Let's have a discussion about kids...

[Wesley Willis]

I'm sure I'm gonna be on my own with this one, but is there anyone out there that has chosen to not have kids? My wife and I are in our 30s and have chosen to not have kids, people seem to find this hard to believe. And why do I always get pressure to have kids? I never try and pressure people to not have kids... It is just something we feel we don't need to do, and don't want to do. This is stemming from a crappy Christmas get together gone south. I always feel like my sister thinks we aren't good enough, and our time isn't important because we don't have kids. Like the rest of the family should revolve around them because they have kids and we must do nothing because we don't have kids.

 

[BumpShadow]

I'm sure I'm gonna be on my own with this one, but is there anyone out there that has chosen to not have kids? My wife and I are in our 30s and have chosen to not have kids, people seem to find this hard to believe. And why do I always get pressure to have kids? I never try and pressure people to not have kids... It is just something we feel we don't need to do, and don't want to do. This is stemming from a crappy Christmas get together gone south. I always feel like my sister thinks we aren't good enough, and our time isn't important because we don't have kids. Like the rest of the family should revolve around them because they have kids and we must do nothing because we don't have kids.

People always need to validate bad or poorly thought out choices. By making having kids an unquestioned fact and focal point, the dubious decision to have kids comes, well, unquestioned.

Good for you on not having kids. I could go the rest of my life without any of my own and be very happy. Alas though, not will in all likelihood not be the case.


Now I'm a sad clown.

 

[DarkRose]

I had a coworker recently who apparently had himself "altered" at the ripe old age of 18. He was now 46 or 48 and said he never regretted it a bit, he always had time for himself and what he and his other half wanted to do, and if they decided to pack up and leave for a weekend or a week or three at a moments notice, no biggie, off they go...

Works for some people.

 

[Benny]

Eff your sister and her judgmental ass.

You are certainly in the minority here, but who cares? I'd much rather two people not have kids than have them for the wrong reasons and be bad parents.

Personally, the day my son was born was hands-down the greatest day of my life. He is my pride and joy and I'm proud to be a Dad.

To each his own.

 

[Love the 1911]

I'm right there with you, brother. My wife and I both turned 30 this year, have been married 6 years in January and dated for almost 5 before getting married. We decided long ago to not have children.

The thing with people seeing your life as less-valuable than their's due to not having kids is something we experience as well. I have one niece and one nephew and it seems that holidays now center around the families with children. I also have one coworker in particular that has stated in the past that he doesn't think he should be doing anything dangerous because he has children at home, leading him to quit the Emergency Response Team and generally act like a giant ***** in the face of any kind of danger.

I would not consider having children in order to balance any of those things out. I love my wife with all my heart and we can work through "inconveniences" a few times a year knowing that we still have a 40 hour work week that parents don't get anymore. I also volunteer time with the local high school swim team (I swam in high school and college), something that I would not have time to do if I had children of my own.

Don't worry about anyone else. You made the decision based on your life, not anyone else's expectations of your life.

 

[DarkRose]

Eff your sister and her judgmental ass.

You are certainly in the minority here, but who cares? I'd much rather two people not have kids than have them for the wrong reasons and be bad parents.

Personally, the day my son was born was hands-down the greatest day of my life. He is my pride and joy and I'm proud to be a Dad.

To each his own.

I agree with this, if you don't want children, don't have them. Leave children for the people that want them. If you guys don't want them, don't let "peer pressure" change your minds. The foster/adoption system is strained and overworked enough as it is.

 

[sepe]

Kids are cool and all, I enjoy spending time with my nieces and nephews but I haven't really ever felt the need to bring kids into the world. I've got friends with really cool kids that I have no problem being around, playing paintball/playing games (board games, video games), and I would like to get involved in coaching but I can not stand kids that have been "raised" by moronic parents.

DarkRose, I not so sure that many people are having kids because they all want them. Far too many would be better off with a goldfish or a stuffed animal. Every time you're out in public you see more "bad" kids (not tantrums because they're tired or in a bad mood because they didn't get something they wanted) because of parents that don't parent. There are FAR too many people having kids that shouldn't. If you're a quality parent and can afford to raise 20 kids, pump them out. No problem with that but if you have 1 and don't want to put in the effort, for the sake of the child...don't. I've known quite a few that didn't have kids because of peer pressure but because they thought it might help the relationship.

 

[Sylvain]

I can not stand kids that have been "raised" by moronic parents.

lol

I think we are all the same way, no matter if we have kids or not.
Unless you are one of those moronic parents and you dont even realize that you are a moronic parent yourself of course.

Maybe those moronic parents will make you realize that you could be a far greater parent than they are, and that would make you want to have kids later.

I think it's not a big deal not to have your own kids.It's far better to be a wonderful uncle or aunt than to be a bad father or mother.

 

[hornadylnl]

Don't worry. Later on in life, I'm sure your sister will cozy up to you and your childless estate. Write your will accordingly.

There is a reason I stopped at one. You need to have a passion for educating others and I don't.

 

[Wesley Willis]

I guess for me, I just see so many people "abandon" everyone else in life the second they start having children. My wife and I have ran 3 small businesses together, but recently have cut that down to 2 because we needed some more free time. You can say our work, our businesses are our "babies."

My mother is in her 70s now, and doesn't like to drive. I have taken MANY days away from my business and customers to take my mom down to see my sister, which is about a 6 hour drive round trip. My sister has never once picked my mom up or brought her home. And if my mom doesn't want to go see her (and in my eyes, she's 71 years old, she's entitled to do whatever she wants whenever she wants), my sister gives her a guilt trip about not spending enough time together. It sucks not having your time and/or feelings considered, and yesterday was the icing on the cake for me. I probably won't be talking to my sister for a looooooooong time after yesterday, but I had to tell her exactly how I felt about all this crap over the years. I'm sure in her eyes I'm the one being selfish.

 

[Wesley Willis]

And some people wonder why I'm a loaner

 

[Expat]

Now you can be one of those people that call your cats. "your children".

 

[Indy_Guy_77]

And some people wonder why I'm a loaner

Can you loan me some money? I've some shopping to do...

 

[Wesley Willis]

Can you loan me some money? I've some shopping to do...

 

[indysims]

he always had time for himself and what he and his other half wanted to do, and if they decided to pack up and leave for a weekend or a week or three at a moments notice, no biggie, off they go....

That's why I don't have a dog...

 

[Boiled Owl]

One of my best friends married a women who had two grown daughters. He has a blast with the grandkids. I think he has slight regret of not having his own children, but he makes the most of his role now.

My sister in law and husband also choose not to have kids. The only problem I see with their situation is they really don't understand what is involved when you raise a family. Esp. when over the last 7 months my mother in law died a slow death to brain cancer. There was some snarkyness about the amount of time spent care giving between my wife and her sister. But one of the sources of joy that came to my mother in law was having her grandchildren (our kids) around.

I don't sit in judgement of those who choose not to have children, it's a choice that works for them.

I guess you do have to abandon some of what you yourself want to give what the kids need. In my situation I don't feel as though I'm losing. I really enjoy my kids. But they were born after I was 32. I guess I was grown up enough by then!

 

[Outlaw]

I don't have any children myself and I love my life. I have a group of 5 friends that all have kids, we've been friends since grade school, so I just hang out with them. It reassures me everyday why I didn't have kids.

Plus I get to be "the cool uncle"

 

[eldirector]

We didn't have our daughter until our late (really late) 30's. Family kinda bugged us for a while, but eventually let it go. There are pros and cons about waiting so long, but it really was the best for us.

My sister has flat out said she will never have children. I assume her husband agrees, and our family has accepted it fine.

I'm all for folks making a conscious decision about having children. It certainly is a huge responsibility, and shouldn't be the default "choice".

 

[lovemachine]

I'm 28, will be 29 in February. My wife is the same age, and we've been married 3 years.

We both get bugged a lot about having kids. We both want kids, just not ready yet. And, I'm starting to get tired if being bugged about it. I AM thankful that the inlaws, and my parents, don't bug us about it.

Lately, I tell everyone that I have a dog, and that's good enough for us right now.

 

[WC Deer Hunter]

To each their own. I have kids, and I respect those that choose not to. I have an Aunt and Unlce that have been married for 20 some years they are in their 50's and have no kids. They love to have our kids over for the weekend or to take them places but they just don't want their own. If we were all the same it would be a boring world. Kudos to you for being who you want to be and not doing or being something that others want you to be just to please them.