Today's helpful tip

[GLOCKMAN23C]

Don't in a urinal.

 

[17 squirrel]

Let me tell you about,

The night that I fell in love with a roller derby queen

 

[Mgderf]

Let me tell you about,

The night that I fell in love with a roller derby queen

Is this going to end in one of those, "meth is a hell of a drug..." type scenario?

 

[halfmileharry]

Don't in a urinal.

 

[churchmouse]

Is this going to end in one of those, "meth is a hell of a drug..." type scenario?

 

[17 squirrel]

The night (you know) that I fell in love with a Roller Derby Queen
(Round 'n' round, oh round 'n' round)
The meanest hunk o' woman
That anybody ever seen
Down in the arena

She is a five foot six and two fifteen
A bleached-blonde mama with a streak of mean
She knew how to knuckle
And she knew how to scuffle and fight
And the roller derby program said
That she were built like a 'fridgerator with a head
The fans called her "Tuffy"
But all her buddies called her "Spike"

 

[17 squirrel]

Well I could not help it but to fall in love
With this heavy-duty woman I been speakin' of
Things looked kind of bad
Until the day she skated into my life

Well she might be nasty she might be fat
But I never met a person who would tell her that
She's my big blonde bomber
My heavy handed Hackensack mama

All you old farts here*** Jim Crocie. Roller Derby Queen.

 

[bulletsmith]

Watch out where the huskies go, and don't you eat that yellow snow!
-Zappa

 

[17 squirrel]

She's hard to get started

 

[Bennettjh]

Don't squat with your spurs on...

That is very good advice.

 

[Gluemanz28]

Never pet a porcupine

 

[fullauto 45]

You should've seen the looks on the faces of my Dad and Mom,
When I showed up at the door with a date for the senior prom.
They said: "Well, pardon us, son, she ain't no kid.
That's a cocktail waitress in a Dolly Parton wig."
I said: "I know it, dad. Ain't she cool, That's the kind I dig."

 

[17 squirrel]

She's hard to get started

She's always so cold
In the mornings I find her
She's looking so old

 

[pudly]

Buy low. Sell high.

 

[Gluemanz28]

A bad day can be fixed by driving down a country road with the windows down.

It works even better if your on a motorcycle (No windows needed)

 

[Gluemanz28]

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.....

Except for Bears, Bears will kill you.

 

[Cameramonkey]

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.....

Except for Bears, Bears will kill you.

And .22short is a good bear defense round.

When you are confronted by a bear:

1. Pull out your 22 short pistol.
2. Shoot your buddy in the leg.
3. Run away.

"I dont have to outrun the bear... I just have to outrun YOU!"

 

[Gluemanz28]

And .22short is a good bear defense round.

When you are confronted by a bear:

1. Pull out your 22 short pistol.
2. Shoot your buddy in the leg.
3. Run away.

"I dont have to outrun the bear... I just have to outrun YOU!"

Now I'm starting to understand why all my buddies always ask me to go along with them bear hunting.

 

[churchmouse]

Now I'm starting to understand why all my buddies always ask me to go along with them bear hunting.

Sheesh.......you will not need to shoot me. I can only sprint a very short distance.....

 

[Gluemanz28]

Sheesh.......you will not need to shoot me. I can only sprint a very short distance.....

Yep, me too. From the recliner to the refrigerator between commercials.