You're not missing anything, forgop is just a jaded healthcare employee
Muscle strains aren't pleasant, and they don't get better quickly. Valium is my favorite medication. Google dosing guidelines and you may find some more room in how you're doing it. I agree with a pretty girl rubbing your neck, heat, stretching (i guess we'll give that to Kirk, but without the leotard). Also change position frequently, strained muscles like to cramp if sitting still.
I've had issues with back spasms during football. They tried Valium and it worked very short term. Soma and massage worked the best. I was already doing a lot of stretching (with some yoga thrown in). Along with some chiropractor visits the Soma worked much better.
If you can get the Dilaudid, make sure they put you on a 15 minute drip and make sure they let you hang about a gallon on the IV stand that becomes your best friend. That stuff can almost numb the pain of a ruptured appendix and what it doesn't numb, it makes you not care about. After getting out of the hospital on that one, talk about feeling like crap for a few days.