She finally snatched "them" off!

[PatriotPride]

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I don't have any advice for you. Best of luck to you.

 

[DocBoCook]

Sounds like she's just latching on to something you like, to push you away. Therapy man, therapy

 

[Redskinsfan]

Sounds like she's just latching on to something you like, to push you away. Therapy man, therapy

This is one suspicion of mine also.

Another may be that your wife may have been talking with several of her friends. They collecively decided that your wife must make you get rid of your guns because of some feelings that they have on the matter.

Since this wasn't an issue before, there is some new motivation for it. I would not underestimate the power of your wife's friends to influence her or her using this as suggested above, a way to push you away.

I feel for you, but I strongly urge you to get to the bottom of it, it is not merely the firearms.

Best regards,

Terry

 

[Que]

This is one suspicion of mine also.

Another may be that your wife may have been talking with several of her friends. They collecively decided that your wife must make you get rid of your guns because of some feelings that they have on the matter.

Since this wasn't an issue before, there is some new motivation for it. I would not underestimate the power of your wife's friends to influence her or her using this as suggested above, a way to push you away.

I feel for you, but I strongly urge you to get to the bottom of it, it is not merely the firearms.

Best regards,

Terry

I can't say this is a "new" issue. I got my first gun after we left Ft. Bragg and came here. After our daughter was born, she asked me to get rid of the my gun and I gave it to my brother. I got a 1911 about 18 months ago and the collection grew. She seemed to be alright with it and even joked about her never wanting to go target shooting. But, last night it all blew up again.

 

[Que]

Rep to everybody for your help. I just needed to vent for a while, but I'm over it. I'm not sure what I will do, but a cheap apartment is starting to sound pretty nice.

I'm going to eat and head off to MCF&G! This is turning out to be a great vacation.

 

[rhart]

I know every man has to do what he has to do. However, you have to have boundaries in a relationship. For me, there is nothing more important to me then being able to protect my family. (yes I love her that much). And I am pretty good at self defense with my hands, knives and clubs. But, my hands are no match for an armed intruder. I understand and respect her feelings about the kids and safety of guns. My Dad kept his locked up but I was picking the lock, sneaking them out and shooting them at the age of 11. Educating the kids about gun safety is a better way to handle this but you know that. Its like saying, I dont want our kids to drink so we wont have any booze in the house.
If she feels like this issue is so important, I would consider counseling to try to find a compromise. Good luck to you

 

[Colt556]

Sorry to hear about your situation. I feel for you man. This question is in all sincerity and not trying to be a wise guy, but is she starting menopause by any chance? You said you've been together for 20yrs so it might be about that time for early menopause to begin. Again I'm not trying to make a joke about it at all. I've seen some women have some crazy thoughts and do some crazy things once that begins, my ex for example. In the mean time I hope that you don't need a gun at home for anything. You need at least one at home for HD. Again. in all sincerity, good luck.

 

[IndyMonkey]

It has to be a lack of trust on her part.

There's a lot of out buildings at mcf&g, I can help you remodel one to live in.

My wife is a city girl who had never been around guns untill she met me. In 12 years she has shown no intrest in shooting them, a fear of them or a distrust in me keeping them in the house.

I would give up my guns for my kids. I would have to guess that the trust issue is deeper than having guns in the house.

Other than meeting you one at the range and what you have posted on here I don't really know you or your situation, but I feel for you and your problem.

 

[HeftyLefty39]

Que,

I'm just wondering after 20yrs...why now? What's changed in yours or her life here recently? No need to answer that to me...but really after so long of being ok with something and all of a sudden a zero tolerance attitude? Does she feel like you pay more attention/time to guns/reloading/shooting/ammo than her?
I've wondered about this question for awhile myself...guys like dangerous and adventerous things and hobbies. We like to protect our family and loved ones...its in our nature to like these things and act these ways. Think about it...when we are growing up we play cowboys and indians, army, capture the flag, and all sort of sports where competition, challenge, and fighting for something we value. Women even value those qualities in a man as well (bold,confident, challenging, risk taking, loving and forgiving)...women like sports and challenging things as well, but they have different needs like safety/comfort and a drive to mother and nuture a family and relationship in a feminine way(shopping is in there somewhere too haha jk)....but yet this argument still comes up daily!

I grew up hunting with bb guns, shotguns, muzzle loaders, and bow and arrows. (southern Indiana) Most of the boys (some girls) my age had hunted before or at least spent an afternoon shooting a bb gun at some point in there life. It was part of what we did and it created a bonding experience. When all the kids in my family grew up and moved out my mom Ok'd my dad to get a handgun and even after oking it, dad and I were all of a sudden troublemakers, thugs, kids with guns, or something else irrational and radical for owning and carrying handguns. I realize there's a time in our lives when we put the guns away for awhile and give our kids/wives/famliy our full attention as we should as men (we should always do this)...my dad and mom didn't drink around us kids until I was 17 and I was the youngest...just little things to be role models. Maybe she's just asking you to put that hobby down for a bit and get more invovled in the kids/family life. Maybe she's afraid you'll become radical because of the economy and go on a shooting spree (I'm not saying you will or that that is even a possibility given someone of your character, but some spouses think these things)...all I can say is that it sounds like a solid converstation is needed to clear up the communication lines. Hear her opinions and make sure you let her know they are valid to you (after all she is your wife)...and state your opinions on the subject without any reservations or fluffy language (not abusive though).

I hope for your sake that it works out where you get to keep possesion of your firearms and your marriage becomes stronger because of better communication. This is clearly not a problem worth ending a loving marriage over...but definitely worthy of more looking into. My family firearms mean a lot to me because they've been in our family for generations. My mom and sister think of that as trivial and not really of value to them and thats fine. However, it means something to my dad, his brothers, and my two brothers.

Best of Luck and try to remember to speak the truth to your wife in Love...no gun is worth losing a wife and best friend over!

Sincerely,

HeftyLefty39

 

[downzero]

I am so glad that I have no intention of getting married.

 

[gunman]

sorry to hear that. may be a long shot but perhaps teaching her and your children about guns first hand and having her shoot some of yours may ease the situation? also have her take a look at the NRA's "armed citizen" column plenty of stories of people including women and children successfully defending themselves

 

[Joe Williams]

Have you told your wife how disturbed you are that she would impute such actions to you? How unhappy you are that she would even think of you shooting your son?

Trust and respect is a two way street. If Cathy said such things to me, I would know she had none for me, and it would seriously damage mine for her.

 

[schafe]

Sorry to hear about your situation. I feel for you man. This question is in all sincerity and not trying to be a wise guy, but is she starting menopause by any chance? You said you've been together for 20yrs so it might be about that time for early menopause to begin. Again I'm not trying to make a joke about it at all. I've seen some women have some crazy thoughts and do some crazy things once that begins, my ex for example. In the mean time I hope that you don't need a gun at home for anything. You need at least one at home for HD. Again. in all sincerity, good luck.

This is some good advice. My wife experienced early menopause after her historectomy.The doctors didn't warn us about it, and it nearly cost us a marriage. The hormones were causing huge amounts of unfounded mistrust. It was the roughest point in our marriage. Good luck!

 

[techres]

Rep to everybody for your help. I just needed to vent for a while, but I'm over it. I'm not sure what I will do, but a cheap apartment is starting to sound pretty nice.[/COLOR]

The first thing you need to do is get your head screwed on tight and understand that the above is completely out of the question and nothing you should even daydream about.

Why? Because of seven words you have already posted here:

Now, my daughter... My 7-year old son...

Those words end all "easy out" thoughts.

You are not arguing with a woman. You are struggling with the shape and fate of your family. Do not forget that in your frustration.

Your guns are there to protect yourself, your wife and your kids. If you are not there, you have just failed in 75% of your protection job.

Your responsibility to them exceeds all other responsibilities and it is very easy to forget that. Without you their odds of life failure go up far faster than the odds that they will be saved by a 1911.

Now, I would like to think you can do all of the above - protect them, and have a firearm as part of that primary responsibility of protecting them. It is not going to be easy in the least, but there is a way that you have just not found.

Counseling is an option, in the very least it might give you some tools for coping and at best it might find a way for her to deal with anxiety. But if you keep her and the kids primary, she will likely follow suit. Then the guns are no longer the primary issue. If you make the guns the primary issue, then you will lose as that is no win-win situation.

Now, some day, if it helps for her to meet a with a woman firearm instructor then that might help. But that can only happen down the road when the anxiety is at a lower level.

But remember, your first responsibility is to your family and especially your children. Firearms are a tool to that end, but not the goal in and of themselves. Remember that, love her, be patient, work hard, buy time, and keep your head about you. In the end you will be where you need to be and have both your family and the means to protect them at your side.

I will be praying for you and your entire family.

Go slow, family is a long term struggle,
Techres

 

[Angie]

QUE..This situation really sucks big time. I hope you both find a happy medium sometime soon. The longer this goes on the harder it will be to resolve.

 

[geronimojoe85]

Now, my daughter... My 7-year old son...

Those words end all "easy out" thoughts.

+1 Techres

 

[Bounty Hunter]

That is a tuff one. I agree that there is something else behind it though, or this would have been an on going issue.
Clear your head and figure out where you want to be with it, and then set her down and see if you can find out what is up, and go from there. It could be anything, so be prepared.
Good Luck.

 

[Que]

Conclusion to Days of our INGO Lives

I was sitting in my office last night, surfing INGO and my wife came in and sat on my lounger. After 20 years, I know when she is coming to sit and when she is coming to "talk." Well, she sat down and went on to tell me about how my guns scare her. We've been through this before and I was prepared to hit the ceiling, but I held off. She went on to tell me about her dad cleaning a gun and accidentally shooting her uncle in the shoulder.

Now, like I said, we've been together 20 years and I've never heard this story! Anyway, the guy didn't die and it couldn't have been that serious since it hasn't been brought up in 20 years! She went on to tell me how she took a bullet to show-and-tell and got into trouble in school. Somewhere in there she told me about a dream that I had words with my son (presently 7), during his teen years and I shot him in the back of the head.

Now, my wife is a very smart, intelligent and intellectual woman. She has book smarts as well as decent street smarts, but this is the DUMBEST CRAP I have ever heard in my life! I couldn't even get past the fact that she would insist on castrating me like that. Also, using a dream about me shooting my son?!

I have put a lock on my office door to ensure the children can't get in. I keep all my guns in a locked safe, in a locked office, but that's still not good enough. Bottom line, I'm tired of going around this mountain and I have packed up my safe, guns, ammo, cases, and holsters to go sit in a friends' basement! I will keep my EDC, but I won't bring it into the house.

I can't describe how I feel and what I wish could happen, but I won't put it on the internet. I just don't know how to get through to her that a gun is a defensive weapon that should be possessed by any real citizen. I'm without words and just had to vent for a minute. This is a woman that has never nagged me about anything! I feel like going into the freakin' mountains for a few weeks just to clear my head.

I'm done. Please, no purchase offers. I'm not selling anything, but I'm still looking to trade my M&P .45 for a G22. https://www.indianagunowners.com/forums/firearms/101602-m_and_p_full-size_45_a.html

Well, I brought my wife into my office and we talked about the whole situation. Bottom line, I had started to acquire a great deal of guns and using family money to do so. I was spending a great deal of money on ammo and it was showing up on the debit card and I was spending more time at the range than I should have.

We talked it out and I will be selling some of my guns. However, she is not insisting that I get rid of them all, but just some. She even likes the idea of having a gun in the house and my being able to protect myself and family, if necessary. So, I will be having a sale as soon as I get pics done. And, get this, she wants to go to the range with me, this week!

Thanks to all of you for your great advice. I was frustrated and without reading these posts, I certainly would have made the wrong move. I'm glad to know there wasn't a trust issue, but just a time and fiscal management issue. So, I guess I will not be getting the G22, but I will be getting her a special .22 target pistol.

If you didn't get rep, it's because I'm out, but a big for the INGO fam.

 

[JetGirl]

Well, I brought my wife into my office and we talked about the whole situation. Bottom line, I had started to acquire a great deal of guns and using family money to do so. I was spending a great deal of money on ammo and it was showing up on the debit card and I was spending more time at the range than I should have.

We talked it out and I will be selling some of my guns. However, she is not insisting that I get rid of them all, but just some. She even likes the idea of having a gun in the house and my being able to protect myself and family, if necessary. So, I will be having a sale as soon as I get pics done. And, get this, she wants to go to the range with me, this week!

Thanks to all of you for your great advice. I was frustrated and without reading these posts, I certainly would have made the wrong move. I'm glad to know there wasn't a trust issue, but just a time and fiscal management issue. So, I guess I will not be getting the G22, but I will be getting her a special .22 target pistol.

Wow. That wrapped up like Leave it to Beaver.
So what was the reason for this:

She even jumps when she sees ammunition. I just think I'm getting played and I don't like it.

Just curious...

 

[IndyMonkey]

Que,Glad to read that last post.