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25 year marriage in the toilet
- Thread starter Blown71X
- Start date
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You'll shoot your eye out
Master
- Jan 21, 2011
- 1,781
- 48
35 years here. Menopause kicks in and they become 13 years old again, 100% psychotic. My wife and I are now room mates who both own the same house.
Seriously, menopause is a life-threatening mental disorder and it produces the very symptoms you describe and much more.
Seriously, menopause is a life-threatening mental disorder and it produces the very symptoms you describe and much more.
remauto1187
Shooter
Rick-- I reckon in all my defense advice I forgot to mention.... Sorry you get to eat this shi^ sandwich but remember one very important thing no matter what the cheater says to you.... It isnt your fault that she chose to be selfish no matter what here excuse are. It doesnt matter if you didnt give her enough excitement, attention, whatever. She chose to leave the marriage when she chose to screw around. She WILL blame it on you and try to turn it all in to your fault. DONT BUY IN TO IT!
"kick his ass"................wonderful idea.
Might just catch a bullet for such hick bravado.
Dunno what she told him, maybe he's a sucker, or a jerk.
Be business polite and get a damn good attorney.
He'll get whatever he deserves without your risking life, limb or jail.
IMHO no woman is worth fighting over.
As for calling it quits or not, well some stuff is grounds according to certain religious beliefs.
If a covenant was made, you're obligated to honor it.
It aint just about her if you made one.
Might just catch a bullet for such hick bravado.
Dunno what she told him, maybe he's a sucker, or a jerk.
Be business polite and get a damn good attorney.
He'll get whatever he deserves without your risking life, limb or jail.
IMHO no woman is worth fighting over.
As for calling it quits or not, well some stuff is grounds according to certain religious beliefs.
If a covenant was made, you're obligated to honor it.
It aint just about her if you made one.
This very bad advise. ^^^
The OP (or anyone else) should not listen to this foolishness. As mentioned above, assuming you lived through attacking the exes BF, assault/battery conviction could play havoc with your settlement and will change your ability to defend yourself in the future.
No matter how horrible things may feel in your heart, life does indeed go on and it gets better. No matter how unfair the current moment may appear to be, it too shall pass. Karma does exists no matter how hard it is to sometimes believe in. You will get through this and you will know happiness again.
My X and I dated for two years and was married for 23. It was all officially over in July after a year and a half of legal torment. My marriage had been circling the drain for the last 5 years. Divorce was the right decision for us. I have no regrets.
Although I often struggle with doing everything around the house mostly by myself, I am so much happier now. I am sometimes frustrated with appliances (for the record Maytag and Motorola blow) but my soul is rejoicing in its freedom. I am sometimes overwhelmed with doing everything by myself but I have accepted that I can't always do everything so right now I do not have time for a manicured lawn and weedless flower gardens, maybe next year. Life will still go on if my house isn't spotless. Worry is not my friend so I avoid it. I do my best everyday and hope to accomplish more the next day. It's all I can do. I am at peace with the universe.
I won't lie to you, dating sucks. But I believe my x wasn't meant to be my happily ever after. I don't know if I will ever find my prince but I know I never will if I am not receptive to such possibilities.
Life goes on. My life is different now but it's a good life. I never thought I would be almost 50 and starting over again but here I am. I am happier than I have been in years. My bad dates will be material for a blog or comedy routine at a later date. Even a bad date can make me smile, so it's not a compete loss.
As far as coping with the injustices that have been thrust upon you, music helped me a lot. I discovered Linkin Park, Stabbing Westward, Three Days Grace, Skillet and Thousand Foot Krutch. They put into words the feelings that were trapped inside my head. Play it loud and sing it proud. Sometimes you just need to speak of the hurts to release their hold on you. Surround yourself with positive energy. Avoid negative people and situations.
Good luck. We're here for you if you need us.
PS On the bright side, at this weekend's 1500 I purchased a CZ Rami and on the way home I bought an antique rocking chair. There was no one to tell me I couldn't. Being single has advantages.
My X and I dated for two years and was married for 23. It was all officially over in July after a year and a half of legal torment. My marriage had been circling the drain for the last 5 years. Divorce was the right decision for us. I have no regrets.
Although I often struggle with doing everything around the house mostly by myself, I am so much happier now. I am sometimes frustrated with appliances (for the record Maytag and Motorola blow) but my soul is rejoicing in its freedom. I am sometimes overwhelmed with doing everything by myself but I have accepted that I can't always do everything so right now I do not have time for a manicured lawn and weedless flower gardens, maybe next year. Life will still go on if my house isn't spotless. Worry is not my friend so I avoid it. I do my best everyday and hope to accomplish more the next day. It's all I can do. I am at peace with the universe.
I won't lie to you, dating sucks. But I believe my x wasn't meant to be my happily ever after. I don't know if I will ever find my prince but I know I never will if I am not receptive to such possibilities.
Life goes on. My life is different now but it's a good life. I never thought I would be almost 50 and starting over again but here I am. I am happier than I have been in years. My bad dates will be material for a blog or comedy routine at a later date. Even a bad date can make me smile, so it's not a compete loss.
As far as coping with the injustices that have been thrust upon you, music helped me a lot. I discovered Linkin Park, Stabbing Westward, Three Days Grace, Skillet and Thousand Foot Krutch. They put into words the feelings that were trapped inside my head. Play it loud and sing it proud. Sometimes you just need to speak of the hurts to release their hold on you. Surround yourself with positive energy. Avoid negative people and situations.
Good luck. We're here for you if you need us.
PS On the bright side, at this weekend's 1500 I purchased a CZ Rami and on the way home I bought an antique rocking chair. There was no one to tell me I couldn't. Being single has advantages.
Take pictures of all of the assets. In Indiana it is theoretically a 50/50 split. If she steals everything you will be able to prove it had existed. However it should be noted that whoever has the asset in their possession will usually keep possession of it if proper measures aren't taken. All property that was yours prior to marriage as well as any gifts or inheritances belong to you and are not to be considered into your 50% split.
In the beginning my X and I had a deal. He got greedy and tried to renege on the deal. Luckily I had pictures so I had proof.
Don't put anything mean or negative in writing. My X liked to drink and send me mean texts. I downloaded an app for my phone that allowed me to download all his nasty texts to email.
I fired my $200 an hour attorney the first of the year for being incompetent. I represented myself for the remainder of the divorce. I put together a nice summary with pictures of all the major assets. I also printed out all of his nasty texts for his lawyer and the mediator. My X had to honor our original agreement. Even better he had to pay a crap load of attorney fees just because he chose to be an ass instead of doing the right thing. I didn't believe in Karma until this happened. I feel vindicated and happy now.
In the beginning my X and I had a deal. He got greedy and tried to renege on the deal. Luckily I had pictures so I had proof.
Don't put anything mean or negative in writing. My X liked to drink and send me mean texts. I downloaded an app for my phone that allowed me to download all his nasty texts to email.
I fired my $200 an hour attorney the first of the year for being incompetent. I represented myself for the remainder of the divorce. I put together a nice summary with pictures of all the major assets. I also printed out all of his nasty texts for his lawyer and the mediator. My X had to honor our original agreement. Even better he had to pay a crap load of attorney fees just because he chose to be an ass instead of doing the right thing. I didn't believe in Karma until this happened. I feel vindicated and happy now.
shibumiseeker
Grandmaster
I thought that too at one time. Then over time I realized that the strong negative emotion I carried as a result meant they were still living in my head and I gradually gave it up. Today I don't hate her and don't wish her any ill, but I also spend almost no time thinking about it. Unfortunately, some people carry it with them and it makes them bitter and less pleasant people, as some people in these types of threads illustrate every time one comes around.
OP, I can sympathize with your situation. Trust is required for marriage to work and without it, it becomes an effort in futility. I won't throw my situation out here because, this may be coming down the road for me. I know it sucks, but keep your head high and talk with a trusted friend or family member. Prayers and best wishes, sir.
I understand. Having read his posts I already drew the conclusion he was done. No kids, extra curricular activity, some men know that will never leave their minds.
25 years is a lot to just throw away. In the end it is not a total waste. Lessons learned. Life moves on.
PS On the bright side, at this weekend's 1500 I purchased a CZ Rami and on the way home I bought an antique rocking chair. There was no one to tell me I couldn't. Being single has advantages.
That's the most uplifting thing I've seen in this thread.
Op, as you walk by, so once did I.
It sucks. But listen to some that has been there and back. When I figured out my first wife was screwing around, I didn't act quick enough. When she knew that I knew, she jumped ship. I came home from work to find a bunch of stuff gone, including my 3 year old daughter, and the sump pump un plugged. Do you remember June 7 2008? Yea, bad time to be without a pump. From there she launched a "mutually assured destruction" divorce and the rest (and the next year) is history.
The up side, it will get better. I am now married to the best girl in the world, I couldn't imagine being without her.
And yes, I still hope that my ex gets hit by a train.
It sucks. But listen to some that has been there and back. When I figured out my first wife was screwing around, I didn't act quick enough. When she knew that I knew, she jumped ship. I came home from work to find a bunch of stuff gone, including my 3 year old daughter, and the sump pump un plugged. Do you remember June 7 2008? Yea, bad time to be without a pump. From there she launched a "mutually assured destruction" divorce and the rest (and the next year) is history.
The up side, it will get better. I am now married to the best girl in the world, I couldn't imagine being without her.
And yes, I still hope that my ex gets hit by a train.
well this some good Hateful but honestly true advise EXCEPT the Beating ANYBODY this will do nothing but complicate the whole matter and it will make you have a criminal record AGAIN DONT HIT OR HARM ANYBODY
Read "The Art of War" by Sun Tzu. These principles can apply to any conflict, divorce is a conflict, not physically but strategically.
It will help with identifying the enemies and the spies, including her spies and your spies. All of your joint family and friends are spies.
It will help with negotiations. The word "NO" is your friend, even when talking to your lawyer, who is not your friend nor on your side. Your lawyer is on the side of the law, indicating what is legal and what is not.
It will help with strategy, which battles to win, which battles to back off, which battles are smokescreens. Do not feel good that you won a battle that is frivolous, such as the accusation that you cheated or something else that is minor and false. These frivolous claims are meant to lose focus on the real issues.
Household/Physical Assets: Any assets removed from the home will be assessed a value at "Yard Sale Prices". Your sentimental items are worthless, they have no value to the court. Your stuff, tools, sports equipment, electronics will only be valued at a fraction of actual worth. Whoever takes it, will basically keep it.
Financial Assets (Stocks/Bonds/): These things are tracked, so make sure you have your own physical documentation to track them.
It will help with identifying the enemies and the spies, including her spies and your spies. All of your joint family and friends are spies.
It will help with negotiations. The word "NO" is your friend, even when talking to your lawyer, who is not your friend nor on your side. Your lawyer is on the side of the law, indicating what is legal and what is not.
It will help with strategy, which battles to win, which battles to back off, which battles are smokescreens. Do not feel good that you won a battle that is frivolous, such as the accusation that you cheated or something else that is minor and false. These frivolous claims are meant to lose focus on the real issues.
Household/Physical Assets: Any assets removed from the home will be assessed a value at "Yard Sale Prices". Your sentimental items are worthless, they have no value to the court. Your stuff, tools, sports equipment, electronics will only be valued at a fraction of actual worth. Whoever takes it, will basically keep it.
Financial Assets (Stocks/Bonds/): These things are tracked, so make sure you have your own physical documentation to track them.
I've perused the thread - but haven't happened across it that I can remember. It has been alluded to, but:
As to moving "stuff" out of your place and into someone else's care: Make sure that ALL of your firearms, accessories, and ammunition is in the first trip out. It only takes a "she said" to get some kind of restraining order against you - and that will not go well for you. Unfair - yes. But it happens. A lot. Yes - even your carry gun should go under someone else's care. Someone who'll vouch for all that stuff not having been touched/seen by you until such a time as this is over.
It may suck to be without a carry gun for a time - but here's where we must rely on the math and statistics about victimization & crime - and how rare that it really is.
Don't give up your house. IE - don't be the party that goes to sleep somewhere else. Change bedrooms if you have to. Don't move out. If you do, I'd be willing to bet that you'll not "get" the house in the end.
As to moving "stuff" out of your place and into someone else's care: Make sure that ALL of your firearms, accessories, and ammunition is in the first trip out. It only takes a "she said" to get some kind of restraining order against you - and that will not go well for you. Unfair - yes. But it happens. A lot. Yes - even your carry gun should go under someone else's care. Someone who'll vouch for all that stuff not having been touched/seen by you until such a time as this is over.
It may suck to be without a carry gun for a time - but here's where we must rely on the math and statistics about victimization & crime - and how rare that it really is.
Don't give up your house. IE - don't be the party that goes to sleep somewhere else. Change bedrooms if you have to. Don't move out. If you do, I'd be willing to bet that you'll not "get" the house in the end.
Hoosier Cowboy
Master
Hang in there and hope for better days ahead my friend!
To start with he dont have to beat the guy to death right now......he can wait. Secondly, he dont have to beat the guy himself.....there are plenty of people who will do it for you. Make sure you are in a highly visible place with cameras.
I prefer to let karma handle it. No need to get yourself in trouble. My ex is getting ready to enter his 4th marriage. I can see now that we really don't have much in common and I'd have been miserable with him all those years! When I was younger, revenge was more appealing, thankfully I never acted on it, tempting though it was...
Why beat up the guy anyway? He's not the one that broke vows.
Marriage Help Program For Couples
Love is a decision, not a feeling.
You can either choose to love her and honor your vows, recall for better or worse.
Or take the easy, modern, way out and laywer up and divorce.
I suggest try the program above first.
PM if you want more details about it.
Love is a decision, not a feeling.
You can either choose to love her and honor your vows, recall for better or worse.
Or take the easy, modern, way out and laywer up and divorce.
I suggest try the program above first.
PM if you want more details about it.
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