered handgun, and suddenly having to dispatch two armed terrorists who broke into his bathroom. Will collect your ejected brass before it has a chance to bounce, whether he shoots that calibre or not. Likes to work into conversation the number of dubious shooting academies he's attended, and name drop any quasi-celebrity IPSC shooters he knows in order to impress others. Doesn't work. Hates being confronted by questions like "just how practical is a pistol that falls out of the holster, fires if you even look at it dirty, and requires 60 hours of maintenance a week?" or "what kind of lunatic would immediately holster his pistol and yell 'clear' at a stopwatch-wielding bystander in a real gunfight?", or the dreaded "wouldn't a shotgun be more effective?".

13. The Hippie.
A rarity at most ranges, the Hippie is usually an acquaintance of a shooter who has been brought to the range after shooting their mouth off about guns one too many times. Could be considered an offshoot of the Guest, but is different in that they have no interest in shooting for shooting's sake; they're looking for further evidence to support their patchouli-soaked and generally worthless opinions. Ironically, will arrive clad in more army surplus than the Paramilitary Poseur. Hippies will claim this is done to make an ironic social commentary, but the truth is that camouflage is less likely to show stains, and they can't afford real clothes. Will comment about the "negative energy" coming off the guns, but rest assured, your firearms are not generating an ionic discharge. They are referring to the "aura" that a non-organic, inanimate object inexplicably possesses. More likely witnessing an acid flashback, or possibly hallucinating out of hunger due to all-tofu diet. Will try firing, only after wondering aloud why anyone needs guns, and inquiring as to how many children you've shot at. Do not let the Hippie fire from anything but a supported position, as they will certainly scream and drop your weapon sights-down onto the concrete. This is an excellent way to convert a precision rifle scope into a hollow black tube. After firing a minimum of rounds, and picking up an "idiot cut" along the way, the Hippie will leave, never to return. They will, however, now feel free to consider themselves an expert on firearms.

14. The Range Harem
This refers not so much to a single individual, as a group of them. Often confused with The Guest or The Idiot Girlfriend, members of a Range Harem are an increasingly common sight at ranges these days. The term is originally thought to refer to persons of the cute and female persuasion who accompanied another category of shooter to the range, yet did nothing beyond looking decorative and exclaiming appreciatively every time their lord and master managed to hit something besides the ground. At some point, however,(the older range-goers blame the neo-feminist movement of the 90’s) some irresponsible individual took it upon themselves to see if members of a Range Harem could be taught to operate a firearm. While an interesting experiment from an anthropological standpoint, it has led to chaos at many ranges. Whereas formerly, an overweight and unattractive male in his 50’s could expect feminine adoration for offering to “teach the little lady which end the bullets come out”, now more often than not he is told to pound salt until he bleeds by an attractive and accomplished markswoman. With masculine virility thus diminished, he is forced to go Corvette shopping to restore his damaged manhood. What is worse, this leaves many a socially responsible, gun-fearing young metrosexual man home alone, wondering about the whereabouts of his woman, who has discovered she doesn’t need him in order to go to the range. A Range Harem can often be found in attendance with a shooter possessing a surfeit of firearms, dressed sensibly instead of provocatively, and expressing definite preferences as to firearm choice and ammo selection, which they use with a distressingly high level of proficiency. Must at all costs be stopped!

What's crazy is that, at one range or another, I've seen everyone of these!

 

[jblomenberg16]

I discovered two more catagories today at the Sugar Ridge Range down in the southwest part of the state. (No offense intended if it was any of you guys!)

Range Rat (similar to the pool rat that always hung around the city pool growing up). Usually arrives at the range fairly early in the day, much like the tea drinker. He may have come with the tea drinker. He may or may not have a gun to shoot. He spends most of his time scouring the range for reloadable brass. He is so devoted to finding every last 9mm case, that he will often forget basic range safety rules and walk in front of the firing line. At times this may actually prevent those who came to shoot from actually shooting, as he is combing through the tall grass between the bench and the targets for any brass that may have gotten out that far.

When he is observing good safety procedures, he will hover at or near an active bench that is shooting a caliber he is interested in, which is everything but .22lr. Often heard to ask each shooter gleefully..."Sir, do you save your brass? Mind if I take it?" By the end of the day, the person can barely hold their cargo pants up, as every pocket is stuffed full.

The Range Rat is actually a very nice guy, and will know a lot about guns if you happen into a conversation with him. He will often be able to help diagnose jams, misfires, and other general malfunctions.

After waking the tea drinker up from yet another nap, he returns home to carefully sort the treasure he has found, and add it to an every growing stockpile of brass that one day he will get around to loading.

That Guy. Many people fall into this catagory, and he may even posses traits of others previously stereotyped, especially the Guest. That Guy usually talks a big game about how much he knows about guns, and almost always will compliment you for what a fine rifle you brought. Usually he will have owned one like it years ago, but regretfully sold it to buy something else. He will refer to detachable magazines as "clips," live rounds as "bullets," and will usually have questionable firearms handling skills. This may include difficulty getting a good cheek weld for proper eye relief on his scope, very poor trigger discipline, and is notorious for having to constantly adjust his scope after each shot. He will likely never hit the paper, so out of frustration will sit back and watch other shooters to see if he can gain any tips.

Often found at the range with his old trusty 10-22, 30-30, or a sporterized 30-06, that was likely once a very nice Springfield 1903. Said individual will often seem to constantly have trouble hitting the paper, which is usually a combination of having a very poor rest (if any), a very jerky trigger pull, and a Tasco 3-9x scope that will no longer adjust due to being adjusted after every shot for the last 1,000 rounds through the rifle.

That Guy is also usually a nice enough guy, who often grew up around the shooting sports, but has been out of it for quite a while. Will immediately begin drooling when someone at the range has a "machine gun," such as an AR-15 or AK-47, and then start talking to the guy next to him about facts that he read on the internet about each gun. Some facts may actually be true, but most are just regurgitations of false information spread on CNN.com about cop killer bullets, fully automatic fire, and shoot from the hip capability.

If you confront That Guy, please be sure to chose the time and the place to correct him, as he will most certainly not like being put on the spot. Explaining that it is perfectly legal to own an AR-15 or AK-47 as a civilian, and that both are in fact semi-auto rifles, just like his Ruger 10-22 will usually be met with exclaimations of "that can't be, there's no way."

With a little work and proper coaching, That Guy (much like the Guest) can turn into a fun shooting buddy, always eager to go to the range with you, help collect your brass before the Range Rat does, and will even offer to drive from time to time.

 

[mikea46996]

Range Rat (similar to the pool rat that always hung around the city pool growing up). Usually arrives at the range fairly early in the day, much like the tea drinker. He may have come with the tea drinker.

He is observing good safety procedures, he will hover at or near an active bench that is shooting a caliber he is interested in, which is everything but .22lr. Often heard to ask each shooter gleefully..."Sir, do you save your brass? Mind if I take it?" By the end of the day, the person can barely carry their 5 gal bucket, as it is stuffed full.

The Range Rat is actually a very nice guy, and will know a lot about guns if you happen into a conversation with him. He will often be able to help diagnose jams, misfires, and other general malfunctions.

After waking the tea drinker up from yet another nap, he returns home to carefully sort the treasure he has found, and add it to an every growing stockpile of brass that one day he will get around to loading.

OK I would say I have some range rat in me or as the guys I shoot with say "Brass Whore". I always bring guns to shoot but to save ammo and get free brass I have been known to take a break now and then and do a little brass whoring...

 

[Jack Ryan]

6. The Man in Tac-Black
A rare sight at civilian ranges, but easy to spot once he's there. Generally arrives in a 4x4 straight out of Mad Max, or a Crown Victoria with poorly-concealed lights in the grille. May or may not have a moustache reminiscent of a gay porn star, but will have a very short haircut. Weapons are generally black, scary looking, and numerous. Can easily fill a rack with what he brought just to do some informal plinking with. The envy of the Paramilitary Poseur and the sworn nemesis of the IPSC wiener.

Are you talk'n to me? ARE YOU TALK'N TO ME?

Disclaimer: This is to be taken in a joking manner in case any one missed it as I myself am now prepared to laugh with out regard to those around me.

 

[redneck919]

this is easily in the top 5 best/funniest things ive seen on here.great stuff.

 

[SigSense]

All of these portraits are so familiar, at any range in the US. Some of them have caused me over the years to NOT return to certain ranges. On a recent trip with my Sig 556 I had a guy "That Guy" try to tell me that "You know that gun is illegal to import, where did you get it?"

I advised him that I bought it at a LEGAL gun shop from a legal FFL holder. He could tell I was not going to engage in conversation and moved on.

 

[Mike G]

Whew! Glad I shoot at a private range. I hate being categorized.

 

[Dryden]

Whew! Glad I shoot at a private range. I hate being categorized.

Naaaa... we'd never do that. But, we're pretty sure everyone else does!!!

 

[danmdevries]

What about the guy nobody notices?

The quiet shooter. Comes to the range with a small range bag, a 10 pack of targets, two handguns and a .22lr rifle, two boxes of ammo for each and a friend with the same. They set up at the bench, wait for a cold range and set up the targets. They ignore other shooters, dismiss the range nazi effectively and quickly, follow the safety rules as second nature and are interested in nothing more than blowing a few holes in the target. They shoot one magazine, switch shooters, shoot another mag and repeat until the two boxes of ammo for each gun are exhausted. They then sweep up their brass, throw away the targets and go home to clean their guns.

 

[SigSense]

What about the guy nobody notices?

In my line of work it's called being a Quiet Professional.

 

[Jeffrey]

nice

Very good, and true. Had to take a fair amount of time. It just helped remind me why I like shooting on private property so much more than a public range. Makes me just a slight bit nervous now knowing who is going to be shooting next to you at those ranges.

 

[miguel]

What about the guy nobody notices?

The quiet shooter. Comes to the range with a small range bag, a 10 pack of targets, two handguns and a .22lr rifle, two boxes of ammo for each and a friend with the same. They set up at the bench, wait for a cold range and set up the targets. They ignore other shooters, dismiss the range nazi effectively and quickly, follow the safety rules as second nature and are interested in nothing more than blowing a few holes in the target. They shoot one magazine, switch shooters, shoot another mag and repeat until the two boxes of ammo for each gun are exhausted. They then sweep up their brass, throw away the targets and go home to clean their guns.

This is me for the most part...just blend in a little bit of the dude worried about having to dispatch two terrorists while on the toilet.

 

[hookedonjeep]

AWESOME! Thanks for a good laugh!

 

[Pami]

Thread revival FTW.

 

[jbombelli]

You forgot the insane whacko.

You know, the guy who runs his target down range, gets out his pistol (or rifle, doesn't matter), gets the angriest look on his face that he can, and starts yelling at his target: "YEAH, GET SOME, DIE M'FER! DIE! DIE! F*** YOU! I HATE YOU! YOU PIECE OF SH*T.! F*** YOU! DIE! I'LL KILL YOU! YOU WANT SOME MORE??? YEAH, HERE YOU GO! YOU LIKE THAT BI*CH???" and on and on as does mag dumps at it as fast as he can while still hitting the target.








I actually did that once.

 

[SavageEagle]

Thread revival FTW.

Boo on you for the death of fun and lack of thread merging initiative!

 

[tv1217]

Not sure where this fits in(probably the tea drinker) but there's always a set of two old farts who don't seem to fire a shot but go down range whenever the range goes cold to check their target(s)