Almost shot my brother...

[Mgderf]

You know you have a SERIOUS problem interacting with your brother.
You BOTH need anger management help. "Family" does NOT treat each other as such!

Get away from your brother, and find some help dealing with your own anger.
SERIOUSLY re-consider carrying a weapon if you cannot deal with the possible ramifications.

NO-ONE here wants to hear about you killing or maiming your brother over some idiotic, petty little tiffs.

You need time away from each other( A LOT OF TIME)

Take stock of what is REALLY important to you in life, and do it NOW! If you put this off too long, I fear we will be reading about another of your altercations in the police arrest records, or the obituaries!

 

[esrice]

It sounds like you carry quite a bit of hardware, but don't have the necessary software to back it up. My advice to you (in relation to guns only) is to get some professional training before you pick up another weapon. Find a trainer that teaches a strong emphasis on proper Mindset.

Stay away from your brother.

 

[eatsnopaste]

I have started almost half a dozen responses...I wish I could give you an answer better than the others who have said "stay away from your brother" but you are both armed and neither one can control himself...keep apart for all of your families sakes.

 

[techres]

Sell those guns and batons, use the money to get some help! It sounds like neither one of you need to be around weapons with the anger management problems you have. Good luck

+1

Man up, calm down, move out and start your own life away from those that bring you down in years every time you get together.

And don't be armed near them if you cannot control yourself completely.

 

[Jack Ryan]

Divorce him and move out.

Start REALLY acting like an adult.

 

[Mike G]

I had a similar relationship with my brother while growing up. We just could not get along at all. It finally took me to step up and stop putting myself in situations where we would end up in a fight. I figured out that I had more self control than he did and that if there was ever a chance that the two of us would be able to stand in the same room together it would only be because I had enough will power to not let the fight get started. When he would make comments, I would not reply if I knew it would lead to a fight. He knew how to push my buttons as well as I knew how to push his. When he would start trying to push, I simply left the room, or just smiled and said nothing.
I'm 40 years old and he is 37, and to this day I still have to maintain my cool around him at times because he will still give it a go every once in a while. But because I know how to keep the fights from starting, we can at least get together on holidays and spend time as a family without drama or fireworks.
It is growing up and truly becoming an adult that will help you get through this with your brother. You may have to be the one to step up and be the bigger person and not allow the fight to start by walking away or just simply saying nothing at all when it looks like you're being provoked. I'm sure you know how to get to your brother just like he knows how to get to you. But it sounds like you need to figure out how to stop the fight before it starts or one or both of you may have some serious regrets in the future.

 

[USMC_0311]

Divorce him and move out.

Start REALLY acting like an adult.

Good advice.

You all need to borrow my grandma for a while. She would have you both by the ears, switch in hand, and maybe a bar of soap. May I suggest military service for both of you? Most important thing is get away from each other. Time for a dish of reality and waiting for one of you to seriously hurt one another is not the flavor of reality you want.

 

[Jeremiah]

The issue I have here and maybe I wasn't clear is that, this is my brother, this is how he reats to things. I could have very well not been in thsi situation, it could have been any number of people in this world starring at my brother charging at them with an asp. I can't say many of you in the same situation wouldn't have just shot him. anyone else but my brother I probably would have, I'm looking at ways to help educate him so he doesn't end up dead. My sisters boy friend will not be around him now without a gun because he is worried about another episode like this, maybe aimed at my sister or himself.

 

[esrice]

Jeremiah,

I'm going to quote you here and pick apart your post, but don't take any personal offense to it. You asked for advice, and I'd like to give you some.

The issue I have here and maybe I wasn't clear is that, this is my brother, this is how he reats to things.

I think only part of your problem is your brother. The other part is you, and the mixing of the two of you together in the same place.

I could have very well not been in thsi situation, it could have been any number of people in this world starring at my brother charging at them with an asp. I can't say many of you in the same situation wouldn't have just shot him.

If your brother came at me or any other random INGOer swinging an ASP in a fit of rage, yes we may have shot him. But that is because we didn't choose to be around him. We would've been forced into that kind of scenario, which changes EVERYTHING. When you choose to be around him, you choose to deal with everything he brings with him (emotionally).

I'm looking at ways to help educate him so he doesn't end up dead.

Its not your job to educate him at 21 years of age. If he ends up dead, be sure it is not at your hands.

My sisters boy friend will not be around him now without a gun because he is worried about another episode like this, maybe aimed at my sister or himself.

If he won't be around your brother without a gun, then he shouldn't be around him at all. That's like people who say "I only carry a gun when I go to the bad parts of town". A better way to handle some issues is avoidance.

Good luck!

 

[Jack Ryan]

The issue I have here and maybe I wasn't clear is that, this is my brother, this is how he reats to things. I could have very well not been in thsi situation, it could have been any number of people in this world starring at my brother charging at them with an asp. I can't say many of you in the same situation wouldn't have just shot him. anyone else but my brother I probably would have, I'm looking at ways to help educate him so he doesn't end up dead. My sisters boy friend will not be around him now without a gun because he is worried about another episode like this, maybe aimed at my sister or himself.

Lead by example.

My God are people just raised by wolves any more?

You are not his boss.
You are not his keeper.
You are not his mommy or daddy.
He's tire of hearying your s..t. He's made that obvious to every one but you.

Now you need to go to hime and tell him.
You are not his boss.
You are not his keeper.
You are not his mommy or daddy.
"You know it all, yer on your own now kid. If you want help, I'm your brother come ask for it. If I can I will but if you just want more of this, find it some where else."

Then lead by example. Like it or not he's a free adult and can make his own decisions. All you can do is grow up your self and show him that isthe way to go. You can't order him to do it. Stop trying.

You've got just as much problems as he has. Problems of every kind, just like he has and you both think it's the other one. Show him the way, by saving yourself.

You sure as heck don't have any business carrying around a gun any more than he does and you sure as heck don't need it to fix the problems you have.

 

[ihateiraq]

you guys should have a duel. or a sword fight. or play rock-em-sock-em robots...loser leaves forever! this story boggles my mind.

 

[antsi]

I've just always been inclined to work things out

If you really want to work things out, get into therapy.

Having the same problem over and over again for your entire life is not working things out.

can you elaborate on the issues you think he or I have

Any time you are talking about shooting your brother, there are issues.

Your original question is so beside the point. It's like you are calling the Fire Department, offhand tell them your house is burning down, but the reason you're calling is you want to know where you can sign up for the CPR class.

I guess technically you could probably be ruled justified in shooting your brother if he attacks you with a deadly weapon. But here you are living with someone who attacks you with a deadly weapon. The first rule of lethal self defense is stay out of situations where you need to defend your life.

Please, pay attention to the 'tough love' responses you are getting here. Nobody here wants to see two guys in the news. The two of you need to go get some professional help. If he won't go, you go by yourself.

 

[ArmedProgrammer]

esrice is spot on...

You are not responsible for your brother. If you insist on getting in between things, his death may well be at your hands. For Heaven's sake, man - listen to what people are telling you!

1) Yes - he is being an idiot (emotionally)
2) Yes - he's going to get hurt if this continues.
3) Damn it, you cannot live your life by controlling his life.
4) The only thing you can change is YOU.
5) So get the hell away already!

Quit focusing on what he SHOULD do, and start focusing on what you can do!

 

[Joe Williams]

+1

Man up, calm down, move out and start your own life away from those that bring you down in years every time you get together.

And don't be armed near them if you cannot control yourself completely.

Says what needs to be said, better than I could say it.

 

[phatgemi]

Some good input has been made. But my friend you need to get professional help rather that trying internet evaluation. Get help now!

 

[theweakerbrother]

This sounds like a modern day version of the classic Biblical brother versus brother stories.

Cain vs. Abel.

Esau vs. Jacob

Based on those stories, don't kill your brother and flee from him like others have suggested. When you carry, you also carry a burden of responsibility. This also includes being the one to back down what may feel like unnecessarily backing down. You also have to swallow your pride a bit. Call me foolish or a coward, but when I carry a gun I have to also tone down the testosterone.

Painful example: I used to live in Cincinnati and had to deal with the crap associated with living in a large city. I was browsing the electronics aisle in a Walmart late at night. A large ghetto fabulous city rat bumped into me from behind as he was browsing but facing the opposite direction. I'm not sure if he intentionally bumped into me or if he was mad that I touched his fubu jersey but I apologized and continued looking at the same electronic junk. I was, however, a bit more aware of this guy's presence. I walked a bit over and he bumped into me again and then made a comment about getting away from him. He was two other guys and they laughed and egged him on. I could have escalated the situation by shoving him, or by commenting on what I thought his sexual preference was based on trying to touch me. Instead, I thought about my responsibility while carrying and wasn't looking for a fight with potentially three dudes in a Walmart. The best thing you can do is try to laugh it off and seem nonthreatening while carrying. Of course, if they tried anything in store or outside in the parking lot, I may or may not draw depending on the situation but I am not going to escalate it to that point. When I tell this story to some, they think I beyotched out by not shoving him back or smarting off but I don't think I'm tough enough for three hootrats.

Again, this is my two cents but I think it applies to your brother. If he isn't smart enough to not use his ASP on his own flesh and blood then be smart enough to limit your contact with him.

Enjoy the weekend!

 

[Jack Ryan]

This sounds like a modern day version of the classic Biblical brother versus brother stories.

Cain vs. Abel.

Esau vs. Jacob

That would be true if they all lived in the same house trailer near Chicago in Wisconsin and the story was being told by them on the Jerry Springer Show.

 

[finity]

Whether or not you should own/carry firearms.

If you can trust yourself to be able to, in the moment, make the correct decision to (or not to) Fire.

If you are sure that you will not misuse the gun.

If you are Sure that it would only be used to protect life, and not end a fight out of fear.

If you can trust yourself to follow the principles that you set for yourself. even in situations that involve stress or fear.

If you are willing or able make the right choice between an injury to yourself and the life of another (especially the life of your brother)

The purpose of a firearm is to kill. Plain and simple. Not to wound, not to warn, but to kill. And The ONLY time that the use of such deadly force is ok is to preserve life.

To Preserve Life.

And a fight with a sibling, even one where you stand to take a hell of a beating is not the place for you to draw or even think of drawing a firearm.

So as i said, you need to sit down and self-assess to find out if you should have that gun.

I agree generally in principle that the above is true with the following exceptions.

Your firearm is not just to protect life. It is to protect life & to prevent significant bodily injury. Rape, kidnapping, extreme pain, prolonged use of loss of use of a limb are all legally valid reasons to use deadly force.

You DO NOT have to "take a hell of a beating" from anyone without defending yourself, even by deadly force if necessary. There is a fine line between a good ol' beating & being dead. It sounds like he was able to defend himself &/or his brother stopped before he got to the being dead point but that's not always a foregone conclusion.

As any LEO's know family situations are very unique. Most people try to stay around because society puts pressure on them to "because you're family". Unfortunately, parents kill children, children kill parents, siblings kill siblings, etc, etc. It happens.

The strange thing is that people will do things to their families that they would never do to strangers. Domestic situations change some people.


That said:

get away from your brother like most here have said. You don't owe him anything. If later on you want to meet up & you think you can do so without any fighting, then go ahead. For now & maybe for the foreseeable future, just stay away. If it never gets to that point then so be it. At leasty you'll both still be alive (at least by each others hands).

Just remember...he could have killed you. He escalated the violence in this situation.

(All this assumes your version of events is true & correct)

 

[dross]

Bottom line: Most of us who carry, carry for that one in a million crazy chance encounter where we "win" the evil lottery and find ourselves in a life-threatening situation. You considered pulling a deadly weapon on a person you share a house with.

Leave tonight. A tent is better than living in a place you think you need a weapon to survive. You don't live in a fire just because you have a fire extinguisher. You have a fire extinguisher to mitigate the unlikely event of your house catching fire.

Correct this situation today, before you do another thing. Get out now. Leave stuff, live in your car, leave before there's a tragedy that ruins many, many lives.

Just so you can't say you weren't told.

 

[Jeremiah]

Thank you alot of this is being brought into consideration, and I'm working with familyto try and resolve this peacfully, and in a lasting way, but at this point I really just see a whole of anger and hurt coming from him. HE will probably hate me for a good while, as he has always been the victim in every situation and this will be no different. The problemn with this whole ordeal is that he doesn't understand or feel remorse for his response, He to a verbal disagrement and made it physical, hen escalated to using a deadly weapon unprovoked. Being brothers ignored, that is not an appropriate response, in any situation.