So your kid comes homes in tears

[88GT]

My question is whether or not the kid is fat. If he's fat then the other child was not a bully. He was honest. It may be insensitive to point it out but if the child is fat then they need to cope with people on occasion pointing out that he is fat.

Riiiiight. And the physically disabled kid shouldn't stress about it either because the jackarse is just being honest.

And don't give me that crap about the disabled kid being born with it. My son's preschool has children with moobs. FOUR YEAR OLDS WITH MOOBS.
Are you really going to try and argue that a child has any control over his diet, let alone the knowledge to make the appropriate decisions?

Sure when he's 12 and takes a health class he might be able to put 2 and 2 together and make the changes (we'll ignore for the sake of argument that unless he's shopping for the groceries and making the meals, he's still somewhat limited in his ability to make significant changes). But what about when he's seven and the crap starts? If his mom and dad are anything like the kid in my son's preschool, I have some serious doubts about their willingness to make a whole lot of changes. IOW, it's clear where the children get their eating habits.

If you took the time to read the blog, you'd realize that the "fat" comment was pulled from it, and in the context of that story, the bullying went well beyond simply being called fat. And it could be anything at all. And it needn't be factual to matter.

I don't disagree that children need to learn to adjust to a world that doesn't sugarcoat things for them. But let's keep this conversation in context and not twist it to minimize the points being made.

 

[Bunnykid68]

I taught my kids not to take crap and to also defend anyone that is being picked on. As far as getting in trouble, I told them so long as you didn't start it you have my blessings to finish it.

 

[wtfd661]

Well, as a (cough) (cough) some what overweight child, when some one (rather rudely) was "honest" with me about me weight, they usually stopped after the first time (right about the same time they were picking themselves up off the ground). I like to think I was just being honest about their inability to defend themselves from a "fat" kid.

 

[j706]

I taught my kids not to take crap and to also defend anyone that is being picked on. As far as getting in trouble, I told them so long as you didn't start it you have my blessings to finish it.

Same here. I have two that are grown and two still in HS. My youngest son got expelled for defending himself. He won soundly and did not get any grief from me. I don't care if the huggy feely school admin types approve or not. I refuse to follow the politically correct trash. IMO a kid has to know that he is free to defend himself from the weak minded punks. It seems to me that kids who are bullies have low self esteem and no confidence. Being a bully makes them feel strong and important..at least until they get their a-- handed to them.

 

[Farmerjon]

If your child is on the computer at home, or has a cell phone, the difference for most of us versus our kids, when we got home, we were "safe" and it was a non issue until the next morning. Now it is 24/7, constant, if they aren't getting texted, their buddy is and their buddy is calling them or emailing them. So that is a difference. My girls rode horses and showed cattle and hogs so chores at home were a fact of life since they could walk. I told them all through elementary and Jr. High, you are stronger than those boys, kick their ass. Youngest did tell one girl, my dad said I couldn't throw the first punch so you get that one, the rest are mine! Bully ran away, she learned a valuable lesson, most bullies only bully those that allow it. Now I know there are exceptions, but it is a frustrating, scary situation for parents, we know our kids are going through a hell we can't help with personally. I always told mine, if you were defending yourself and kicked their ass, you can stay home and watch tv, you earned that vacation.

 

[Suprtek]

What would you do if your kid came home in tears because some a$ at school called him fat? http://www.danoah.com/2010/10/memoirs-of-bullied-kid.html

I get what you're trying to do here but this is rarely a situation that a parent would have to deal with if they've done their job up to that point. My parents taught me to stand up for myself. More importantly, they taught me how to tell when it was time to do so. They also taught me that there may be a price to pay for standing up for myself, meaning I just might get my but kicked. I was never the biggest or the strongest in school. I didn't need to be. All I needed to be was more trouble than the bully wanted to deal with. I got my butt kicked more than once, but it made my point.

 

[Eddie]

What would you do if your kid came home in tears because some a$ at school called him fat? Do you think he could hide the daily abuse from you? What if it got physical? Would he know it would be acceptable in your eyes to return the favor and make it obvious he was no body's punching bag? Would it be acceptable?

But let's keep this conversation in context and not twist it to minimize the points being made.

As I said before, I would first ascertain whether or not the child was fat. If my own child is coming home from school crying because somebody said he is fat and he is not in fact fat, that is one conversation. If somebody called him fat and he is in fact fat that is a different conversation. The number of times and the context in which he is called fat would also be relevant.

 

[96firephoenix]

I was always taught to never start a fight, but be sure and finish it. you don't see me blubbing about getting teased.

 

[Cain71]

In Bartholomew County schools they get expelled for retaliation, no matter what. had an incident where my son came home briused in the kidney area,same kid for 3 days whacking him in the lunch line. never a call about going to the nurses office or anything from the teacher about the bruises. I ask my son what the peoblem is and he states that he is more afraid of getting in trouble at home than getting picked on by the bully, now that makes you feel like a turd. So the next day i went to the office,talked with the principal about the situation and was informed that they new about it and the little brat had missed 5 minutes of recess for the infraction. thats when my son and I had the talk,about not taking it from a bully, not to start but to finish and i explained to the principal that if my boy came back home with any more marks it would be handled against their policies. 2 days later my son fed the brat his lunch box, no more trouble and amazingly no phone call.
The polocies are to train kids like sheep from day 1. End rant.

 

[LEaSH]

I wonder if parents realized what they were getting into when they decided to procreate in the first place.

The world has always been an unfair and cruel place for children. The bullying has been sensationalized in the news for the simple purpose of pushing an agenda.

The message is: "life's not fair, but we'll take care of you so you won't have to take care of yourself."

Life is full of disappointment, part of growing up is overcoming that disappointment and any other obstacles that stand in your way to reach your goals.

Nothing saddens me more than when a child cries. But there are two kinds of tears, the kind that are real, and the kind that are for attention.
If they are going to tear up everytime they face a problem that they expect an adult to solve, what will they grow up to be? That's right, a democrat.

 

[Knife Lady]

I know how kids can be cruel to each other. I used to be very skinny just up until the last 2 years I ahve gained weight. Even as an adult I was still teased and called skinny or no butt and lots of other painfull sayings. they hurt as kid and still hurt as an adult. I learned after the years to say something back to try to hurt them so they would stop, sometimes it worked sometimes it didnt. I also tried the nice way and would say back to them " yes I know I am skinny". They would just laugh at me. Like I said it hurts but then I knew they were just jeolous ( other women) because they were over weight and I was not. I also started taking up for myself and eventually it stopped. As a parent you always want to protect your child from anything that is harmful whether it be mentally or physically. You cannot be with him/her 24/7 so at some point they have to learn to defend themselves or learn to toughen their heart up to walk away. They cannot carry their heart on their sleeves. It will not get them anywhere in the adult world either. Comfort him/her and explain there are mean kids out there and you can either try to beat them up or ignore them. They will have to make that decision on their own and be comfortable with it. I think it is a good idea to teach them how to fight just incase they ever really have to. I had 5 brothers to teach me.
Life sure isnt fair during childhood and the "bullies" well if the school is notified then they might not be bullies for long since the media has focused on this a lot in the last 10 years. Report those bullies and see if that does any good.

 

[ATOMonkey]

There is teasing a kid, and then there is bullying. Teasing is random, and can be shrugged off. Bullying is systematic, daily, mental and physical abuse. I'm guessing most people here were just teased and not bullied, which is why it's easy to say, "just shrug it off" or "stand up for yourself." That's fine to do once or twice a year, but try doing it every day.

I was bullied relentlessly for the entire time I was in public school, so this issue is near and dear to me.

The easiest way to stop bullying is to just get the teachers to care enough to act. So much of the time they look the other way. The worst is when a teacher gets in on the act. Had that happen too.

There is nothing the kid can do to stop the bullying. A bully is a kid's personal tormentor. There is no "out witting" a bully. There is no defending yourself. The myth that bullies are all bark and no bite simply isn't true, and I've got the scars to prove it. BTW, a 10 y/o boy isn't much of a match for a 16 y/o, even with martial arts training. Even if a kid successfully defends himself, all he does is turn the bully into a victim. Then the bully's friends go looking for vengence.

IMO, the best thing you can do as a parent is to home school your kid as soon as it starts, because if they are being bullied and not just teased, it will never end. Either that or take them to another school, get the teacher to switch classes, anything to remove them from that environment. Then you have to teach your child what real forgiveness is, so they can begin to heal. If they never truly forgive that bully to the point they feel sorry for him/her they'll always carry those scars.

 

[Knife Lady]

I agree with letting the teachers , principals know about the bullying.
Let the school get involved. Organize a parents bullying night. get other parents involved. I am sure there are more kids than just yours getting bullied. Let the school know you will be putting this together and getting other parents involved also and hopefully they will take this serious and take some action.

 

[ATOMonkey]

All you need is a teacher with a spine to kick the bully out of class the first time he says or does something. No special organization required.

It's VERY obvious who the bullies are and who the victims are.

Just let it be known that this kind of behavior will not be tolerated in the slightest way. I say use the three strike rule. If a kid is caught bullying 3 times, he's expelled. No muss, no fuss, no negotiations. I don't care if it inconveniences the parents. School is not a free baby sitting service. If you kid is a jerk, then you get to deal with him/her.

 

[abnk]

What would you do if your kid came home in tears because some a$ at school called him fat?

I'd probably put him in a weightloss program.

 

[Kelevra TAR-21]

I used to be bullied in school. Then something happened. I hit 6' 3" 340lbs and now in the real world I'm the bully. Except I don't bully the weak, I go after the jerks and the ones who bully.

 

[Ogre]

There is teasing a kid, and then there is bullying. Teasing is random, and can be shrugged off. Bullying is systematic, daily, mental and physical abuse. I'm guessing most people here were just teased and not bullied, which is why it's easy to say, "just shrug it off" or "stand up for yourself." That's fine to do once or twice a year, but try doing it every day.

I was bullied relentlessly for the entire time I was in public school, so this issue is near and dear to me.

The easiest way to stop bullying is to just get the teachers to care enough to act. So much of the time they look the other way. The worst is when a teacher gets in on the act. Had that happen too.

There is nothing the kid can do to stop the bullying. A bully is a kid's personal tormentor. There is no "out witting" a bully. There is no defending yourself. The myth that bullies are all bark and no bite simply isn't true, and I've got the scars to prove it. BTW, a 10 y/o boy isn't much of a match for a 16 y/o, even with martial arts training. Even if a kid successfully defends himself, all he does is turn the bully into a victim. Then the bully's friends go looking for vengence.

IMO, the best thing you can do as a parent is to home school your kid as soon as it starts, because if they are being bullied and not just teased, it will never end. Either that or take them to another school, get the teacher to switch classes, anything to remove them from that environment. Then you have to teach your child what real forgiveness is, so they can begin to heal. If they never truly forgive that bully to the point they feel sorry for him/her they'll always carry those scars.

So basically, teach them that they need to run away from their problems?.... I don't think so. And as far as having the teacher remove the bully from the class; the bully is just going to use this as ammunition to take it out on said bullied child. I have agreed with many of the responces so far in this thread, but I am in total disagreement with this.

 

[dsol]

Both of my kids have been told by me to never start a fight, but if one starts, they are welcome to finish it by any means necessary and I will back them to the hilt 100%. A punch to the nose to start the eyes watering and kick the hell out of a knee, then step back to make sure nobody is coming to help the bully.

 

[ATOMonkey]

So basically, teach them that they need to run away from their problems?.... I don't think so. And as far as having the teacher remove the bully from the class; the bully is just going to use this as ammunition to take it out on said bullied child. I have agreed with many of the responces so far in this thread, but I am in total disagreement with this.

Then you haven't been on the receiving end of actual bullying.

It's not running from your problem. It's the only solution available. What would you have the kid do? Just sit there and take the verbal abuse day after week after month after year? Get beat up every day when he tries to fight back against a kid twice his size?

What kind of sadist does that?

The teachers and admins won't do a damn thing to stop it, and even if the parent comes in to talk to them, nothing will be done. These "problems" aren't of the child's own making, they're foisted upon them in an environment that is conducive both physical and mental abuse.

I'm not saying to just remove the bully from the classroom. Remove them from the school, permanently.

 

[Zimm1001]

Here is what I have told my kids.
1. Always try and protect the weak.
2. It is fine to defend yourself or others but don't ever start a fight.
3. If someone else starts a fight then make sure you finish it.
4. Passiveness draws aggression. Always stand up to those who try and bully you or others. Bully's prey on the weak and will seek an easier target and leave you alone. If they start a fight but you lose then you also win. You can hold your head up high and say alteast I didn't back down.
5. If you comply with the above and do get into a fight you didn't start then I will back you to the ends of the Earth. We are in this thing called life together.