Perspective please

[Yellowjeep]

Let her go to parents. Leaves you more time for cleaning guns.

 

[the1kidd03]

How does your mother in law feel about the way he treated you? Does she care? Does she have a say in how the household is run?

Often a powerful and useful "back door" to reason..

 

[hfdcowboy]

How does your mother in law feel about the way he treated you? Does she care? Does she have a say in how the household is run?

She told me she was not happy with how it was handled then gave me the he had been drinking excuse. My response maybe not the right one was that was an unaceptable reason. I asked " if i were to cheat on your daughter but i had been drinking would that make it ok"?

 

[LANShark42]

My inlaws are part of the Free Stuff Army. I dont have respect for them or care for them in general. I put up with them because I love my wife who is a world apart from the rest of her family. They live about 20 minutes away and I see them 3 or 4 times a year. I can do that for her.

^^^This.

 

[T.Lex]

In my experience going back is like increasing the pressure of a pipe bomb, eventually it's going to blow, the more pressure built up the worse it will be.

I don't necessarily disagree with this, but would just say that there are different ways to relieve the pressure.

The easiest, frankly, is a really ugly confrontation that ends with everyone p'd off at everyone else (worst - the wife probably mad at you).

It is harder (IMHO) to try to have a polite conversation, even using self-deprecating humor, to relieve the pressure. Part of his tension is probably because he thinks you're sulking and waiting for a reason to bring up guns to test him. Let him know that won't happen, and it will ratchet down at least some of the tension.

Some possible throwaway lines (not necessarily 100% true, but hopefully will get your point across):
- I'm just the simple guy your daughter married, so I must not be ALL bad.
- Guns are just a part of my life, [find something you have in common] is also a part of it, so let's talk about that. Kinda like a code - if I start talking about something that makes you uncomfortable, just change the subject to that. Like the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition.
- You know how women hold grudges about stuff like this? Let's show our respective wives how men can get along even if they disagree.
- You know how badly I feel that your friends died from gun violence. I had a friend once almost choke on a tater tot. I know it isn't the same, but I won't bring up guns, if you don't bring up bite-sized potato pastries. (Be careful with this one - you don't want it to seem like you're minimizing his pain.)

Anyway, I guess my point is that you can take steps to relieve the pressure without going back on your principles.

 

[36fan]

Let someone else bring up the topic, and treat it as discussion. No one is going to change the others opinion. Realize that and engage it a CIVIL debate. Play devils advocate from time to time. If emotions begin to get involved, politely excuse yourself from the conversation.

 

[Bunnykid68]

If drinking were involved on his part, all bets would be off. I would tell him to shut up and get another drink and leave me the **** alone. Sounds like he is just a drunk dick and feels the need to control everything. You should get the wife and mom together alone for lunch one day and have serious heart to heart about this entire situation.

I drink, but I would never allow that to be an excuse for repeatedly being a dick to others, I would shut my own ****ing mouth and get another beer and go sit down somewhere.

 

[Aaron1776]

I really think the common theme of this thread has been
1: Honor your wife, talk to her about how it is totally emasculating for you to be told what you can and cannot say and no man should have to endure that. Emasculation is as big as a deal to men as self-image/beauty is to women. But also make it clear that you're going to do the best you can to work it out with the FIL. Your wife is the most important person here and you should work to serve her first.
2: Talk with the FIL like a gentlman, explain that he doesn't have the right to censor your thoughts/ converstations, and how would he like it if you banned all liberal speech when he was at your house?
And now I'll add one more thing:
If it were me I would tell him that I would gladlly come back over if invited and would like to have a healthy relationshp with him, but if invited, I would assume that my right to talk to whomever I please about what I want would be respected.
Don't leave any room for him to make you out to be the bad guy, but above all do everything you can to work it out for your wife. She is and will continue to be the most important person in this situation. She is your wife. Honor her and try to get her talking to her mom about talking to the FIL.
Beyond that I would continually do everything in my power to work it out in a healthy manner. Avoiding confrontation and knuckling under will only cause you to greatly resent him and you'll end up hating your wife's family. That is not a situation you want to be in. Not going to family gatherings hurts your wife. That is also not a situation you want. You are caught between a rock and a hard place so healthy confrontation is your only option.

 

[Dead Duck]

How does your mother in law feel about the way he treated you? Does she care? Does she have a say in how the household is run?

Often a powerful and useful "back door" to reason..

I don't see how "Back Dooring" his Mother-in-law is going to be useful.




Unless she's SMOKING HOT!

 

[Hookeye]

IMHO Don't waste your breath.

Stay away, after 2 yrs they'll quit their guilt game and adjust to your not being there.
They are small minded and selfish, so give them what they want (that's their goal anyway).

Wife and kids go over to inlaws?

Go hunting or fishing or spend time reloading

IMHO the father in law probably can't be fixed, so wouldn't be worth the effort.
Any man that old and that screwed up in his views..........has other issues.

I refuse to associate with A holes, family or other. Boycotted some liberal inlaws for years

 

[ashby koss]

Well...

1) he said to not "TALK" about guns, so no more talking about it.
2) ccw is concealed, if you feel the pressure to leave it in car then do that.
3) I would straight up handle it as a point of respect, tell him bold faced that you agree to respect his rights about not talking about it, if he respects your right to be armed (ie not badger you with politics and such, mutual respect ya see..)

Basically agree to disagree, even though we all know who is right and wrong here.

 

[thatgtrguy]

The man doesn't want to talk about guns in his house.

Either don't talk about guns or don't go to the house. But his house means his rules. When you come to my house it's my rules. When I go to your house it's your rules. That's how it goes.

 

[octalman]

Talk to your wife about it and respect her opinion. However, if the Father-in-Law brings the topic up again I think you are perfectly justified in asking for clarification in the context of better understanding his hard line stance. "With all due respect and sympathy for the loss of three friends, I assume another person actually committed murder or was the cause of a tragic accident. Sir, do you hold equal contempt and anger for those persons as you do guns?"

 

[Hookeye]

Two can play that game.....

Your house, your rules. Anti gun father in law can't come to your house unless he brings you a box of ammo, every time.

 

[Cowboy71]

Try not talking about guns and probably politics in general. Serving time with loathsome inlaws is the price of being married. But if the father and law and others want you to curtail your views while they continue spouting off about the greatness of the left and evils of conservatism, then F them, all bets are off.

The smart, civilized decision would be to then gather your family and leave if your inlaws decide they want to badger you. My decision would be to give back everything they bring at you and let the drama fall where it may.

Men in their sixties that are ignorant enough to still cling to the follies of liberalism, as far as I'm concerned, are not worthy of your respect and deserving of little more than contempt. You should, because you owe it to your wife, try and take the high road and be the better man. But that doesn't mean you have to surrender your balls at your father in laws' doorstep. Play nice . . . but only as long as they do the same. And, if you have to, unload your verbal barrels and don't return once you've said your final peace with the fools. Give them a shot, but if it falls through then don't go back. It will cause problems with the wife, but you will have to make her understand that as a man you can't be expected to take crap and not give it back.

 

[Cheapdiesel]

Be the jerk I am you get so you like it after awhile.

 

[Cheapdiesel]

Two can play that game.....

Your house, your rules. Anti gun father in law can't come to your house unless he brings you a box of ammo, every time.

See now that's funny I think this is the best answer yet!

 

[bigkahunasix]

Try not talking about guns and probably politics in general. Serving time with loathsome inlaws is the price of being married. But if the father and law and others want you to curtail your views while they continue spouting off about the greatness of the left and evils of conservatism, then F them, all bets are off.

The smart, civilized decision would be to then gather your family and leave if your inlaws decide they want to badger you. My decision would be to give back everything they bring at you and let the drama fall where it may.

Men in their sixties that are ignorant enough to still cling to the follies of liberalism, as far as I'm concerned, are not worthy of your respect and deserving of little more than contempt. You should, because you owe it to your wife, try and take the high road and be the better man. But that doesn't mean you have to surrender your balls at your father in laws' doorstep. Play nice . . . but only as long as they do the same. And, if you have to, unload your verbal barrels and don't return once you've said your final peace with the fools. Give them a shot, but if it falls through then don't go back. It will cause problems with the wife, but you will have to make her understand that as a man you can't be expected to take crap and not give it back.

Best advice in the thread.

 

[churchmouse]

You picked ONE wrong letter. Want to guess which one....

Damn grammar Nazi's....HONOR.......................

 

[Bartman]

You asked for opinions so I'll throw mine in. This issue has very little to do with guns and more to do with respect. You made it a point, out of respect for his wishes to disarm yourself without anyone asking you to do so. You deserve to be treated with civility as a guest in his house. It's a big stretch to call a talking about paintball a firearms discussion. He was looking for a confrontation. Despite what others say about doing it for your wife, I see no reason to go to their house when he makes a point of making you feel unwelcome. If he wants you to respect him, he should be man enough to return that respect. Period.

As for "happy wife, happy life" YMMV. I would not try to bring my wife anywhere that she is made to feel uncomfortable.