Stories and photos from my time living in the Middle East

[BehindBlueI's]

I had my first ever cup of M.E. coffee in that mall! That stuff came in such an itty bitty cup but HOLY CRAP! Felt like a gerbil on crack bouncing around after cup!
Good times.

Bob

Yeah...that ain't coffee. It's caffeine in sludge form. Blech.

 

[tbhausen]

"You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to BehindBlueI's again."

Grrr...

Terrific thread--thanks.

 

[Waveraider]

BBI, were those camels that were in line wild, or domesticated? Just wondering if they have wild camels, like we have wild horses out west.

 

[BehindBlueI's]

BBI, were those camels that were in line wild, or domesticated? Just wondering if they have wild camels, like we have wild horses out west.

Domesticated. They knew when they saw the guy's truck to come over for food.

The one by himself, I don't know.

 

[BehindBlueI's]

We had one station that was jointly manned with the Qatari military. As the Qataris are 'above' being grunts, the few that are actually Qatari come in as officers. The enlisted men are hired from other nations in the area. Many are Yemen, and one of those was Khalid. He was routinely assigned to the joint gate as his English was pretty good.

The joint gate was the gate that we shared with the Qatari military. We had a dedicated gate on one side of the base that only came to our base. The joint gate let you go to the US base if you went straight or the Qatari base if you turned right. This was sort of a forward post before the search lane, basically checking ID's and the like. Anyway, Khalid was one of the youngest guys there, unmarried, and just generally goofy. He spoke decent English and was willing to help me learn more Arabic and customs, etc. He inadvertently taught me a pretty valuable lesson. Arabs are often not literal in what they say. Inviting you to coffee is really saying "we're good enough friends we could meet for coffee if we wanted to." This seems odd at first, but we actually do the same thing in English. We know that if someone says "we should have you over for dinner sometime" that the "should" and "sometime" part mean its not an invitation, its a general statement of friendship. There are clues that natives understand without thinking about it, but if you're an outsider you may wonder why you never got that invite.

So, among many Arabs, the simple invitation to coffee or tea or dinner isn't a real invitation. It's the "sometime" equivalent, even if a time is discussed. I didn't know that. Khalid invited me to coffee after we got off work at around 6pm (or something like that, I don't recall the exact times and they aren't important). I knew enough to know he wouldn't be on time. Time is sort of...unimportant to the cultures with a nomadic tradition. Still, coming from a military background I must be somewhere 15 minutes early or I feel late, so I got there on time to be late, so to speak. I waited and he didn't show. I waited and he didn't show. I waited and it felt like even for being late, he was late. I tried to call him but didn't get an answer. After about 2 hours or so I went hope and was angry with him for not showing up and not letting me know.

The next day I was back at the joint gate and so was he and I gave him a pretty hotly tempered WTF question and I could tell he was genuinely confused as to what I was talking about. He explained he didn't answer his phone because he was eating dinner with his family and didn't have his phone, and he was plainly surprised I went to the coffee shop. I was still pretty angry, but chalked it up to a misunderstanding and dropped it.

Fawad tried to explain to me it hadn't been a real invitation. It wasn't a practical joke or to be cruel, it was just something they said and Khalid hadn't meant for me to take it seriously. I still didn't really understood, but got that it was a cultural difference and we were still friends, that he hadn't been being mean and wasting my time on purpose. Finally, I read a book called "The Arab Mind" which is a psychology book about how traditional Arabic cultures work in the subconscious mind. Then I finally got it. A "hey, let's meet for coffee after work" is the same as "should/sometime". It it's a REAL invitation, it will be mentioned three times or more, and each time will be more specific and more emphatic. If I invite you for coffee after work, I'm saying "we're good enough friends we could meet for coffee". If I invite you for coffee, and then later in the conversation mention a specific time and place with some emphasis, I'm probably actually inviting you. If I bring it up a third time, tell you that I will meet you for coffee at X place at Y time, Inshallah, and we will have coffee together...then it's a real invitation. I'll still be late, but I intend to be there.

This is something that is extremely important to remember when dealing with traditional Arabs in speech or in writing. Words are cathartic. In road rage, they will often threaten such horrible acts of violence you would swear they are ready to fight to the point of chewing each other's throats out...but they are just getting their emotions out. It seems incredibly rude to us, and it also seems much more dangerous than it is, because we tend to take any threat fairly seriously unless its accompanied by contradictory body language, but their equivalent of contradictory body language is not following the 'ritual' that makes it serious. In short, we start off as 'literal' and there are signs used to change it to 'not literal.' They are the opposite in many things. Language is understood to be not literal, but an expression of emotion, unless the signs are used to make it mean 'literal.'

I was reminded of this again later when a story came out about the US negotiations with Jordan during the early stages of OIF. The Jordanian ambassador railed and decried actions of the US for quite awhile, basically berating his US counterpart. When he was done railing he said the equivalent of "but of course we are friends, and we are allies, and we will help you in this matter." And they did, granting the air space and other things the US wanted. If you only listened to the words up front, you'd have thought they were our mortal enemies. This was his equivalent of saying "we'll help you because we are allies, but understand that some of your decisions have made things harder for us." and a reminder of not being a vassal state. The US ambassador was, of course, well versed in what to expect and reacted appropriately, which is why the story became so widely repeated for those of us who worked with them.

 

[KG1]

"Let's do lunch sometime"

 

[BehindBlueI's]

This isn't my picture, but from the web:

That is a pack of John Player cigarettes, which we typically called "Johnny Player's" for some reason or other. The claim to fame for these cigarettes is they are supposedly coated with something to make them water resistant and were thus popular with sailors. We liked them because of the name. I should explain "we" was the little group of guards I hung out with (Gary, Brunson, etc.)....and NONE OF US SMOKED. Gary found them at a local store and bought a pack because "Johnny looks like a real player!" and we all ended up with a pack that was sort of a talisman of the group. I don't know what happened to my pack, I guess it got lost in moving around so much or something, but I carried the same unopened pack for well over a year when I was in Qatar.

And that reminds me of this story.

Along with the Americans, DynCorp had hired a bunch of Nepalis, most of whom were former Ghurkas (British trained) but some were cops trained by the Indians. If you aren't familiar with the Ghurka, take a quick break and read this : Who are the Gurkhas? - BBC News

The Ghurkas were fantastic to work with. They were well disciplined, took orders without complaint, and did not seem to get bored easily on guard duty. The younger Indian trained guys were a more mixed bag, and while they would never complain to your face some of them were back biters and whiners of the highest order if things didn't go there way. If I had my choice, I tried to get the former Ghurka trained guys if I was working a search lane. Anyway, the Ghurkas chewed tobacco nearly constantly. They would put a few dry leaves in their palm, sprinkle some white powder over it, then grind it. Grinding was done by laying the right hand's pointer finger over the leaves in their left palm, closing the left hand into a fist, and then rotating both hands so the left fist was the "mortar" and the right pointer finger was the "pestle". They would then pop it in their cheek like Americans do our chewing tobacco. I asked what the white powder was and they told me "lime". I never could determine if it was lime the fruit, or lime the magnesium plant food, or something completely different. I asked, but could never get them to understand or I didn't understand their answers. It didn't taste like citrus, as I would discover.

I was working the search lane fairly early in my time in country and had sort of figured the Ghurkas out. They were used to British officers so they didn't take any issue with an American half their age running the show simply because he was American and they were Ghurkas. That didn't mean you had acceptance, it meant you had obedience. They would test you out a bit like any soldiers trying to figure out their new CO. One of the older guards, Tamang, came up to me and offered me some of their chewing tobacco. I politely declined as I don't chew. He pressed the issue a bit and I rapidly saw it was more than just an offer, it was a test of sorts. So I took it, did the above mentioned grinding thing and then popped it in my mouth. For probably 10 minutes I totally got the appeal of chewing tobacco. It was sort of a pleasant intoxication without all of the fogginess. I would assume this is the appeal to tobacco and is the common response to strong doses of nicotine, but those who smoke or chew regularly would know more than me. Anyway, after about 10 minutes my pleasant high started to become a nagging need to vomit and a growing dizziness. Keep in mind it was well over 100 degrees, which didn't improve things. I suspected if I spit it out so quickly I'd fail their test. So, I went to the port-a-john and spit it out and rinsed my mouth out. I had a little packet of gummy fruits in my pocket that I used to suck on to keep moisture in my mouth. I took a "strawberry" from the gummy fruit and stuck it in my lip where I'd had the bump of tobacco. I spent the next 45 minutes or so spitting and keeping up the act before finally saying "man, this is starting to get to me" and going to the port-a-john to "rinse my mouth". They had watched me the whole time and I could see on Tamang's face that I'd passed/won/whatever. That got me some level of acceptance that grew over time and they never bothered me with the tobacco thing again. I'm pretty sure if I'd been sick or visibly wussed out it would have been a joke at least, delayed my acceptance at most.

That same Tamang (there was more than one, it seemed a common name) had been trained to be a palace guard. It was a great source of pride for him, and he brought out that little gem at any opportunity. We were in a guard shack at an interior post one day and something I said got him to talking about the whole drill and ceremony of the guard. He grabbed a broom and proceeded to use his new "broom rifle" to demonstrate. He did so with such grave dignity that the juxtaposition of his seriousness and a "broom rifle" was hilarious. Not laughing at him and maintaining my composure for what had to be an hour of stomping around and broom waving remains one of my greatest accomplishments.

 

[shootersix]

View attachment 39921

 

[Alamo]

...Bureaucracy is a huge business there. They love to make documents, stamp them, use that document to get another document, and then stamp that one somewhere else. It's nearly comical, unless you are in a hurry. Then it's frustrating...

The combination of western bureaucratic administrative model with all its opportunities to pass the buck, and Arab avoidance of making any decision if at all possible, the whole 'insha'allah' thing, the elasticity of the concept of "time", and the baksheesh culture, can make it truly tortuous to get anything done.

Although when the stars do align they can move wondrously fast.

 

[BehindBlueI's]

The combination of western bureaucratic administrative model with all its opportunities to pass the buck, and Arab avoidance of making any decision if at all possible, the whole 'insha'allah' thing, the elasticity of the concept of "time", and the baksheesh culture, can make it truly tortuous to get anything done.

Although when the stars do align they can move wondrously fast.

Jordan was worse. Without Nabil, we'd have never been able to navigate the legal system just to get married. It was a huge ordeal since she was living abroad and I wasn't Jordanian. An an example, I had to show I had 'permission' from my home country to marry. Obviously the US doesn't issue a document that says I have the government's approval to marry abroad. The fact the document doesn't exist does not mean it can be excluded from the packet of paperwork needed to marry. If it was excluded, where would you put the stamps to show it had been seen by the correct people in the correct order?

So for this one document, what I had to do was:

Go to the US Embassy in Qatar and figure out the nearest equivalent. The embassy staff initially blew me off, but after some wheedling I finally got a document that said I was eligible to marry (my wife's name). (Actually what it said was that I was not currently married, thus there were no legal barriers to me marrying her.)

Go get a certified translation (and tell the translator what direction the translation needed to go when there was a choice in how to word things).

Go to the Jordanian embassy in Qatar and get the translation and the original stamped (which was quick, since I had established the relationship with them already).

Go to various Qatari ministries for stamps who's purposes I'm not sure of, some on the original and some on the translation.

(Fly to Jordan)

Go to US Embassy in Jordan and get a stamp that the document from the US embassy in Qatar was real. (This is a requirement to get the Jordanian places to stamp it, not a US requirement).
Go to Qatari embassy in Jordan and get it stamped.
Go to a court in Jordan and get it stamped.
Go to various departments in Jordan and get it stamped.

This was ONE document in a PACKET of documents for me, and my wife had her own packet of similar but different documents that also needed stamps but often in a different order and at different places, as her stuff needed a Jordanian stamp first, THEN the others.

This translation eventually had so many stamps that the last person who stamped it had trouble finding a place to affix the stamp without obscuring other stamps.

The whole process delayed our marriage 3 days, and again without Nabil it probably would have been impossible to get done before we had to go back to Qatar. Now many of you are are doubtlessly wondering why we didn't just marry in Qatar. That was our first choice, but we abandoned it because the logistics were so complex as to be nearly impossible. If one of you is Qatari or if both of you are from the same foreign country it's not that much tougher. When neither of you are and you're from different countries, it would require trips back to your native country to get original documents with certified signatures, and a letter from her father. Seriously. The fact he lived in Qatar and could just come to the service was irrelevant. He would have to fly back to Jordan, write a letter and get it stamped, then give us the letter. Because stamps are important, and you can't stamp a person standing there saying it's ok and if you just write the letter in Qatar how will you the people in Jordan know to stamp it?

Now for the absolute end kick in the pants. We got married in Jordan FINALLY and flew back to Qatar and everything was lovely until we went to the US embassy to ask about her visa process. We did not get a 'civil certificate' in Jordan because we didn't know such a thing existed. We were legally married for the Arabic countries as we had the signed marriage contract and assorted papers...but we had the equivalent of a religious marriage with no civil recognition. Arabic countries don't make the distinction, the marriage is binding if you file it with the government or not, but the US doesn't accept religious only weddings and if you didn't file it they don't count it. We ended up just having a civil ceremony during our honeymoon instead of trying to go back to Jordan and rectify it. My wife insisted that means I have to buy her two anniversary presents a year as we have two official wedding dates.

 

[jamil]

I concur. Two anniversary presents are required. Sometimes convenience has a price. But of course that means you get two as well.

BTW, I've been meaning to ask, how has your wife adjusted to American life? Big cultural difference between there and here. I'd imagine there were at least as many adjustments for her living here as there were for you living there. The decision to move here couldn't have been easy for her.

 

[Alamo]

Jordan was worse. Without Nabil, we'd have never been able to navigate the legal system ...

That's quite a story.

Every company, and our military unit, in Saudi Arabia had at least one "expediter" or "fixer" who could speak the local language, knew who to talk to and, er, "negotiate" with to get things done, and it wasn't just for civil stuff. Anything to do with the Saudi bureaucrats, give him my stack of paper and off he'd go.

One of my contractor friends got hauled off to jail one day when he was stopped in a traffic jam in Riyadh, and the local police showed up and arrested everyone in the jam and hauled them out of their cars and off to jail.

No "one phone call", no calling Saul, they just tossed them all in a big open prison cell and left them. (He said it wasn't scary, just boring). His family and a bunch of friends were waiting for him for dinner (it was American Thanksgiving Day), and he just didn't show. They eventually called the company fixer, who called the hospitals and police stations until he found my friend. The fixer showed up, paid a "fine" for him, and got him out of the jug. Fixer told him he had been charged with something ridiculous, like "speeding", I don't remember exactly, but recall he was stuck in a traffic jam. We guessed it was the end of the quota period and the cops were behind on head counts or something. Took a couple days (and probably some more fines) to find his car, which had been towed off.

Without the fixer, he'd probably still be there.

 

[BehindBlueI's]

I concur. Two anniversary presents are required. Sometimes convenience has a price. But of course that means you get two as well.

BTW, I've been meaning to ask, how has your wife adjusted to American life? Big cultural difference between there and here. I'd imagine there were at least as many adjustments for her living here as there were for you living there. The decision to move here couldn't have been easy for her.

She was afraid to move to the US at first. Just as most Americans have a skewed view of the Mid East, most of them have a skewed version of the US if they haven't been here. She really thought we shot each other in the streets over petty disputes pretty regularly. TV, and her brother than lived in CA in a sketchy area where are only sources of info...so, yeah, we came across as cowboys and gangsters.

Some things she took to right away. She was excited by things we take for granted. The mail comes to your house instead of you having to go to the post office. Freight trains, which are pretty impressive if you haven't seen one before. Snow, although the excitement about snow went away real quick. She can wear what she wants and strangers don't feel obligated to chastise her, which was apparently sometimes an issue in the pharmacy.

Early sources of friction were how men and women work together and our level of acceptable flirting is way over their levels. It took her awhile to figure out the acceptable level of interaction between the sexes. She has had a very tough time making friends with American women.

[video=youtube;3hmlPtRu1SQ]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3hmlPtRu1SQ[/video]

The level of gossip, "don't tell your husband, but...", and clique "intrigue" turned her off. According to her, women here are more free but less friendly. They are more competitive with each other and jealous of other women.

We've had a few language issues over the years. She spoke good English when we met, but she learned British dialect, plus she directly translates some idioms. As an example, once when we were still dating she came to my house and I was making something in the kitchen when she poked her head around the corner and said "I opened your television, I hope that's ok." I briefly wondered if she'd tried to get the little people out or what, but when I looked around the corner she'd just turned it on. She "opened" lights and appliances to turn them on, "closed" them to turn them off. A shelf is a roof. A building has X number of roofs, not floors or stories. Biscuits were cookies, but we got that sorted pretty quick. She still sometimes has trouble with the severity of words, like making the distinction between "unpleasant" and "disgusting". When it's "a lot" vs "too much", etc. Like coffee will be on sale so she'll stock up and come home and say "I bought too much coffee". I've figured out how to translate, but its caused her some issues with people who aren't familiar with her. I've done the same thing in Arabic. "Con-jous" means a person who is being cheap (in the miserly way). Apparently its more insulting than I realized and I caused quite a row teasing her with it when she was clipping out coupons.

All in all, she's done very well other than the making friends thing. I always worry that she's going to feel isolated, but she's become the "cool aunt" among her numerous nieces and she talks to her family daily. I was laughing at her yesterday as she was talking to one of her nieces who is 16 who was having the standard "my parents don't like what I wear" argument with her parents. The girl wanted to wear a bikini to a boy/girl pool party and her parents were having none of it. My wife was telling her just to listen to them and go to the party and when she turns 18 she can wear what she wants, but they are just worried for her because she's so pretty and no one, especially Arabic people, want their girls to look too hot. I started laughing, so she switched to Arabic, so I could only pick up bits and pieces but she did tell her to be glad they don't insist she wear a hijab. I couldn't follow the rest. I think this is why she doesn't like to teach me Arabic, she still has a secret code for girl talk. That girl and her sister want to come to the US and be models. I still can't believe it, but all of them (including my wife) are fascinated with the Kardashians. My wife recently bought some boots and excitedly told me they were the same ones "Kim" wears! I was dutifully impressed...but really? The Kardashians? Oh, all shoes that aren't sandals are boots. Running boots, dress boots, etc. These actually were boots.

Oh, I have to tell a story about her mother. Her mother is probably the sweetest creature on the planet. My wife accidentally backed over a squirrel and injured it one day and she told her mother about it. Her mother told her to go to the store, buy some peanuts, give them to the squirrel, and say she was sorry. I laughed when my wife told me this thinking it was a pretty funny joke. Nope, she was serious. My wife hurt the squirrel, she should make it right to the best of her ability, inshaallah.

 

[IndyDave1776]

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to BehindBlueI's again.

Seriously, thanks for the amusing story. It sounds like life is far from dull and boring!

 

[IndyDave1776]

My wife insisted that means I have to buy her two anniversary presents a year as we have two official wedding dates.

Oh come on! You have let your feelings show enough that I can see that you would buy her a present for my birthday if she wanted you to!

 

[BehindBlueI's]

Oh come on! You have let your feelings show enough that I can see that you would buy her a present for my birthday if she wanted you to!

If she wanted presents, she should have gotten them in the contract.

I ought to dig it out and post a picture, but the marriage contract actually is a contract. It's like a business contract. I, the husband, will give you the following items to marry me. If I ever divorce you, I must give you these additional items, etc. The "prenup" is built in, and the woman maintains total control over the items given up front, they are not 'joint property'. Gold is traditional as it was a savings account in a land without banks. In modern times its sometimes symbolic, sometimes useful (a car, furniture, etc.) We went the symbolic route and my "up front" was a gold Dinar. I bought her a necklace and a pendent that holds the coin as well.

 

[IndyDave1776]

If she wanted presents, she should have gotten them in the contract.

I ought to dig it out and post a picture, but the marriage contract actually is a contract. It's like a business contract. I, the husband, will give you the following items to marry me. If I ever divorce you, I must give you these additional items, etc. The "prenup" is built in, and the woman maintains total control over the items given up front, they are not 'joint property'. Gold is traditional as it was a savings account in a land without banks. In modern times its sometimes symbolic, sometimes useful (a car, furniture, etc.) We went the symbolic route and my "up front" was a gold Dinar. I bought her a necklace and a pendent that holds the coin as well.

Fascinating. I didn't realize that it was this formal. That said, the contract doesn't prohibit you from doing extra and you aren't going to convince me that you wouldn't!

 

[shootersix]

. I couldn't follow the rest. I think this is why she doesn't like to teach me Arabic, she still has a secret code for girl talk. That girl and her sister want to come to the US and be models. I still can't believe it, but all of them (including my wife) are fascinated with the Kardashians. My wife recently bought some boots and excitedly told me they were the same ones "Kim" wears! I was dutifully impressed...but really? The Kardashians? Oh, all shoes that aren't sandals are boots. Running boots, dress boots, etc. These actually were boots.
.

i used to work with a guy the married a ukraninan women, and about the first ukranian he learned was the word "lazy". cause when ever she asked him to do something, and he didnt hop to it right away the first thing she said was "something american", eventually he figured it out "lazy american". reminds me of the movie better off dead

[video=youtube;zuFZE8lxZ5g]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zuFZE8lxZ5g[/video]

as for the kardishians...if she dosent stop watching that show...DIVORCE! ship her home! you dont need the krapdashians ruining your wife!, next thing you know you'll be the next "kaitlyn"!

 

[BehindBlueI's]

I'm starting to forget what I've talked about and what I haven't. I guess I'm going to have to re-read my own thread. I'm pretty sure I didn't talk about Petra. Have I mentioned the Dead Sea Scrolls or the Dead Sea?

Ok, Petra is an incredible thing to see. If you ever go to Jordan, this should be #1 on your things to do that are tourist-y. I mean, the Dead Sea is cool because you can say you've been there and swam in it or whatever, but its basically just a really salty beach. Once you bob around in the water like a cork for a bit, you've pretty much done the Dead Sea. Petra, though, that's fascinating.

You can read the Wiki on it here, as I'm not going to go a ton into the history of it: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Petra

Petra is a city inside of a hollow mountain. Think of a volcano cone. Then picture someone carving a city on the inside of it. That's Petra. The place is a remarkable natural fortress. The sides are sheer and steep. There is only one entrance, which is a crack that runs diagonally through the wall so that it isn't visible until you are right in front of it.

You walk down a long crack, or you rent a donkey or camel from some local children and ride down, and you find a bunch of buildings carved into the stone walls.

The entrance is tough to see from a distance due to the angle it runs at, it just blends in with the rough walls. This is pretty close, and its easy to see how if you passed by 1/4 mile or so away you'd never see the entrance.

This is the entrance from up close.

...and the donkey taxis:

As you walk along, there is a water collecting channel carved in the wall, which would catch condensation running down the walls and feed cisterns, although now they are too eroded to let the water flow all the way. The crack is fairly wide in some spots, but in most places you could only walk 4-7 people abreast.

This is the end of the entrance:

 

[BehindBlueI's]

Once you are inside it is very big, much bigger than I expected.

Some of the "buildings" are very ornate and well carved out. Others are rough hewn. They worked with the natural features, so some form little neighborhoods and some are off to themselves. There are wide paths that are like modern roads and there are tiny goat paths with carved stairs.

The insides of the nicely carved ones are equally as nice. The rooms are square and the angles are very clean. I didn't have a straight edge and plumb, but I'm sure whoever carved them did.

Down futher into the mountain a bit:

Got out of order a little bit, this is the path down to the crack to enter Petra. The hollowed out hill is likely some sort of guard shack or shepherd shelter.

They built up pretty high. Whatever they used to access these upper rooms isn't there any longer.

This is the "Lion's building", named for the lions carved on either side of the crack. It looked like a natural crack they'd carved an ornate door frame around. No one knew what the reason for the lions was.

They are tough to make out, but in the middle of the photo down in the shadow of this fissure was two girls selling polished rocks to tourists. I couldn't figure out how to get down to them from where I was or I would likely have bought some. They were probably 10-12 years old.

I was a bit distracted when I went as it was during the time we were hustling to get all the papers for our marriage together and I was nervous about getting it done in time so I didn't really enjoy myself. When we go back to Jordan I'm going to do it again at a more relaxed pace.