Friendship

[Leah Marie]

Friendship is people who have your back no matter what.
"Friends walk in and out of your life but TRUE friends leave footprints in your hear"

 

[IndySSD]

Man, I really don't want to sound like an over-emotion fluff puff but I've re-evaluated who or what I would consider a friend over the past year and a half. I've gone through life with varying degrees of friends.

In elementary school, I felt like I had a lot of friends.

In middle school, when kids try to flex and exercise their proverbial wings, you lose a lot of those friends due to cliques and forming social classes. The best friends I had wouldn't give me the time of day because I didn't have the latest and greatest social expectation of whatever subclass/genre they were beginning to attach themselves to. People started identifying with the brand of shoes they had and who else wore them rather than the content of their character of the person wearing the shoe.

In high school, this was even more exaggerated and then you throw in the female influence. Not only did you have to impress social classes and cliques but you also "had" to impress a whole blossoming female class.

I kind of went through both middle and high school refusing to identify with people based on their social class and more so on the content of their character. I was given a hard time by just about every clique because I didn't dedicate myself to anyone. I think I lost a lot of potential friendships over that, but in reflection, I really don't regret it because their friendships would have been based on false pretenses and disloyalty.

In college, and I don't understand it, people pretend to be all inclusive and understanding and return to some of the social aspects that elementary school shared. People started appreciating each other for their character and not what kind of car they drove, what designed clothes they wore or whether or not they made the football team. It was more like it should be.

When I had surgeries and chemo/radiation treatments, I had another set of re-evaluations to go through. People who I assumed were friends never bothered to call or visit. People who I assumed were acquaintances came through and put their lives on hold, unnecessarily, to check in and stop by.

Friends were the people who stopped by to drop off food for my wife and I because they thought we were too burdened to plan meals. Sometimes it was to mow our lawns because I couldn't get out of bed and their conscience wouldn't allow them to have my wife do it on top of taking care of me. Sometimes it was just to come over and visit me on their lunch break or take the entire day off of work to spend time with me. A few of them showed up at the crack of dawn before I had surgeries to pray with me and give me just ONE more hug. The end result is that I learned who valued me as a person and was willing to sacrifice something of their life to put towards mine. This is all without me expecting anyone to do anything. I will gladly call those people friends. Loyalty is the character trait that I have always valued my whole life. It's why when I was in junior high and high school and I had friends who weren't "cool" but I stuck by their side. I liked them and appreciated them and no amount of outside criticism would change that. Having gone through something that really is perspective shatter, I continue to appreciate loyalty and think I have a better understanding of what that trait is.

I have very few close friends. I have a lot of acquaintances. I'm always looking for more, though. It is a tired platitude but an honest one... friends are the family that you get to pick.

Jack Ryan is right on the money about his description of who a friend is. I continue to try and be a friend to those who I call acquaintances because one day those may shift.

You're born alone and you'll die alone. You need friends to remind you that you'll be missed when you finally do leave this place.

Pretty much 100% my experience as well.

When I had cancer I had (and continue to have now that it's in remission) certain people who really showed me what the meaning of friendship was.

My best friend wound up taking me to several radiation treatments (using his vacation days off from work).

My wife and I had several family friends and friends of hers that came through and donated both their time and money to doing things like cooking meals for us, mowing the yard, etc. We even had family and friends who put on a fundraiser for us to help out with the bills.

True friendship I've learned is far more rare a thing than most are willing to admit.

I've learned that I don't have nearly as many true friends as I thought I had, however I've learned that the friends I truly do have that aren't just friendly acquaintances are better friends to me than I would have ever expected to have.

I strive to live my life such that I am the friend to others that I'm so blessed to have in my life.

 

[public servant]

I'm usually the guy everybody calls when they want something. 95% of them have nothing to offer in return and I hate asking for favors. I'm usually too nice and don't turn people away.

Can I borrow $500?

 

[shibumiseeker]

I've stayed out of this thread until now, but reading TWB and SSD's accounts reminded me of what I found out when I had a major SHTF in my life. When my house burned down I had a lot of people who helped in some way or another. I've spent my life helping other people and this was the first time I saw any of that come back to me (and I don't expect it when I help others, I do it for my own reasons).

One of the best friends I have said when I called him (he lives in Illinois):
"What are we going to do now?" Not "how can I help?" which would have been generous enough, but "what are WE going to do now?" He ended up spending over two weeks with me over the months I spent building a cabin to live in, and his family contributed the most financially to the rebuild effort. A lot of folks helped in that effort and I was thankful for any help folks gave, but a few folks really shined through in how they were there for me. Most of my friends are folks who behaved pretty much how I would expect them to at that time in my life. I don't have many close friends, but those I do are very close friends. I have a lot of acquaintances and I judge what I think of their character by how close I let them into my life. The best friends I have know who and what I am with no reservations. I try very hard not to associate with people who aren't quality folks.

 

[Knife Lady]

That knife didnt come from me.

 

[Knife Lady]

A friend is what you feel from the heart for someone. Like love is. A true good heart. A friend will never ask more than what they are willing to give. If you have at least 3 good friends in your lifetime you are considered a very lucky person. A friend accepts you as you are no more nor less.

 

[360]

A true friend will give you his last bullet.

 

[Fletch]

Many years ago, I borrowed a quarter from a friend, and tried to pay it back as soon as I had a quarter. He gave me a disgusted look and said "dude, don't insult me". I've since used that same approach with other friends who needed stuff.

The people I call friends trust that accounts will balance without needing a guarantee. We go out to eat, pay the bill, and one of us might say "gimme a dollar". The dollar is always given, knowing that eventually it will balance out.

Money isn't the only way to measure friendship, but so many people are uptight about it that it seems to be a pretty good indicator. The guys who trust financial accounts to balance also trust similar "accounts" in time, labor, and so forth to balance.

 

[Jeff]

Friends are overrated.

 

[bigus_D]

True Friends:

I have two brothers. I know I can count on them.

I know a lot of other people too.

 

[Jack Ryan]

Only a friend would stop by the house while you are gone and feed your dog for ya even after it bit him.

 

[4sarge]

Too Many Supposed Friends Turn Out to be Mere Acquaintances When the Going Gets Tough

 

[CorvetteTom]

I have many friends... I don't have many real friends. I'd do nearly anything for my real friends and I believe they would for me as well. If I didn't believe they would, they wouldn't be real friends.

I'm about to find out which are my real friends... I'm moving next month! LMAO

 

[Militarypol21]

Friends help you move.
Good friends help you move a body.

I move bodies on a daily basis... I must be a good friend to someone

 

[Colt556]

Like most things friendship has different meanings to different people. I know a lot of people yet have few friends. The people who I do consider my friends are always welcome in my home. They never need to ask for anything b/c I already know what they need. They never need to apologize for speaking their mind or offering their opinions. They can be out of my life for a year and walk right back in as if they were never gone. They will be there for me as I will be there for them. When I had my heart attack and surgery last year I really found out who my true friends were. Some of the people I thought would be right there never showed up and people I never thought would come were there frequently. I don't have many friends but cherish the few that I have.

 

[POC]

I was in the hospital once. One person, other than my immediate family and GF came to see me. He even brough me a magazine. He is a true friend.
I don't have many friends, even aquantances, strictly through my own decisions. Not that I've wronged anyone, I'm just not an "outgoing" kind of guy.
Now that I think about it, the friend that brought me the magazine is one who had the most reason NOT to be my friend. In high school, after he and a girl that I had dated broke up, her and I went out on a date, secretly. He found out that she had gone out with "someone", but didn't know who it was. He and this girl had dated for at least a couple of years, he bought his own plane ticket to travel with her to England one summer, he was, I believe, COMPLETELY in love with her. One night we were riding around town (not much else to do here...) and he told me that he knew she went out with someone, but he didn't know who, and he'd kill the SOB. I real quietly said, "It was me." I didn't know how he'd react, he was a bit, thicker, than I and I'd never been in a fight. He drove back to his house and we just sat in the car for a few minutes in silence. He finally said, "It took some big balls to tell me that." And we've been very good friends since. We don't see much of each other, like I said, I'm a "stay at home" kind of person, and our house is small and cluttered, so we don't invite people over. But I know I can count on him when I need something.

When I was on the fire department, I had a different kind of friends, it was strange. One or two of the guys, I didn't really like all that much, we just didnt' get along. But at the same time, any of those 12 guys I'd go into a burning house with cause I knew they'd have my back if SHTF. I miss that feeling. Maybe I need to get out more...

 

[DragonGunner]

POC....great story. Funny how some "friends" vanish when your in the hospital. When my friend from post 17 passed away from cancer, his wife told me I had been the only friend to visit him at the hospitals an at home...I kinda saw this, an remember those that never called or stopped to see him.....it amazed me that after he died, how so many showed up for the service....I ignored all of them. What good is it folks if you don't visit them when they are sick an down, but go to the funeral....its too late then.

 

[jlm223]

"The only way to have a friend is to be one."
Ralph Waldo Emerson

 

[SavageEagle]

Trust everyone, just don't trust the devil inside them. Yea, I know, movie quote, but it's words of wisdom to live by.

Friendship is not trust. 10 year brotherly friendship turned to dust over $300, a truck, and a woman. Friendship is partly trust, but that's not what it is.

Friendship is a combination of things. Dependability, reliability, trust, openness, common interests, and probably the most important feature of ANY relationship... mutual benefit. I've found that any relationship I've had with someone is usually based upon one major thing. What does that person possess that I can benefit from and what can they benefit from through me? This can be a wide range of things from simple friendship, skill sets, and material possessions to things like professional associations, business contacts, etc.

To me, a friend is someone who I can rely on to be here for me when I'm in need because they know I would do the same. A friend is someone that you can depend on when you need a favor. A friend is someone that you can trust to hold onto $1000 for months and not spend it. And won't let you spend it either unless it's on what it was saved back for in the first place. A friend is someone who you can open up to about something no matter how "bad" it'll make you look to everyone else and not worry about them putting you down for it. However, if you screw up, they'll be the first one to point it out, but not leave you to clean up the mess on your own. A friend is also someone who you do things with. You have a common path in life and follow that path together.

One thing I've learned though, no matter who you become good friends with, at some point in time your paths are going to separate. If you are truly good friends, you'll be that way the rest of your life come hell or high water. You will have a lot of acquaintances in life, but only true friends will be there when the smoke clears.