ND groin shot of the day, brought to you by Glock and public urination

[IndyDave1776]

Back in the dark ages when I worked for the Department of Correction, I had an inmate on my unit who was just solidly into real prison age who wasn't bad as inmates go, and basically had a knack for doing stupid things and getting caught doing so. One of his shining moments was illegally carrying a small cheap .22 pistol (I don't know whether it was a Jennings or a Davis, or what, but something in that ZIP code) down the front of his pants with the result of Mr. Johnson taking one for Team Stupid.

 

[Bigtanker]

Back in the dark ages when I worked for the Department of Correction, I had an inmate on my unit who was just solidly into real prison age who wasn't bad as inmates go, and basically had a knack for doing stupid things and getting caught doing so. One of his shining moments was illegally carrying a small cheap .22 pistol (I don't know whether it was a Jennings or a Davis, or what, but something in that ZIP code) down the front of his pants with the result of Mr. Johnson taking one for Team Stupid.

Why did you let him get that close when you weren't wearing pants?

 

[Gluemanz28]

Light weights...

I once took care of a patient that cut his junk off with a pair of scissors.

I remember reading about this. I think the Russian guys name was Dunwentan Cutachunkoff

 

[BehindBlueI's]

I remember reading about this. I think the Russian guys name was Dunwentan Cutachunkoff

 

[Bigtanker]

I remember reading about this. I think the Russian guys name was Dunwentan Cutachunkoff

 

[Gluemanz28]

I say.... I say...... Tough crowd in here tonight.

 

[BehindBlueI's]

I say.... I say...... Tough crowd in here tonight.

 

[Bigtanker]

Just wait until he is in your class Sunday. I doubt it will get any better.

 

[Gluemanz28]

It's not my fault you don't like a good joke.

 

[Gluemanz28]

Just wait until he is in your class Sunday. I doubt it will get any better.

Thanks a lot BT. Now we will have a new scenario. Hillbilly Russian Porch Snip Snip.

 

[Bigtanker]

Thanks a lot BT. Now we will have a new scenario. Hillbilly Russian Porch Snip Snip.

 

[BehindBlueI's]

It's not my fault you don't like a good joke.

Earl lost his job at the hog farm and was desperate for work. He saw a want ad for the local zoo, and figuring since he had experience with animals he'd give it a try. He showed up and the zookeeper told him that the job was taking care of the lions and that they had two applicants, Earl and a lady who was about to arrive. The lady showed up for the interview and was just stunningly gorgeous. She was so gorgeous even the animals couldn't help but stare. She walked up to the lion cage, hung up her coat, and walked right on in like it was her living room. The first lion came up, laid down, and began licking her feet. The second lion came up, nuzzled her neck, and began licking her face. The zookeeper turns to Earl and says "Earl, you think you can do any better than that?" Earl says, "I don't know, but if you get them lions out of there I'll sure try!"

Earl remained unemployed. So, he sees another ad in the paper for someone to work with monkeys down in Houston. Earl packs up and heads on down, and before you know he's taking care of chimps that are being trained to operate the rocket that will take them into prolonged space flight. Everything's going great and the big launch day comes. Earl hears the radio crackle to life.

"Houston to Monkey #1, engage lift off sequence." Monkey #1 presses buttons, pulls levers, and the rocket fires and begins to lift into the sky. Then the radio crackles again.
"Houston to Monkey #2, begin module separation sequence." Monkey #2 presses some buttons, pulls some levers, and the rocket body falls away and the module is catapulting through space. Then the radio crackles again.
"Houston to Earl."
"Yeah, yeah, I know. Feed the monkeys, don't touch any of the buttons."

 

[Bigtanker]

Earl lost his job at the hog farm and was desperate for work. He saw a want ad for the local zoo, and figuring since he had experience with animals he'd give it a try. He showed up and the zookeeper told him that the job was taking care of the lions and that they had two applicants, Earl and a lady who was about to arrive. The lady showed up for the interview and was just stunningly gorgeous. She was so gorgeous even the animals couldn't help but stare. She walked up to the lion cage, hung up her coat, and walked right on in like it was her living room. The first lion came up, laid down, and began licking her feet. The second lion came up, nuzzled her neck, and began licking her face. The zookeeper turns to Earl and says "Earl, you think you can do any better than that?" Earl says, "I don't know, but if you get them lions out of there I'll sure try!"

Earl remained unemployed. So, he sees another ad in the paper for someone to work with monkeys down in Houston. Earl packs up and heads on down, and before you know he's taking care of chimps that are being trained to operate the rocket that will take them into prolonged space flight. Everything's going great and the big launch day comes. Earl hears the radio crackle to life.

"Houston to Monkey #1, engage lift off sequence." Monkey #1 presses buttons, pulls levers, and the rocket fires and begins to lift into the sky. Then the radio crackles again.
"Houston to Monkey #2, begin module separation sequence." Monkey #2 presses some buttons, pulls some levers, and the rocket body falls away and the module is catapulting through space. Then the radio crackles again.
"Houston to Earl."
"Yeah, yeah, I know. Feed the monkeys, don't touch any of the buttons."

Glueman's joke was better.

 

[BehindBlueI's]

Glueman's joke was better.

Now I'm sad. Thanks for that.

 

[Gluemanz28]

 

[Bigtanker]

A guy in a taxi wanted to speak to the driver so he leaned forward and tapped him on the shoulder. The driver screamed, jumped up in the air and yanked the wheel over. The car mounted the curb, demolished a lamppost and came to a stop inches from a shop window.

The startled passenger said “I didn’t mean to frighten you, I just wanted to ask you something.”
The taxi driver says “It’s not your fault sir. It’s my first day as a cab driver…

I’ve been driving a hearse for the past 25 years.”

 

[cbhausen]

Two drunks stumbled out of a bar after last call and found a dog curled up under a lamppost licking its private parts. The first drunk slurred "man, I wish I could do that". The second drunk replied "you might want to go pat him on the head first and make sure he's friendly".

 

[IndyDave1776]

Why did you let him get that close when you weren't wearing pants?

Subdivision of the building, not personal property!

 

[BehindBlueI's]

Subdivision of the building, not personal property!

So there's a specific area of the building just for no pants? Weird.

 

[Gluemanz28]

So there's a specific area of the building just for no pants? Weird.

I'm betting there is no air conditioning and lots of Gnats in that area.