Separating

[Snapdragon]

Nope, just that your oversimplification of a complex situation and whatever it is I suspect you have in your past is causing you to react to this thread as you are is clouding your ability to be objective about it.

How is 88GT oversimplifying? She is saying (and rightly so) that none of us has enough information about the OP's situation to be giving unsolicited advice. How is that not being objective?

 

[shibumiseeker]

How is 88GT oversimplifying? If anything, she is saying (and rightly so) that none of us has enough information about the OP's situation to be giving unsolicited advice. How is that not being objective?

Because she completely ignored the central tenet of my post in order to get her snark in.

In case it was lost:


"The person who has had failed relationships and who has learned from them and built their relationship skills and refined their ability to choose a better matched partner may indeed be in a much better position to give better advice."

Bold to indicate that I was not making an absolute statement, this whole point apparently not worthy of consideration.

 

[Mr Evilwrench]

Disagree all you want, call me a "failure" if you think that's what I am, but you don't understand my situation any better than the OP's. My wife had a personality disorder, a diagnosed mental problem. It may have been possible to work with it, but it simply wasn't worth it. Seriously. As much as we'd taken our vows (which she didn't honor), and as hardheaded as I was trying to force it to work, I finally realized that it was suicide to continue. Sometimes it just is. Never got to find out, anyway. I've had some other relationships since that haven't worked out because they weren't right, and I'm now able to detach myself emotionally, enough to end one that isn't the right thing. I also have one now that I'm convinced is the right thing, and I'll fight like hell to keep it. June 14 is the date. Sounds to me like the OP's relationship is doomed and he needs to cut & run. I may be wrong, but I've seen it so many times.

 

[hoosierdoc]

Are you trying to argue that someone who has failed at marriages is more qualified to offer advice on how to keep a long one from ending than someone who has done it?


You have offered nothing that isn't news to me. Which only throws into greater contrast the utter stupidity of 40+ posts telling the OP what he needs to be doing. Those with failed marriages are only qualified to say what didn't work with *their* partner(s) in *their* relationships. Sounds a bit familiar, heh?

i get tired of the "you are not doing that perfectly so don't give any advice" mentality. We're all human and imperfect. It's up to OP to choose the advice he wants to follow.

 

[churchmouse]

i get tired of the "you are not doing that perfectly so don't give any advice" mentality. We're all human and imperfect. It's up to OP to choose the advice he wants to follow.

Bingo^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

The heart is much more than just a muscle.

 

[mom45]

Bingo^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

The heart is much more than just a muscle.

And sometimes when the heart is hurting, the head is not thinking clearly about what should be done. Nobody is telling the OP that he HAS to follow any of the advice offered. However, nobody wants to see him end up in a horrible mess because he failed to protect himself in the event that this does end in divorce. Nobody gets married WANTING To to get a divorce. I believe everyone is sharing their experiences for a variety of reasons.

 

[BigBoxaJunk]

I love it. You failure you.....right there with ya.

I thought I had my house in order and everything was mello. Wife and I had agreed to get things back on track.
I went racing for a 4 day event in Bowling green Kentucky. It had been planned for over a month as it was the Bracket finals in my division. I won a spot and was not letting the opportunity for a championship get away. Gone 6 days as planned. Returned home to a bone empty house and my shop was cleaned out as well. The boat was gone along with my El-Camino and my 442. Total blind side. All my cloths and personal stuff and all of my guns.

All she did was buy time to set me up. I got most of my things back but it was seriously hard. I never got any of the guns back.

I guess that makes me a failure.

Daaaaang that's cold. Can't imagine what it was like to come home and see all that (or the lack thereof).

 

[chocktaw2]

I thought this was a forum, not HQ. now.

 

[Hookeye]

Marriage counselors only work when both folks want it (sometimes the problem stems from communication issues- which can be fixed).

IME..........some med/psych docs are too willing to prescribe SSRI's, even change them in short order...........really adding to the mess.

Bill Hicks explained it ............

I've learned a lot about women. I think I've learned exactly how the fall of man occured in the Garden of Eden. Adam and Eve were in the Garden of Eden, and Adam said one day, "Wow, Eve, here we are, at one with nature, at one with God, we'll never age, we'll never die, and all our dreams come true the instant that we have them." And Eve said, "Yeah... it's just not enough is it?"

 

[Hookeye]

Whatever the situation.............if one made a covenant they should honor it.
And only an idiot would not seek legal counsel and try to protect assets and themselves as much as possible.
The other side (usually the legal representation of the woman) will try in clever and ingenious ways, to get the poor guy to F up and do himself in.

One way is to file an emergency restraining order on a Friday late, with no hearing available the judge railroads it through and the legal statement can be found in next week's paper. A caring decent guy of no legal info might try to talk to his wife and break the order, before knowing such an order exists. One local attorney does it all the time. Pretty awesome to go to work and have a bunch of idiots ask "did you hit her?".................due to the legal notice in the paper.

On failed marriages.........IMHO those who break covenants and remarry (maybe even in a church)........IMHO are doomed to failure. And that is by design.
They know if they've done wrong and it poisons them from that point on.

If one has left their spouse without Biblical cause then they are to negate all new contracts and honor their initial covenant. Yeah right..............that'd probably drop most Indiana (no fault state) churches attendance by 50%.

I do find it funny..............when I see TV commercials about "Christian" dating sites and some idiot is crying talking about a second (maybe cloaked 3rd) chance.

I can only hope and pray that Indiana gets rid of the "no fault". It makes it too profitable for many (men and women) to be jerks to their spouses

 

[churchmouse]

Daaaaang that's cold. Can't imagine what it was like to come home and see all that (or the lack thereof).

If your blood has ever ran cold as ice and you could end someone and not bat an eye.....thats how it felt. After about 2 hrs it was just sad and empty. Things are just that, things (except for the 20 or so militsry long and short guns) and can be replaced. The kids, not so much.

 

[Hookeye]

Takes two to get married, only one to get a divorce.

One last word of advice....................be very careful what you pray for..............you might just get it.

 

[Jack Burton]

In this case though, the OP was only asking about a lease agreement, not how to save his marriage.

Yeah...how dare anyone on the 'net offer unsolicited advice. That's breaking Internet Protocal #336. You know, the one right after not calling anyone a boogerhead.

 

[femurphy77]

If we're down to throwing clichés don't forget the tried and true "It takes two to make a marriage work". By the same token when taken to the root cause it takes two to make one fail also. In my lowly opinion the stronger of the two will be the one that starts the process, for better or worse. And as said upstream when it comes down to it the OP is the one that will have to make the choice.

 

[femurphy77]

Yeah...how dare anyone on the 'net offer unsolicited advice. That's breaking Internet Protocal #336. You know, the one right after not calling anyone a boogerhead.

Did they change 335 again? I thought you couldn't call somebody a poopy face but boogerhead was o.k.????

 

[88GT]

Because she completely ignored the central tenet of my post in order to get her snark in.

In case it was lost:


"The person who has had failed relationships and who has learned from them and built their relationship skills and refined their ability to choose a better matched partner may indeed be in a much better position to give better advice."

Bold to indicate that I was not making an absolute statement, this whole point apparently not worthy of consideration.

Oh, I saw that part. I also saw the part that said someone with SUCCESS in a marriage was less qualified to offer advice on how to be successful. Which makes no sense at all.

As for something in my past....I have been married once, divorced never. I am probably one of the few on here with any objectivity since I don't have the heartache/headache of divorce clouding my judgement.

 

[Jack Burton]

oh, I think there are more than a few who have managed to have a stable marriage.

 

[hornadylnl]

Nobody gets married WANTING To to get a divorce.

If that were true, there wouldn't be such a societal opposition to prenuptial agreements.

 

[drop45]

I've avoided a prenup for 46 years and marriage for 47, do I qualify to give advice??

 

[mom45]

If that were true, there wouldn't be such a societal opposition to prenuptial agreements.

Perhaps I should have said that nobody SHOULD get married wanting to get a divorce. I realize there are people who enter into marriages without really thinking it through or being mature enough to commit to any relationship.