Dealing with an anti-gun family.

[youngda9]

For my son to find it, he had to be snooping (which is normal for him)

Your son has SERIOUS respect and boundary issues...and on of that top he's irrational, emotional, and controlled by his wife. It's too late to reverse this. You need to have a serious talk with him....good luck, you'll need it.

 

[Bunnykid68]

I agree.

With the exception of this one time it is always locked in the safe with all my others. I had just finished cleaning the gun minutes before they arrived and it never was more than arms reach from me the whole time which is why I knew it wasn't loaded and why I hadn't locked it up yet. Actually, the magazine was in the safe.

Actually both. The LCP was not only empty, the mag wasn't even in it and the gun was laying up, inside one of the hutch compartments hidden behind some paperwork. For my son to find it, he had to be snooping (which is normal for him) through the hutch and physically move items that were hanging in front of it.

Conflict here maybe?

 

[ArmedProgrammer]

No, my son grew up around guns but mostly rifles and shotguns which he used to love to shoot. He changed completely when he got married. His wife is a very manipulative and dominating woman much older than him.

An unhealthy dose of "Vitamin P" in the hands of someone who's manipulative can REALLY make things rough. You have my sympathy. I still maintain that going to your son in an angry manner (even though you may well have every right to) may not be the _right_ thing to do. By doing that, it effectively forces him to choose between a relationship with you and one with his wife. Those kinds of choices don't end well.

Much better to think things through and calmly and rationally work through it. My reasoning is this: if his wife is extremely manipulative, then either it will work to their success or lead to the downfall of their marriage. That is in THEIR hands and there is nothing you can do about it. If it leads to success, then you will not wish to have ostracized yourself from their long term marriage. If it leads to failure - your son will need a strong relationship with you to help weather the storm.

Either way - throwing it in his face will either a) make him think that you treat him as an imbecile or b) make him think that it's you or his wife... no good that I can see in those alternatives.

I personally would think it over, discuss the best course of action with my wife, pray about it (if you're so inclined), and I'd probably wind up talking it over with my son. I'd suggest doing it AWAY from his wife, since she seems to be domineering. He very well may 'fess up to the fact that it was a result of his concerns over what his wife would think. Whether we here would agree with his thinking does not make it less of a real thought/fear for him. And just like refs "swallow the whistle" in the NCAA tournament - I'd try hard to resist the urge to tell him "I told you so" or "my house-my rules" (even if doing so is CERTAINLY within your rights...). It won't be easy - but I believe that it will be worth it.

All the best to you, CM and I wish you the best as you tackle a sticky situation.

 

[Cemetery-man]

Everyone is saying a loaded gun needs to be locked up. I do not understand this. A guy kicks my door in, I tell him to wait while I go get my gun from my safe. I must be a horrible person. I have several guns unlocked and loaded when I am home. No dead people here. The only exception to this is when guest are over because I have know idea what they know about guns.

I have let my kids handle guns since they were 3 or 4. Taught them how to check if the gun was load, that it's not a toy(yes they are). The more they see them the less exciting they are to them, Kinda, cause guns are way cool.

There are times when the guns need to be locked up.

Regardless of what Indy317 is telling, I do not leave loaded guns laying all around the house.

Until this one time (which I agree was very careless of me), my guns are always locked up in the safe when the grandchildren are here because of safety reasons and I know how the mother feels about the guns. Even when they are not here, I have an agreement with the wife that when the pistols are out of the safe, I cannot have the mags in them.

I think the carelessness came from being comfortable enough around guns to know that without bullets the pistol is pretty much harmless unless you throw it at someone. Heck, the loaded stapler or letter opener next to it was a bigger danger to the kids than the pistol at that time.

 

[Cemetery-man]

Conflict here maybe?

?. Don't understand your question. Both posts emphasize the gun was empty and the mag was in the safe.

 

[ArmedProgrammer]

One last thought, CM... it sounds from what you've said that the gun issue is only a minor side-show here. The real tough issue at the bottom of the pile is this: "how do you maintain a relationship with your son and his family when he's in a suboptimal domineering relationship?" And as that is a marriage relationship - it's liable to be there for a while if not permanently... I guess what I'm saying is that I wouldn't beat yourself up TOO badly over the gun stuff. I suspect that this would have happened over something somewhere at sometime.

Hang in there sir. It ain't easy being a dad. And the job never ends.

 

[youngda9]

^^ Agree with this. Someone rep him, I'm out of ammo.

 

[Titanium Man]

They'll need you someday, so just remember the way they treated you in this situation.

 

[Mr. Habib]

^^ Agree with this. Someone rep him, I'm out of ammo.

Got him for you.

 

[Andre46996]

All I know is it doesn't matter how old I am my dad would whip my ass in a heartbeat if I acted like that big of a fool!!!

There are so underlying issues here.

I my not always agree with my father but if I am visiting him I will ALWAYS show respect for him in his home.

 

[j706]

All I know is it doesn't matter how old I am my dad would whip my ass in a heartbeat if I acted like that big of a fool!!!

There are so underlying issues here.

I my not always agree with my father but if I am visiting him I will ALWAYS show respect for him in his home.

Bingo on all counts!!

 

[DarkRose]

All I know is it doesn't matter how old I am my dad would whip my ass in a heartbeat if I acted like that big of a fool!!!

There are so underlying issues here.

I my not always agree with my father but if I am visiting him I will ALWAYS show respect for him in his home.

Agreed.

My parents are very religious, I'm an atheist, when I'm in their home, I watch my language (I swear like a sailor or work, it's a factory, take it or leave it as you will), and if I don't, I have been asked to leave. Ever since I left home, when I'm in my parents' home, if my behavior doesn't meet their standards, (which are admittedly different from mine) I know where the door is...

I may be bigger and faster than my dad now, but if he saw me doing something that stupid with a gun... yeah... I'm still not that big or that fast...

 

[lilop]

I want to be on your side on this, I really do...

But isn't Rule # 1 "Treat all guns as if they're always loaded?" How many stories have we read on this site alone that involve firearms that "shouldn't have been loaded?"

This

 

[fishin4wd]

Lock and Key

All firearms should be under lock and key when there is the potential for children to be around. The fact that these kids are in an "anti-gun" family only strengthens my argument. Having no experience with guns, those kids would be more likely to pick it up to investigate. Kids are curious!

A curious kid without gun saftey knowledge is not someone you want around a handgun. Loaded or not.

I would recommend buying a gun safe or something of the like and invite your son and his wife over (without the kids at first) and show them the gun safe, admit to your error in judgement and try to move on as a family.

Sorry for the tough love

 

[octalman]

How old is your son? What gives him the idea while he is in your house he can pick up anything, let alone a gun, and run off with it? Sounds like an attitude adjustment is in order before he visits again.