Where do I go from here? Guns and Daughter Related...

[alwalker84]

This weekend I needed to go to Bradis to pay on a layaway for a gun. It was my weekend to have my daughter, so i took her with me. I didnt think twice about this (she is 7). Anyway, after she returned to her moms house yesterday evening of course she interrogated her like Gibbs off of NCIS on what we did this weekend. My daughter mentioned that we went to a gun shop....Well, her mom flipped and called me with plently of piece of mind on the subject. I didnt want to start an argument, so I gave her my short opinon on it, let her talk and then we got off of the phone.


So, this morning I thought it would be a good idea to email her and assure her that my daughters safety is mind and that I she knows that guns arent toys, dont touch em...blah blah blah. I let her know that I planned to get her a .22 rifle in the next year or so and that I wanted to teach her all of the safely rules of firearms handling etc. etc. I made the case of how I keep them locked up when she is around except my sidearm, and even took pics of my safe and sent them to her for more comfort. Well I got this responce, and now I dont even know what to say or do from this point on...


From: Baby momma (lol)


Allen,


Let me first say I do appreciate you sharing all of this with me. I still do not feel 100% comfortable with (my daughters name) being around guns let alone learning how to shot them at such a young age. I understand that children should be taught the proper way to handle guns and learn that they are not toys. I do not think she needs to learn how to use them to be able to be taught the fundamentals and safety of guns. On the other hand I have aloud (my daughters name) to be in activities that interest me and it seems like guns are an activity that you are interested in. I would feel more comfortable for if (my daughters name) was not taught how to shot or handle guns until she is at least in middle school if not high school when she could have a clear understanding of what she is doing and then can make a decision on her own on whether or not this is something she is comfortable with. I understand that Indianapolis is becoming a dangerous place and even (her husbands name) has made mention of possibly looking into getting firearms.


Also as far as (my daughters name) having her own gun does not make me comfortable at all. I know that you would lock it up and make sure that she is being safe with it, but still as her mother this just doesn't sit well with me. Like I said before what she chooses to do after she is 18 is her business and maybe that is something that she can get later on down the line, I just never thought about her having a gun especially not at the young age of 7 or even before she got out of elementary school. I am still trying to figure out what would be a good age to get her a cell phone (thinking 12 or 13 middle school age)


For you to understand my position a little better-- I was raised without learning how to shot a gun, I knew that they were not toys and I know the dangers that could potentially come with using guns. My dad has always had a gun in our house not locked up. I found it one day I didn't touch it I left it right where it was. My grandfather carried and had a gun in his house as I was growing up. I knew where it was located and I even saw him grab it from time to time. I think that I have turned out okay without know how to shot and or have a gun and to this point I have had no real need for a gun. It had never crossed my mind to even have this conversation with (my daughters name), besides teaching her gun safety. When she told me that she went to the gun store with you my heart stopped for a moment because I was shocked that she was exposed to this. I have to believe that you have (my daughters name) best interest at heart so I am going to trust your judgment with this. Please understand that (my daughters name) is my baby and I may be a little over protective with her. That is why it is good for children to have two parents because people think differently. I just would ask with any activity that you do with (my daughters name) we discuss it first or you could just let me know what you are doing. I try to always let you know that I have signed (my daughters name) up for different activities or ask you what you think about her doing certain activities. I would just like for you to do the same with me. Because I think if (my daughters name) were to come home and tell me that she shot a gun without me having any prior knowledge that she was going to do this I would probably have a mini heart attack ( and we wouldn't want that.)


I just hope that you can see where I am coming from with on this topic. I just think certain topics and activities are age appropriate. There will come a time when she will also have to learn about safe sex, drugs, and many other topics some of which I already go over with her, but definitely at her level where she is right now. I guess that is kind of where i am at with her knowing and learning about guns. I just feel like right now she just needs to know that guns are not toys and safety precautions that come along with guns especially since you have them in your house.


Again I appreciate you letting me know about the gun safety that you are practicing and showing me pictures so that i can see how they are kept safe in your house. I just ask that you keep me posted on any gun activity where (my daughters name) is concerned.


Thanks


Baby momma


What now... Am I wrong to disagree? Is she too young?

 

[sj kahr k40]

Al, my kids mom was the same way, I recommend signing your daughter up for 4H shooting sports next summer. 4H in Marion County starts them off with air guns the first year then they move up to small bore and shotgun after that. Keep up the good work with your child, you are doing her a great service by teaching her gun safety at her age.

 

[Jon Craig]

Well, at least Baby Momma didn't totally flip out and call CPS and say you're letting guns be around a 7 year old. That's at least good.

Being a non-parent, that's all I've got. Heh.

 

[alwalker84]

Well, at least Baby Momma didn't totally flip out and call CPS and say you're letting guns be around a 7 year old. That's at least good.

Being a non-parent, that's all I've got. Heh.

Ehh, very true! This is why I sent her the "book" of an email that I did. To prevent her from over reacting and doing such. She works in the schools...so I didnt want her trying to throw me under the bus when, in my opinon im doing a good service to my daughter.

Al, my kids mom was the same way, I recommend signing your daughter up for 4H shooting sports next summer. 4H in Marion County starts them off with air guns the first year then they move up to small bore and shotgun after that. Keep up the good work with your child, you are doing her a great service by teaching her gun safety at her age.

Ill look into it, but it dosent sound like she'll go for it.

 

[Bushido Devil Dog]

This weekend I needed to go to Bradis to pay on a layaway for a gun. It was my weekend to have my daughter, so i took her with me. I didnt think twice about this (she is 7). Anyway, after she returned to her moms house yesterday evening of course she interrogated her like Gibbs off of NCIS on what we did this weekend. My daughter mentioned that we went to a gun shop....Well, her mom flipped and called me with plently of piece of mind on the subject. I didnt want to start an argument, so I gave her my short opinon on it, let her talk and then we got off of the phone.


So, this morning I thought it would be a good idea to email her and assure her that my daughters safety is mind and that I she knows that guns arent toys, dont touch em...blah blah blah. I let her know that I planned to get her a .22 rifle in the next year or so and that I wanted to teach her all of the safely rules of firearms handling etc. etc. I made the case of how I keep them locked up when she is around except my sidearm, and even took pics of my safe and sent them to her for more comfort. Well I got this response, and now I dont even know what to say or do from this point on...


From: Baby momma (lol)


Allen,


Let me first say I do appreciate you sharing all of this with me. I still do not feel 100% comfortable with (my daughters name) being around guns let alone learning how to shot them at such a young age. I understand that children should be taught the proper way to handle guns and learn that they are not toys. I do not think she needs to learn how to use them to be able to be taught the fundamentals and safety of guns. On the other hand I have aloud (my daughters name) to be in activities that interest me and it seems like guns are an activity that you are interested in. I would feel more comfortable for if (my daughters name) was not taught how to shot or handle guns until she is at least in middle school if not high school when she could have a clear understanding of what she is doing and then can make a decision on her own on whether or not this is something she is comfortable with. I understand that Indianapolis is becoming a dangerous place and even (her husbands name) has made mention of possibly looking into getting firearms.


Also as far as (my daughters name) having her own gun does not make me comfortable at all. I know that you would lock it up and make sure that she is being safe with it, but still as her mother this just doesn't sit well with me. Like I said before what she chooses to do after she is 18 is her business and maybe that is something that she can get later on down the line, I just never thought about her having a gun especially not at the young age of 7 or even before she got out of elementary school. I am still trying to figure out what would be a good age to get her a cell phone (thinking 12 or 13 middle school age)


For you to understand my position a little better-- I was raised without learning how to shot a gun, I knew that they were not toys and I know the dangers that could potentially come with using guns. My dad has always had a gun in our house not locked up. I found it one day I didn't touch it I left it right where it was. My grandfather carried and had a gun in his house as I was growing up. I knew where it was located and I even saw him grab it from time to time. I think that I have turned out okay without know how to shot and or have a gun and to this point I have had no real need for a gun. It had never crossed my mind to even have this conversation with (my daughters name), besides teaching her gun safety. When she told me that she went to the gun store with you my heart stopped for a moment because I was shocked that she was exposed to this. I have to believe that you have (my daughters name) best interest at heart so I am going to trust your judgment with this. Please understand that (my daughters name) is my baby and I may be a little over protective with her. That is why it is good for children to have two parents because people think differently. I just would ask with any activity that you do with (my daughters name) we discuss it first or you could just let me know what you are doing. I try to always let you know that I have signed (my daughters name) up for different activities or ask you what you think about her doing certain activities. I would just like for you to do the same with me. Because I think if (my daughters name) were to come home and tell me that she shot a gun without me having any prior knowledge that she was going to do this I would probably have a mini heart attack ( and we wouldn't want that.)


I just hope that you can see where I am coming from with on this topic. I just think certain topics and activities are age appropriate. There will come a time when she will also have to learn about safe sex, drugs, and many other topics some of which I already go over with her, but definitely at her level where she is right now. I guess that is kind of where i am at with her knowing and learning about guns. I just feel like right now she just needs to know that guns are not toys and safety precautions that come along with guns especially since you have them in your house.


Again I appreciate you letting me know about the gun safety that you are practicing and showing me pictures so that i can see how they are kept safe in your house. I just ask that you keep me posted on any gun activity where (my daughters name) is concerned.


Thanks


Baby momma


What now... Am I wrong to disagree? Is she too young?

Naturally, I think most here would agree that if *you* as her Dad think she is ready given her personality, maturity for her age, etc., then 7 is not too young, nad thus you are not wrong to disagree with her mother's concerns. To her (Mom's) credit, I was pleasantly surprised by the rational, reasoned tone of her letter; I expected to read a complete freak-out on her part with threats of charging you with child endangerment, etc. I am glad to see your daughter's mom isn't a foaming-at-the-mouth anti. My reading/take on what she wrote is that the main issue seems to be that you didn't give her a heads up, the fact that it is about guns seems slightly secondary.


How I would reply to the e-mail (please feel free to use as you see fit ):

"I do understand your concerns and feelings on this, and I apologize for not giving you a heads up. The safe use of firearms has been my hobby for so long that it kind of slipped under my radar as something you would like to be informed about. We both love (yer baby) so naturally I understand where your concerns are coming from. I deeply appreciate that you are willing to trust my judgment on this. We both want to protect her, but on this issue we just have slightly different approaches to how to go about it, both of which are valid, depending on the child's level of maturity. Unlike many people that have a completely irrational fear of firearms and their use, your response in your e-mail was intelligent and rational, qualities that I now am seeing in our daughter. That is why I feel she is ready to start learning about firearms. If I had any doubts about her ability to understand and master the skills and information I would like to give her, I would be the first to wait until I thought she was ready.

I am in no rush by any means to do this, but I feel she is a smart kid and can handle the responsibility. To ease your concerns, I will let you know exactly what I want to teach her, and you and (New hubby...unless he's a d-bag) are welcome to come along and joins us. Shooting is a safe and fun sport that most kids absolutely love the moment they hit their first target, and it teaches them safety and responsibility. I am more than willing to discuss any and all questions and concerns you have..."


Then I'd point her to some Youtube vids of kids have a blast (literally and figuratively) at the range!

 

[Jon Craig]

Ehh, very true! This is why I sent her the "book" of an email that I did. To prevent her from over reacting and doing such. She works in the schools...so I didnt want her trying to throw me under the bus when, in my opinon im doing a good service to my daughter

I totally agree, just as a non-parent I find that parents never agree with me... "You don't have a kid, you don't know, blah blah blah."

I have a feeling if your child was a son, the mother would have no problem with it. :/

 

[Joe Williams]

Sounds like a relatively well reasoned response. At least she didn't try to prohibit you taking your daughter shooting. There have been court fights over that.

Perhaps you could compromise. Get a gun for your daughter to shoot, but don't call it "her" gun. You can gift it to her when she's older, and her momma is more comfortable with the idea. Not ideal, but it may sooth her mind a bit, and show her you are willing to meet halfway.

 

[ISHOOTHST'S]

<-------- Sums it up for ure BM....we both know tht...

 

[LEaSH]

Mom's initial reaction seemed harsh and typical for non-gunpeople these days.

But her response to your email seemed more collected and less attacking. I think if people weren't programed to have rapid knee-jerk reactions, more people would respond thoughtfully the first time.

I'd say it would be best to cooperate with the mom. Give it time. Your daughter is only seven and you'll be surprised how quickly 10 comes. Then 13. Then she'll be asking for car keys.
So I'm hoping that sooner than later you'll get to share our rewarding sport with her. Maybe in 3 years or maybe sooner. It really depends on Mom.

Cooperation and an effort to have harmony amongst her parents are most important to a kids' well being. You both have plenty of time to do the fun stuff.

 

[latigo]

You may want to consider a BB/pellet gun for starters for now as you mentioned a .22 in a year or so. It may lesson some of mom's anxiety and allow for continued domestic tranquility while allowing you to still teach your daughter the fundamentals and safety of shooting at a low cost along with being able to shoot more places.

 

[alwalker84]

Thanks for the resposes...

As LEash said, this respose email is alot more dailed down than the berrade I recieved last night. But, this is only because I sent her a long email this morning explaining my passion for guns personally and as a sport, my rules, the safety, and even sent her a pic of my license to carry (maybe extreme for you guys, but you dont know her), and my storage method (safe).

Anyway, it seems as so I might have to compromise. I really dont want to stir any more than i have to over this. Not right now at least. Maybe I should wait a few years. I just dont think its fair that I should shield her from them. I might just grab a couple airsoft guns and a little to see how that goes...

Id, like to hear some more responses.

 

[bwframe]

First off, I'm assuming you are archiving multiple, rock solid, backups of all digital communications with your ex? Hopefully, it will never be needed, but it cannot be replaced if lost or buried (to eventually be lost.)

I think you are right on course by "giving in" at this point. Great idea with the air soft and air rifle "softening up."

 

[360]

I'll tell you what I'd do.

While your daughter is with you, it is YOUR'S/HER time. Her mother cannot tell you what to do with that time.

With that said, I would take her shooting, and not out of spite. Let this blow over a bit. I would also take along someone with character. That way, if she throws it in your face, you have a credible witness. Hell, video tape the affair so there are no questions about what really happened.

I don't know if the two of you get along, but you could always invite the other side to go along. It sounds like her significant other is interested in shooting as well. I know it may seem odd at first, but many families separate and remain friends with one another. You have to put the whole relationship thing aside and just be cordial. Not only will your daughter see that mommy and daddy can get along, but can enjoy time together with her without any animosity.

 

[redneckmedic]

Buy her a .22, let her pick it out, and make her a responsible owner. She will learn about it, clean it, and lock it up. Read the 10 commandments and you can even make a game out of quizing her with them. BTW...

(her husbands name) has made mention of possibly looking into getting firearms.

EPIC FAIL

 

[ISHOOTHST'S]

Do what's in 360's sig...and this bro...

 

[360]

Do what's in 360's sig...and this bro...

Pull an AK out from behind your back in front of a nude woman, and then insult her?

 

[ISHOOTHST'S]

Pull an AK out from behind your back in front of a nude woman, and then insult her?

Pretty much....but replace nude woman wit chads BM....

 

[alwalker84]

Pretty much....but replace nude woman wit chads BM....

 

[Archaic_Entity]

Pull an AK out from behind your back in front of a nude woman, and then insult her?

That's how I roll.

I think you've pretty much got the gist of it from everyone else. Although, I think it may not be a bad idea to point out what was mentioned earlier. Paying for classes for the kid. If she's (your daughter) interested in it, then she should be allowed to pursue it. If it was soccer, or volleyball, or softball your baby momma would probably have no problem with it. So she should be pressured to treat this similarly. Offering to pay for safety courses like mentioned by sj kahr k40 would be a good compromise because she knows licensed professionals are teaching her. They're treating it two-fold, as a sport while underlining the potential dangers. What's important is making sure your daughter is interested in it, and that your baby momma realizes that it really is no different than any other sport she may choose to engage in, which many start even earlier than 7 years old.

 

[ISHOOTHST'S]