Military BS Stories or the last liar wins.

[Alamo]

We had a whole detachment aboard the USS Enterprise. Some of the boys were just off, others were way off.

Is there something about Special Weapons that affects the guards?

Back in the 80s the German Air Force had some Pershing Ground Launched Cruise Missile units, One of which was close to NATO Airbase Geilenkirchen. The Germans were not allowed to possess nuclear weapons in peacetime, so there was always a US Army unit nearby that controlled the warheads and would issue them to the Germans in the event of war.

So NATO Airbase Geilenkirchen had a US field artillery detachment Within its borders, and there was a section north of the airfield that containedsome bunkers where no one but the army was allowed to go. Hmmm.

The army boys were of course allowed to use the MWR services of the base, and one of the nicer MWR services was a German on staff who arranged wine tasting tours at various German vineyards.

So one night we’re sitting in a Keller across the table from half a dozen of these 18-19 year-old field artillery guys, Passing around bottles of wine to sample. The Vineyard host would pour some into your glass, you would try it out, and if you didn’t like it or you didn’t want to get too hammered by the end of the evening, spit it back in your glasses and dump the glass into a carafe in the middle of the table.

The army boys are having a good time and not dumping any back in the carafe of course, but they remained polite and respectful. By the end of the evening the carafe was nearly full, consisting entirely of “Air Force contributions“. Basically about nine different kinds of red and white wine, sweet and dry ...and leavened with spit.

At the conclusion as we started putting our coats on to leave, one of the army guys grabs the carafe… and asked the host for a container to take it home.

The host look mildly shocked but he dutifully got a plastic jug, dumped the carafe into it, and sent them on their way.

God bless the Army! Waste not want not.

 

[HoughMade]

This is a gem. Kid should have joined the Marines.

[video=youtube;9Ttx5z6IS9U]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Ttx5z6IS9U[/video]

 

[actaeon277]

He has some other good ones.
One is an ex-air force guy whining about stuff, and the "angry" guy is responding to the video.

 

[HoughMade]

He has some other good ones.
One is an ex-air force guy whining about stuff, and the "angry" guy is responding to the video.

He sure does.

[video=youtube;kv946KHbQ78]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kv946KHbQ78[/video]

 

[cce1302]

200 years ago it covered canons. mounted on ships. owned by private citizens.



(Sorry, back to regularly scheduled military BS posts)

 

[Alamo]

I was once awarded a ribbon for chicken pox. Well, because of chicken pox.

During the Iran-Iraq War in the 80s the US stationed several AWACS planes and tankers, plus tactical air control folks, in Saudi Arabia to keep an eye on the Iranians and Iraqis for the Saudis. This was set up as a purely TDY operation -- the Saudis didn't want "permanent" stationing of US forces in the Kingdom, so we had a temporary set up for ...10 years or so. The operation was called Elf-One (no idea why) at the Royal Saudi Air Force base in Riyadh, with Detachment 1, Elf-One at Dhahran and some other folks at al Jubayl. To the best of my knowledge the non-AWACS people were on 60 or 120 day TDY tours, but those of us from the 552 Airborne Warning and Control Wing were on 3-week (aircrew) or 4-week (ground support) tours. The downside to the shorter tours was that we came back a lot more often, especially the aircrews.

Anyway, during one of my trips there I was closing in on the end of my four-week stint as OIC of our little computer support element when I got a message that I was being extended a week. During a later phone call I found out that a couple days before he was to leave my replacement's kid came home from school and announced that one of the other kids at school had chicken pox. My replacement had never had chicken pox as a child, and chicken pox in an adult was a much bigger deal that it is for kids. Anyway, he was held back a week to see if he developed it. He didn't, so a week later I rotated back to the Big BX.

Some months down the road the personnel people informed me that I was now eligible to wear the Air Force Outstanding Unit Award ribbon for my service with the Elf-One operation. Elf-One had been awarded the AFOUA for a specific time period (year or six months, cant remember which) and people who had served with Elf-One more than 60 days in-country during that period could wear the ribbon.

I had two month-long rotations to Elf-One during that period, but normally that would be only about 54 days in-country, since the tour was 28 days including travel in/out of the country and it took about 24 hours to get there. However, since I had been extended a week because of the chicken pox watch, I just made it over the threshold with 61 days in-country.

So I got a ribbon for chicken pox.

 

[repeter1977]

I was once awarded a ribbon for chicken pox. Well, because of chicken pox.

During the Iran-Iraq War in the 80s the US stationed several AWACS planes and tankers, plus tactical air control folks, in Saudi Arabia to keep an eye on the Iranians and Iraqis for the Saudis. This was set up as a purely TDY operation -- the Saudis didn't want "permanent" stationing of US forces in the Kingdom, so we had a temporary set up for ...10 years or so. The operation was called Elf-One (no idea why) at the Royal Saudi Air Force base in Riyadh, with Detachment 1, Elf-One at Dhahran and some other folks at al Jubayl. To the best of my knowledge the non-AWACS people were on 60 or 120 day TDY tours, but those of us from the 552 Airborne Warning and Control Wing were on 3-week (aircrew) or 4-week (ground support) tours. The downside to the shorter tours was that we came back a lot more often, especially the aircrews.

Anyway, during one of my trips there I was closing in on the end of my four-week stint as OIC of our little computer support element when I got a message that I was being extended a week. During a later phone call I found out that a couple days before he was to leave my replacement's kid came home from school and announced that one of the other kids at school had chicken pox. My replacement had never had chicken pox as a child, and chicken pox in an adult was a much bigger deal that it is for kids. Anyway, he was held back a week to see if he developed it. He didn't, so a week later I rotated back to the Big BX.

Some months down the road the personnel people informed me that I was now eligible to wear the Air Force Outstanding Unit Award ribbon for my service with the Elf-One operation. Elf-One had been awarded the AFOUA for a specific time period (year or six months, cant remember which) and people who had served with Elf-One more than 60 days in-country during that period could wear the ribbon.

I had two month-long rotations to Elf-One during that period, but normally that would be only about 54 days in-country, since the tour was 28 days including travel in/out of the country and it took about 24 hours to get there. However, since I had been extended a week because of the chicken pox watch, I just made it over the threshold with 61 days in-country.

So I got a ribbon for chicken pox.

Sadly, I guarantee that's not the worst I've seen awards for. Some of the headquarters Bronze Star awards wish they were for that good a reason

 

[actaeon277]

Dang air force guys. Getting ribbons for chicken pox. Deployments for 3-4 weeks.

The navy just tells you "Bravo Zulu", or "Job Well Done".

I got this https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sea_Service_Ribbon for being deployed over 90 days at sea. And I didn't get a second one because I was discharged. So I guess I don't get a star (multiple awards have stars on the ribbon).
And https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Meritorious_Unit_Commendation for who knows what. The award, my service jacket, and Wikipedia all show different stuff. And kinda general stuff.
From Wikipedia
During the 1989 deployment,*John Marshall's response to contingency operations, providing forward area support of a unique nature on extremely short notice, as well as her success in*antisubmarine warfare*operations, was recognized in the award to*John Marshall*of the Meritorious Unit Commendation.*John Marshall*returned to Norfolk in September 1989
Which I remember. But I don't remember it being anymore special than other things we did.
I guess they decided we did enough stuff they should throw us a bone. And just threw a dart at a list of things.
Then made it general, cause they don't want to say we were doing what we were doing.


Which brings me to one of my problems with Hollywood.
They read someone's service jacket (records) and it lists everything they did in detail. And it lists everything they did.
Horse****!!!
My service jacket shows I was assigned to the Big John in Norfolk. The only mention of being overseas is the above mentioned Sea Service Ribbon, and the MUC.

Once again.
Hollywood fails, because they have to tell the audience about the airman/sailor/marine/soldier that is the main character.

 

[actaeon277]

Sadly, I guarantee that's not the worst I've seen awards for. Some of the headquarters Bronze Star awards wish they were for that good a reason

Well, BZs were given out for "valor", or for "meritorious service".
So you don't have to be in for bravery.
If you come up with a tactic, weapon, or you do something that saves hundreds of other soldiers lives, a BZ is warranted even though you didn't charge a machine gun nest. But yeah. They can, and have, dispensed them like candy.


My Nat'l Defense ribbon don't mean much to me.
Same as the Good Conduct. Which I almost didn't earn cause I had a "Big Mouth" problem coupled with a "Bad Attitude" syndrome, in conjunction with "Does NOT Respect Authority". But I squeaked by, and was transferred just in time once, so I got it.
But the Sea Service and the MUC, while I recognize they are just "pieces of tin", mean something more.
I can look at them and realize.. I DID something. I WAS someone.
It doesn't matter if no one knows, or cares.
I do.

 

[actaeon277]

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bravo_Zulu

The combination of the Bravo and Zulu nautical*signal flags, e.g.,*Bravo Zulu, also referred to as "BZ," is a*naval*signal, typically conveyed by flaghoist or voice radio, meaning "Well Done" with regard to actions, operations or performance. In addition to U.S. naval forces, it has also been used as part of vernacular slang within*NATO*and other Allied naval forces. It can be combined with the "negative" signal, spoken or written as NEGAT, to say "NEGAT Bravo Zulu" to convey "not well done" for a given action.

 

[repeter1977]

Well, BZs were given out for "valor", or for "meritorious service".
So you don't have to be in for bravery.
If you come up with a tactic, weapon, or you do something that saves hundreds of other soldiers lives, a BZ is warranted even though you didn't charge a machine gun nest. But yeah. They can, and have, dispensed them like candy.


My Nat'l Defense ribbon don't mean much to me.
Same as the Good Conduct. Which I almost didn't earn cause I had a "Big Mouth" problem coupled with a "Bad Attitude" syndrome, in conjunction with "Does NOT Respect Authority". But I squeaked by, and was transferred just in time once, so I got it.
But the Sea Service and the MUC, while I recognize they are just "pieces of tin", mean something more.
I can look at them and realize.. I DID something. I WAS someone.
It doesn't matter if no one knows, or cares.
I do.

Oh, I understand on the bronze star, I came up with the TTP for the gunners for the Brigade. It is listed as a bullet on my ARCOM. Meanwhile, bronze stars were awarded to TacOps for remaining calm when I got hit. Listed as one of their bullets. Those on patrol with me, mostly ARCOMs. Oh well, don't mean nothing, not a thing.
Oh, a recruiting first sergeant asked what I was awarded overseas. I explained that ARCOM and my Purple Heart, he goes, "oh, is that it?" Dude had been recruiting since he was a corporal and never went anywhere before that. Needless to say, I hung up on him. He was about two steps down from oxygen thief.

 

[actaeon277]

Oxygen thief is a pretty serious allegation to a bubblehead.

 

[Nazgul]

It was waste of C-Rats when I was in.

Don

 

[Alamo]

Dang air force guys. Getting ribbons for chicken pox. Deployments for 3-4 weeks.

.

The short deployments were nice, but for the aircrew especially they happened over and over and over. AWACS was still pretty new, and EVERYBODY wanted a E-3A in their AO, including the Navy carrier groups. So the aircrews in particular would go to Saudi for four weeks, then to Keflavik, then to Kadena, then to Korea, then maybe Europe, then assorted CONUS exercises like Red Flag, then back to Saudi, lather rinse repeat.

And to be fair to the Elf-One operation, it probably did earn its Outstanding Unit Award, being, as the Air Force likes to do, an operation made up of moving parts that have not worked together before. Expeditionary and all that. I believe it was during this time frame that the RSAF F-15s bagged a couple Iranian F-4s with the support of US AWACS and US air refuelers, along with the ground TACP type operation.

Ah yes: https://www.nytimes.com/1984/06/06/world/2-iranian-fighters-reported-downed-by-saudi-air-force.html

I did get a chuckle tho when I figured out that I just limped across the time-in-country threshold because some kid I never heard of got chicken pox.

My claim to fame was having the technical smarts to replay certain missions on an E-3A parked on the ramp (at Riyadh Air Base) when something interesting happened on a mission and the local commander wanted to see for himself what happened. Doing that was kind of neat, and I did a lot of it at our home base for military aircraft crashes and the like. (although we replayed the mission in a simulator, not an actual airplane.)

The AWACS picked up interesting data on lots of things, like the Iraqi attack on the USS Stark.

 

[cce1302]

I ended up (with my entire company) in the "just over the threshold" category for the Korea Defense Service Medal, just a month after it was authorized, back in 2004. We were there with our battalion for an exercise up along the DMZ (north of the Imjin) and were engaged in training for about 3 weeks. Well when the time came to leave, apparently we were about 180 seats short on our transportation. My company got to stay back and ended up being there for the required 30 days.

Best part was rocking our National Defense PLUS the KDSM at our battalion mess night shortly afterward and poking fun at the guys who didn't get it.

Hey, it's a big deal when you go from 1 to 2.

I'm pretty sure I'm earning the heck out of my Arctic Service ribbon though...

 

[repeter1977]

Oxygen thief is a pretty serious allegation to a bubblehead.

Despite being on the ground, this guy steals oxygen. There was not one thing that he did that was useful. In most units, he'd have been taped to a tree and left. Actually I stand corrected, he was a perfect example of everything I everything useless. If I had a leadership challenge, I'd think, what would he do, and then know what absolutely never to do.

 

[Alamo]

Dang air force guys. Getting ribbons for chicken pox. Deployments for 3-4 weeks.

..

Oh, btw, we got free ice cream too.

 

[actaeon277]

Someone asked the question "what would you do if you found a scorpion in your tent?" to members of different branches of the military, and these are the responses he got.

Army said, "I'd step on it."

The Marine said, "I would crush it with the heel of my boot."

The Ranger said, "I'd smash its head, cut off its tail and eat it."

Then Air Force said, "I would call room service, tell them to take it away, then ask why there is a tent in my hotel room."

 

[CPT Nervous]

I could tell you about my time in the Army. But you didn't ask. So I won't tell.

 

[KellyinAvon]

I ended up (with my entire company) in the "just over the threshold" category for the Korea Defense Service Medal, just a month after it was authorized, back in 2004. We were there with our battalion for an exercise up along the DMZ (north of the Imjin) and were engaged in training for about 3 weeks. Well when the time came to leave, apparently we were about 180 seats short on our transportation. My company got to stay back and ended up being there for the required 30 days.

Best part was rocking our National Defense PLUS the KDSM at our battalion mess night shortly afterward and poking fun at the guys who didn't get it.

Hey, it's a big deal when you go from 1 to 2.

I'm pretty sure I'm earning the heck out of my Arctic Service ribbon though...

KDSM ended up being put in a Defense Authorization bill to get it authorized. DoD pushed back on it for years. It's a Campaign Medal since hostilities have never officially ended. I guess big DoD didn't want all the retirees who did a tour in the ROK getting a higher leave group a year earlier. 361 days for me.