Wedding tips from the pros.

[zombieglock]

We have talked about counseling before hand, and we both think it's a great idea. We've talked about the kid talk and religion and have those bases covered.

My my worst fear is getting divorced and she knows this.
We work out our differences and get over it. It's amazing how many of my friends have gotten married already to be divorced within a year or two. They all tell me, "we argued too much and didn't agree."

I told old her I'll give her as much or as little help as needed. Her mom probably won't be a big part of the wedding as she isn't super close with her and can't really count on her for much. We are meeting her dad for the first time ever this year, hopefully that goes well.

All in all, at the end of the day, we will be married and that's all that matters.

p.s. We've already talked about my gun addiction and she said its somthing she'lol have to deal with.

 

[Tactically Fat]

have any "crafty" friends?

What about crafty relatives?

Can you look to people like that who'll "help" with decorations?

We had a friend do all the silk flowers / corsages / bouquets / table setting flowers. We just paid her back the cost of the fake flowers. HUGE savings.

My aunt also likes to decorate stuff. We told her the "wedding colors" and let her do what needed done for the reception hall table tops. That was her/their gift to us.

A bunch of my mom's friends from their church catered our reception. My mom/step dad paid for the food. That was their gift to us.

Reception halls: If you have a "connection" - look at renting an American Legion hall or similar for a venue. They can be quite reasonably priced. We had ours at the Clermont Lion's Club. It was a bit small and we had to supplement with brought-in tables and chairs - but it worked just fine.

This place also allowed us to use our own caterer and also allowed for a few kegs / brought-in alcohol. We did pay for that ourselves. Friends did the "bartending"; we allowed them to keep the tips and to finish off the kegs once the party was over.

We also did all our own invitations. I think I found them on clearance at Michaels or some place like that. I did the layout myself, saved it to a thumb drive, then had Kinkos do the printing. I also layed out the "directions / map" cards. I think my wife was able to print that at work on regular paper. Made several copies and used the paper cutter to cut them down. It was a decent bit of work, but definitely worth it in the long run.

Including the dress, I'm pretty sure we were WAY under $5k for our entire wedding.

We certainly COULD have spent way way more if we wanted to. But we didn't want to.

OP, I certainly know you or your fiance's proclivities... But if you find that either of you is really straining / pushing the budget for any of this - please let that give you pause as to how the future will go. Frugality is LEARNED, and it will generally always serve you well.

 

[mbills2223]

No jealousy, regret, or bitterness. I couldn't be happier but it is what it is if you don't follow this VERY good advice.




Food for thought from Marriage and Divorce





"Marriage and divorce are both common experiences. In Western cultures, more than 90 percent of people marry by age 50. Healthy marriages are good for couples’ mental and physical health. They are also good for children; growing up in a happy home protects children from mental, physical, educational and social problems. However, about 40 to 50 percent of married couples in the United States divorce. The divorce rate for subsequent marriages is even higher.Adapted from the Encyclopedia of Psychology"

The (excellent) advice from HoughMade is not the same as saying "you're gonna get divorced."

 

[hornadylnl]

Thanks everyone.

Positive and negative

courthouse is out of the question.

In in regards to modern gunner: I understand fully what you're saying. Goal is now to save up and pay off the stuff as much as possible in cash. When she is out of school, we'll be about 180k in debt. So I have no way around being in debt. For my side of things, that 10k, I can have paid off in a year with my job, so intrerest will be somewhat low.

Thanks guys!

Does that $180k in debt include a house?

 

[GlockRock]

Go to all the wedding shows you can. We went to several and got tons of ideas that we did ourselves. Plus you can't beat all the free cake given away.
Our wedding was around 18K total including honeymoon and all. We had over 200 people attend the reception in Bloomington. Having it catered (booze included) was a HUGE stress relief. We did all the decorations ourself. The key to a fun reception to us was the DJ.

 

[HoughMade]

Does that $180k in debt include a house?

I'm more than a little shocked that anyone borrows money for a wedding...even for a year.

Money issues put a lot of strain on a marriage, even in the best of circumstances.

 

[CindyE]

I don't believe in spending a lot on a wedding, but as long as OP and his bride aren't expecting their parents to go into debt over it, fine...different priorities.
My parents wanted me to have a traditional catholic wedding, and they paid for it, same with my sister. We were both pretty young and still at home at the time. I honestly didn't care if I got married in blue jeans. I think my ideal wedding would be something very simple, and then a really nice honeymoon/adventure.

 

[yeahbaby]

We are kind of going thru this will our oldest who is getting married this coming April. If you let them the rental halls will hose you big time. Charge for every little thing. They are at about 150 guests. We are trying to convince them to cut the guest list by at least 50.

 

[gunrunner0]

I just got engaged a month ago, so I'm kind of in the same boat. We're also paying for the wedding ourselves, so budget is a defining issue. My initial thoughts after looking at a few venues, is to go with something publicly owned like a park. That's what we're doing and the price, as well as the number conditions (like alcohol policy, exclusive caterers, etc.) is lower. We're having one of her family members do a hog roast, and hopefully getting family to handle the rest of the food. We're also skipping a bar (and bar tender), in favor of having kegs and the finest selection of boxed available. Also, we're going with an iPod w/handpicked play list and a trusted, sober guest to control it, as opposed to having a band/dj. I've come to the conclusion that there's no way we can get out for under $5k, and it will probably be a bit more. Unless you go the court house route (which I'm in favor of, but she's a devout catholic), it's hard not to spend hand-over-fist, because it seems that as soon as you mention the word "wedding," prices double on everything. Doing as much as possible ourselves or through family/friends, will cut the cost greatly, but the stress level goes up too, because it's more things to worry about and manage.

One really good idea that we've picked up so far is shuttle service from the reception back to the hotel where everybody is staying. My fiancé is from Des Moines, and that's where we're having the reception, so there will be a lot of out-of-town guests on my side. When we start looking at getting a block of rooms at whatever hotel, I intend to try and work in an hourly or bi-hourly shuttle to and from the hotel to the venue, so that people aren't drinking and driving. I don't know if it will cost anything, but that's one cost I'm okay with, if it's reasonable. It will also keep the amount of parking needed which is nice.

 

[Birds Away]

Run, Forrest, run!

 

[hornadylnl]

Bet this one didn't cost thousands.

Groom Surprises Fiancée With Wedding During Photoshoot
Groom Surprises Fianc?e With Wedding During Photoshoot [VIDEO]

 

[OakRiver]

First of all congratulations

Congratulations.

I'll let other handle the ceremony/reception suggestions.

My unsolicited, personal marriage advice:

#1 Do it once; do it right; never do it again.

#2 Get premarital counselling from somewhere.

#3 Don't have taboo subjects. Talk about it all. You have no idea how many people I know who never got together on when they were going to have kids, how many, and what religion they would raise them (if either has a preference). Those things break up marriages, but people avoid talking about them.

#4 Do not have a prenup or separate finances. If you feel these are necessary, see # 2 and #3 above- planning to fail makes walking away easier and more likely.

#5 There is no such thing as a 50-50 marriage...if you want it to last. That just results in each person insisting the other isn't GIVING their 50 while claiming they are. You are either 100% committed to each other and the marriage, or...see #2 above and possibly call off the whole thing.

I hope things go well for you and your intended.

Took the words right outta my mouth. Pre-marital counselling is available online as well, and is very useful as it can be done on your schedule, and you can pause it at any time to discuss any issues or topics you want without being in a group setting.


Like many others I'm a little concerned about the budget that you and your future wife have put aside for your wedding. Part of that may be due to my wife and I being boringly practical, and knowing that the money could be better spent elsewhere. I know that the bride and groom put a lot of thought and effort into the decor of the wedding, but I honestly can't remember a single one.
All you need is you, your partner, a ring, and an officiant. The rest is just the icing on the cake.

 

[CountryBoy19]

Does that $180k in debt include a house?

Let me guess, this is going to turn to a "college is evil" thread?

We are kind of going thru this will our oldest who is getting married this coming April. If you let them the rental halls will hose you big time. Charge for every little thing. They are at about 150 guests. We are trying to convince them to cut the guest list by at least 50.

+1, if given the chance they will nickle and dime you, find out EVERYTHING up front before you choose the venue. With the route we chose (outlined above) we ended up just under $4k for reception hall, caterer (with table linens, china plates, and hot-buffet service), & cake for a guest list that was nearly 300 (we both come from very large extended families). Of course photographer, DJ, wedding dress, tuxes, florist will add a few more K... IIRC our wedding was ~$7k... My parents paid for cake & caterer, her parents paid for dress & photographer, we paid the rest...

Bet this one didn't cost thousands.

Groom Surprises Fiancée With Wedding During Photoshoot
Groom Surprises Fianc?e With Wedding During Photoshoot [VIDEO]

Weddings can be VERY cheap if "they" want them to. "They" can be anybody, parents, grandparents, bride, groom etc. For example, for our wedding we didn't want a limo, we wanted to save that money. Her grandparents insisted we needed a limo and wouldn't give up even after we told them we'd rather have help paying for other, more important parts of the wedding. We finally relented and let them rent us a limo for $400+...

That being said, I went to a family reunion a couple years ago on her side of the family. Part way through the day we played a "game" to figure out the big secret that one family member had. Nobody had a clue this was going to take place except bride, groom, and their parents (groom's parents came in just for the day/night for the wedding). The big secret was, "we're getting married... (insert congratulations and cheering)... in 20 minutes.... (insert awkward pause for the shock & awe, followed by more cheering)..." The reunion was already at a pretty park on a big lake, we already had the food and family there, and they didn't spend a great deal on the dress/tux etc. I would say their total budget was less than $1k and they still had a pretty nice little wedding (just a bit more simple than most).

 

[hysteria]

Philmore on Broadway.

FW Museum of Art.

Caterer - Mad Anthony. The catering choices are very different from the bar menu or the online options.

If you don't mind a little bit of a drive Wells County 4H fairgrounds has a rather nice heated & air-conditioned building that is very affordable. My biggest problem was that most reception places dictate that you must use their in-house caterers and voila you're paying a boat-load on food. I'm a big proponent of the free-market and open competition. Choosing the venue and choosing the caterer separate may quite possibly get you more of what you want and still save you some money. Wells County 4H Building has a full commercial kitchen and will allow anybody (including you/family) to do the food, you/caterer just has to clean up everything in the kitchen. IIRC, they also have real china plates and flatware there that you can "rent" if you want real china plates and flatware but your caterer doesn't provide them. The only big downside to having a reception there was no alcohol allowed on the premises except a small amount of champagne for the wedding party and parents/grandparents of the bride & groom; however I've heard that this may have changed.

Either way it wasn't a problem for us we consumed a significant amount of alcohol during the 40 minute limo ride and it kept the wedding party "going" until the champagne was uncorked...

One big regret that my wife and I have is the church we chose. It was her church since childhood, yet she despised the pastor. She wanted the wedding in "her church". She regretted that because she remembered a LOT more about having a pastor she despised marry us than the place we were married.

Other than that, I don't really have a great deal of tips, our wedding went rather well. A few small issues (expect that at least some small issues will arise and go in prepared to adapt and overcome those issues) came up like forgetting a corkscrew for the champagne and something with the flowers (florist forgot to make boutonnieres for father of the bride & groom I think). My wife was a good sport about the flowers, and we snagged a cousin and had him run to a liquor store to buy a corkscrew quick.

Or, the other direction, the automobile museum(s) in Auburn. I've seen both the Deusenberg and the WW2/Auto museums set up quite nicely for weddings/receptions.

I agree completely on the small things going wrong; prepare yourself and especially your bride-to-be that something is going to wrong. You can mitigate as much as you can, but Murphy always gets you somewhere. How the rest of day/night goes will be determined by how you handle that issue. I've seen far to many weddings go hell 'cause the bride went bridezilla over something small.

 

[dusty88]

Why does someone always have to be a buzz kill in threads about marriage/weddings?

I don't think it was buzzkill; I think it was good advice.

I've been married for over 17 years. Our spending, inflation-adjusted, was probably in the range of what the OP is talking about.

17 years later, I can say that things like the decorations, dress, ring, etc really aren't very important. Actually, I realized that even before the wedding but it's still very easy to get carried away.

I agree with the advice to put your spending to a good reception. A memorable party will mean something as you will talk about it with your friends and your spouse later.



The one thing we did not do, largely because we didn't even consider it at the time, was pre-marital counseling. I think it might have saved us a lot of the trouble and difficulty of trying to figure things out for ourselves. I suspect that will also greatly ease the stress of the wedding itself as each person figures out what is most important to them. That's my best piece of advice.

 

[yote hunter]

Budget is 12.5k +/- , WOW , just about anywhere you want for that kind of $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ !!!!!!!!!!!! Best wishes for you an your bride...

 

[CampingJosh]

Budget is 12.5k +/- , WOW , just about anywhere you want for that kind of $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ !!!!!!!!!!!! Best wishes for you an your bride...

Not really. That doesn't go as far as you would think.

150 people? Food is $1500, dress is $1000, photographer is $1000, alcohol (if you so choose) is $3000, flowers and tuxedos are another grand, cake is $500, tables, chairs, dishes, and flatware add another $1000 plus, DJ or band is $500+, wedding venue costs something, officiant should get something, gifts for the wedding party, rehearsal dinner, and you have $2000 or so to spend on a venue.

(I run a youth camp, and we are a site for weddings and/or receptions two to three times per year. Using a camp is often cheaper, but alcohol isn't allowed per ISDH regulation.)

 

[CountryBoy19]

Not really. That doesn't go as far as you would think.

150 people? Food is $1500, dress is $1000, photographer is $1000, alcohol (if you so choose) is $3000, flowers and tuxedos are another grand, cake is $500, tables, chairs, dishes, and flatware add another $1000 plus, DJ or band is $500+, wedding venue costs something, officiant should get something, gifts for the wedding party, rehearsal dinner, and you have $2000 or so to spend on a venue.

(I run a youth camp, and we are a site for weddings and/or receptions two to three times per year. Using a camp is often cheaper, but alcohol isn't allowed per ISDH regulation.)

I'm sure some people spend close to the figures you're giving, but you can still have a VERY nice wedding for much less than you quoted.
Our photographer was like $400, venue was $400 and included tables/chairs , Caterer was $3k for 250 guests and included cake, table linens, dishes, & flatware, That's also some expensive alcohol at $20/guest (figure less than half of guests will actually drink that's $40/guest)...

Rehearsal dinners in our family have ALWAYS been go to parents house and get pizza delivered or have a cookout (both my brother's did the pizza, my wife and I had a cookout of burgers, brauts, & hotdogs). There is no reason it has to be extravagant or even held at a "venue". Just go back to somebody's house (normally parents of bride or groom) and have a little meal. Wedding "venue" doesn't "cost" anything if held at most churches, however it is customary to make a contribution to the church considering they have expenses etc involved with your wedding. I believe we contributed $100 and gave the pastor a thank you gift.

 

[KittySlayer]

Cousin Murphy

I agree completely on the small things going wrong; prepare yourself and especially your bride-to-be that something is going to wrong. You can mitigate as much as you can, but Murphy always gets you somewhere. How the rest of day/night goes will be determined by how you handle that issue. I've seen far to many weddings go hell 'cause the bride went bridezilla over something small.

Cousin Murphy brought all his brothers along to our wedding.

• Photographer's wife had emergency surgery the day of our wedding... the mentor that trained him stepped in at the last minute.
• Cake had not arrived on time before the wedding. When I called the baker said she had just taken it out of the oven and it would be very fresh for the wedding tomorrow. While we were exchanging vows she was there in her sweats putting the finishing touches on the icing of our very fresh cake. Backup plan was to send my Best Man to Krogers to buy a sheet cake and some icing.
• Brother in law mucked up the PA system so some people could not hear our vows... we heard them and are still happily married.

When choosing your Best Man be sure to choose the best one. Mine had the ability to solve most any problem because he is smart and resourceful. My bride did not even know about the first two items, they were just taken care of so no stress for her.

PS - some more advice. Buy your tux. You can get a good price on a used rental tux that will match the ones your groomsmen rent. I wear mine once a year on New Years Eve and sometimes will wear it when we go to our anniversary dinner. Took it along for a formal cruiseline dinner. Once you have it you will use it on occasions when you would never rent a tux and the pants have those adjusters that keep up with your aging(fattening) body.