Bad news Friday. So where do we go from here?

[mrjarrell]

Sad to hear of your plight. It wouldn't hurt to get a second opinion. Reproductive science grows in leaps and bounds every year. One doctor may have different outlooks. Never give up trying, though! I am reminded that Padma Lakshmi, (model and TV presenter) was told she couldn't have kids either. She proved them wrong.

As others have said, adoption is another path to go down. I have two adopted siblings. Opening your home and hearts to a kid in need is great thing. One of the premiere adoption agencies in the US is Holt, International. We went through them for my first sibling. It's a good route to go, because they have a community to help you out with advice and knowledge. You're not alone in the process. That helps a whole lot.

Holt International Children's Services

 

[Cameramonkey]

I've got two I'll sell ya real cheap. They are angels, really. They are.

But seriously, You two are in my prayers. And I'm in agreement with the others. I'm not terribly religious, but God works in strange ways (I wont hijack with my story). I'd give serious consideration to adoption if I were in your situation. Especially older kids... the ones most dont want because they arent cute, cuddly, poop and snot dispensers. They need wonderful parents like you.

 

[lovemachine]

Man I feel your pain. A few weeks ago, my wife and I went thru our 3rd miscarriage. We've been trying for a year now. It sucks, especially when you see other people out there taking their kids for granted.

Just today my wife and I had our blood drawn for gene/chromosome testing. We are hoping to find out SOMETHING.

Since we are both religious, we are refusing to do the test tube route. If we can't have a baby naturally, we'd rather not have our own.

And depending on the weather this weekend, we're going to a meeting to look into adoption. We're praying all the time we can have our own child though. Adoption is very expensive, and I'm not sure how we'll afford it, but I'm hoping something good comes our way.

 

[lovemachine]

Look at the bright side, imagine how much money you will save, the vacations you can go on, the cars you won't have to buy because of having kids. Imagine the cars you can now own because you don't have to plan on kids. I say congrats on your new found financial future. I wish I was so lucky. You can get the guns you have always wanted now because feeding gun is so much cheaper than feeding kids. I seriously wish I was in your shoes, but I hate kids.

That's a very cold hearted thing for you to say.

It's one thing to not want kids. It another thing to not be able to have kids. I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

 

[churchmouse]

Feel your pain, dude. Fair warning: the adoption system isn't any more fun. Be prepared to hate government bureaucracy with the white-hot fury of a thousand suns.

They do make it very hard to adopt. It is expensive and lengthy. It is a course you can not sail on your own. It requires legal assistance as so many thing do these days by design.

That said, take your wife's hand and give her your shoulder. This will be a team effort. When she has shed enough tears and you have given enough strength and love you can move forward with clear minds and hearts.
Prayers to you and the Mrs.

 

[sadclownwp]

That's a very cold hearted thing for you to say.

It's one thing to not want kids. It another thing to not be able to have kids. I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

I didn't wish that on anyone but myself. This guy sounds like one of the luckiest guys in the world to me. He obviously has a job that lets him plan his financial future enough to decide if they wanted kids and to have a house large enough to have those kids. Then he finds out they can't kids. Imagine the money he can really start to save now.

 

[nascarfantoo]

Sorry to hear about the news, Jason. Will keep you and your wife in our prayers. Hard to get a hold of the news. Any feeling is valid right now.

As potential grandparent, 2 years ago it was hard to hear same news when our daughter and SIL discovered that it might not be possible for them to have a baby. They continue to consider their limited options.

 

[chachi73]

I didn't wish that on anyone but myself. This guy sounds like one of the luckiest guys in the world to me. He obviously has a job that lets him plan his financial future enough to decide if they wanted kids and to have a house large enough to have those kids. Then he finds out they can't kids. Imagine the money he can really start to save now.

sadclown, stop posting in this thread. you don't get it. Prayers and good thoughts to the op and his wife.

 

[mom45]

Wow...so much rep could be handed out in this thread! As others have said, be there for your wife. You need each other right now as you grieve the loss...it is a loss of hopes and dreams to some extent. God may still bless you with a biological child as others have shared. I know of some who have also been told it was impossible for them to have a child only to adopt and then end up pregnant!

My brother and his wife adopted two children and have raised them to be wonderful adults. They have a beautiful family. I have some friends who became foster parents about a year ago and are just getting ready to finalize the adoption of their second foster child. The other became their daughter last fall. They are happier than they ever thought possible, and it is obvious that they love the family they have become.

God has special plans for you and your wife. Be open to his calling and follow your heart.

 

[ccordray]

I didn't wish that on anyone but myself. This guy sounds like one of the luckiest guys in the world to me. He obviously has a job that lets him plan his financial future enough to decide if they wanted kids and to have a house large enough to have those kids. Then he finds out they can't kids. Imagine the money he can really start to save now.

What a monumental ******* you are. This thread is NOT about you. It's about someone who has planned their life around the one thing they want most and things have not gone to plan. It is NOT about some myopic selfish ******* who just wants attention. People like you make me sick.

OP, as others have said God has a plan for you. It may not be exactly what you want but it will be the right thing in the end.

 

[remauto1187]

What a monumental ******* you are. This thread is NOT about you. It's about someone who has planned their life around the one thing they want most and things have not gone to plan. It is NOT about some myopic selfish ******* who just wants attention. People like you make me sick.

OP, as others have said God has a plan for you. It may not be exactly what you want but it will be the right thing in the end.

+1

 

[Mad Macs]

Consider adoption and if you want to talk more about it I can send you the contact info for a great agency. I've known them for 6 years or so and can't think of better people to talk to.

 

[88GT]

I've got two I'll sell ya real cheap. They are angels, really. They are.

But seriously, You two are in my prayers. And I'm in agreement with the others. I'm not terribly religious, but God works in strange ways (I wont hijack with my story). I'd give serious consideration to adoption if I were in your situation. Especially older kids... the ones most dont want because they arent cute, cuddly, poop and snot dispensers. They need wonderful parents like you.

I would have paid big money to skip the poop and snot stages.

My prayers for you and your wife, OP. She might benefit from a support group geared specifically toward this kind of loss. She can do the online/anonymous thing or a face-to-face group that actually meets. I can recommend an online one if she is interested.

 

[sadclownwp]

What a monumental ******* you are. This thread is NOT about you. It's about someone who has planned their life around the one thing they want most and things have not gone to plan. It is NOT about some myopic selfish ******* who just wants attention. People like you make me sick.

OP, as others have said God has a plan for you. It may not be exactly what you want but it will be the right thing in the end.

I don't understand how I am selfish by pointing out the positive points on giving up on having kids. The OP gave options on what he should do, and giving up was one of the options the OP stated. Whatever he chooses will be the right choice for him and his family. He asked what he should do, and it would be an injustice to him to not share all the views and points. I know not having kids is taboo and wanting to have kids is the norm. You think I'm looking for attention, you have no idea, I don't care if he has kids or not. But if he does choose to give up or he is not able to adopt, then he should know there are people out there who support him in that as well. I support the OP in whatever he chooses and wish him the best on whatever path he follows.

 

[Lex Concord]

I would have paid big money to skip the poop and snot stages.

My prayers for you and your wife, OP. She might benefit from a support group geared specifically toward this kind of loss. She can do the online/anonymous thing or a face-to-face group that actually meets. I can recommend an online one if she is interested.

This.

First, my condolences. I can't imagine what you or your wife are feeling.

I think my first instinct would be to hold my wife and make sure she knew that she is loved and that I was there for her, as I know she'll be there for me, and let her know that you'll get through it together.

But this is definitely a loss, and your best advice and comfort would, in most cases, come from others who are in the same place, or have been there.

I have prayed for you both, asking that G_d grant you His peace.

 

[Lex Concord]

I don't understand how I am selfish by pointing out the positive points on giving up on having kids. The OP gave options on what he should do, and giving up was one of the options the OP stated. Whatever he chooses will be the right choice for him and his family. He asked what he should do, and it would be an injustice to him to not share all the views and points. I know not having kids is taboo and wanting to have kids is the norm. You think I'm looking for attention, you have no idea, I don't care if he has kids or not. But if he does choose to give up or he is not able to adopt, then he should know there are people out there who support him in that as well. I support the OP in whatever he chooses and wish him the best on whatever path he follows.

If you don't understand, you never will.

Be careful navigating your house, I imagine all the mirrors mess with depth perception.

 

[88GT]

I don't understand how I am selfish by pointing out the positive points on giving up on having kids. The OP gave options on what he should do, and giving up was one of the options the OP stated. Whatever he chooses will be the right choice for him and his family. He asked what he should do, and it would be an injustice to him to not share all the views and points. I know not having kids is taboo and wanting to have kids is the norm. You think I'm looking for attention, you have no idea, I don't care if he has kids or not. But if he does choose to give up or he is not able to adopt, then he should know there are people out there who support him in that as well. I support the OP in whatever he chooses and wish him the best on whatever path he follows.

Coming from somebody who would have been fine not having children myself, I am flabbergasted that you could in any way think that your "contribution" to this thread was even remotely helpful. That you think not telling him he is 'lucky' (and make no mistake, you may not have used those words, but that is definitely the idea that you communicated) for not having the hassles and expenditures of being a parent would be a disservice to him is morally repugnant and just plain revolting. You haven't supported him in the least. You've basically told him he's "better off" not being saddled with the burden of child-rearing. For a man that wants very much to be a father...correction, a dad...your words cut deep.

 

[churchmouse]

Look at the bright side, imagine how much money you will save, the vacations you can go on, the cars you won't have to buy because of having kids. Imagine the cars you can now own because you don't have to plan on kids. I say congrats on your new found financial future. I wish I was so lucky. You can get the guns you have always wanted now because feeding gun is so much cheaper than feeding kids. I seriously wish I was in your shoes, but I hate kids.

Seriously..........

 

[SkullDaddy.45]

Seriously..........

The part that got me is when he actually says congrats! It's like if he loses his legs, and we all say how lucky he is cause he's saving money on not having to buy shoes! Karma is a *****!

 

[RedneckReject]

Adoption is a wonderful thing. There are so many children in need of loving parents. Perhaps that was the path you were meant to take. Maybe instead of creating a life you were meant to change one. It's one thing to have your own children. It's an entirely different thing you raise one as your own and give that child a chance at the kind of life that every kid deserves.