divorce

[Bert]

Divorce is nothing to take lightly. Have you talked to her about how you feel ? You married her for a reason. The only winner in the end is the lawyers.

 

[patience0830]

Seek council if you think what you have is worth saving. A third party with experience helping couples can be a valuable asset and worth more than you pay for it. Some insurance plans and companies have personal help lines that may have some good advice.
If your guns need a place to stay, you may PM me. No foolin'.
You got married for a reason. If it was the right reason and there has been no addiction, adultery or abuse, it's worth looking around to find that reason and try and make it work.
A good lawyer on your side is truly an asset.
Don't forget to take care of yourself. Eat right and get your sleep. It can be hard to concentrate on the day to day when you feel like your life is coming apart but good food and routine really do help.

I'll put you both on my prayer list. Best of luck.

 

[sgreen3]

When you wake in the morning and dread to see the other person because you know its going to be another let down for the day, Then its time. Ive been through one myself its not easy but you can and will get through it.

 

[littletommy]

Just an observation on the counseling: myself and my ex talked to two different pastors, and a marriage counselor, and I have to say, from that experience, I would not waste my time or money on it again. It may very well work for others, and I'm certainly not saying "don't do it", just saying I would not do it again. Once a person reaches that point that they are posting things on facebook about their spouse, they have made their decision, or maybe made YOU make the decision.

I love my wife dearly, but if she were to come to me and say she doesn't feel the same about me anymore, which is what my first wife said, I'm outta here, no ifs, ands, or buts. No trying to jump through hoops to change a made up mind, no pissing my money down a hole to get counseling, I'm just OUT.

 

[grahamsy2k]

I hope everything works out okay man. Good luck.

 

[CitiusFortius]

How do you know when its time? I think its my time. I live in a house of animosity, and I can't handle it anymore. Please help.

Wake up, every morning for the next 6 months with the goal of making her happy for that day. Don't argue. If she says something way out of line then so be it.

I may be old fashion, but other than physical abuse I don't think people should get divorced. But being as you're asking a public forum then I see you're way past that lecture.

So if after 6 months of being the sweetest, most patient, most attentive husband you can be and she wants nothing to do with you, then go ahead.

 

[hoosierdoc]

Love is a choice and an action, not an emotion. Love is not easy. I believe God brought my wife and I together. If I divorced her I would be rejecting God's gift to me.

Have you spent more time in marriage counseling and marriage enrichment books or on INGO in the last six weeks? Divorce sucks, marriage isn't easy, and don't give up without giving it everything you possibly have. Even if it isn't successful I wouldn't want a next spouse who didn't go all in for their last relationship.

Tough words I know, but they're meant to challenge you a bit. Good luck! PM if you want directed advice.

 

[bmbutch]

Did you mean 'infidelity' ?? I don't believe divorcing someone do to their inability to conceive is fair

Oops, I hate auto spellcheck, Yes, should have been infidelity, not infertility. Guess auto correct works better when you don't misspell infidelity in the first place.

 

[gunman41mag]

If you're asking, then it's time to get divorce, been their & I don't regret it, i found a way better wife

 

[Lost Californian]

(I think I sounded like a pompous, self righteous ass)

PS- I failed at my first marriage, and this second one seems to be getting messed up too, so who am I to offer advice?

I will pray for you and yours, all I can do.

 

[hoosierdoc]

It's time, when you post to thousands online asking

I keep coming back to this statement. It frustrates me that some are rather flippant about when to end a marriage. Maybe it was in jest, I dunno.

OP, would you defend her honor if someone was speaking of her in an insulting way? Would you get mad if you saw someone kissing her? If so, fight for her. It could be that she has given up, but who knows.

You don't just love those who make you feel loved. You love who you choose to. You've already put your pride aside by your first post which is a great first step. Do you have kids? How long have you been married? What is your "love language"? What is hers? What have you done recently to supply that need?

Again, not being mean, just challenging you a bit. Even if this fails, learning how to love a spouse and improve relationships is not bad knowledge to have.

 

[Hoosierdood]

I see that we aren't too far away. I would be willing to meet with you and talk if you want. Send me a PM.

 

[OkieGirl]

I keep coming back to this statement. It frustrates me that some are rather flippant about when to end a marriage. Maybe it was in jest, I dunno.

OP, would you defend her honor if someone was speaking of her in an insulting way? Would you get mad if you saw someone kissing her? If so, fight for her. It could be that she has given up, but who knows.

You don't just love those who make you feel loved. You love who you choose to. You've already put your pride aside by your first post which is a great first step. Do you have kids? How long have you been married? What is your "love language"? What is hers? What have you done recently to supply that need?

+1, +1, +1 I don't think anyone here can explain just how very painful divorce is, it tears at your flesh and bone and then tries to decimate your kids/family/friends/finances.

It's worth the fight to try to fix it.

Yes, be smart and remove those items (like guns) from your home to keep the situation a bit mellower. No matter what the outcome may be, if you choose to work at it then you will not have any regrets later. I tried 3 marriage counselors the first time around and do not regret it. It didn't work out but I sleep soundly knowing it wasn't for the lack of my trying. Good luck to you, stick close to your family, don't listen to people who think sympathizing with you means bashing her. Pick up a copy of "His Needs, Her Needs"...yes, it sounds cheesy but it's good. Try only reading the "Her Needs" part first...it's too easy to read about your own needs and then get upset with her. In the long run it helped me understand what things were important to me and what things were important to him. That knowledge has carried on to help me years later too...

 

[churchmouse]

I have this experience and really wish that I did not. Not for lost love as I chose poorly and payed for the mistake in many ways beyond money. My kids suffered so much no matter how hard I tried to keep that pain from them. As OkieGirl said...it tears at you and the pain changes you forever.
There is good opinion and steps to take posted here for you. I lost a very extensive gun collection before I had any idea they were gone. Again, my mistake.
If you are truly done, seek legal help and if it gets really bad, counselling. Stay sane and do the right things. You will know what they are.

 

[gungirl65]

If you have any Social Media accounts, like Facebook and INGO, remember they will be searched by the other parties Attn. Be very careful what you say and you may want to review what you have said in the past.

Get a really good Attn. I spent an extra $1000 to get the best one in my area and he saved me 20x that amount.

This really only matters if you have kids and custody decisions need to be made.

When I talked to the attorney and offered to give him cellphone records he said it didn't matter. He said the judge isn't there to right the wrongs of the marriage or punish anyone, all the judge cares about is child custody and equal distribution of assets.

 

[Bounty Hunter]

I feel.... no matter how much you love someone, it is not always your choice to make. Sometimes you have to make the choice because of the other persons actions, or feelings. Sometimes you have to make the decision, because you cannot take whatever is going on.

If you feel you can change things, or make them better by counseling, then by all means do it. You will know soon enough if it is repairable or not, by what you get back in return.
Sometimes the other persons actions speak volumes, because they cannot bring themselves to actually say that is what they want, so they treat you bad.

I hope it works out for you. I was better off when i got divorced, but at the time, I did not realize I was not happy either.
I do know that if you go ahead with this, it is not pretty. The person you are divorcing, will not be the person you fell in love with!!!! There will be no rules.

Go all out either way, fix it or end it. If you end it, get a good lawyer, get your guns out, get your money out,(or she will).

Good luck!!

 

[88GT]

Divorce is death. You need to determine if it's a righteous killing or not.

 

[gungirl65]

How do you know when its time? I think its my time. I live in a house of animosity, and I can't handle it anymore. Please help.

It is time to end the marriage when the very thought of having to spend time with your spouse makes you anxious. When you feel like they suck the very life out of your soul and they seem to enjoy doing it. When nothing you do is right or ever good enough. When every attempt to be kind or considerate to your spouse is either not appreciated or is criticized.

It is time when you no longer respect each other and insults or criticism replace regular conversations.

It is time when you find yourself consumed in sadness when you used to be an easy going and happy person. When things that used to make you happy no longer do. When you would rather do anything even if it is something unpleasant, than go home when you know they are there. When the very thought of growing old with your spouse makes you momentarily wish for an early death.

It is time when you feel a hate inside your heart for your spouse that you never thought you were capable of feeling. When you secretly wish they were dead so you would never again be subjected to the poisonous venom that spews from their mouth.

It is time to end the marriage when you can't stand the thought of being in the same bed with them, let alone being touched by or being intimate with them.

When you feel these feelings and no longer have happy thoughts about your spouse or your future together, it is time to walk away.

 

[mcolford]

I also reccomend speaking with your minister or the like. Im not going to lie, my wife and I had a rough spell, we had a talk with our preacher (also happens to be a friend of ours and our next door neighbor, awkward, lol).. And after some good talkings (counseling).. We are better now than we ever were.

Only you know for sure if its time to pull the plug or not. We cant decide for you. Will keep ya in prayers though that whatever choice you make, will result in the best possible answer.

 

[hornadylnl]

Spend $90 on this dvd set and watch it together with humble hearts.
Audio/Video :: DVDs :: Love and Respect DVDs - Online Store | Love and Respect

If you both can't agree on the truths in these dvd's, it's time to move on.