Let's have a discussion about kids...

[Kase]

There are a lot of people in this world that should never breed, so I am thankful for some not having kids (Even though the ones that shouldnt usually end up with ten kids )

 

[dom1104]

This is a very interesting thread.

Its very .....huh. Not sure the word.

Carry on childless people, carry on.

 

[Lucas156]

I myself don't want to have kids. If I ever decide to have kids I will probably be atleast thirty and I don't think it would be too late then. Im 23 now. My girlfriend and I of a couple years aren't even married yet and we get bugged about having kids but mostly from the jackasses in my family. Here is why I don't want kids atleast right now maybe my whole life-I am young and I want to live my life. Im too selfish right now and a lot of things I want to do still. Ive had my nephew over for weekends at a time and honestly Im not a kid person. I don't think their cute at all or sweet. They can be fun once they get older and start talking and walking but it is a lot of responsibility. Hell I have a dog and get sick of him some days why should I have kids lol

My girlfriend wants kids but is willing to wait.

 

[stryguy]

I absolutely love my kids and 90% of the time I'm very my wife and I had them but I would be a total and complete liar to say I haven't day dreamed about life without them or had we stopped at 1 instead of 2.

I wonder how many other guys with kids day dream about life without?

 

[dom1104]

Let me just share my experiances.

After I had my first child, I realized just how meaningfull life can be, when you have a little guy who just thinks you are totally awesome and wants to be just like you.

I cant imagine a day coming home, without hearing his voice glad to see me, show me what he did that day, and want me to sit next to him at the dinner table.

The kids push and shove to be the first one to show daddy their new picture, or toy or half eaten christmas cookie.

I dont just think, I KNOW my life would feel empty and meaningless without them.

Perhaps thats why people seem to be quick to judge your lifestyle as meaningless, because they simply couldnt imagine living it.

Having kids, or not having kids, is a decision that can only be made by you and your wife, and I am really not sure there is a right or wrong answer to it.

I do know, that I could not imagine ever being without my little man, and I hope to someday be as awesome as he already thinks I am.

So give us people who love kids a break if we come off judgemental, maybe we just have a hard time understanding a life without our pride and joy.

Carry on brother.

 

[Kase]

Let me just share my experiances.

After I had my first child, I realized just how meaningfull life can be, when you have a little guy who just thinks you are totally awesome and wants to be just like you.

I cant imagine a day coming home, without hearing his voice glad to see me, show me what he did that day, and want me to sit next to him at the dinner table.

The kids push and shove to be the first one to show daddy their new picture, or toy or half eaten christmas cookie.

I dont just think, I KNOW my life would feel empty and meaningless without them.

Perhaps thats why people seem to be quick to judge your lifestyle as meaningless, because they simply couldnt imagine living it.

Having kids, or not having kids, is a decision that can only be made by you and your wife, and I am really not sure there is a right or wrong answer to it.

I do know, that I could not imagine ever being without my little man, and I hope to someday be as awesome as he already thinks I am.

So give us people who love kids a break if we come off judgemental, maybe we just have a hard time understanding a life without our pride and joy.

Carry on brother.

Big +1 to this.


Thats deep man

 

[dcahsr23]

more people who dont want kids need to take more precautions not to have them.

 

[Indy317]

I'm sure I'm gonna be on my own with this one, but is there anyone out there that has chosen to not have kids? My wife and I are in our 30s and have chosen to not have kids, people seem to find this hard to believe. And why do I always get pressure to have kids? I never try and pressure people to not have kids... It is just something we feel we don't need to do, and don't want to do. This is stemming from a crappy Christmas get together gone south. I always feel like my sister thinks we aren't good enough, and our time isn't important because we don't have kids. Like the rest of the family should revolve around them because they have kids and we must do nothing because we don't have kids.

My wife is late 20s and I'm mid-30s. I've never really be pro- or anti- children. My wife came to me two years or so ago and flat out said she didn't want any children. I told her that was OK. It should have obviously been said before we got married, and I know many people would side with me if I decided to get a divorce. I admit some of the not wanting kids is due to selfishness. I don't have much to worry about in life, and that is nice. If I die tomorrow, oh well, she is secured financially so I wouldn't feel the same sadness as I would leaving young kids behind never to know their father. The only other thing that even makes me sad is that her parents only have two kids. If her sister doesn't have kids, they will never be grandparents. I have no idea their thoughts on that, but back when we got married, her mom, who was younger, was like "I'm not ready to be a grandma yet!" It was in good humor, not even being 50, but there was no way we were financially ready for kids then so that wasn't even an issue. She has since told her mom, and given how my wife is, her mom said that doesn't really surprise her.

We get asked a lot by my family, but I've pretty much made it clear it wasn't going to happen and I think most pretty much understand that. I know my mom would love for us to have kids. Thankfully my sister has two kids, and they may have a third sometime. My brother is unmarried for now, and I'm not sure if he will have kids or not, if he ever gets married. I do think older relatives can be the worse. My parents grew up seeing their parents have seven grand kids on one side and seven on the other. I know some of my other older relatives are kinda shocked more of us cousins aren't have kids, especially since we grew up with so many cousins ourselves.

I guess for me, I just see so many people "abandon" everyone else in life the second they start having children.

If you had kids, you would find out why this happens. Even though I don't have kids, they take a lot of time and energy to raise. I don't have a business like you, and I do have a lot of free time because of it. I'm always available for emergency babysitting for a hour here or there if need be. We all live close by, for now, so such things are easy to deal with.

With your sister being six hours away, you have to tell her how it is. She is automatically going to view you as someone with plenty of time, especially if she just works a typical 40-50 hour a week job. Explain to her that you own your own business, and just because you don't have kids doesn't mean you just sit at home bored out of your mind. If I was in your situation but with my job/vacation hours, I would feel that I could do more in terms of getting my mom to see her grand kids. With that being said, and with a six hour drive, I'm not so sure I would feel I had to make that drive once a month, or even once every other month.

 

[mcolford]

Ive got friends that dont have or want kids, and they are happy. I fully back you up on it as well. Kids arent for everyone, and I wish more people realized that as well. Heck, I got one daughter and I catch crap from my parents about having another kid..... Ive said it will be "Considered" once my happy ass is out of debt except for the house, and were in our forever home.

Just be you man, and dont worry about what your sister says or thinks. She will get over it (maybe).


-MColford

 

[96firephoenix]

what really stinks is that the people that are best suited to having kids are the ones that don't want them and don't have them. Then there's the other half of society that is not suited to having kids, doesn't want them and has them anyway.

We need more responsible parents, but if you think you can't do that, don't.

 

[churchmouse]

I guess for me, I just see so many people "abandon" everyone else in life the second they start having children. My wife and I have ran 3 small businesses together, but recently have cut that down to 2 because we needed some more free time. You can say our work, our businesses are our "babies."

My mother is in her 70s now, and doesn't like to drive. I have taken MANY days away from my business and customers to take my mom down to see my sister, which is about a 6 hour drive round trip. My sister has never once picked my mom up or brought her home. And if my mom doesn't want to go see her (and in my eyes, she's 71 years old, she's entitled to do whatever she wants whenever she wants), my sister gives her a guilt trip about not spending enough time together. It sucks not having your time and/or feelings considered, and yesterday was the icing on the cake for me. I probably won't be talking to my sister for a looooooooong time after yesterday, but I had to tell her exactly how I felt about all this crap over the years. I'm sure in her eyes I'm the one being selfish.

It sounds like she pushes her norms on you and others as a control medium. You have every right to live as you see fit. I am on my 3rd marriage as I chose poorly and had 3 children that had to bear the consequences of the poor decisions made by the adults they depended on. I made good lives for them but it was still very hard. For that reason I made a deal with my currant
wife of "NO KIDS" so we could enjoy life in our own way on our own time. Well, woman can not always be trusted and I have 2 children by her, 1 darling granddaughter and another on the way. I would not change it now that I am in it but I do envy your conviction. Stand your ground and live your life. Sis may be jealous of you.

 

[Leo]

There should be no judgement against a couple that chooses not to have children. The husband usually does better with this than the wives. I just want to issue a "readers digest" condensed style warning as this was one of the subjects I studied for my Masters Degree, and I have hands on experience in the matter. Something happens shortly before menopause and the last gasps of the nurturting instinct surfaces. It is pretty common for a woman to have deep depression starting with menopause and sometimes continuing until death. Some women get past it, especially those with a lot of friends and activities in life. The women who REALLY struggle are the ones who get divorced shortly before menopause and wish they had children to help fill the relationship gap. The women who remarry at this point to a man who is open to children start becoming obsessed in their quest to give birth before the clock stops ticking. They end up being on a first name basis with every fertility clinic worker in a 5 state region. This off balanced preoccupation often fatally hurts the new marriage. Without going much farther, I just want to summerize that many 30 year olds who say "no kids" grow into depressed 48 year olds who missed their chance. Beware of this and be sensitive as you make your decisions in life. This is one of those subjects whose answers can radically change with time.

 

[Titanium Man]

Let me tell you my thoughts. I chose not to have kids a long time ago. My wife and I were married just shy of 10 years ago, and I think in the beginning, she thought I'd get the itch. Sorry. She now can't have kids, as is very satisfied with our choice.

I don't hear it much from my side of the aisle, but I do get a lot of people making comments like, no wonder you can do things, you don't have kids. I usually shrug these type of lunatic comments off.

My wife on the other hand, in her career, has heard every mean spirited, underhanded, lowdown, narrow-minded comment in the world, regarding to our not having kids. Even in our personal life, we have a difficult time finding friends who don't judge us, or feel comfortable with us, due to the jealousy of us being foot loose with our life and not being tied down.

I really get miffed when people can't control their kids when it comes to visiting our house!! Our house is NOT child proofed, and I don't want my trophies, and other doo dads looked at as toys, and my dogs are not a play zone. Luckily, I have 2 very well behaved dogs, who love kids, but that is beside the point. In fact, my dogs are usually better behaved than any peoples kids we know.

My favorite is when I have a friend I invite hunting. They seem to take it upon themselves that I invited their kids on my land also. That was not in the invitation, so don't read it in. Usually, a follow up invite doesn't happen, because I don't want to deal with it.

Also, I don't think kids should be going up to the buffet to serve themselves. They are in no way tall enough for the sneeze bar to be of use, and kids are not taught any manners, because parents when they're out, just don't want to deal with them.

Heck, I would love to see a no kid china buffet restaurant. They have no smoking laws, how about no kids.

I've kept a lot of these things to myself, and wife, but it all boils down to choices we make, and then other people being jealous of our situation.

Sure, I don't have anyone to hand down my assets to when I die, but I have a couple of nice nephews, who will be very well off when their crazy uncle dies.

 

[Lumpy76]

I have been married for 14 more or less happy years. We decided at the begining not to have children. It was the right choice for us. Pleanty of nieces and nephews, that go home! Don't worry about people trying to decide how your life should be led.

 

[hornadylnl]

I absolutely love my kids and 90% of the time I'm very my wife and I had them but I would be a total and complete liar to say I haven't day dreamed about life without them or had we stopped at 1 instead of 2.

I wonder how many other guys with kids day dream about life without?

I'm sure almost every parent has thought that but are afraid to say it for fear of everyone else thinking they're a lousy parent.

I stopped at one and am glad I did. My wife kept trying to talk me into another one but now realizes that was the best choice. You have to have the right personality to really love being a parent. Teaching isn't my personality. It's hard for me to teach my daughter something in a way that makes sense to her. It's the same way at work when I'm given a new guy to train. It's 10 times easier if I just do the job myself without tagalongs.

I love my daughter but it's definitely a lot of work being a parent.

 

[hornadylnl]

Before my wife and I started trying to get pregnant, I said we should adopt a 17 1/2 year old and give them the boot at 18. Then we could enjoy the grandkids and send them home when we got our fill. She wasn't too hip to that idea.

 

[sepe]

Before my wife and I started trying to get pregnant, I said we should adopt a 17 1/2 year old and give them the boot at 18. Then we could enjoy the grandkids and send them home when we got our fill. She wasn't too hip to that idea.

If you can get that idea passed, make sure to get a Brazilian or Colombian 17 1/2 year old girl. I'll give her a great home the day she hits 18.

 

[abnk]

I know people who never had kids and wish they did. I don't know anyone who has kids and wish they didn't. I feel bad for you, OP. You don't know the greatest joy in life.

Since we're on the subject, responsible people not breeding contributes to the downfall of this nation.

 

[Mosinowner]

When I grow up I don't want to get married or have kids. Also it would be kinda hard to find a wife because I'm catholic and the whole Catholics can't marry Non Catholics thing

 

[Benny]

I know people who never had kids and wish they did. I don't know anyone who has kids and wish they didn't. I feel bad for you, OP. You don't know the greatest joy in life.

Since we're on the subject, responsible people not breeding contributes to the downfall of this nation.

There is a member here that admitted it, so I know at least 1.

When I grow up I don't want to get married or have kids. Also it would be kinda hard to find a wife because I'm catholic and the whole Catholics can't marry Non Catholics thing

When I was your age I don't think I knew a single boy that planned on getting married and having kids.