Confessions of a single gungirl- Dating

[Bunnykid68]

It's easier to find something when you're not loking for it sometimes.

Like keys or your wallet

 

[Gluemanz28]

Online dating is fraught, but the good news is that if you live in an urban area there is a lot of choice. Being a woman your biggest problem will be the initial weeding out of the guys who just use the shotgun approach to spam everyone who sounds female. Guys have the opposite problem, women rarely respond to guys. Learn early to just weed the spammer type people out without responding. If you take the initiative and actually contact the guys who seem interesting to you you'll have more success.

Second, have a trusted friend help write your profile. The more you put in it the better.

Third, many people are perfectly nice when they are trying to get what they want from you. How someone handles themselves when they don't get what they want tells far more about their character. Far fewer people handle this well.

Lastly, always have someone you trust, preferably a guy friend, look over profiles and responses you get.

If you date always do so in a public place the first few times and be clear you will be going home alone after. Make sure someone knows where you are going and with as much information on who with as possible. Have a check in with them after.

That's my primary advice for online dating. Far better is to get involved with in-person activities you enjoy where you can vet people directly and through the community before you consider dating them. If you take initiative to ask guys out on a date you will be ahead of the curve. If you wait for guys to approach you then all you will get are the ones who decide to approach you, and the odds are greater that the ones who do that are going to be players or users.

This right here is some great advise. I met my wife on Match.com. We have been together for seven wonderful years. I spent about four hours one night sorting through possible candidates and saving them to my profile. The next day I received a wink from her and that moved her to the top of the list. The rest is just history.

I was her third date that week. One guy "forgot his wallet". The other guy just wasn't her type. We were not looking for a husband or wife, we were just looking for friendship. I am a believer that Love finds you, you don't find it.

If you follow shibumiseeker's advise you will be way ahead of the game.

 

[VUPDblue]

nothing wrong with a height difference.....

 

[Harleyrider_50]

I didn't realize how many selfish people there are in the world until I started dating after my divorce. People suck, dating sucks, I threw in the towel. That's all I got. Good luck.

.....ME too, dude......
Would'n ......take time away from my dogs......fer the best 1 ta come down'a Pike, these days.....

 

[MoparMan]

nothing wrong with a height difference.....

In the "Man Whore" world Plenty of Fish is known to be a "hookup site", so thats probably why you didn't have a good experience.

 

[Harleyrider_50]

I guess I just have a mental block about paying to get a date. I'm attractive and well adjusted, I shouldn't have to pay to find someone special. I get offers on a regular basis just not from the right kind of guys. I'm more than a play thing.

I'm not a superficial girl, I would just like to find someone intelligent, well adjusted, happy, honest and hard working. Why are those traits so hard to find? Looks are secondary. I would much rather date a beautiful heart.

They ain't ..........most chics.....don't, cain't recognize it when they see it......or if they awready GOT it......they git bored with it ........evidently.....

Oh.........don't sweat'a height thing......young'ns Mom.....5'-2"......took 15 yrs ta do it agin.....an'at one was 5'-2"........
An I'm 6-3, so go fig'r......

 

[Gluemanz28]

nothing wrong with a height difference.....

That is also good advise. We all need help reaching things.

 

[halfmileharry]

Somewhere in all this chaos I might like to meet someone, after all misery loves company, right? I sure would appreciate others filling me in on the rules and the scams of dating. What should I look out for and be aware of?

Someone once told me that because I am a good person I mistakenly believe that everyone else is a good person too. It makes me too trusting and vulnerable. When I was married I was sheltered from most of the evils of the world. Now I have to fight my own demons and keep them from the door.

I am naïve. I had no idea so many people lie and only care about themselves. My love life has definitely been the stuff sitcoms are made of.

I used to think that I made bad dating decisions, but I realized that most of my bad decisions chose me. I didn't actively or consciously chose them. I was just weak and fell in love with their charm. I didn't necessarily condone their flaws but I didn't make an issue of them either. Their flaws were not mine to judge so I tried not to.

The problem is that I wasn't actively fishing. I just talked to whoever talked to me. This obviously hasn't worked out well or I wouldn't be whining to all of you.

I have a weird schedule. I work second shift so late nights and weekends are my only real free times. I have no time to actively meet single, normal, eligible men. That is if they even exist.

So I got this bright idea to try online dating. I thought it was a great idea since I could choose exactly what I was looking for or at least weed out the guys that wouldn't be interested in me or my lifestyle.

I carry a gun and rescue animals. These are my two main quirks that guys need to get over if they want to date me. I am also only 5’ tall. Some guys have hang ups about height. Go figure.

I had read somewhere what a great site POF was for meeting nice people. Let me just say, they lied. I turned my profile off after the first couple weeks because it was so overwhelming. Now it is time to try again. I have my profile all friend zoned up just to keep the traffic down. I am trying to get up the nerve to rewrite it and actively fish.

I see a whole new thread regarding the horrors of online dating. Although I must admit it has offered me lots of comic relief to share with my girlfriends.

What are other singles doing? Are there any good, free online dating sites? How do you meet normal people in a busy world? What are the lines to watch out for? How do I identify the lies? Why is it so hard to meet happy, well adjusted, middle aged men?

Mods might move this to the "Classifieds" and pictures are required......

 

[Sylvain]

Like keys or your wallet

WALLET!

 

[ruger1800]

Have you considered a mail order groom

 

[smokingman]

One more thing about online dating,be really careful or you can get banned from Canada.Avoid anyone related to the prime minister if you ever want to visit Canada again.

I can enter Canada again,but could not for 5 years or so.I dated the prime ministers grand daughter in the mid 90s,and it got us both in trouble(she was blocked from flying into the USA as well).Guess my blood line was not noble enough for grandpa.We meet playing Euchre online of all things.Ah,to be young and crazy rofl.

Also,as a general rule if they are related to a politician run away.

 

[2ADMNLOVER]

Is there two of these threads or am I posting in two different ones ?

 

[Bunnykid68]

Is there two of these threads or am I posting in two different ones ?

The other one is about being a single woman with taking care of her home

 

[LANShark42]

As for free dating sites, in this case, IMHO, you get what you pay for. Every Tom, Dick and Harry will create a free profile. But guys who have paid have a little more of a vested interest. I found the love of my life on a site called ChristianMingle.com. We are now married for almost 4 months and I've never in my life been happier. And I think she'd say the same thing. We have finally found our soul-mates. But even before we met I met Missy, I met several ladies on CM who I had some sort of relationship with.

Bottom line, keep your personal information (address, cell number, etc) to yourself until you've had a chance to meet him and have a feel for his character. Meet in public places until you get to know him. If he has an unusual name, try to find him on Facebook (without friending him). I think you can learn a lot about someone's character by the FB page.

Good luck and God Bless. He's out there, just as lonely as you are, waiting for you. You just have to look in the right places.

 

[2ADMNLOVER]

The other one is about being a single woman with taking care of her home

Oh ok , working nights has got me jacked up and I wasn't sure what was going on . SNAFU

 

[ModernGunner]

Me? I'm just waiting for the 'right' billionairess to come along. You know, like Julia Louis-Dreyfus!

 

[LANShark42]

One more thing about online dating,be really careful or you can get banned from Canada.Avoid anyone related to the prime minister if you ever want to visit Canada again.

I can enter Canada again,but could not for 5 years or so.I dated the prime ministers grand daughter in the mid 90s,and it got us both in trouble(she was blocked from flying into the USA as well).Guess my blood line was not noble enough for grandpa.We meet playing Euchre online of all things.Ah,to be young and crazy rofl.

Also,as a general rule if they are related to a politician run away.

Riiiiiiight... And I dated a french model online for a while. We had a good time. Until i met HIM.

 

[target64]

Being in a new situation comes with new issues. Two things to think on, birth control and STD's. Always be safe, have all the fun you desire but be safe.

 

[Sylvain]

Riiiiiiight... And I dated a french model online for a while. We had a good time. Until i met HIM.

Hey I'm a French model.
Well online anyway ...

 

[gungirl65]

Online dating is fraught, but the good news is that if you live in an urban area there is a lot of choice. Being a woman your biggest problem will be the initial weeding out of the guys who just use the shotgun approach to spam everyone who sounds female. Guys have the opposite problem, women rarely respond to guys. Learn early to just weed the spammer type people out without responding. If you take the initiative and actually contact the guys who seem interesting to you you'll have more success.

Second, have a trusted friend help write your profile. The more you put in it the better.

Third, many people are perfectly nice when they are trying to get what they want from you. How someone handles themselves when they don't get what they want tells far more about their character. Far fewer people handle this well.

Lastly, always have someone you trust, preferably a guy friend, look over profiles and responses you get.

If you date always do so in a public place the first few times and be clear you will be going home alone after. Make sure someone knows where you are going and with as much information on who with as possible. Have a check in with them after.

That's my primary advice for online dating. Far better is to get involved with in-person activities you enjoy where you can vet people directly and through the community before you consider dating them. If you take initiative to ask guys out on a date you will be ahead of the curve. If you wait for guys to approach you then all you will get are the ones who decide to approach you, and the odds are greater that the ones who do that are going to be players or users.

For me it has worked out exactly that way. This is what I have done all along and I have only had broken or rotten fish swim up to me. This restricts the genepool too much. The worthwhile guys are usually too shy to approach the girls. The jerks are the only ones who have the balls to behave outside the box. Nice girls like me are doomed to dating jerks if we wait for prince charming to find us.

The thing is INGO, you are my trusted family and friends. Few people are still up when I have time to talk. You are usually here. You are the only ones I can discuss these kinds of matters with. I sure don't want to launch this torpedo on Facebook. Too wide of genepool. Not everyone needs to know I am single. I am not desperate. Just curious of what lies beyond my range of vision.

I can't be the only single person trying to navigate these waters. Let's help each other out. That's kind of why I am confessing to all of you. I've been here over 3 years. Most of you know of me and hopefully like me. I know of and like many of you. We're kind of friends aren't we? Let me help you and you help me, lets help each understand the complexities of dating. Out stories could be lots of fun.

Every guy I have dated since my marriage unofficially ended in 2011, have been guys that approached me first. I have never once pursued them first. Each time I was minding my own business when they rattled my cage, even after I tried to ignore them. Each one enticed me and made me care. Each one broke my heart unnecessarily. My Prince Charming wouldn't do that, so hell no I am not waiting for his silly ass to get here because it's not working out. The broken fish are the ones more likely to approach me, I give up waiting.

I am a soothing personality so the broken find me first and distract me from better choices. Random people come up to me and tell me things no one should. It's freaky sometimes. I can't be a saint everyday to the broken, I deserve to be happy too.

So I give up. I am going to help Prince Charming find me because he's definitely lost and too proud to ask for directions. Will I contact him first, probably not, but I will help him to notice I am here. For now the rest is up to hypothetical him.

All along I just wanted a friend. That is what I advertised for on POF , I have received all kinds of replies. I have even had hate mail for having the nerve to suggest platonic friends. As a teen and young adult I had male platonic male friends. Why can't I now? What's wrong with wanting to fall in love naturally? Why doesn't anyone want to be friends first? Friends creates an additional love bond in a relationship. It's important.