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"Are you kidding me?" / Facepalm Thread.
- Thread starter ArcadiaGP
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eldirector
Grandmaster
a) take them trick-or-treating, but with full control of the candy bucket. Assuming the kid is old enough to understand NOT TO TOUCH anything until I [STRIKE]eat [/STRIKE]check it.
b) throw a Halloween party at OUR house, where we can control the treats
c) Start a non-trick/treat tradition for our family. Much like eating Chinese food for Thanksgiving. Go to a scary movie, go on s scary camp out, etc....
Just some ideas. I already do #1 with my little girl. No eating until it is inspected. She isn't allergic to anything, but I believe that is was a good parent does for a little kid. And then I get dibs on the good stuff.
Here's a good way to approach the situation without being a totalitarian busybody. You do the work yourself rather than tell the entire neighborhood to do your job for you.
In an ideal world, the neighbors would all know each other, be friends with each other, and look out for each other. This mom is trying to get to the last element, without doing the tricky first part of the equation. I get that.
But in today's world, how many of us really know our neighbors like that? Beyond neighborhood Facebook social media? I don't.
We talk about protecting our families every day here in INGO. We go to sometimes wildly fantastic scenarios to describe how far we would go to protect Our Own. This mom doesn't let social norms get in her way of protecting her kid, and you have a problem with it?
"Totalitarian"? Seriously, for asking people to try to help her not end up in a hospital at her kid's bedside? She has no authority other than an photocopied sheet stapled to a power pole, yet people are offended? Or is this more of a ridicule factor. Fun to make fun of the [strike]dude OCing[/strike] mom as being paranoid?
Oh, I would write a scolding letter shaming anyone who dares to hand out anything with peanut products and pin it to every door.
Seriously though, for trick-or-treat, if the child is old enough to understand, I'd just explain the reality of the situation. He/she could still participate but the child would have to understand that no candy could be consumed. Probably I'd trade whatever the kid got for something the kid could enjoy.
I'd probably comply with that. I certainly wouldn't comply with being shamed into depriving 99.9% of the neighborhood kids of the joy that is Reece's Peanut Butter Cups. It's up to parents to protect their kids. The responsible thing to do is, to TAKE responsibility for your own kids. Kudos to these parents for doing that.
As to the first, I think we HAVE to assume the parent is doing that already, and has always done that. And will do that even with these signs, because - as we all know - you can't trust people.
Why wouldn't you go to the next step? Afraid of pissing someone off? If it reduces the chances of poisoning your kid by 1%, is the potential embarrassment too much?
Me either. But I think example #2 went above and beyond to bridge that gap. Example #1 just said "Don't do this because my child is a snowflake". You're choosing to participate in Trick or Treating, then you can also participate in taking out the candy you don't want your kid to have.
Offended, no. That's impossible. Appalled at her gall, maybe. She has the power to decide what goes in her kid's mouth. She chose a passive "Don't do this" approach rather than sitting down with the kid and going through the candy. What's good for her kid isn't necessarily what needs to be dictated to every other kid in the neighborhood.
Lastly, for all we know, these could both be fake and just posted to the internet to spark debate. Who knows.
eldirector
Grandmaster
Reminds me of the "Slow Kids at Play" signs folks put out.
a) I'm already going to avoid hitting pretty much anything I can (not the squirrels, though)
b) If the speed limit is too high on your street, petition to have it changed
c) keep your darned kids out of the street!
d) maybe teach your kids to be faster?
a) I'm already going to avoid hitting pretty much anything I can (not the squirrels, though)
b) If the speed limit is too high on your street, petition to have it changed
c) keep your darned kids out of the street!
d) maybe teach your kids to be faster?
I wouldn't see myself trying to get neighbors to give or not give certain kinds of treats. But for no other reason than that my child is going to live in the world long after I'm not able to watch over them, and I'd see Trick-or-Treat as part of learning how to live in the world. Much more productive than trying to teach the world how to make itself safe for my child to live in.
I HAVE a child with a severe peanut allergy. She was taught what not to eat and check ingredients. If in doubt throw it out. We went through her candy.
She is alive!
She is in college now and I still ask her if she wants me to make her a peanut butter sandwich for school.
Just the risks of being in my family.
How do you know her only strategy is this "passive" one? Granted, maybe it is and her kid will be dead by Monday, solving the problem for everyone. Who knows.
A few short years ago, I had a very different opinion on this topic. MUCH more aligned with GPIA7hnuhnm's. I had peanut butter sandwiches every day for grade school and middle school. No one ever had an issue.
But then we got to know this family who had a child with a serious issue. I mean, scary serious. As gun owners, we can kinda be paranoid sometimes. What we do is NOTHING compared to what this family has to worry about. Now, to my knowledge, they've never posted signs like that. They probably haven't thought about it. The do what they can to handle it "in house." They basically get used to the anxiety.
It made me more compassionate about the situation.
Our kids eat peanut butter sandwiches at school some days, but awareness is key. It is a "teachable moment" about washing hands and cleaning up carefully to help keep our friend from getting sick.
That this mom crossed some invisible line that people created - people who don't understand the situation - is completely defensible IMHO.
True dat.
Honestly, I think it's the choice of words.
"Comes home every year devastated that he can't eat any candy he's collected at your homes"
Laying the blame on everyone else
"Don't exclude my child..."
Victim complex, blaming all neighbors of hating her kid now
"Practice responsible parenting"
You're all ****ty parents. Here's how you can be better at it.
"DO NOT"
Dictating.
Those are the problems I have with Exhibit #1. A kinder, gentler request would have been better in my book. Not a blanket "You all suck, my kid is special, now live up to the standards I'm about to list for you." Just has a soccer-mom, Shannon Watts feel to it. A lot of shaming people that did nothing wrong.
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Well done.So, you're saying kids with peanut allergies are more likely to go to college?
But seriously, can you understand why a mom would do something like post flyers in the neighborhood?
......... Well........ I can see somebody doing that........
I guess maybe I'm just a little to much of a self starter (pats self on back) but that is not the course of action I or my wife would take.
If my daughter were going to a friends house, etc. the parents were told "she can not have peanuts".
My approach is limited to direct involvement. She didn't have to go to the friends house if that was a problem.
I just see the above letter akin to cigarette shaming a stranger... "What is wrong with you?! My kid has asthma! Stop smoking at your house."
Welcome to INGO, where people's word choice is a frequent issue.
As I've learned over the years, people in the real world have a difficult time expressing themselves in prose. My family mocks me for pointing out spelling/grammar/idiom issues all over the place.
What blame? I mean, that is where the candy came from.
Or a plea for help including her kid.
And yet, isn't that what most of the posts here have been about? How she's doing it wrong?
So it is a matter of style. You don't like HOW she said it, not why she said it?
I totally get that. That's just not how the posts on this topic sounded.
Noteworthy: There's not a single "please" anywhere to be seen on Exhibit #1.
I'm not even commenting on her list of "approved candies". The whole thing just stinks of a Tumblr-ite. Responsible parenting is what you do to your child, not what you lay on the rest of the neighborhood.
As serious as the allergy may be, the world does not revolve around that child.
To quote Louis CK: “Children who have nut allergies need to be protected… of course, but maybe…if touching a nut kills you…you’re supposed to die.”
I'm not even commenting on her list of "approved candies". The whole thing just stinks of a Tumblr-ite. Responsible parenting is what you do to your child, not what you lay on the rest of the neighborhood.
As serious as the allergy may be, the world does not revolve around that child.
To quote Louis CK: “Children who have nut allergies need to be protected… of course, but maybe…if touching a nut kills you…you’re supposed to die.”
Goes to style, not parenting.
Do I detect a bit of victimhood here? I mean, "Another one of these mean and nasty women trying to tell me what to do? We should counter-shame her and do things that could put her kid in the hospital. Yeah, that's what we should do."
Defense Exhibit A:
Not saying it does. Still not sure how asking for help - even rudely - constitutes bad parenting. Maybe she is a hot mess of a parent and doesn't do all the other things printcraft mentioned. We don't know.
But that's kinda the point. We don't know.
That's ****in hilarious. You ever been by your kid's hospital bedside and the doctor tells you the next couple hours are going to be touch-and-go?
Risk Of Peanut Allergies Drops 81% When Infants Are Exposed Early
My oldest son had an egg allergy and has a peanut allergy. However we had a wise, older pediatric allergist. He urged us to feed our son egg whites and, over time, add yolk in. After about a year, no egg allergy. True peanut allergies can be severe, but our allergist told us NOT to eliminate peanuts from our house so that he would have some exposure and would, hopefully, not develop a severe allergy. 17 years later, he is still allergic to peanuts, but we can have peanuts in the house and if he accidentally eats something with peanuts in it, his mouth gets itchy and that's it. He is not at all allergic to other foods that people with peanut allergies seem to become sensitive to over time. I am profoundly glad that we did not eliminate eggs and peanuts from the house and sentence our son to hypersensitivity and inconvenience.
Oh, and Halloween? He traded his peanut candy to his siblings for non-peanut candy. The post trick or treat bargaining session was a Halloween tradition.
My oldest son had an egg allergy and has a peanut allergy. However we had a wise, older pediatric allergist. He urged us to feed our son egg whites and, over time, add yolk in. After about a year, no egg allergy. True peanut allergies can be severe, but our allergist told us NOT to eliminate peanuts from our house so that he would have some exposure and would, hopefully, not develop a severe allergy. 17 years later, he is still allergic to peanuts, but we can have peanuts in the house and if he accidentally eats something with peanuts in it, his mouth gets itchy and that's it. He is not at all allergic to other foods that people with peanut allergies seem to become sensitive to over time. I am profoundly glad that we did not eliminate eggs and peanuts from the house and sentence our son to hypersensitivity and inconvenience.
Oh, and Halloween? He traded his peanut candy to his siblings for non-peanut candy. The post trick or treat bargaining session was a Halloween tradition.
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"Your honor, my client is an idiot!"
My style is to often respond to perceived absurdity with spite.
Obviously I wouldn't conceal peanuts in non-peanut items... But I wouldn't refuse to serve something that obviously has peanut. The kid, or the mom, can remove it when they get home.
Your words, not mine.
I guess that's the thing. Is posting this absurd?
And here is where I do my "let me be clear" thing:
- I am not saying I would handle this the same way.
- I am not saying she did what she did in the best/most effective way.
- I am saying I understand why she did it. Now. A few years ago, not so much.
I can totally understand why a mom would do that.
And some people would help out and some wouldn't, so the parent and the kid would still be left in the same place, checking candy and reading labels. I don't think the notice would result in the kid being any safer. Maybe it would make for a few more acceptable treats, but the risk would be the same if the screening process wasn't done well.
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