Am I THAT bad at math????

[SavageEagle]

Come on, guy. None of us are "perfect", but she married you, Knucklehead, and wasn't it her idea? I'm figuring she didn't marry you for your money, huh?
Sigh. This is what the absolute love of money gets us. "Romantic" and money don't have to have that much in common. My wife and I used to pack a picnic basket, and go swimming at a creek that had a nice little sandbar at it. All by ourselves, laying on the sand, and talking about the things we wanted to do. We fried chicken, made tea and 'tater salad. Didn't need to go to Ruth's Chris to be romantic, and we still don't. Neither do you. Remember, it's the thought that counts the most.
I know you'll learn this later on, but a guy's job isn't just about the money. You provide a service somebody wants. You do (or can do) something worthwhile, and when you do that something right, and competently, there's a huge measure of self respect that goes along with that. The money's important, but really deep down it's just the meringue on top of the blackberry pie. Your satisfaction in doing a good job isn't measured by a per hour amount, but never discount how much it's really worth. If you hand dig a ditch that's square and clean and straight and of the correct depth, that's something to be proud of.
Once again, a written Dave Ramsey type budget is the way to stop those "unplanned" bills. It has to be in writing, so it's harder to fudge on, and promise "to do better on later", in which "later" never comes. Put it on paper, and you have half of the problem whipped right then. The root of your problems is you're spending more than you're making. Be honest with yourself.
I hope you're kidding about the "locked down for life" stuff. If you feel like that in the smallest amount, I don't know what to tell you.

Wow, yea, let me collect my thoughts....

No she definately didn't marry me for my money. Actually she's said because I'm a good father, I took care of hers and loved her where no one else wanted a premade family, and because I'm handsome. I can agree with all but the latter.

As far as date night, well, it's not about money as much as it is about time. There's never enough time with everything we are constantly doing. Who needs a rat race when you have a home race! LoL I'm open about my life, but somethings are best left unsaid. Unless you care about how much underwear we do on a weekly basis...

The working for nothing, but satisfaction and what not... That's why I've dedicated myself to the Tea Party and being actively involved with them as much as possible. I get a sense of accomplishment with every victory we gain. That usually comes in the revolution of some persons mind that finally see's the light. I don't get paid for it, but it gives more than money. Which doesn't mean i'm NOT actively looking for work. I am, but with a record that's less than a decade old and a job history that's even longer than, well, anyway. It's hard to find a good job. I am working dilegently to get my Class A or B CDL. Which is why I haven't gotten any firearms training. Saving for that and a place to live is hard enough...

I said the "Locked down for life" statement as sarcasim. That's not how I really feel. Well. Maybe once in a blue moon, but blue moons are pretty darn rare. Either way.

I still think it's just God testing my faith and my vows. Man, can God be cruel sometimes, or what?

 

[SavageEagle]

Huh, I thought that was what turned her on. I got some work to do.

Walk into the room, rip off your shirt, pound on your chest, roar, then look at her all hungry like and about to pounce on her. If she looks at you and smiles, you're good to go. Pounce.

Any other look, and, well, decide for yourself!

 

[Annie Oakley]

Sounds like a lot of you don't have very good relationships. I feel bad for you.

Being romantic can be really important to a woman. With family life there are lots of things to get in the way and being tired doesn't help. Get the kids to bed early now and again, take a blanket out to the backyard and lay down, hold hands and just talk.

You guys need to take BOR's advice and maybe each of you needs to keep a list, that way nobody feels like they are having the other "building a case against" them. Then after a month or whatever compare notes.

JennyBird was right on target about how men stop trying after they are married.

Both people have to work to make things good. It is never 50-50, sometime it's 70-30 with the wife not holding up her end sometimes it's the husband. If you are committed to each other these should balance out somewhat over time.

Also, no one can be responsible for anyone else's happiness. You can add to that but you can't make anyone else happy they are responsible for that.

 

[Denny347]

Ok, first of all, just let me say that you men aren't exactly a walk in the park to live with either. SURPRISE!!!

And as for the wedding cake comment? It's not the wedding cake that causes women to lose their libido... it's the husbands who think they don't have to be romantic any more just cause they're married. Lemme tell ya, when you quit trying, we quit wanting to "please" you. It's simple as that. Sorry to burst anyone's bubble here, but the belching-the-alphabet-dutch-oven-giving-crude-comment-slinging-boob-grabbing-barbarians so many of you turn into once married are not a turn on.

See I still won't do that in front of my wife. We've been married for 9yrs and together for the last 16yrs...since she graduated HS. To this day I do not do that nasty stuff in front of her. I just do see the fun in it and some things you should never be comfortable doing in front of your spouse...a little privacy is not a bad thing. I love her more every day so what ever we are doing is working. We are both pretty easy going so that might help. We don't fight, it never seems to come to that. Personality compatibility is a big chunk of it. These problems will not get better by themselves. It will take effort on both sides, maybe a marriage counselor would be a good thing.

 

[Denny347]

Sounds like a lot of you don't have very good relationships. I feel bad for you.

I always think "What is so hard about marriage, it's rather easy." Then I realize that I'm probably just a really lucky guy. I wouldn't trade my wife for anything. She's a great mom and a darn fine cook...what did I do to deserve all this? She's doesn't really like guns but we all can't be perfect can we?

 

[bowhunter_1978]

 

[SavageEagle]

Don't get me wrong in all this. I love my wife very much. If I didn't I wouldn't have married her. She's a great mom, independent, and becoming a very free thinker. I just showed her how to stand up for herself. That's all I really did. Communication just was never our strong point. Trust has always been my problem. Especially since every woman I've ever been in a relationship has cheated on me versus me only cheating on one of them because they did it first. That didn't work out as I thought it would. Haven't done it since and I never will.

See I still won't do that in front of my wife. We've been married for 9yrs and together for the last 16yrs...since she graduated HS. To this day I do not do that nasty stuff in front of her. I just do see the fun in it and some things you should never be comfortable doing in front of your spouse...a little privacy is not a bad thing.

What's it mean then if your wife can out belch/fart you?

It does sound like you're a lucky guy. Hell, we all are to have a woman that actually loves us.

 

[in_betts]

WARNING-COMMENTS BELOW FROM GUY MARRIED THREE TIMES!!

However this third marriage just passed the 15 year mark, so maybe my opinion is still worth $.02?

I would second what El Cazador said about the two of you MAKING A PLAN.........BUT I would add a couple points.

First don't think "we will sit down and have this all worked out" because you won't. Don't try to do it all at once. Make an agenda of areas you want to make plans for and tackle them one at a time from the list. This will take many "sessions" and will inevitably transpire over at least a couple months with the demands of your family and the difficulty of arranging private time for your sessions.

Second although this thread went off course from your original rant quite a bit, my guess is there is an issue with expectations. If the two of you have different expectations about time away from each other and participating in activities that the other one doesn't care to, you need to get those on the table and work out an agreement as to what is acceptable to each other.

Just remember to stay calm and don't give up on the relationship too soon.

 

[SavageEagle]

I'm not giving up, and the thread hasn't really gone off course. At first I just felt the need to get something off my chest, but then I started learning things and gotten a lot of good advice. I really do appreciate everyone's comments. I think I might actually be a lot better off now.

 

[Denny347]

What's it mean then if your wife can out belch/fart you?

Her belching doesn't bother me. My body doesn't work that way...only one way out for me. I wouldn't be mad at her but it just never comes up. We tend to keep those things away from the other. I'm not in the bathroom while she is using it and vise versa...different room for farting...that kinda stuff. We seem to like it better that way. I don't like smelling my gas why would I think she would?

It does sound like you're a lucky guy. Hell, we all are to have a woman that actually loves us.

So true.

 

[SavageEagle]

Her belching doesn't bother me. My body doesn't work that way...only one way out for me. I wouldn't be mad at her but it just never comes up. We tend to keep those things away from the other. I'm not in the bathroom while she is using it and vise versa...different room for farting...that kinda stuff. We seem to like it better that way. I don't like smelling my gas why would I think she would?

I can honestly say we are the exact opposite. And we think it's just funny. Of course we keep that part of our relationship between us.... Either way, we're comfortable enough that it doesn't bother us.

 

[public servant]

That doesn't usually pertain to boobs, I think. I've always heard it as "Women have half the money and all the "kitty". They win".

Or as my wife puts it...quoting her. "with one of these...I can get 10 of those". I'll leave to your imagination what "these" and "those" are.

 

[USMC_0311]

different room for farting.

Fart room, now your talking.

 

[public servant]

Ok, first of all, just let me say that you men aren't exactly a walk in the park to live with either. SURPRISE!!!

Say it's not so...

 

[Panama]

First, I am NO expert here.
And, I didn't even stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night, but.

As of June 1st this year, our one and only marriage, has been going strong for 24 years. I did not get married until I was 32 and ALL of my wild days were behind me, most of them anyway. Still our 1st year was ROCKY! We both were establishing territory I guess, but our first year was really a wild ride. But we survived it though, and we respect each other more because of it, I think.

She didn't marry a spineless push over, and I didn't marry her because I could dominate her. She is a strong independent woman and I respect that, and I wouldn't want it any other way. It is a complete partnership! Pure and simple, a partnership. You guys will either establish your own personal boundaries, and respect each other because of it, or your union could easily fail. Without respect for each other, there is not much else that can help.

We have had our highs, and we have had our lows, like everybody does, but threw it all, she has had my back and I have had hers 24/7-365 anything else in a marriage, will never last!

Good luck, best wishes and enjoy your first year, it can be tough!

to the married life dude!

 

[hornadylnl]

Speaking of bad math, do any of your wives do this? You buy something for $1.25, she says it cost $2. She buys something for $1.99, she says it cost $1.

 

[Benny]

I prefer the whatever I say goes approach.

It has worked out very well for me.

 

[public servant]

Honestly...to me it sounds like you need to get out of the house. I'm assuming she's working days. You need to get an afternoon job. No daycare fees that way. But your sanity depends on time away from the kids as well as her.

Even if just for 5 or 6 hours each evening. Not only will you feel better...it will put you on the road to becoming financially stable much quicker.

She's a woman...and she will probably never find the things you want to do interesting...or understand why you want to do them. I'd just explain to her that you want one day or one weekend a month to do your thing. And be firm on it. The rest of the time is hers to plan.

If she still insists on whining or raising hell about it...then I hate to be blunt...but it's either time for her to grow up or it's time for you to cut your losses. Fighting about it does two things...it builds walls and contempt for each other. And never, ever fight in front of kids. It's better to come from a broken home than to live in one.

In any event...good luck.

 

[Benny]

Honestly...to me it sounds like you need to get out of the house. I'm assuming she's working days. You need to get an afternoon job. No daycare fees that way. But your sanity depends on time away from the kids as well as her.

Even if just for 5 or 6 hours each evening. Not only will you feel better...it will put you on the road to becoming financially stable much quicker.

She's a woman...and she will probably never find the things you want to do interesting...or understand why you want to do them. I'd just explain to her that you want one day or one weekend a month to do your thing. And be firm on it. The rest of the time is hers to plan.

If she still insists on whining or raising hell about it...then I hate to be blunt...but it's either time for her to grow up or it's time for you to cut your losses. Fighting about it does two things...it builds walls and contempt for each other. And never, ever fight in front of kids. It's better to come from a broken home than to live in one.

In any event...good luck.

+1

My best friend is a war vet who served 1 tour in Afghanistan and 3 in Iraq...He is now in the reserves and has a job as an online Army recruiter...He has 3 kids, 4 and under (I have one 4 year old and he drives me insane!).

The middle kid has whatever the worst type of diabetes is (1 I think), so finding baby sitters so they can get out is a problem a lot of time.

A few times a week he comes over to my house to hang out (usually after his wife goes to bed around 8:30)...His wife hates it and a lot of times gets booted to the couch, but he says his sanity depends on it and I honestly believe him.

I'm sure his wife hates me for it, but I don't care; he calls me, not the other way around and I'm not about to turn a friend down when he needs some time away for intelligent conversation that doesn't come his wife.












(OK, a couple of beers and Madden '09 for Xbox 360 may not totally qualify as "intelligent conversation," but who's counting?)

 

[hornadylnl]

[ loveandrespect.com ] Love and Respect - Presented by Dr. Emerson E. Eggerichs
There Is a guy named Emerson Eggerich that has a long DVD series for couples. It is abolutely amazing that I recommend for all married people. It is great for church bible studies or on your own.