I'm gonna disagree with you on that one. Here's why:
The "Well regulated militia being necessary to the security of a free sate" part is the reasoning behind the right. It does not make the right valid, it gives the right purpose.
"The right of the people to Keep and Bear Arms shall not be infringed" is the right and it stands on its own, apart from the initial phrase.
Personally IMO Indiana's clause is better than the US version:
I think a key question in this, is who is referenced as being "the people." I don't think that a person with no interest in the security of this particular "free state," nor with any complelling reason to be counted as "militia," (ie foreign nationals) are view as such. "The" people, IMO means a specific group, Americans. For instance "the people of Cuba," "the people of England," or "the people of Japan." If the founders meant "all" why not say "all?" It fits perfectly in the place of "the."