Am I wrong???

[IndyIN]

I have held back on this mostly out of embarrasment...This is actually my girlfiends daughter,and boyfriend. This is why I am having such a hard time with this. I definatly do not want to strain her relationship with her daughter, but feel they are responsible. I should have said this at origional post, but could not bring myself to do it. Sorry for that.
This is why I fell so strong about this though, because we have had the dog there literally 100 times, so I felt safe letting him out there, and for the same reason I feel he should have mentioned the poison.

I hate to say it but he's answered you, accept it or don't accept it. He obviously didn't try to poison your dog on purpose, although I'm not a fan of putting out bait like that period.

I'm an animal lover, and I would be really upset if this happened to my dog. I get why you are upset, but you aren't blameless either. I would have offered to pay, but I can also understand why they might be a little apprehensive. My friends would never suggest (via txt message) that I turn in a claim. Maybe waiting until you knew how much the bill was, would have been a little better?

I don't know how much money your GF's daughter and boyfriend have, but I take it they are probably just staring out. I think your txt message scarred the out of them.

I'm glad your dog is fine, I know I'd be a wreck if that happened to mine.

 

[sepe]

I have held back on this mostly out of embarrasment...This is actually my girlfiends daughter,and boyfriend. This is why I am having such a hard time with this. I definatly do not want to strain her relationship with her daughter, but feel they are responsible. I should have said this at origional post, but could not bring myself to do it. Sorry for that.
This is why I fell so strong about this though, because we have had the dog there literally 100 times, so I felt safe letting him out there, and for the same reason I feel he should have mentioned the poison.

I'd still firebomb them. Family or not, a firebomb works 100% of the time.

 

[7th Stepper]

Ahh, a little more light has been shed on the situation. You have more to lose here than just the money it seems. You potentially have a relationship hanging in the balance as well. You're truly in a ticklish situation, one which I don't envy you at all. This is one of lifes' unfair games, the names may change, but the situations rarely do. Especially as it seems in this case, when it's 3 against 1.

First, I completely agree with you, that it's their fault, but may I ask how old they are? Age and wisdom do make a difference. Also, you have NOTHING to be embarrassed about, it happens to us all at one time or another. Has, is, or will. It's part of the learning process we call life.

Secondly, if this is the daughter of your girlfriend, are you willing to lose her (your gfriend) over a $193. vet bill? Because I can tell you from personal experience, NEVER get between a mother and her child, you'll lose every time. Regardless of how much she says or does love you, she does and always will, love her daughter more. It's the maternal bond, and it's stronger than tempered steel. Dad's have it too, but we women can be downright vicious.

Thirdly, is this just a matter of principal, or has pride entered into the picture? It seems that the boyfriend apologized, but do you really think he meant it? Or was he forced into it by his girlfriend and her mother, to smooth things over. It's womens' intuition on my part, to think that she and her mother have pushed him into it, otherwise he'd already have manned up and offer to at least pay half, right off the bat, possibly even the whole amount. That tho, depends on how much of a man he is. And how he shows his true colors. Is he being 'whipped into it, or does he really feel an obligation to make it right, and take ownership for what he allowed to happened, and to continue to happen, regardless of the relationship between his girlfriend, her mom, and you.

(We had a similar situation many many years ago, where a dog my ex and I owned was playing with our next door neighbors dog. Ours got out of hand, and almost severed the juggler vein in the neighbors dogs neck. While the two guys puffed around like peacocks <not saying in the slightest bit that you are, but they definitely were> the wife and I grabbed their dog, my purse, hopped into my car and beat it over to the vet, to hopefully save the injured dog. We did, and I paid the entire bill, because it was, in my opinion, our fault. She didn't ask, I just paid it, flat out, no questions asked.) The guys were still puffed up like peacocks when we got back, and mine was none to happy that I up and paid the bill. To me it was my obligation, and regardless of ego, the dog didn't deserve to die.)

While the property is his (or at least he's renting it) someone other than you is responsible for what happens on it, unless you were committing a crime, which you weren't. Both dogs were out in back, (knowingly and with permission, and he KNEW there was poison out there and should have told you) and he ran an equally high, and stupid risk of either dog being poisoned. Who knew what (another animal, a bird, the wind, etc., or just faulty placing where he put it) could or would have possibly knocked the container down. And why make it so tasty? I understand baiting a wild animal, but wouldn't that have made more sense OUTSIDE of the yard, rather than putting BOTH dogs at risk? People are stupid and negligent, and unfortunately their age does factor into it. Also, it being HIS property, HE's responsible for whatever happens on it, accident or not. The same would hold true if you walked up to their front door, tripped and broke you leg (going a bit to extremes here), and ran up a hospital bill while healing. HE would be responsible for what happened, regardless if he intended it to happen or not. That's just simple fact. The owner is responsible, period. YOUR dog was in HIS yard, WITH knowledge AND permission, that makes it HIS responsibility for whatever happens. REGARDLESS! No slam intended here, but if he's young and inexperienced, he may not have learned that lesson yet, as those of us who do, or have, owned property before already know. His property, his yard, his poison, his responsibility. Period.

BUT (and this is a BIG BUT) is your relationship with the girls mother strong enough to withstand the outcome of such a fight? Are you willing to lose her, over a $192. vet bill that you can afford? Or would it be more beneficial to just pay the bill, and never take your dog over there again, under any circumstances? Or for that matter, allow theirs at your place either. He may try to pull a stunt and then try to make YOU pay for it, out of intended "payback" for him "losing face" with his girlfriend and her mom. It's a lose-lose situation.

NOTE: NO REFERENCE TO AGE HAS ANYTHING TO DO WITH OUR INGO MEMBERS! No reference on my part to the boyfriend being younger is in any way a slam to any of our younger members, the youngin's we have on here are by far MORE responsible than a lot of adults I know. And twice as level headed, be it a normal situation, a dangerous one, or just an "ego" type of thing. OUR members have learned how to be and act in a responsible manner, and I truly believe that if it were one of them, they'd have offered to pay the bill outright, or at least worked off the amount helping you around your own property. It'd be a matter of "honor" with our guys, not a matter of "machismo". (Ok young'ins, take a bow, you've just been highly praised!)

Basically you only have a few choices here. You can keep your relationship with the girls mom (if it means that much to you) and eat crow, swallow your pride, and just pay the bill. OR you can push the matter, cause the boyfriend to look like the irresponsible worm that he is, lose face with his girlfriend and her mom, and they break up. The girl and her mom will do one of two things. Blame you for the breakup, by not letting it drop like the no big deal they may think it was. Or thank you for dumping the trash, him with it. That possibility is somewhere between slim and none. Unless you are really lucky and they see him for the trash that he is, and not let her "broken heart" get in the way. My friend, you're stuck. You can chose to take it either way, but be prepared to lose on one level or the other. I don't see a win situation anywhere in this whole mess. And if you take it to small claims court, and have him served with a subpoena to pay or show up before a judge, then pay up, the mom and girl are going to think you're a bully, and head for greener pastures anyway. As I said, NO mother that I know of, will side against her daughter, bar none, sometimes not even the girls father. Bill and I don't have that problem,...... any more.....because I made the conscious decision not to be manipulated into "playing both ends against the middle". I did the same with my parents. If my dad said no, I'd go to my mom in tears, and she'd over rule him and I'd get what I wanted. Or vice versa. I'm not proud of that fact, but it taught me what to look for when it was tried on me, so I guess it's live and learn, or at least try to learn, before to much damage has been done, and the bridge has not only been burnt, it's been washed away as well.

Funny thing is tho, now that we put a stop to letting that happen, she respects BOTH of us more, because we'll no longer tolerate it, and we present a united front, regardless! If he's said "NO", then it's NO, and vice versa. It works out well now, but she's 23, and it took several years for all of us to learn how do that dance. That's not a slam either, it falls into the category of "the games people play", regardless of who's playing, or being played.

Your choices are there in front of you, but none of them are going to be easy. I suggest you think long and hard about where and how you want your life to go from here. Then sit down with your girlfriend and discuss how you want your life to go with her as well. If you do this, you can head off a lot of problems if her daughter and boyfriend try to play you against each other. You can also head off a lot of heartache on your part, by finding out exactly where you stand in your relationship, and on which end of the ladder you're standing. Are you at the top, or just an "also ran" on the bottom rung. Her daughter will always matter to her, but she needs to take into account that you have feelings too, and don't like being played for a sucker, or a sugardaddy. I wish you luck, and I hope that things work out for the best, for all of you, but mostly for you, because you're the one being taken unfair advantage of right now as I see it.

Regards,
7th Stepper