Military BS Stories or the last liar wins.

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  • actaeon277

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    I thought taking naps was already part of the experience


    685d559d4b32cb8a8d77f0d7fe539f66.jpg.cf.jpg
     

    actaeon277

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    The weird things you find on youtube in the middle of the night, that brings back memories that keep you awake the rest of the night.

    Memories.


    1) He needs practice putting it on :)
    2) He mentioned he had freedom of movement. Try that in a sub. Hatches are smaller. Passageways are smaller.
    3) The 1 hour he mentions, is for a man just breathing, doing nothing. Fighting a fire will cause you to use it up faster.
    And the 15 minutes you have after the timer goes off, is also less. Though on a sub you don't need 15 minutes to go anywhere.
    4) We didn't have a speaker on ours. You just had to yell to be heard. And enunciate.
    5) Notice the gloves when he ejects the canister. DO NOT catch an ejected canister with bare hands. It is hot. The harness actually keeps the canister from touching your chest when in use.
    [video=youtube;YAPbJeBwSCg]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YAPbJeBwSCg[/video]







    disposing of canister
    1) oil will make a "reaction". Do not try at home.
    2) when you dispose into a bucket, do not place face over bucket, in case there is a drop of oil.
    [video=youtube;nC74eGXKIRs]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nC74eGXKIRs[/video]







    Note: The OBA is not for everyone. It is for the firefighters/damage control.
    There are other systems for everyone else.
    On the sub, everyone not a firefighter was on the EAB (Emergency Air Breathing)
     

    Dave A

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    About an earlier comment, collision with a surface ship.

    When the USS Kitty Hawk collided with a Soviet submarine.
    [video=youtube;ACSzlEX362o]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ACSzlEX362o[/video]

    Submarines "sprint and drift", similar to infantry tactics.
    AT SEA WITH 'THE SILENT SERVICE'


    Oops. I think Ivan was trying to do something cool like take pictures of a capitalist aircraft carrier hull or screws, good brownie points but they broached and got creamed. As Dirty Harry said, "You have to know your limitations".
     

    actaeon277

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    Ivan was "counting coup".
    It's what we do.


    Gotta show "them" that you can seek in.
    Those are the kinda stories I'd love to put in here.
    But can't.
     

    Dave A

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    actaeon277

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    I wonder if a coup counts if you get touched(too-shey-ed, haha) and have to be towed into port by a skimmer.

    Another subject, a third submarine to be named USS Barb. SS220, SSN596 and soon the SSN804. It's kinda cool.

    https://www.navy.mil/Press-Office/P...JkYP6PAQzXga68rSoafQZgCkc_gjZt3oAwvFTEzOigsU/

    I read about the new Barb.
    I think it's great.
    I often think the ship naming system got all messed up.
    There was a system, and by the name you could tell the class of ship.
    But then they made exemptions.
    Then changes.
    More and more.
    I hated it.
    WWII subs were named after sea life.
    Then early FBMs were named after early Patriots.
    Later FBMs named after States.
    688s named after Cities.
    Skimmers also had conventions. Then things got all mixed up.
     

    actaeon277

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    Getting towed gets you in trouble.
    Trust me.

    I think they call it "Hazarding your Command"


    The case law on negligently hazarding vessel is thin, but a Coast Guard case sheds some light on the standard for a conviction for negligently hazarding a vessel:* “The bare essentials for a conviction under Article 110(b) are: proof that the vessel was hazarded, and proof that the hazarding was the proximate result of the accused’s negligence.
    Hazarding a Navy Vessel - Korody Law, P.A. authorities could also pursue punitive action under,caused or suffered the vessel to be hazarded.”
     
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    Hawkeye

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    I read about the new Barb.
    I think it's great.
    I often think the ship naming system got all messed up.
    There was a system, and by the name you could tell the class of ship.
    But then they made exemptions.
    Then changes.
    More and more.
    I hated it.
    WWII subs were named after sea life.
    Then early FBMs were named after early Patriots.
    Later FBMs named after States.
    688s named after Cities.
    Skimmers also had conventions. Then things got all mixed up.

    In. the early 1900's, when submarines were not much more than a glimmer in someones eye, the USN conventions were somethingalong the following lines (major combattants only):

    1. BB: Named after States
    2. BC: Named after famous Battles (Revolutionary War), CB's were named after Territories.
    3. CV: Named after Famous Navy Ships (except Langley, Lexington and Saratoga)
    4: CA/CL: Named after Cities
    5: DD/DE: Named after deceased Navy and Marine Corps Enlisted personnel. (DL's and we did not have many, may have been named after Officers.)
    6: SS: named after salt water fish.

    There were more conventions for Auxiliaries.

    As Act mentioned it got rather muddled in recent years. Politicians, Statesmen, etc., used to be deceased but now seems to be living as well and doesn't seem to matter what type of ship anymore. Also, the above list was for pre-WW2 and WW2 era, back when it was a simpler world...
     

    2A_Tom

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    So on my first tour I started out as an Infantryman, But because of bad knees I was reclassified to Quartermaster (Supply, never got to steer a boat). I stayed in my unit as the assistant armorer. I went to the Armorers school after working in the arms room for about a month and graduated 1st in my class, because the armorer drilled the check out of me every evening after school.

    Advance about a year, Dave, my boss, has been transferred to Alaska and I have been the armorer for a good while. I have been getting really good scores on inspections and have the highest scores in the Battalion.

    In comes a new commander. We have CMET (Corps Maintenance Evaluation Team) inspection and I score a 93. That is a darn good score. A couple of arms rooms in the Battalion fail.

    When the new commander reviews the results, he finds that one point was taken off for dirty weapons. One dirty weapon is a gig and three gigs equals a point. He goes off on me and tells me that he wants me and my assistant to start cleaning weapons so this never happens again. I try to explain that I have a full time job preforming second level maintenance and it is the operators job to clean his weapon. He is adamant that I do the cleaning. "Yes Sir."

    So, I go about my business, inspecting, repairing, carrying weapons to third level maintenence and trying to get Platoon leaders and sergeants to get their people to draw out their weapons to clean the second and third day. It almost seems the word got out that was my job. The commander stops by to see how things are going and asks have I started cleaning weapons. I reply, "We've been swamped with repairs and maintenance. We haven't been able to implement that yet."

    So, again, I go about my business, inspecting, repairing, carrying weapons to third level maintenence and trying to get Platoon leaders and sergeants to get their people to draw out their weapons to clean the second and third day. It almost seems the word got out that was my job. Again, the commander stops by to see how things are going and asks have I started cleaning weapons. I reply, "We've been swamped with repairs and maintenance. We haven't been able to implement that yet."

    This time he literally Locks my Heels and gives me a direct order to clean weapons.

    When he leaves, I turn to my assistant, "Dan," I say, "Let's start cleaning weapons." We clean weaponss for the next month, at which time the commander cams in a DMAaIT (Division Maintenance Assistance and Instruction Team) When they walk in I shake hands with the NCOIC, an inspector of long acquaintance, and explain to him what we have been doing the past month and ask him to rip me a new one.

    He reports to the commander and explains that I have been preforming first level maintenance and the arms are clean, but the unit is not ready to deploy.

    The commander storms in yelling and fires me. I only did what he ordered me to. OK, what do I do now? I am assigned to Bravo Co., But I do not have a job.

    I walk across the parade to HHC and ask to see the commander. He has me in and I explain that I have been fired and would like to come over there and get his arms room up to snuff. He calls my commander and he OK's it. They had a young PFC (Mortarman, I think) as an armorer. HHC had not passed an arms inspection first time around in years. I worked with this kid for about a month and a half before we had a real inspection. Our battalion was scheduled to go on DRF1 (Deployment Ready Force 1, wheels up, 18 hours after alert). Prior to that we have a DMET (Division Maintenence Evaluation Team) This is an inspection that makes or breaks a commander (fail this and your chances of making Major let alone Leutenant Colonel are slim).

    Well when the team walked into HHC arms room and saw me they were a bit startled. I told them that the private was in charge and totally responsible for the inspection. He scored mid seventies. His commander was ecstatic. He complimented me and I told him that the private had done it all.

    Uh, Oh! Bravo company failed the DMET. My commander wanted me back, HHC commander balked. I had not actually been transferred. I explained to the HHC commander that his armored was now fully trained and competent and if he ever needed my help he could just ask. That satisfied him, so I went back to "MY" arms room.

    We had one week to prepare for the DMET reinspection. When the team walked in they and saw me they were a bit startled. I had to explain the whole thing to the NCOIC, and he got a chuckle out of it. I was disappointed, I only got a 92. I had never gone backward before.

    That commander never spoke to me again for the next six months until he transferred. He probably hates me to this day.
     

    repeter1977

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    Seen a few commanders like that. Used to have to waste time making charts and logs to show why I never had bodies for details. Hint, when you are just over 30% and most of the slots are signed to someone else, it's not hard to accomplish the daily missions, it's impossible for anything else.
    Really fun was tracking down every person with the Investigation school, so I could explain why the base had 200% of the allotted investigators but I needed more and to send them to an expensive school. Really fun times and made me miss not being in charge at times. But, I was still able to accomplish it, and finally started getting extra people.
     

    2A_Tom

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    I was in the Airborne and all skills not combat arms were usually critically short.

    As an armorer I think I was the only one in my Battalion that was a primary 76Y3P.

    When I got out and decided to go back in, I am sure the recruiter got big points for signing up a primary 96B*P Intelligence Analyst.

    When I was deciding to re-enlist I called my career councilor and asked if I could get an assignment to Japan, Hawaii, England, NO. NO, NO. Germany, Korea, NO, NO. How about Shimya at the tip of the Aleutians, NO.

    I said I have 7 years in and am due for an overseas tour. He told me that as long as I had a P (paratrooper) on my MOS I wasn't going anywhere.

    I decided to get out, because I was getting married and wanted it to last. There was too much politics, drama, deployments and general BS in the at Fort Bragg.
     

    actaeon277

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    So, this video from another thread reminded me of a story...

    [video=youtube;Mzcgyk62cHU]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mzcgyk62cHU[/video]







    On a sub, we run a LOT of drills. Especially if it's before an ORSE (Operational Reactor Safeguard Exam) or a TRE (Tactical Readiness Exam).
    During one of the thousands of drills I participated in, I was standing (sitting actually) Reactor Operator.
    We knew drills were coming up, and Drill Monitors were in place, wearing the red ball caps that signified they were "not there".
    The Captain and Chief Engineer walked into Maneuvering (Engineering Control Room) and they seemed like they were in a good mood.

    Maneuvering normally contains the EO (Electrical Operator), RO (Reactor Operator), Throttleman (no explanation needed), and EOOW (Engineer Officer Of the Watch).
    Now add the Captain and Chief Engineer, and it's a bit crowded.

    They must have had some good drills lined up, because the Captain asked if we were all ready. And they never asked that.
    The Chief Engineer said, "I don't know. Petty Officer Actaeon. How are your hands doing?"
    (He asked because I had a tremor. I didn't know anything about it, hadn't seen a doc or anything, but i had tremors my whole life. So did my mom)

    So, since everyone seemed to be in a jovial mood, I put my left hand up, level.
    There was actually very little tremor.
    (Tremor varies through the day).
    Someone commented, "Wow, not too bad".
    So I put my other hand up, shaking.
    And I said, "Yes, but THIS is my shimming hand". (Moving the control rods up/down is called "shimming". You shim the rods up, or shim the rods down.)

    Everyone had a good laugh.
    If I remember right, it was the last laugh anyone had for the next few hours.
    I don't remember the drills we ran, but I remember they were pretty bad.

    Actually, I remember the ONE drill we ran for sure.
    But it's boring Engineering/Reactor Operator stuff, and probably would have to REDACT too much.
     

    KellyinAvon

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    Pre- Government Purchase Card (GPC) days back in 1992 at Tyndall AFB, Panama City, FL (although the Civil Engineers who were developing the grandfather of the bomb robot had one by then) there were a grand total of four of us who could approve the Standard Form 44 purchase order (like a GPC only less convenient). If you've heard this one before don't stop me. I want to hear it again ;)

    One day we get a call from Contracting (they hated us, we hated them) because they'd been called by some lawnmower shop in Panama City Beach (not exactly across the street from Tyndall, a pretty good drive) about not being paid for a purchase. We all looked at each other and said, "Who? Where? Never heard of them!"

    So we go through all our logs. Every SF 44 is accounted for, none for Joe-Bob's Lawnmowers, Bait, Tackle, and Shrimp (OK, I made that up.)

    Back in those days there was a Club-Fed prison on Tyndall. The Department of Corrections had the same SF 44 program that we did. The DoD and the DoC were completely separate, Club-Fed was not a tenant on the base and received no support from base functions such as the 325th Supply Squadron. Among other things the prisoners mowed the grass around the base (so they had a lot of lawnmowers...)

    Instead of having a DoC employee handle this, some .gov (gov. back then) type decides to let a prisoner coordinate with the business in PC Beach. The freakin prisoner (minimum security, probably in prison for scamming) scammed Joe-Bob's Lawnmowers, Bait, Tackle, and Shrimp for the lawnmower parts!!
     

    2A_Tom

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    Pre- Government Purchase Card (GPC) days back in 1992 at Tyndall AFB, Panama City, FL (although the Civil Engineers who were developing the grandfather of the bomb robot had one by then) there were a grand total of four of us who could approve the Standard Form 44 purchase order (like a GPC only less convenient). If you've heard this one before don't stop me. I want to hear it again ;)

    One day we get a call from Contracting (they hated us, we hated them) because they'd been called by some lawnmower shop in Panama City Beach (not exactly across the street from Tyndall, a pretty good drive) about not being paid for a purchase. We all looked at each other and said, "Who? Where? Never heard of them!"

    So we go through all our logs. Every SF 44 is accounted for, none for Joe-Bob's Lawnmowers, Bait, Tackle, and Shrimp Emporium (OK, I made that up.)

    Back in those days there was a Club-Fed prison on Tyndall. The Department of Corrections had the same SF 44 program that we did. The DoD and the DoC were completely separate, Club-Fed was not a tenant on the base and received no support from base functions such as the 325th Supply Squadron. Among other things the prisoners mowed the grass around the base (so they had a lot of lawnmowers...)

    Instead of having a DoC employee handle this, some .gov (gov. back then) type decides to let a prisoner coordinate with the business in PC Beach. The freakin prisoner (minimum security, probably in prison for scamming) scammed Joe-Bob's Lawnmowers, Bait, Tackle, and Shrimp Emporium for the lawnmower parts!!

    I helped.
     

    Alamo

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    And we had some brass on board when we went to sea to make our 1,000th dive.
    Went to sea special for it.
    .

    That reminds me...

    Somewhere around 1988 or so the NATO E-3A Component, which got its first aircraft in 1982, was approaching its 10,000th (IIRC) flying hour as a unit. They decided to have a special flight where the 10,000 hour point would happen, and loaded up an E-3A with not only a flight and mission crew, but representative support folks from the various organizations on base. The crew and pax were also selected so as to represent all the nationalities on base, of which there were 12 at that time, as well as a spread of grades. So when the Training Center was tasked to fill one of the seats with a non-flyer, company-grade officer, US nationality, Capt Alamo (Instructor) got selected.

    The pilots for the flight were the Component Commander, a USAF brigadier general, and the Chief of Safety, a German Air Force colonel. While the general was a career pilot, he did not have a background in E-3s. He went through the NATO E-3 training course and qualified at least as First Pilot (co-pilot), but flying the E-3 was not his primary job. The Chief of Safety, on the other hand, had been at the base for years, was Aircraft Commander qualified, and had lotsa hours in the plane. So the general could fly the plane under the Chief of Safety's watchful (we hope) eye, and no doubt the general would fly it today.

    On the ground as we strapped into our seats that German colonel did a walk-thru the cabin, and he had a handful of air-sick bags which he offered to us passengers. We all declined.

    He got a very impish gleam in his eye and said, "Are you sure? You know the General is flying today?"
     
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