Do you spank your kids?

[DocBoCook]

My daughter, raised by me primarily (had a job working 24 on/48off) understood that swift punishment happened at the time of the offense, and sometimes, that meant physical. She is incredibly well behaved for me and ANY OTHER MEN. It's weird, but my X (her mother) refused to discipline her, now she doesn't RESPECT WOMEN. She is incredibly disrespectfull of them. therapist says she doesn't respect them or fear consequenses from them. Now, my son, raised primarily by my X (I was at war in the Gulf) Only listens to women, men he doesn't understand a deep tone (he is rattled when any kind of male authoritative voice is used), or male mentality. She never disciplined him, gave him whatever he wanted and now if it isn't what he wants, he won't do it. To the depravation of his education and physical/mental development. He is smart as all get out, but doesn't learn it if he doesn't want it. He was one who definetly needed to learn direct consequences early. And the components of my family will pay for it, but mostly him later on in life.

 

[mrmarky]

I got spanked (and deserved a few more I didn't get) and I would spank my kids in a min. but don't have to because we talk about things and they were taught the respect we demand and deserve as they are given respect also. Fear breeds respect and I feared a whippin and respected my parents. I realize it more at a later age than I did then. But I thank God I was raised the way I was. I think I turned out OK.

 

[Archbishop]

Consistency is the key. If you choose to spank or do time out or whatever, be consistent. If it's not working change the program.
Can't stand to see parents say, don't do that I mean it! I'm going to count now! I mean it 1 2 3..." And it never ends. Kids need to know where that line is, not some fuzzy gray area. Because, eventually, after the parent is exhausted trying to get the kid to mind is to snap and then possibly abuse their kid, and that's not good for anybody. And for those of you Christian folks, the bible talks about it's only God's place to smite in anger. If you hit your kid when you're angry, you're at risk of taking God's place. Ask Lucifer how that worked out for him...... Sometimes I've been angry enough to have to tell my kids, " I'm so angry right now that I'm not going to hit you, but just as soon as I calm down, you're going to get the punishment." Might be worse waiting for it then the actual spanking.
For me personally, I tell my kids exactly what will happen if they do xyz. When they do xyz, I ask them if they remember what would happen to which they reply yes, "a spanking.", (Or whatever the punishment is.) and then the punishment happens. I don't get mad or frustrated I just hand out the punishment. The kids learn that they're not getting hit because Daddies mad, they're getting punished because they disobeyed. This is a big difference, especially when you're trying to tell they kids they can't hit their brother just cause they're mad.
Of course everyone has different opinions and not every kid is the same. One of mine HATES to have his money taken away, so guess who looses allowance when he's in trouble? For him it's more effective than a spanking.

 

[Hoosier8]

If you are firm to begin with and mean what you say, you may not have to spank. Spanking really only gets their attention, what you teach them is what counts.

 

[jdude]

If Indymonkey spanks his kids does that mean his is.....Spanking his little monkey


Couldn't resist

 

[ruger7722]

i spanked my 8 year old grand daughter for the first time last week.she told her mom i must have lost my whip.she made a song about it.i told her next time will be different,she said she will be 13 next time she gets one and i will be older and weaker.she better hope so after that little song of hers

 

[INyooper]

Don't have any kids of my own, but I've worked in group homes using the Girl's & Boy's Town model of social skills training ...never though I'd ever get paid to get beat up on a regular basis. ....so, yea, we did restraints when we had to but, beyond that (when someone's safety was in danger), we used a motivation system (points, privileges, etc.). I can't tell you how many kids I've worked with (and still do) ...and it works.

I still work with kids in a much less intense environment and use a lot of the same skills I learned in the group homes. The biggest factor is being consistent with discipline. In fact, if you're not consistent, you may actually strengthen problem behavior, as the child will take the chance than you'll say "....one more time and you'll get it..." or whatever "threat" you make. This is the same idea that makes gambling (for example) so addictive. So, be consistent, and always keep your promises.

Also, as has already been mentioned, let your kids know exactly what the consequences will be depending on their choices. If they choose to say "okay" to your request, they may have more time to play (for example). If they ignore you, or choose to argue, they will lose video games for the night (or whatever may motivate them). Giving them that sort of information gives them practice in making choices and experiencing consequences. Following up (regardless of their choices and consequences) can help reinforce the process.

FWIW, when I was in the group homes, we had "consumer surveys" on staff (done by the kids) ever six months. These were paper forms that the kids could fill out anonymously to rate the staff. The staff with the highest ratings were those who were most consistent (predictable); the staff who wanted the kids to like them (and often "gave in") were rated lower. Consistency doesn't equal being "mean" (though the kids may not like you at the time). It does equal being predictable and the kids learn to make better choices over time.

Boy's Town Press has a series called "Common Sense Parenting" (I've seen it at Barnes & Noble's) that's a great resource. Also, "How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk" is fantastic as well.

 

[Mokkie]

I must be a real monster. When I grew up I got my share of spankings and deserved every one of them. If I got spanked at school I got another one when I got home. My grandma even asked our Dr. one time about spanking. He told her that seat of the pants was put there for other reason besides just sitting on. I'm not talking about beating a child. It took me awhile but I learned to respect what my grandparents were trying teach me. Right from wrong. Later on my wife and myself had foster kids and one of the kids was a terror. We asked the social worker what to do with the kid. After some time and alot of trouble at home and at school the social worker came back and told us to spank the kid. We didnt have any problems after that one time. Now mind you that was a long time ago. Did the child deserve a spanking? Yes. Did I deserve the many spankings I got as a kid? Yes. Do some kids today deserve to be spanked? Yes. It is a shame that parents today do not or will not discipline there kids. And there is a difference between spanking and child abuse.

 

[Bruenor]

Tim Hawkins on spanking. Section starts at 2:11.

YouTube - Tim Hawkins - "I'm No Rockstar" Trailer HD

 

[360]

Only spanked my oldest once when she was 5. She hit several kids in her class in kindergarten. We talked about it, and I told her she was going over my knee. It hurt me more than it hurt her, but she has never again raised a hand at anyone.

 

[prtrrssll]

I have 4 kids and believe it or not Ive never spanked them but they have been smacked.Kids today probably need spanked or maybe they need more quaility time with there parents

 

[RachelMarie]

My Mother would spank me if I was out of line...Sometimes, she took it too far.

I always count to 3. It works 85% of the time. After that, it's time out for 3 minutes. After THAT, it's a swat on the butt. I always keep a hold of my temper. I have her tell me what she did and let her know that she is going to get a swat. Afterwards, I stand her up in front of me and tell her why *this* was a bad choice. It ALWAYS ends with a hug and a *I'm Sowwy*. And even though she sheds tears, most of my spankings probably don't even sting a little.
That being said, I have never...and will never spank someone else's kid if I am watching them.
What works for me and my family, doesn't work for everyone, And I know that.

Doug has swatted Callies butt maybe one time in the last three years.
Spankings, IMO, will not last long. I give her until 5 and then it's taking away privileges and toys and whatnot. Right now, she is too young for that.

I also carry around a 1 ft circle of fabric to most places, even stores. My child acts up...the fabric is on the floor and she sits on it until her time is up.

 

[mettle]

Study: Spanking Kids Leads to More Aggressive Behavior - Yahoo! News

What do you all believe? Believe in spanking your kids or giving them time outs? I just saw this on yahoo, and it got me curious.
My dad always took time out to spank my brothers and I. Not "beat the crap" outta us spanking, but you know, spanking. And I do know that Andy Taylor believed in taking Opie behind the woodshed to spank him. So me, not having kids yet, I don't know what I believe.

What about you guys?

Anytime they need it, in public or not. Period.

 

[linzal12]

I have a 4 and 2 year old and combine i have "poppped" them on the butt no more than 5 time. I only use it if i must get my point across in a hurry, like running in the street, or putting something in a socket. Dont overuse it so it won't lose importance.

 

[E5RANGER375]

I agree with you both.

I've never really been impressed seeing parents opening a can of whoop arse on a kid. I'm not saying there isn't a place, but to go from the (child's) mistake to a whooping seems to me like perhaps lazy parenting.

It does take time to establish boundaries with kids. It does take a lot of time to implement progressive discipline. It does take discipline to "do what you say you're going to do". Sometimes it would be easier to just yell or spank, but it might not be the best solution overall.

When my son pushes boundaries, we take things away. He hates it and will cry and possibly ruin whatever activity we are doing, but it helps him learn. He knows that we are going to do what we say.

We also strongly believe in positive reinforcement. We expect him to behave, do well in school and be respectful, but that doesn't mean that we shouldn't go out of our way to make sure he knows we love and appreciate his good behavior. The power of pleasing his parents seems more potent to him than the fear of losing something or being otherwise punished.

so what if it ruins other peoples activities??? last thing i want is peoples brat kids screaming in the store or in a movie theatre and the parents not doing anything about it. thats when they get me coming up to them and at first politely asking them to control their child. the second time i call them worthless dumb azzes and find a store manager to remove them from the store. it works everytime. parents that let their kids throw temper tantrems even if they dont get their way, is wrong. sorry, but if i tell my child to lock it up. thats whats gonna happen. i will never let my children walk all over me. im the boss. and what i say about small things needs to be followed and respected because then they will learn that i have their best intrest in mind and when a dangerous situation occurs they will IMMEDIATELY heed what i say without question, and it could save their life.

 

[jclark]

I think I have spanked mine 3 times. She always minded good when she was little. Now she's a teenager.

 

[darinb]

I can recall that spanking was the only thing that worked with me as a kid. I think many underestimate a child's ability to adapt. My mom tried all the time outs,grounding, losing toys,etc but I just found something else to play with or just spent my time in time out or whatever. A spanking if done right is not pleasant and no child wants that. Spanking doesnt work on every child though like on my oldest boy spankings dont work but taking privelages away does, it all depends on the child and the "crime".

 

[steve666]

I never had kids. But, like most others of my generation, I sure got spanked and switched for misbehaving while I was growing up. Unlike many of todays youth I tended to be well mannered and well behaved, said yes sir, no ma'am, and thank you. I didn't grow up to "get in someones face" for no reason, rob liquor stores, shoot up the neighborhood at the drop of a hat, or other aggressive behavior. "Spare the rod and spoil the child" is as true today as ever.

 

[steveh_131]

I also carry around a 1 ft circle of fabric to most places, even stores. My child acts up...the fabric is on the floor and she sits on it until her time is up.

This is genius. Thank you for the idea.

 

[Bigum1969]

so what if it ruins other peoples activities??? last thing i want is peoples brat kids screaming in the store or in a movie theatre and the parents not doing anything about it. thats when they get me coming up to them and at first politely asking them to control their child. the second time i call them worthless dumb azzes and find a store manager to remove them from the store. it works everytime. parents that let their kids throw temper tantrems even if they dont get their way, is wrong. sorry, but if i tell my child to lock it up. thats whats gonna happen. i will never let my children walk all over me. im the boss. and what i say about small things needs to be followed and respected because then they will learn that i have their best intrest in mind and when a dangerous situation occurs they will IMMEDIATELY heed what i say without question, and it could save their life.

You need to read my post again.

I said ruin whatever activity "we are doing".