Scutter01's Inquisition - #10 Animal Thunderdome

[rhino]

Old Kirk or young Kirk? Old Kirk is doughy and he would be pretty evenly matched with Picard. Young Kirk would clean his clock.

Against Young Kirk it wouldn't even be interesting. You might as well toss Picard into a giant blender and see how he fares. Young Kirk would settle it with a single judo chop or maybe one of those hands-clasped double haymakers. He wouldn't have to pull his signature move, The Thing Where He Jumps In the Air and Kicks With Both Feet (TTWHJITAAKWBF). The only creature who can resist that is a Gorn.

Old, flabby Kirk would still prevail because, well, he's Kirk. But it might be interesting if Picard tries to confuse him by talking with that sissy accent.

 

[dburkhead]

Square-cube law - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

I'm just saying.

 

[rhino]

Oh I'd go with the rhino sized lobster. Rhinos don't see very well. He'd think he was charging something easy to trample like a penguin, Jeep, or a small child, when WAM! GIANT CLAW OF DEATH!!! TO THE FACE!!!1!1!eleventy!!shiftone

Why the heck do you think I wear bifocals???!!!

 

[rhino]

I think the key here would be a big vat of melted butter.

See, I think you understand.

The battle would devolve to pink/purple rhino and the giant lobster deciding what's for dinner.

Regardless of physical attributes (or lack thereof), I'm sayin' I'm going to be more motivated under those circumstances. Somebody puts some melted butter on the scene and it's O-V-E-R, no matter what it takes.

No matter what it takes.

Goodnight, Larry, you are DELICIOUS!

 

[Benny]

One .45 clug is no big deal. Many at the same time? Think about what a full auto .22LR can do to a cinder block ... powdah!

And furthermore, a rhino-size lobster wouldn't be able to move on land. There is a limit to the size an exoskeleton can support, which is why large terrestrial beasts are vertebrates! If he doesn't get me with that first pinch, I'm cleanin' his clock. And I'm bringin' a pickaxe too.

And a biga** Weber Grill, because after I teach him a lesson for trying to pinch me, we're havin' a barbecue with lobster on the menu.

I'll supply the 5 lb bucket of butter we'll be needing.

 

[Panama]

A rhino size lobster would be just plain BAD ASS!
But my question is would it be called a "Rhinobster" or a "Lobinoceros"
Either way, my money is on the Giant Crustacean and hell if it loses, what freakin' a cookout!

 

[rhino]

I'll supply the 5 lb bucket of butter we'll be needing.

You picked the right team, sir.

 

[jeremy]

I'll supply the 5 lb bucket of butter we'll be needing.

I am thinking for a Rhino sized Lobster you'd need more like 50 pounds of butter.

 

[rhino]

By the way ... none of you disloyal bastards who are betting on the lobster are invited to the barbecue.

So there!

 

[Scutter01]

Old, flabby Kirk would still prevail because, well, he's Kirk. But it might be interesting if Picard tries to confuse him by talking with that sissy accent.

I dunno. Picard's pretty crafty. I can see him MacGuyver'ing something up to take out Old Kirk from a distance. I agree that in a straight Thunderdome deathmatch, two men will enter but only Kirk will leave. Kirk Rule Bartertown. But if you're talking a wide open space with places for him to hole up and plan, Kirk's gonna have a problem.

 

[rhino]

I dunno. Picard's pretty crafty. I can see him MacGuyver'ing something up to take out Old Kirk from a distance. I agree that in a straight Thunderdome deathmatch, two men will enter but only Kirk will leave. Kirk Rule Bartertown. But if you're talking a wide open space with places for him to hole up and plan, Kirk's gonna have a problem.

I had not considered that potential scenario.

However, if the terrain happens to include: charcoal, potassium nitrate, sulfur, a big, hollow wooden tube, some rope, a piece of flint, and a big pile of diamonds, we've seen what The Kirk can do. Methinks that even old and flabby he could pull it off.

 

[JByer323]

By the way ... none of you disloyal bastards who are betting on the lobster are invited to the barbecue.

So there!

I'll bring the beer...

 

[Scutter01]

I had not considered that potential scenario.

However, if the terrain happens to include: charcoal, potassium nitrate, sulfur, a big, hollow wooden tube, some rope, a piece of flint, and a big pile of diamonds, we've seen what The Kirk can do. Methinks that even old and flabby he could pull it off.

AXIOM TESTING STATION!
--------CAUTION!--------
UNRESOLVED POSTULATES
AHEAD!
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I submit to you the following for your consideration:

In Trek VII (Generations), Kirk fought Soran (a man roughly the same age and build as Picard) on rough, uneven terrain. This mortal combat resulted in the death of Kirk. Ultimately, Soran had his ass mightily handed to him through a combination of guile and strength by Picard.

I will grant to you that Soran was played by Malcolm MacDowell, who also played Alex in A Clockwork Orange (a character who was no slouch when it came to a bit of the old ultraviolence), while Picard was played by Patrick Stewart (a Classically-trained stage actor who once appeared on Family Guy wearing ladies' pink panties). This suggests that the Soran/Kirk fight was not necessarily a similar match as a Picard/Kirk fight. However, it should be noted again that Soran did indeed lose to Picard in the end.

I suggest that Old Kirk was well-past his prime and therefore unable to regain his former ass-kicking glory.

 

[dburkhead]

AXIOM TESTING STATION!
--------CAUTION!--------
UNRESOLVED POSTULATES
AHEAD!
​

I submit to you the following for your consideration:

In Trek VII (Generations), Kirk fought Soran (a man roughly the same age and build as Picard) on rough, uneven terrain. This mortal combat resulted in the death of Kirk. Ultimately, Soran had his ass mightily handed to him through a combination of guile and strength by Picard.

I will grant to you that Soran was played by Malcolm MacDowell, who also played Alex in A Clockwork Orange (a character who was no slouch when it came to a bit of the old ultraviolence), while Picard was played by Patrick Stewart (a Classically-trained stage actor who once appeared on Family Guy wearing ladies' pink panties). This suggests that the Soran/Kirk fight was not necessarily a similar match as a Picard/Kirk fight. However, it should be noted again that Soran did indeed lose to Picard in the end.

I suggest that Old Kirk was well-passed his prime and therefore unable to regain his former ass-kicking glory.

Nah. Kirk saw what the Federation had become by the time of Picard and took a dive. Soran didn't kill him. It was suicide.

 

[Scutter01]

Nah. Kirk saw what the Federation had become by the time of Picard and took a dive. Soran didn't kill him. It was suicide.

YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH! IT WAS NOT SUICIDE!

 

[ATM]

Meh, rhinoburgers and lobster after the winner is shot and cooked along with the loser.

Old Kirk and Picard battle for dining entertainment.

 

[jeremy]

Meh, rhinoburgers and lobster after the winner is shot and cooked along with the loser.

Old Kirk and Picard battle for dining entertainment.

Oh yeah!
That's entertainment right there!

 

[pudly]

I can't believe you all are missing the obvious answer...

Of course the rhino would win. I mean, are there any rhino-sized lobsters out there? Of course not, the rhinos have killed them all!!

 

[Scutter01]

I can't believe you all are missing the obvious answer...

Of course the rhino would win. I mean, are there any rhino-sized lobsters out there? Of course not, the rhinos have killed them all!!

 

[pudly]

The one I'd like to see is Scutter vs. Clyde the Orangutan. Not sure who would win, but Clyde has a mean right turn!

And after a good rumble, they could go out for a beer...