Military BS Stories or the last liar wins.

[cce1302]

What do you mean "getting a higher leave group a year earlier?" It's a benefit I'm unfamiliar with.

 

[KellyinAvon]

What do you mean "getting a higher leave group a year earlier?" It's a benefit I'm unfamiliar with.

Retirees going into civil service Don’t get credit for all their military time when it comes to annual leave. The service computation date is adjusted for the number of days in an area where a campaign medal was awarded. By government standards it’s not that much paperwork.

 

[cce1302]

Ah, a civil service thing. Thanks!!

 

[Alamo]

Someone asked the question "what would you do if you found a scorpion in your tent?" to members of different branches of the military, and these are the responses he got.

Army said, "I'd step on it."

The Marine said, "I would crush it with the heel of my boot."

The Ranger said, "I'd smash its head, cut off its tail and eat it."

Then Air Force said, "I would call room service, tell them to take it away, then ask why there is a tent in my hotel room."

OK OK, I really did live in a tent, but even so this is obviously bull****. Scorpions are ectotherms, meaning their body temperature is regulated by the ambient temperature around them. I had the air conditioner for my tent set way to low for a scorpion to ever want to come inside.

 

[2A_Tom]

Air Farce, Sheesh!


LOL

 

[Alamo]

Not at all. It's just the Air Force is the coolest service. Literally.

 

[JeepHammer]

Yeah, it's always super secret-secret squirrel stuff. Nobody ever makes up stuff about driving a forklift in the rain, or loading a truck in a snowstorm, or what you got at a DRMO sale, or going to meetings.

You don't have to make that stuff up...
We 'Borrowed' a forklift, ran down to the National Guard motor pool, lifted the gate off the hinges, rolled the door up with the fork lift, and stole their air compressor when ours quit...

How come they get a brand new compressor, and we were struggling along with something Fred Flintstone threw out?
It was going to me MONTHS before they missed it, if the No-Go's missed it at all.

We didn't exactly need an invisibility cloak or CIA training for that one.

 

[stormryder]

..

 

[actaeon277]

 

[JeepHammer]

Those don't sound "heroic".
Though, that seems to be most of my military experience.
When the recruiter points out those nice clean, freshly painted ships.
He didn't tell you how they got that way.

The 'Top Gun' Navy... Circa 1987.
You see the movie 'Top Gun',
YOU want to fly jets a billion miles an hour and kiss Kelly McGillis, so you join the Navy....

Suddenly, your head is shaved, you are living with MEN, hanging off the side of some tub scraping barnacles, and that 'Chief' guy keeps hollering at you!

Chief don't look like Kelly McGillis, he looks like Maude!

That joke still cracks me up, but old and twisted...
I'm SO glad I joined the Marines!

 

[repeter1977]

The 'Top Gun' Navy... Circa 1987.
You see the movie 'Top Gun',
YOU want to fly jets a billion miles an hour and kiss Kelly McGillis, so you join the Navy....

Suddenly, your head is shaved, you are living with MEN, hanging off the side of some tub scraping barnacles, and that 'Chief' guy keeps hollering at you!

Chief don't look like Kelly McGillis, he looks like Maude!

That joke still cracks me up, but old and twisted...

Between that and Navy SEALS with Charlie Sheen, the Navy was set for the 80s and 90s

 

[actaeon277]

Between that and Navy SEALS with Charlie Sheen, the Navy was set for the 80s and 90s

Ugh.
Sheen as a SEAL.
That was out while I was on the sub.
The SEALS ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS wanted to watch it.
Since ships personnel had to stand watches, or sleep, and the SEALS were passengers, they won the votes on what to watch.
I wanted to sink, just to NOT see it again.

 

[JeepHammer]

I was on the C130 to Qatar. Loud, not much going on. We arrive, apparently later than expected. Pilot comes out, "who was flown in a C130?" we of course all raise our hands. Who has flown in a C130 with 3 engines? Most the hands go down. Who was ever flown in a C130 with only 2 engines? Like one or two hands still up. Pilot goes, well, you can all raise your hands now because two engines stopped working over Iraq. Gotta love those planes. We didn't even notice. So, now I can say that I have flown in a C130 with only 2 engines working.

We were coming from Panama back to Camp Lejeune with all our gear in a C130 when the pilot tells us we got 'Bad Fuel' and points out where the life rafts were...

Then he comes back with wide eyes and asked if any of us knew if a C130 could land on an aircraft carrier...
(Like a squad of self propelled sandbags would know how to land anything anywhere)

Needless to say, the discussion of finding our helmets & parachutes came up while trying not to crap our pants!

So we land just fine, but WAY early, and the air crew is laughing their butts off at us digging though the gear...

We landed at Key West NAS because of some minor issue, but they decided to scare the crap out of the Marines, and they succeeded!

If you have a choice, There are LOTS worse places than Key West to spend a week... Like Guantanamo Bay...

 

[ces6508]

KDSM ended up being put in a Defense Authorization bill to get it authorized. DoD pushed back on it for years. It's a Campaign Medal since hostilities have never officially ended. I guess big DoD didn't want all the retirees who did a tour in the ROK getting a higher leave group a year earlier. 361 days for me.

13 months on the river. No KDSM.

 

[target64]

After doing my sea duty tour I finally had a cushy job on shore duty. Then one autumn day at NAVWEPSTA Concord, we had some unhappy civilians try to slow a cargo train down. That brain fart cost the guy a couple of legs. The place was never the same after that.

 

[KellyinAvon]

13 months on the river. No KDSM.

I guess you don't mean White River or Clifty Creek I think it came out in FY 04. I was at K-2 92-93 so mine was retroactive. It was retroactive back to 27 Jul 54. It seems like it was 30 days consecutive/60 days non-consecutive IIRC.

Seeing Cave Town reminds me I need to give Greg and Donna a call.

 

[Alamo]

Then he comes back and asked if any of us knew if a C130 could land on an aircraft carrier...
...

The answer is yes.

The Navy did it back in the 60’s.

There’s vid on YouTube.

 

[actaeon277]

After doing my sea duty tour I finally had a cushy job on shore duty. Then one autumn day at NAVWEPSTA Concord, we had some unhappy civilians try to slow a cargo train down. That brain fart cost the guy a couple of legs. The place was never the same after that.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brian_Willson
?

 

[actaeon277]

 

[KellyinAvon]

The answer is yes.

The Navy did it back in the 60’s.

There’s vid on YouTube.

That's in the category of: You can do it, but why would you want to." The downside seems awfully high. The AAF launched B-25s off a carrier, but that it was 1942 (AKA The Doolittle Raid.)