question for dads with daughters

[churchmouse]

maybe i should have worded that differant. it wouldnt bother me for my parents to do that but anyone else it would. we dont have anything to do with my wifes family ( even longer story) and they couldnt care less about my daughter anyway so i dont have to worry about them.

Sad for the kids not to know love from all the family. We have some of that with my side. Probably why I try and fill up the gaps in the kids and grand kids lives.
Love them, show them and be there for them as it is the kids that matter the most. Nothing else is as important as the kids. If you have them, love and protect them as you see fit. Everything else is extra. JMHO

 

[tom1025]

I have four daughters that range from 10 - 17. You have a long road ahead of you dealing with people trying to have inappropriate behavior with her. I wouldn't hesitate to speak your mind with your brother in a calm manner first. If he dosnt get the hint then I would cut him out or atleast limit his interaction with your daughter. How is he around other kids?

 

[JetGirl]

Not sure why this is just a question for dads.

Anyhoo... bottom line is "your kid = your say-so".

There are people on the other side of the extended relatives that I wouldn't let within 500 feet of MiniJet while she was growing up. Seriously. And with good reason.

Now, I have no idea what exactly is setting off your "oook-o-meter", but if you have reason to nip it, then nip it.

I kept Mini away from people who were mostly candidates for Chris Hansen's shows, or had already done a fair stretch of time for similar activities.

 

[Mustang380gal]

If you are worried about kisses on the face, then don't let him alone with your daughter, ever. Make sure you know where she is, and he is, during family gatherings.

Your gut may be telling you that you have more to worry about.

 

[paintman]

Not sure why this is just a question for dads.

Anyhoo... bottom line is "your kid = your say-so".

There are people on the other side of the extended relatives that I wouldn't let within 500 feet of MiniJet while she was growing up. Seriously. And with good reason.

Now, I have no idea what exactly is setting off your "oook-o-meter", but if you have reason to nip it, then nip it.

I kept Mini away from people who were mostly candidates for Chris Hansen's shows, or had already done a fair stretch of time for similar activities.

sorry moms are included.

 

[paintman]

I have four daughters that range from 10 - 17. You have a long road ahead of you dealing with people trying to have inappropriate behavior with her. I wouldn't hesitate to speak your mind with your brother in a calm manner first. If he dosnt get the hint then I would cut him out or atleast limit his interaction with your daughter. How is he around other kids?

him being around other kids is what makes my wife mad. if we are at family events he will completely ignore his own kids. which he spends almost no time with in the first place. both boys. and then wont leave our daughter alone. it bugs us that what little time he has with his own he would rather ignore them and be around mine. ( his ex has the kids)

 

[tom1025]

him being around other kids is what makes my wife mad. if we are at family events he will completely ignore his own kids. which he spends almost no time with in the first place. both boys. and then wont leave our daughter alone. it bugs us that what little time he has with his own he would rather ignore them and be around mine. ( his ex has the kids)

Thats common behavior. My wifes ex wont have anything to do with his two girls but treats his girlfriends kids like they are gold. I think it has alot to do with resentment and instead of getting over there feelings they take it out on the kids.

 

[nmcqueen469]

She's your kid, you make the rules.

 

[RoyalTenenbaum]

I am assuming your wife is one for one with you on the whole kissing thing. If that is going to be your rule, then that's going to be your rule. Explain it in the nicest way possible to your brother that kissing is only between mom dad and the daughter. If he is a nice guy it will probably hurt his feelings, but he should be happy to oblige. All of that being said, your child is of the age to start to understand boundaries outside the core family unit. So clue her in on it too. Finally, unless you have reason to believe that someone in your greater circle of people whom the child would be naturally inclined to trust may not be so trustworthy around kids it is never to early to establish that with the kid... If you have fear that anyone in particular displays affection which may lead to harmful behavior watch them like a hawk and don't be afraid to pry. Lastly, trust your gut. If your gut says to clock the guy, take that information your instincts are giving you and swoop her up and get her out of the situation that sets off your radar. My mom was among other things a sex ed teacher and social services worker. So I probably grew up hyper aware of the bad things that can happen to kids when a trusted adult crosses the line. Please don't think that I am accusing your brother or anything. 99% of the time when a family member or trusted individual fawns over a kid it's because they love the kid and would lay down in traffic for them. But it is important to be observant, aware, and vigilant just in case.

 

[Dybber]

I'm not a big fan of anyone kissing my daughter or the lips either. I only do it when I tuck her in and it's a quick peck. You are the parent and can set the boundaries. I would say explain your position and if people can't respect your boundaries then you'll need to be more forceful.

 

[cobber]

Well my brother isnt exactly the most trust worthy person in the world. 90 percent of the time he is jobless and hooked on some Kind of drugs or pills. And i mean things that would be easy to transmit a disease. Just dont want to start a fight with him. He is also the type that really likes to fight and takes things out of context really easy. Just looking for some thought on how to go about it.

I don't think you have to justify it to anyone. It's your business, and your brother should respect it.

 

[paintman]

My wife is most definitely on the same page as i am with this. Actually we just found out today she is 6 weeks prego with our second kid. We havent let her be in the situation to be around him but we agreed that next time we are the rules will be made plain and that will be the end of it.

 

[hammer24]

My wife is most definitely on the same page as i am with this. Actually we just found out today she is 6 weeks prego with our second kid..

CONGRATS!

 

[Lucas156]

Congrats man. I have a nephew and don't kiss him on the lips; only on the cheek or forehead. Seems kinda grody to me the kid always has snot runnin down his face any way haha. I know what you mean though my brother is weird too. He gives kisses to the dogs...he puckers his lips and basically let the dogs lick his lips...WTF?!?!?!? Im like dude quit thats nasty and hes like, "what?!? its just a dog" Some people are just born weird I guess. Any way its your kid and your rules and your brother should respect that although it may hurt his feelings.

 

[calcot7]

Just tell him that in essence, when he kisses your daughter on the lips he is actually kissing you on the lips because you kiss her all the time. While he mulls this over tell him that you don't really like kissing him on the lips very much either.

 

[Rocket]

Congrats on the inbound package!
My family are huggers and kissers. My wife was not used to that and has since adapted. I have 3 daughters 2 sons. We let the kids decide when it is OK for kisses. Cause we are Dad and Mom. Neither of us smoke, we have relatives that do, they defiantly are on the no kiss list. If your brother smokes, this would be a good excuse.

I have an older brother. I love him, he is a great friend to me and a good Uncle. But If I was uncomfortable with anything he or ANYONE was doing to my kids, I would tell him Immediately. Man up she is your Daughter. Weather your concerns have a foundation or not, your purpose in life is to protect and provide for her. If necessary brother be damned.

 

[Jack Ryan]

Well my brother isnt exactly the most trust worthy person in the world. 90 percent of the time he is jobless and hooked on some Kind of drugs or pills. And i mean things that would be easy to transmit a disease. Just dont want to start a fight with him. He is also the type that really likes to fight and takes things out of context really easy. Just looking for some thought on how to go about it.

Better to deal with it now, don't let it go. Family things that go on just get worse when you let it get bad enough you can't stand it and blow up.

Deal with it now while it's small and you are under control.

Suggestion...

"Don't do that. It drives parents crazy and ruins the flow of everything when kids are sick. Even if it's just a cold it cramps everyone's style to accomadate work, child care, stuck at home with a sick kid. Not to mention kids are sick enough most of the time any way and for all I know SHE could be incubating a sore throat and make YOU miss work."

"Awe shucks, it's ok, I ain't got's me no job. You know that."

"Yep, I know and don't do that."

 

[remauto1187]

Well my brother isnt exactly the most trust worthy person in the world. 90 percent of the time he is jobless and hooked on some Kind of drugs or pills. And i mean things that would be easy to transmit a disease. Just dont want to start a fight with him. He is also the type that really likes to fight and takes things out of context really easy. Just looking for some thought on how to go about it.

That should be reason enough to tell him ONCE that it WILL NOT be allowed. Second time...knock his lights out!
Im sure alot of people think this is all innocent and all which it could be..But the fact that your brother is messing with drugs should throw red flags and lights everywhere. If he's using and sharing needles, do you want to have to possibly explain to your daughter how she contracted HIV? Im aware that they say you cant get HIV via saliva...but all it takes is a open sore, cut, etc. on him and he is obviously touching her.
Maybe its mean....but it is YOUR daughter. I have no room in my life or family for a drug addict, they are useless and will destroy everything around them one way or another and they have nobody to blame but themselves. (My girlfriend's brother is a meth head and he dont come around anymore )