The Parental advice thread.

[Joe Williams]

I don't know that I'd agree with this one. snip.

We agree with it, simply because Sean is easily capable of A's. If he brings home anything lower than a B, it's because he was lazy, didn't do the work, or was busy yakking. This is an assessment shared by his teachers.

So, we push him hard. But, he was also handsomely rewarded for his efforts this year. And is already picking out his next gun after the coming school year LOL.

Not all kids are capable of A's and B's. Gotta recognize their strengths and weaknesses. Don't push them to do what they can't, don't let them skate on what they can do.

 

[Joe Williams]

Oh, and make the woman feed them in the middle of the night, and clean up any messes. That's what they are for

 

[NordicHeathenVinlander]

If you're thinking about having children and you're either poor, save your tadpoles and eggs for when you're more responsible.

Finances have nothing to do with ones ability to raise a child. I am "poor"... Oh god, how I am poor. But you'll never find a father more dedicated, loving than myself.

Since my daughter was born, I learned a lession regarding finances and children.

1). You make more, you spend more.
2). Make less, you spend less.

Both situations equate to the same nonsense.

Some decent advise in this thread, folks dont be shy to ask any questions.
There is obviously a wealth of helpful people who ARE parents.
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I believe Children MUST be pushed to be go beyond the normal level of acceptance.
You will definitely be surprised, but some warning, YOU CANNOT start this directive late in life, you will face rebellion and build resentment.

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In an increasingly dangerous world, Parents must also consider the possibility of raising children involved in some form of Martial Art, which are very good for building discipline.

And this isnt just restrictive to just boys.


Involve your children with those who have children of like-mind.

I would also recommend not allowing socialization of those kids you would feel uncomfortable with around your Boss, or leaving in your home, alone.

Remember, children are a blessing, treat them as a sacred gift.

 

[Benny]

If you're thinking about having children and you're either poor, a drunk, or drug addict, save your tadpoles and eggs for when you're more responsible.

Don't let your children watch horror movies and give then access to dangerous items and tell them to go play. In my case it was a gas powered chainsaw.

Don't allow your children to have adult mags, not even "soft" mags like Easy Rider.

Don't allow your children to pitch a load in your neighbor's property as they won't like it.

Don't ground your children in a closed up room for several days at a time. This WILL cause issues with them down the road.

Allow your children to be interested in physical activities like sports, even if you don't approve.

IF you're child becomes a Bully do EVERYTHING in your power to get them to stop. Likewise if your child is being bullied, yank them out of school as soon as they tell you. Better safe than sorry. Investigate thoroughly and if they're telling the truth don't force them to attend that school anymore.

When you have children, they come FIRST. No exceptions.

Buy them appropriate clothing and enough. Don't expect your child to attend school with just one outfit, clothes that don't fit, or wrong gender. It's asking your child for trouble.

Don't allow your children to bring home dead animals to cut up and bury in your backyard.

If you catch your teenage child exploring themselves, let them and don't make them feel ashamed about it. Perfectly normal and I know you did it at that age too. Just the natural order of things.

When your child brings the boy/girlfriend home to meet you, don't poke fun of the boy/girlfriend no matter how fugly they are. My sister brought home some real winners in the looks department and she hates our biological mother because of those comments. As for me, I've been single my entire life. It's a long story, don't ask.

Don't get your child something for graduating a grade in school that costs a whopping $10 when you have alot more money because you're a cheapskate. Your child WILL know you're holding out and WILL hate your guts for it.


Okay, I'm done digging into my past for now.

Gee, I would have never guessed.

 

[Jack Ryan]

Any grade below a "b" is not acceptable.

Just my opinion but "any grade below their ability was not acceptable" at our house.

 

[Benny]

Just my opinion but "any grade below their ability was not acceptable" at our house.

Agreed.

My pride and joy will only be starting kindergarten this spring, so I don't have any hands on experience yet, but when the time comes, if I know he's giving it his all, he won't be punished for any grade he receives.

If I think he's slacking off, he'll get an appropriate punishment.

 

[clt46910]

Just my opinion but "any grade below their ability was not acceptable" at our house.

This I agree with completely, my daughter is smart, funny and cute as all get out. She will use it to get her way or get out of things.

As parents, we need to show them that hard work and using god given abilities are more important then just skating by.

I let my daughter skate by with nothing less then a B. If it drops below that, she is grounded to the table practicing nothing but homework over and over again....LOL

I hope that by the time she is in high school she will do it on her own and I don't have to keep on her. At twelve, not to many years left to go.

I was always a single man and loved the single life. Now I am a single father trying to raise a daughter the right way. Life will sometimes do a real turn around on you and just keep on laughing at the fun it is having on you....

 

[Ogre]

Don't use corporal punishment when you are angry. Wait, cool off, re-iterate why they are being punished, punish, them make sure they know that you love them in spite of their misdeed.

 

[JetGirl]

Throw away your "parenting books".
The important stuff you learn along the way is never in a "How to" book.

 

[runandgun]

Mama's don't let your cowboys grow up to be babies.... or something like that.

Anyway, lesson learned- NEVER give babies apple juice in a bottle to get them to sleep. It was the only thing that would get our firstborn to sleep. It ended up rotting his 4 front baby teeth out. Had to have them all pulled.

Also, if you spank, NEVER spank in anger. It should be the kids choice. "You can clean your room, or you can get a paddling and then clean your room".

No emotion or yelling is needed.

It is following through with action that gets their attention, not yelling.

And we always sit and talk after a paddling. Reassure them and let them know what to do to avoid it in the future.

 

[Hotdoger]

I don't know that I'd agree with this one. Don't get me wrong - I maintained a B+ or better average in every school I've attended. However, the first time I got a C (9th grade Biology), I was so completely freaked out about it that I cried for two days straight, and my mom had to dig out her old report cards to show me all the Cs and Ds she got as a student.

The goals above are admirable, but just be sure you don't instill a fear of failure. I generally succeed at anything I put my mind to, but I found out because I'm a psychotic over-achiever, I have a real fear of failure. Consequently, I tend to not take many risks, even if the odds are that I'll succeed, just not brilliantly. Part of learning to succeed is learning to fail (and how to deal with failure appropriately).




Back to the advice:

Be there. Be there when they fall. Be there to help pick themselves back up. Be there to give them attention when they need it, even if they don't want it.
Let them fall.

A "c" isn't failure . My son got a c this past school year. He is taking acellerated algebra again this summer.
Experience for us is that it has worked out well for my two older daughters.
Graduated from Marian ,4 year deans list, suma cume laude and cume laude.
One is an RN the other a CPA.

One got pregnant at 16, so getting them to follow our guidence has not always been sucessful yet no reason to ever lower the bar.

 

[ATOMonkey]

Philosophical advise:

Don't be a pusher, be a leader. If you push your kids, they'll push back. If you lead them, they'll follow.

If a B isn't acceptable to you, then only do "A" work in your life, and your kid will pick up on that.

Also, show them that success is rewarded and failure isn't, but failure is a necessary part of learning. What you learn from your failures is more important than what you learn from your successes.

Teach them priorities. If you think family is important, show them that family is important. If you think God is important, show them that God is important. If you work all the time and put work before family, don't expect to see your little ones very much 20 years from now.

Officers eat last. Apply liberally to all aspects of life.

Most importantly, be consistent. Don't send them mixed signals. If it's not ok to throw a fit in public, then it's not ok to throw a fit at home either.

Practical advise that I've learned.

Feed your toddlers their vegetables first and ONLY the vegetables. After they finish their veggies, then you give them the chicken or applesauce or whatever.

Take them to play with other kids as much as possible. They act better at home and if they're around older kids, the potty training goes much better and faster.

If you want your baby to sleep longer at night, swaddle them nice and tight. It's a life saver. The "5 S" or "Happiest baby on the block" video is worth the time and money to watch.

If you feel like killing your children, don't worry you aren't alone, but just put them down and walk away. A crying baby is in no immenent danger from anything but you. Collect yourself, come up with a plan to fix the situation and go back in with a clear head.

Croup (barking/weezing cough) sounds worse than it is, but it's still worth a trip to the doctor's office or the ER to get it treated.

DON'T FREAK OUT!! Yelling, being hysterical, running around like a crazy person does no good for anyone. At all times, remain calm and rational, regardless of what is going on around you. The house will devolve into chaos at times. Don't get drug down into it.

 

[eldirector]

Good advice here, and thanks! We just had our first (and likely only) 4 months ago. Talk about a shift in priorities, and a HUGE learning experience! And the fun is only beginning....

My advice to add:
- listen to your parents. They managed to raise you without getting anyone killed! You don't have to TAKE their advice, but there will be some golden nuggets in there.
- if someone offers help, TAKE IT. Even if only for an hour, and even if you just take a nap or go for a drive.
- Life is different, but it doesn't stop. If you can, keep doing the things you enjoy and just take the baby along. Walks, shopping, day-trips, whatever. If it is safe for the baby, and you can meet her needs (feeding, changing, etc...), then it is good for both of you.

Hit me up in a few months to see how I'm surviving this!

 

[samrothstein01]

Some good advice here. I of course believe children should apply themselves, push themselves, and be rewarded for successes, both in and out of the classroom. Slacking and laziness is not an option.

However, the difference between an "A" and a "C" never kept anyone out of college, it never kept them from getting a good job, and it certainly doesn't indicate that the "A" student will remember or use any of that information to a greater extent than the "C" student later in life. It simply is an indication that they either 1.) Are better with memory recall or aptitude of the task at hand, or 2.) the student spent more time on the exercises at hand....which can be have direct impact on number 1. There are as many ways to learn as their are learners, no two students are alike. Sometimes forgoing a little more time on homework and substituting it for another positive growth activity is well worth the trade off.

I am NOT indicating children should neglect school or homework....not my point.

My point is, at some point you need to also let the kids be kids. Children are growing up way too fast in this day and age, and many children take, have, and accept more responsiblity than some parents in this country. Children in 4th grade are carrying around 22 pound backpacks and are sent home with 3-4 hours of homework every night. Nothing good comes from that, IMHO. By the time the eat dinner, do their homework, and take a bath, it is time for bed and it starts all over. When do they get a chance to just be a kid?

Kids need to play, explore, and express themselves. Taking things too seriously, especially at a younger age, is not productive in my opinion. Work hard, be the best you can be at everything you choose to embarq upon, but for goodness sake, have some fun!

I would be willing to bet most of you could attribute some of the most powerful things you've learned to an experience rather than a textbook. Maybe something fun that went wrong, or an experience you thought sucked that you look back on as fun.

Just some thoughts....more to come (in abbreviated text of course! )

 

[oldfb]

Don't teach them traffic sign language either.

Monitor any and all text, phone and internet activities as if they were National Security.
Cellphones are a convenience not a right.
Computers and the internet are tools not a life.

For heavens sake keep them from staying over or playing at other peoples homes unless you are the nimrod parent that lets them do anything and have everything, in that case you and your children need to stay the heck away from sane peoples kids.

It is never cool to buy your kid dope or booze because they might get bad drugs from a different dealer than yours. You get the same junk they do it just costs you more.

If you are one of the above parents please let us know so we can protect our kids from you and yours.

Basicly never trust another parent with your children and by all means realize the real reason that your kids always want to go to her or his bff's house is probably because you are trying to be a good parent or you spent all the grocery money on gun stuff, hotrods or crack. It is up to you to figure out which one you are.

Btw no it is not ok to let strangers buy or give your children anything because they are crying or just so adorable.

So many teachers are just too stupid to hold a job in the work force and have the basic education for the job. Check them out, listen to what they say and if you get that icky vibe maybe your child isn't the problem. Do something about that teacher before dosing your kid with ritalin. But if your kid is dudaduh and dihdadi by all means get them the best help you can because our kids might sit next to your kids.

Always hug and kiss your kids before you leave and at bedtime plus after any discipline.

If you have no clue what your child is doing right now then you are the problem not them.

Stay involved. Kids first doesn't mean everything you wanted as a child.

Be self aware before you procreate, cuz stupidity and dysfunction is contagious just look at your family for evidence

Power Rangers and Transformers are not babysitters or tactical trainers, in life we pull out the most effective weapon and end the fight. None of this matched escalating bs. Timmy tries to beat you up and take your lunch money you put him down hard. Suzy tries to smash your head into your locker, shank the wench.lol

The best you can do for your kid is to get yourself right long before you take on the responsibility of another life. Just my

 

[Jack Ryan]

This I agree with completely, my daughter is smart, funny and cute as all get out. She will use it to get her way or get out of things.

As parents, we need to show them that hard work and using god given abilities are more important then just skating by.

I let my daughter skate by with nothing less then a B. If it drops below that, she is grounded to the table practicing nothing but homework over and over again....LOL

I hope that by the time she is in high school she will do it on her own and I don't have to keep on her. At twelve, not to many years left to go.

I was always a single man and loved the single life. Now I am a single father trying to raise a daughter the right way. Life will sometimes do a real turn around on you and just keep on laughing at the fun it is having on you....

At lot of times... a generality coming... a kid who is "smart" or has natural ability for the public school system K-12 and just breezes through with A-B-A-A and you are thinking this kid is born for college greatness, never really learns to struggle/work/fight for a grade or to learn. When the bottom half of the student body or more get's knocked out from under them and suddenly they are just another "average" and have to compete on a more level playing field then they really have a hard time accepting that and getting to work like they never have before.

I think even if they are getting "good" grades kids need the challenge of working to their full potential to really learn how to learn.

For the sweating out the B kids it's just another day bust'n it for the best they can get. No change same old same old... nose to the grind stone.

I've seen it go both ways but this scenario sure wasn't one I was expecting when I saw it happen.

 

[NordicHeathenVinlander]

I'd personally say cut the Cell phones, t.v. and internet.


Well, the Internet can be used, but only for home work. And Computers may ONLY be used for Learning.

I disdain the idea of allowing T.V to raise my kids, along video games.

 

[ATOMonkey]

TV taught my kid his ABCs before he was 2. Don't go baggin' on TV!!!

No cell phones, there is one computer connected to the net and it is in the living room.

 

[drgnrobo]

Play dough dissolves eventually in the nostril
Dont tiptoe around a baby ,get it used to noise so it will sleep more soundly when there is noise
Read to your kids until they dont want to be read to anymore
It if it seems like a bad idea ,its a bad idea
Call them by their proper name until they want to be called by a nickname( it builds respect )
Tell them as early an age that they will understand ,If you dont know somebody they are a stranger & never go with a stranger no matter what they say or tell you

 

[WillBrayJr]

Yeah don't go giving your kids nicknames, especially not Cooter. I didn't know my real name until I was in school.

Don't allow your child to bathe with you, or watch you get dressed, or sleep in the same bed with you. My grandmother and sister did that with my nephew and it warped his fragile little mind.