Coach & Rhino's Big Adventures (PG-13 Version)

[rhino]

This story is way too funny... I'm still highly amused and laughing about it several hours later. Did you guys bust out your "guns" and offer to teach them how to "call the shot"??

If you're sayin' what I think you're sayin', then you're definitely ready to hang out with us on a regular basis.

 

[rhino]

I hope everyone understands that I Coach and I stopped for the car wash in order to help the sorority with their fundraiser. We'll buy popcorn from cubscouts, trash bags from the volleyball team, and we'll let sorority girls wash the vehicle. We're just that civic-minded.

In fact, I think we need to start our own "service" organization.

Like Kiwanis or Rotary Club, but fun.

 

[rhino]

i've been through a similar experience, though a bit more expensive (remember the birthday trip to the motherland, rhino?) and i must say that his behaviour in such situations is less than decorous. never ever put yourself into a situation where you must drag a screaming, kicking, heavily armed and highly agitated rhino to the truck and beat a hasty retreat.

Hey! In my own defense, I'd like to add a few points:

• I was incredibly well-behaved (given the situation) until I reached the breaking point (addressed below). I withstood more than one private perfomance sponsored by you (yes, I knew) without committing any felonies or midemeanors. In fact, I was nearly freakishly polite and made it explicitly clear I did not want them touching me. Well, until they started touching me, but what's a guy to do under those circumstances?
• I really believed that my highlight of the evening was getting the tall redhead to admit that she wasn't really a nursing student when she was sitting at our table talking to me. Naturally she tried the old "I'm working my way through school," line, and naturally I didn't buy it. After I quizzed her on simple CPR and other first-aid procedures, she admitted she was trying to fool me. Imagine that!
• I was fine, I tell you, FINE until she (the tall redhead) performed her part of the show and demonstrated to my satisfaction that God was the source of her talent (and not a very skilled cosmetic surgeon).

I commend you for recognizing the "time to leave" the instant is happened, by the way. I don't know how many guys they had working security that night (probably a lot since it was a special event), but they would have needed . . . more.

For those XY-chromos reading this, you may be puzzled why I might spend my time quizzing a young lady engaged in her profession on medical procedures. I have no explanation other than I am weird.

I'm also the guy who got scolded by a performer for not paying attention during a similar situation in 1997 after the Indy GSSF match. Yes, it really happened. Obijohn was there. I'm not normally intimidated by people who are 5'0" and 95 lbs, but that girl was serious. And of course, she was right; I was inconsiderate of her feelings.

 

[Pami]

I'm not normally intimidated by people who are 5'0" and 95 lbs, but that girl was serious. And of course, she was right; I was inconsiderate of her feelings.

I'm not sure which is funnier.. reading the five pages of posts previous to this one, or imagining you being scolded by a 5'0", 95lb girl... I might have actually paid to watch that.

 

[flagtag]

I'm not sure which is funnier.. reading the five pages of posts previous to this one, or imagining you being scolded by a 5'0", 95lb girl... I might have actually paid to watch that.

Dynamite comes in small packages!

 

[GetA2J]

DANGIT . . . I had to get the bright idea to move to Florida for some stupid career.

Is Crane hiring?

Not this time of year, try spring break and 30 +/- miles north of my location then you'll be cookin' with gas.


Not here, my piece o' paper on the wall says Rose-Hulman and mechanical engineering . . . no mention of any interior decorating or fashion design or the like on there.

Some stupid Queer????????

Can we say queer on here in a humorus, tolerant way?

Coach was referring to your statement that you moved down there for some stoopid queer!!!

 

[rhino]

I'm not sure which is funnier.. reading the five pages of posts previous to this one, or imagining you being scolded by a 5'0", 95lb girl... I might have actually paid to watch that.

Fortunately you get to enjoy both! We all win!

I shall elaborate on the story of the of the scolding.

Obijohn, two others, and I had just finished shooting our first GSSF match in Indy (I was 10th overall out of about 350 people, by the way, and shooting a Glock for the first time ). Afterward, we went to lunch at Lonestar on 38th Street (which I think is closed now). While at lunch, the other two guys kept saying, "Let's go to Hooters after this!"

Well, being the choir boy that I am, I resisted initially, but then agreed (with reservations of course) to accompany them to Hooters on 38th St. When we walked out of the restaurant into the parking lot toward our vehicles, something caught my eye.

There, before me and across the parking lot, with a heavenly light shining brightly behind it, was an establishment that provides visual entertainment to consenting adults. Immediately (and I mean immediately) I pumped the brakes on the Hooters excursion and suggested that since we were already there, we could skip the amateurs hour and go straight to the big leagues.

If it's possible to do something faster than immediately, they agreed with my brilliant idea and we proceeded across the parking lot to our new destination.

Whilst enjoying the services provided by entertainers, I happened to catch the sight of a huge pyramid of beer bottles in my peripheral vision. I glanced over and saw that they were in front of a couple of guys on "pervert's row" (i.e. the front row of the stage) who happened to be other two guys in our party.

At that point, I became concerned (genuinely) because I knew they had to drive home. Yes, my concern for the well being of my associates temporarily displaced my interest in the entertainment (which in retrospect makes me sound like a giant homo, but I was actually worried about them). While I was trying to ascertain their respective conditions, a tiny high-heeled foot stomped the stage HARD right in front of me. I looked up with more than a little trepidation and in front of me was the aforementioned 5'0" 95 lb. individual, only instead of performing, she had stopped. Completely.

She was standing over me with her arms folded and with that hip cocked to the side, one foot in front of the other stance that girls do when they are pi**ed. It's one step past the same foot position with the hands on hips (arms akimbo), with her tiny head tilted forward menacingly.

When she had my attention, she said, "HEY! I'm up HERE," (exact quote)as she pointed to herself and then waited for me to respond so she could then kick my a** if I continued to be a dumba**.

I don't know for sure, but I believe I shrunk a few inches at that point. I was like a schoolboy who was caught by the hot teacher throwing a spit wad or chewing gum. I was busted and I knew it.

When she was satisfied I was adequately chastened, she continued her performance, while pretty much ignoring the rest of the crowd. When she was about finished, she leaned toward me with a look that said, "If the tip you tuck into that g-string does not please me, I will end you."

So I sheepishly tucked way more than I could afford into the proffered waistband and hoped to survive the next few seconds. She smiled and kissed me on the cheek and left the stage.

And that is how I became the only guy I know who was scolded by a stripper for not paying attention.

 

[Scutter01]

I like to think that one of the few perks of attending an adult establishment (aside from the over-abundance of pink) is that you get to not be scolded by women until after you get home.

 

[flagtag]

Man! You should take your "act" on the road. You would be rich!
Charge people for your stories (real or not) and you could be set for life!
You are a skillful (and funny) story teller!

 

[rhino]

Man! You should take your "act" on the road. You would be rich!
Charge people for your stories (real or not) and you could be set for life!
You are a skillful (and funny) story teller!

Now you know what it's like to be in one of my physics lectures. If I could charge for dinner with the show, I'd be set!

 

[rhino]

Oh, and at this point I'm going to deny that I frequent nudie bars. After my last few messages, it kind of looks like I spend a lot of time in such places.

Man, no one is believing me, are they. <--- a question so rhetorical that is doesn't need a question mark at the end.

 

[flagtag]

Now you know what it's like to be in one of my physics lectures. If I could charge for dinner with the show, I'd be set!

I bet you don't have much trouble with daydreamers in your class.

 

[rhino]

I bet you don't have much trouble with daydreamers in your class.

In my physics I class, not so much. I have a few in my physics II class, but I freely admit that my lectures over that material are far less dynamic and interesting most of the time. It's partly because I am less comfortable with my own command of the material.

I have a full bag of tricks, though. I tell bad jokes, stories, When I Was Your Age stories, mock students based on their personal attributes and backgrounds, mock students because of their behavior, etc. etc.

I even have a whistle I am willing to blow when I think I need to do it.

 

[ATM]

I bet you don't have much trouble with daydreamers in your class.

I don't know that it would be considered daydreaming, but the visuals conjured by these recent posts certainly added to my enjoyment of the day (and likely to future dreams)

 

[bigcraig]

I am one of the individuals that recieved a "heavy winded" phone call from rhino, lets just say that the written version shows some reserve.

I literally laughed for ten minutes AFTER he hung up the phone, I have never heard him more excited in the 2 years that I have known him.

 

[Feign]

So jontheturboguy and I need to visit Bloomington on a Saturday or Sunday afternoon before it gets too ridiculous cold?

 

[Scutter01]

So jontheturboguy and I need to visit Bloomington on a Saturday or Sunday afternoon before it gets too ridiculous cold?

I don't know, a little bit chilly out might not be a bad thing...

 

[Feign]

I don't know, a little bit chilly out might not be a bad thing...

I wasn't gonna say anything.

 

[obijohn]

rhino didn't tell the whole story. i do believe that said petite entertainer SMACKED him on the head. the rest of us were unable to continue watching the show. after a suitable interval, we politely snickered behind our hands and sought to cheer rhino up.
i, for the record, was NOT a contributor to the pyramid.

 

[Scutter01]

Pics or it didn't happen.