OC and the WIFE's reaction

[heavyhitter1k]

Been carrying daily for around a year now, feel naked without it anymore. Usually try and cover it up best I can, but after reading some threads on here and getting comfortable with the idea, I started to OC some. I don't mind the looks from people eyeballing my sidearm or me, I find it mildly entertaining.

My wife, however, is not amused. She is almost embarassed when I get the extra attention or stares and she basically tells me to cover it up. Anyone else encounter this from a signifigant other when you OC? How do you handle THEIR reaction? I don't want to alienate my wife and it's odd to me, she has no issue with it when I conceal, she loves to shoot, she isn't afraid of the gun and she supports my right to carry and is use to it always on my side (even mindful enough to stand on my left side when we walk so my dominate hand is free).

Thoughts?

 

[ATM]

She'll get used to it and quit projecting her own insecurity onto your actions eventually.

Remain confident and assure her that being armed is nothing to be embarrassed about, there's nothing "naughty" about it to require hiding.

 

[GodFearinGunTotin]

My wife is much the same. She's cool with me carrying a gun but like yours, she doesn't like the attention. But even when I started carrying, she'd ask questions like "We're just go to X. Do think we're going to get Y'd there?"...like ATM said, she got used to the that and I suspect, if I OC'd more, she'd get used to that too.

 

[netsecurity]

I guess to her, it is like walking around with yer knob out.

 

[eldirector]

My wife is very much supportive of me carrying, and finds a great deal of comfort in it. She has, though, occasionally commented on my OC. I ignore it.

As ATM said, she is most likely projecting her own insecurity (she is very conscious about what strangers think). I am notable less worried about it.

After a little conditioning (OC w/o negative reactions), she will be fine.

(Note for the ladies: this goes both ways. I have been uncomfortable with my wife's decisions on occasion. She told me to "deal with it", and after a while, I did.)

 

[Hoosierdood]

My wife is much the same. She's cool with me carrying a gun but like yours, she doesn't like the attention. But even when I started carrying, she'd ask questions like "We're just go to X. Do think we're going to get Y'd there?"...like ATM said, she got used to the that and I suspect, if I OC'd more, she'd get used to that too.

I got Y'd once. Just once. It's nothing to joke about man! Now I carry everywhere, not just when I go to X. I don't ever want to get Y'd again!

 

[GodFearinGunTotin]

I got Y'd once. Just once. It's nothing to joke about man! Now I carry everywhere, not just when I go to X. I don't ever want to get Y'd again!

Great! Now, if she comes up with that crap again, I can say I know a dood that had that happen to him before....that ought to shut her u.......oh who am I kidding?

 

[lonehoosier]

I guess to her, it is like walking around with yer knob out.

I have been told by INGO members that its an extension of my man hood

 

[NyleRN]

I OC'd once to steakhouse restaurant here in town. I had jeans and a button up long sleeved shirt and it looked more appropriate tucked in, so I had my XDM in an IWB holster in the 4 o'clock position. Wife was nervous about the attention, but I assured her that I was doing nothing illegal and she needed to not worry about what others think. For all they knew I could have been off duty LEO. I think in the 12 years I've been carrying, I've OC'd 3 times. I prefer to keep it concealed and have the upper hand by element of surprise on the BG

 

[eldirector]

Sigh....

 

[SteveM4A1]

I OC'd once to steakhouse restaurant here in town. I had jeans and a button up long sleeved shirt and it looked more appropriate tucked in, so I had my XDM in an IWB holster in the 4 o'clock position. Wife was nervous about the attention, but I assured her that I was doing nothing illegal and she needed to not worry about what others think. For all they knew I could have been off duty LEO. I think in the 12 years I've been carrying, I've OC'd 3 times. I prefer to keep it concealed and have the upper hand by element of surprise on the BG

Hey bud, you're looking for this thread. Do us a favor and read it, and you will start to understand your element of surprise is hogwash.

https://www.indianagunowners.com/forums/carry-issues-self-defense/71996-open-carry-argument.html

 

[the1kidd03]

I OC'd once to steakhouse restaurant here in town. I had jeans and a button up long sleeved shirt and it looked more appropriate tucked in, so I had my XDM in an IWB holster in the 4 o'clock position. Wife was nervous about the attention, but I assured her that I was doing nothing illegal and she needed to not worry about what others think. For all they knew I could have been off duty LEO. I think in the 12 years I've been carrying, I've OC'd 3 times. I prefer to keep it concealed and have the upper hand by element of surprise on the BG

you may wish to visit this thread for debating the merits of OC vs CC https://www.indianagunowners.com/forums/carry-issues-self-defense/71996-open-carry-argument.html

This thread, most of us will try to offer helpful advise to the OP's issues with his wife's different perspectives.

 

[NoLeftTurn]

El, good thing I had my "upper hand" over my mouth so that I didn't spew my drink on my monitor at the "element of surprise"!! Double sigh...............

 

[the1kidd03]

projecting her own insecurity onto your actions eventually.

This is an interesting topic. I would agree somewhat with ATM's perspective of her possibly projecting "her own insecurities" just not necessarily in the way that sounds. They aren't necessarily "her" insecurities.

Psychologically, women are more prone to emotionally driven thought and their brains/body chemicals have developed to make this prevalent/efficient. So, they are prone to view things from a perspective of "how things make OTHERS feel" through empathy and will therefore sympathetically, alter their actions to avoid making others feel negatively. This motivates their usual response to confrontation to be an attempt of avoidance, which is what you're experiencing/noticing.

I agree that to some extent, she will get over it in time. It's not that she'll get over it in terms of getting used to others' reactions necessarily, as it is an acceptance that YOU will not change your ways. That will vary from person to person. She will still likely feel negatively about it because she doesn't want to be the cause of others' negative feelings. In this case, it may be something for you to discuss with her from a logical "why do you care so much about how a random person feels" perspective. Sometimes, this gets across to such a person more effectively than others.

 

[Dargasonus]

My wife never gives me occasional OC a second thought. Although she isn't much of a arms person herself, she tells me she always feels better when I have mine with me. Even more so since if our wee ones are with us. I have gotten some mixed reactions from other family though. The typical "why do you need to carry that thing" mumbo.

 

[Lectric102002]

I OC'd once to steakhouse restaurant here in town. I had jeans and a button up long sleeved shirt and it looked more appropriate tucked in, so I had my XDM in an IWB holster in the 4 o'clock position. Wife was nervous about the attention, but I assured her that I was doing nothing illegal and she needed to not worry about what others think. For all they knew I could have been off duty LEO. I think in the 12 years I've been carrying, I've OC'd 3 times. I prefer to keep it concealed and have the upper hand by element of surprise on the BG

Oh no ............

 

[iChokePeople]

Just for fun... You COULD also decide that your wife's feelings are more important to you than your desire to OC, regardless of their reasons or validity, just because she's your wife and you love her and you care about her comfort. Yeah, I know, but "what about her safety?! It's my job to keep her safe, and I know what's best!" Got it. Save the typing. Just offering a wild and crazy point of view. In my experience, sometimes your wife wants to have the false impression that you HEAR her and care about her opinions and feelings.

My grandfather had a saying: Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?

 

[the1kidd03]

Just for fun... You COULD also decide that your wife's feelings are more important to you than your desire to OC, regardless of their reasons or validity, just because she's your wife and you love her and you care about her comfort. Yeah, I know, but "what about her safety?! It's my job to keep her safe, and I know what's best!" Got it. Save the typing. Just offering a wild and crazy point of view. In my experience, sometimes your wife wants to have the false impression that you HEAR her and care about her opinions and feelings.

My grandfather had a saying: Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?

Yet another valid and valuable point...

I would probably suggest this if your wife is one who is particularly prone to emotional thought. .

 

[iChokePeople]

I would probably suggest this if your wife is one who is particularly prone to emotion.

There's another kind? Who knew?!

 

[SteveM4A1]

Just for fun... You COULD also decide that your wife's feelings are more important to you than your desire to OC, regardless of their reasons or validity, just because she's your wife and you love her and you care about her comfort. Yeah, I know, but "what about her safety?! It's my job to keep her safe, and I know what's best!" Got it. Save the typing. Just offering a wild and crazy point of view. In my experience, sometimes your wife wants to have the false impression that you HEAR her and care about her opinions and feelings.

My grandfather had a saying: Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?

Very good point.